Harry slumps into his chair and tosses his stuff in the general direction of the table. He's absolutely exhausted. He's so tired that he can feel it deep in his bones. It isn't the kind of tired that you can fix by getting a good night's sleep.
It's the kind of tired that makes you feel hollow and numb. It's the kind of tired that makes you lash out and not find joy in anything anymore. It makes your eyes dim and your head too heavy for your skull.
It makes you want to give up.
Harry has been tired for a while now. He's unhappy, and he knows it. He has just been scared to admit it.
He feels trapped. Sometimes he can't breathe. Harry will press against the walls that close in on him mercilessly but to no avail.
He was happy for a while. But then he started to feel empty. He felt emptier and emptier until he was like a black hole. All he does is suck the happiness out of the room. He just brings bad luck.
None of his friends hang out with him anymore. He stopped trying to reach out to them. It was clear they wanted nothing to do with his twisted self. They always came up with these wild excuses that pulled them away from their plans at the last second.
Harry isn't blind. He could see how uncomfortable they were around him. They walked around him on their tippy-toes, careful not to say or do anything wrong. They don't want the bad luck to rub off on them.
They hushed their voices when he neared and smiled awkwardly- like someone was tugging the corners of their mouths upwards. And then they just stopped replying. They didn't send letters. They didn't respond to his calls. They just disappeared and left Harry.
They left him to sink in on himself.
The only thing that kept him from disappearing completely was her- is her. She's always there to bring him back. His heart blooms, and he has the sudden urge to call her.
She'll make everything better. Her laugh will fill him up and pour out of him and light the room up until it becomes too bright that it's unbearable. He shakily searches for his phone. He convinced his friends to get them when they were still speaking.
He pulls her number up, but his finger hesitates over the call button. He shakily sets it down, and his eyes trail off into the room. But they catch on a toppled picture frame. It must've fallen off the wall because it lays face down on the ground beneath a tiny hole where a nail must have been.
He picks up the picture and looks at it as his breath snags. He had completely forgotten about it.
It's them together, and Ginny's smile is so huge that it makes a little grin break out onto his face. They both have tiny cones filled with ice cream in their hands. Shops can be seen in the background. They turn and look at each other, and Harry can see the love she has for him exuding out of her.
Harry is smiling into the picture too. He rarely ever smiles in photos. But they were so happy. They were traveling the world and enjoying life- genuinely. He felt so much lighter then. He didn't have a worry in the world. He had graduated with a job on the horizon and took some much-needed time off with his girlfriend.
Harry chuckles to himself as his eyes trace the picture. He was actually planning to propose during that trip. He knew it was soon, they had only been dating for over a year, but he just knew.
He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
Harry smiles at the picture as his fingers trace the glass. They've been stuck in this weird in-between, and he knows they could both feel it.
Maybe that's the problem. They aren't moving forward at all.
He knows what he has to do now. He needs to take the next step.
***
Ginny chews her nails nervously as she waits. She looks around the busy café. People bustle and go about their lives, blissfully unaware of magic. What a sad life to have. She couldn't imagine living without magic.
And then she spots who she was waiting for, and her face lights up.
"Hermione!" She squeals as she jumps into her arms. Hermione laughs and hugs her back enthusiastically.
"I've missed you too!" Hermione says as they separate.
"You have no idea," Ginny mumbles as she sits down. "I have so much to tell you. I feel like we haven't had a proper chat in ages." Ginny starts to ramble as Hermione looks down at the tea in front of her. "I ordered for us; I hope you don't mind. Just some tea and biscuits."
"That's fine." She brings the cup to her mouth and sips at it before making a face of distaste. "It's cold," she giggles, and Ginny smiles sheepishly.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I've been here for a while." Ginny motions a waitress over and orders for a new pot to be brought to the table. "Anyways, back to what I was saying. We have so much to catch up on. How's work? How's Pansy?"
Hermione blushes at the mention of her girlfriend's name. Or at least Ginny thinks they're dating. She's not sure what the label is because, at first, they were just hooking up. Hermione would call her and tell her all about their adventurous trysts together. But that was a while ago, and she's not sure anymore.
Hermione and Ron broke up during the last year of school because Ron is a twat and doesn't deserve her.
"Work is good. Work is good. Pansy is better," a mischievous glint flashes in her eyes and Ginny gasps dramatically.
"Spill," she demands of her friend.
"She's amazing. I feel like I can really be myself when I'm with her." And then Hermione fans herself as she thinks about it. "And oh, my godddd she's extraordinary in-"
Ginny cuts her off before she goes into detail. "Thanks, but I'm alright. I think I've heard enough about your sexcapades to last a lifetime."
"Fine, fine. Your loss." They burst into giggles. After they calm down and learn to breathe again, Hermione asks a question. "How is it with Harry anyways?"
"Hermione!" Ginny scolds her, and Hermione laughs uproariously.
"No, no, I wasn't asking about your sex life. Merlin..." She shakes her head. "I meant like, how are things? Are you happy with him? How is he doing after the memory loss? I worry about him, and I know he'd never give me a straight answer, so I'm asking you."
"Everything's...fine, I guess."
Her face pinches. "That bad, huh?"
Ginny sighs. "He seems so unhappy lately. I don't know what to do. I thought for a while that he was going to propose, but then things changed, and I'm not sure anymore." She twiddles her thumbs. "He's been working so hard lately. Too hard. He's never home anymore, and it worries me. We are always missing each other. When he gets home late, he is always too tired to do anything. I tried to talk to him about what was wrong, be he just shut me down and assured me nothing was wrong. What should I do?"
"Do you think it's his memory again?"
Ginny stares off. "I don't know. I wish he'd talk to me. All I want is for him to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted." She wrings her hands. "I remember when we first got together." She laughs as the memory replays in her mind.
"I honestly thought I was dreaming. I have loved him since the moment I met him. And I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. I loved the way he laughed at my jokes and smiled at me. I wanted to make him smile forever."
"But now his smile has faded, and I wonder," she looks up with tears in her eyes. "Is it something I did? Am I making him unhappy?"
"I-" Hermione clears her throat. "Ginny, Harry has been through a lot. He may be having some memories coming back. Perhaps he's having PTSD. I honestly don't think it's anything you've done. I can tell by the way that you talk about him that you love him more than anything. You'd do anything for him, and he's lucky to have you."
***
Hermione stares at her friend as she tries to keep the sadness from bleeding onto her face. She feels so bad for Ginny. Ginny has always been left in the dark and left behind. Hermione doubts she knows the entire truth. Not very many people do. They've heard rumors and had suspicions, but Harry and Draco were never very public about their relationship.
She doubts Ginny even realizes that Harry probably still has feelings for Draco. Hermione has only hung out with the couple once or twice since graduation. It made her feel icky. She felt like she was lying the entire time.
She's not sure if Harry remembers any of it. She doesn't think so. He probably doesn't even know who the feelings are for, just that they are there, and they don't fit into any category.
Hermione still feels sick with guilt whenever she thinks of Harry. She was so close to a possible cure. So close. She should have reached out to him more-engaged more. Because now he is an entirely different person.
She doesn't know how to act around them anymore. She knows it was Harry's choice to forget, but it was a coward's way out. But she still has to respect it. She has to.
Her fake smile fades as she stares at her innocent friend. She doesn't know what to do. It's not her place to say something. But...
"Ginny..." She starts. Ginny's head snaps up, and her eyes shine with moisture. "There's something I have to tell you. It's..."
The words get lodged in her throat.
"What? What is it?" Ginny reaches across the table and grips Hermione's hand.
"It's about Harry. He-" She takes a deep breath. Just rip off the band-aid. They'll never be happy unless they know the truth. And no one else will break it to them, and so Hermione has to.
Just say it. Before you lose your courage, you cowardly lion, she chastises herself. And so, she does.
"...I doubt he would even remember when he saved you from the Chamber of Secrets." Hermione gulps in the air after her word vomit. She pretty much said everything. Ginny's face is red, and she stares blankly at the table.
"Hermione, I-" Hermione braces herself as Ginny finally looks up at her. "I already knew that. Well, most of it."
Hermione stares at her, speechless.
"You- You what?" She sputters in disbelief.
"Well- yes, of course, I know. I'm not an idiot, Hermione. We talked about it at the beginning of our relationship. Harry has always been very honest with me, and that is something that I admire most about him." Hermione can't seem to pick her jaw up off the floor. "Hermione, I didn't force Harry to date me. I'm not manipulating him. He's not manipulating me. He was candid with me about his mental and emotional state. I was there for him when it mattered, and we grew a bond. In the beginning, I wondered if that bond was more platonic to him than it was romantic. I thought maybe he wanted someone to rely on and fall back on more than anything."
"But I don't mind being that for him. I'd do anything for him because I love him, and he loves me...Just- Just not as much." Ginny trails off and looks into the distance sadly. "I'm not stupid, Hermione. I know what they had, and I know I could never really compete with that. I don't want to compete with it."
Hermione's eyes fill with tears. Ginny doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who loves her wholeheartedly, someone who can make her realize just how special she is. "Ginny-" She reaches her hand out, but Ginny brushes it off.
"Don't pity me, Hermione." Ginny looks up at her with a steeled expression. "I'm not evil. I'm not looking to steal Harry away. I- I didn't steal him. He just- he-" Ginny's voice catches on a sob. "I'm not the bad guy, okay?"
Hermione's heart breaks. This whole time and she never knew.
"You're not the bad guy Ginny. We've all just been dealt an awful hand. I'm so sorry." Ginny sniffles softly.
"I told him if he ever needed to talk to anyone or if he needed anything, he could come to me, and he did. I never meant to-" She cuts herself off again. "I didn't intend for this to happen. It just did. I had suppressed my feelings and knew that he didn't need any more complications in his life right then. I was just trying to be a good friend."
"He started to seek solace in my presence. We started hanging out more and more... Alone." Ginny's eyes glance over to Hermione's. "We started getting closer and closer, and I knew I had entered myself into a bad situation. I had become good at suppressing my feelings around him, but we were hanging out every moment of every day, and it was becoming increasingly difficult not to want to kiss him."
"But I resisted. Because I knew I couldn't do that to him. It was like taking advantage of someone who was intoxicated. He was out of his mind, and he didn't even know who he was half the time. All he knew was that my presence brought him comfort, and he continued to seek it out despite forgetting himself. Maybe being with me reminded his mind of a simpler time when it wasn't being forced to fracture."
"But then they broke up. Harry decided that it was best for his health if they did, and I went with his judgment. Time passed, and we grew even closer. Then he..." She trails off, probably choosing not to share the details of how he erased his memory. Hermione wishes she could know how exactly he did it. Maybe then she could figure out how to reverse it. "I couldn't sway him. I tried to get him to think about the consequences, the permanence of his actions, but he had reached the end of his ropes."
"And so I stood by as he erased what made him, him. And I'll regret it forever. I should have- I should have tried harder to stop him. But then he was so happy, and it just melted me. I forgot all about my guilt because he was back to himself again. Just without the grief."
"And I can admit that I did act selfishly. I should have tried harder, but I didn't because some twisted part of me wanted him to be with me instead. I hate that part of me. I worked so hard to keep that part of me from ever making an appearance, but it did when it most mattered, and I'll live with that for the rest of my life."
Author's Note:
Sorry for the heavy dialogue and also everything else about this chapter :)
I didn't really know how to end it without getting overly repetitive so I just cut it short there bc why not
I have had literally no time to write lately. I have been so slammed with homework and essays, and it's been crazy. But anyways, if you enjoyed, cried, laughed, or if you care to spare a penny for the poor, vote and comment because it makes my day.
Have a wonderful day/night, and don't forget to drink water <3