ONE OF THE WORST THINGS about getting your heart broken is the excruciating, unwelcomed pain that comes hand in hand with it. As if the emotional pain wasn't enough our brain insists that we feel our hearts being plunged with a dagger.
The waterfall of tears threatened not to stop running because that feeling in my chest refused to ease up. My fingers that rested in my lap trembled as I chocked out sobs. I hated crying in front of anyone but this time was different because I couldn't suppress it.
I felt stupid. Stupid for trusting Justin. Stupid for loving him. Stupid for thinking my best friend would never back stab me. And really stupid for crying over him.
In through the nose, out through the mouth. I wiped away the fresh tears with tissue I found in my purse. The white tissue soaked through, drenching with my tears and the smudges of mascara. I probably looked like a train wreck. Hell I felt like a train wreck.
Sometime along the drive the tears finally stopped. We've been driving for an hour or maybe longer, I have no clue. Adrian and I hadn't said a word to each other and I was thankful that he wasn't attempting to make conversation. The radio was off leaving the silence to linger between us. That's when I realized that Adrian was basically going through what I am, he's just better at handling it.
"How do you do that?" I wonder out aloud making him pass a glance to me. My own voice sounds foreign to me, it's all shakey and as unstable as my current state.
"Do what?"
"Handle all of this so well?" handle the fact that your girlfriend cheated on you?
"I'm angry and she's not worth my tears. And he's not worth your tears either," he says plainly.
"You were right you know. About how I didn't know him and that I should have let him go." I say, remembering the conversation Adrian and I had after Mia and Kaden came back into Justin's life. My throat tightens and the tears well up in my eyes, I should have let him go.
Adrian doesn't say anything and i silently thank him for not pointing at me and saying I told you so.
I rest my head against the window. I have to shut my eyes because the green trees I see remind me of his eyes. I wish sleep would take me but it doesn't, instead I think about him. Everything was going so well between us. Everything was falling into place and now...
I had to open my eyes when the image of Justin and Emma popped in my head. I couldn't handle all the thinking, the silence suddenly had become suffocating so I pressed on the radio and when I heard say you won't let go by James Arthur break through our silence I felt like screaming. Memories of the first time we slow danced replayed in my head. I nearly smile remembering how he sang but then I remembered his lips on Emma's.
I press a few more buttons on the radio until a pop song sounded through the speakers. Nothing worked, my mind always found a way to shift to him and her.
We were finally on familiar roads. Adrian hadn't asked me where exactly I wanted to go so I tried to decipher where he was taking me. When he made a right turn onto Reef Street I knew he wasn't taking me to any of my residences.
"Where are we going?"
"To get some ice coffee," he says with his eyes still fixated on the road ahead.
"Lucy's? Why?"
"Lucy's," he nods. "To get some ice coffee," he repeats again.
"No I meant why aren't you taking me home?" He didn't answer. I wiped the under of my eyes lids again in hope that I didn't look as bad as I felt - but I didn't dare look at myself in the mirror because I was certain I wouldn't like what I saw. Adrian pulled up at Lucy's. They were fairly busy considering it was a Sunday and most people were at home at this time spending time with their families.
"Let's go," Adrian urged when I didn't jump off immediately. I took a deep breath and followed him. He slid into a familiar booth at the end of the shop. "Do you remember?" he asked.
"You and I sat right here the day we first met." He literally ran into me as he came into the shop. He was alone and so I offered him to join Emma and I. He met her here too, but I didn't dare bring that up.
Adrian gives me a toothy grin. "Did I ever tell you how thankful I was to run into you?" From the tone he uses I can't tell if his being sarcastic or serious. The waiter comes to us and I'm thankful I didn't have to say anything to that. Adrian orders for us, a large ice coffee and a burger for me and the same for him —that's what we'd had the first day too.
Before I could change the order the waitress had disappeared. I had no appetite and just wanted the cold coffee but I'd eat for Adrian's sake. "Do you remember that time we'd wanted to study together but ended up coming here?" I simple mod, trying my best to offer him a small smile. "How about the time we'd went hiking together?"
"That trip was beyond brutal," I say realizing I couldn't just nod and fake a smile again.
"Hey no one told you to start running and twist your ankle on the way up," he laughs softly remembering that incident.
"It wasn't my fault okay, the rock came in my way." I genuine smile finally comes to me as my mind finds memories of mine and Adrian's friendship. We were always close, sharing secrets and I did things with him that Emma wouldn't want to do like that hiking trip. "You managed to carry me all the way down so thank you for that."
"You took care of me many times to so there's no need for thank yous," he says as the waitress returns with our coffees and food. My mood becomes better as I get food in my system, maybe I was hungry after all. My mood also lightens as Adrian and I talk about the old times and all the silly things we did. Once we ate, Adrian insisted he pay and then we were on the road again.
"To your house or the beach house?" Adrian asks.
"My house," I instantly say. There was no way I wanted to sleep in Justin's bed and I most definitely didn't want to see anyone. Adrian nods before pressing his foot to the gas and we were on our way. When we reached the house Adrian jumped off with me. I was too kind to tell him to leave me alone.
When we reached the door, I opened it with the key under the flower pot. As I began walking inside I felt Adrian's hand on my arm pulling me back.
"What's wron—" His lips crashed against mine. For some reason I felt myself kissing him back —but everything felt wrong about this kiss. His lips are far too soft, his hand on my waist felt weird and his body that pressed against mine was...simply not Justin's. I put my hand to his chest and pushed him away.
"Adrian I can't." His eyes brows join together as he looks down at me. His hand drops from my waist and he takes a step back like I just punched him in the gut. The hurt he felt turned into rage so quickly I nearly flinch.
"After all this time. After everything he's done to you, you still want him. He cheated on you Victoria," he says, his frustration slowly drowning him. He ran his hand through his hair. He steps forward and this time I do actually flinch; I never saw him like this before and it terrified me. I take a step back but he grabs my wrists in his hands. "You and I are meant to be Victoria. Not you and Justin and certainly not Emma and I."
"You're just hurt after what Emma did. Your emotions are all over the place. Relax Adrian," I plead but his fingers around my wrists tightened.
"Can't you see Victoria! I don't care about Emma. I care about you. I love you. Why can't you see that!"
"Adrian," I try to keep my voice controlled as I try to wriggle my wrists free. "You're hurting me Adrian." He didn't budge, like he didn't even hear me. "Adrian please!"
"Why can't you just be with me? Love me?" His voice as well as his hands soften at those words and I manage to get one wrist free.
"You're my best friend Adrian." at least you were. "But I can't love you like that. I love him. I think I'll always love him." I manage to free my other wrist.
"I'm sorry Vic. I'm sorry," he chants as he sees his finger prints on my wrists.
"Leave me alone," I shout as he tries to come closer. "I don't ever want to see you again!" His head drops, ashamed at himself —as he should be. He doesn't try to stop me as I run in the opposite direction of the house. I don't look back as I run down the road where I find a cab.
"Are you okay?" the elderly driver in the front asks me as I jump in, obviously looking at my tear stained cheeks and the fact that I was breathing so heavy from the running.
"I'm fine," I lie. I tell him to take me to my parents address and sit back into the seat. My wrists burn where Adrian's finger prints burned red. I couldn't understand what just happened.
Fresh tears warmed my face as I let everything from today settle in. It was too much. Everything that happened today it was too much. Justin and Emma. Adrian kissing me. Adrian lashing out on me like that. Him saying he loved me. It didn't make sense - but maybe it did and I chose to ignore it. He'd always try to tell me Justin was wrong for me —maybe he was right but I don't think his intentions were. I remembered the day he comforted me when I cried in his arms about Justin not caring. That look in his eyes, that look of affection that I'd brushed of as an hallucination, was actually there.
There's other people out there who care about you, Adrian had said that day. Was I dumb for not seeing that he was talking about himself?
Something inside me wonders, how could he have done that to Emma?
Then again How could Emma beyray me?
But the question that really lingered in my mind was, How could Justin, who knows the pain of being cheated on, cheat on me?