Toni Braxton
I woke up in Nafessa's arms, feeling light and happy... something I never thought I'd get to feel again. My doorbell was ringing and my face furrowed before I looked at my alarm clock.
9:30 am.
Shit. Janet.
Prying myself from Fessa's arms, she woke up and groggily asked. "You okay?"
"Yes. I'm fine. Go back to sleep. Janet's here."
Her eyes opened enough for me to see her roll them. "Mm. Have fun with that."
"Stop being mean." I leaned over and pecked her lips before grabbing my phone. Going to my doorbell app, I hit the speak button and talked. "Hey J, here I come. Give me a second."
Throwing my robe on, she nodded patiently and it almost caused me to pause. I was about to have a civil conversation with the woman who'd made my high school years hell. I wondered if she still resented me because of Kenny. Hell... I wondered a lot. Grabbing a brush, I combed my hair down and in place.
Rushing down stairs, I went to my front door and took a deep breath before opening the door. I smiled softly. "Hi. Come in. Have a seat. I'll be right back."
She chuckled softly as she followed me in. I pointed towards the couch and raced back up the steps. Nafessa was laying in bed on her phone and when I rushed in she sat up. "That was quick."
"I'm naked under this robe Fes." I mumbled as I grabbed some tights, a bra and a shirt. "I'm not about to talk to that woman butt naked."
"You had on a robe." I sent her a look of irritation before taking the robe off and putting the tights on. I put my bra on and tossed my shirt over it. She continued. "Then you didn't put on any underwear? Ouu scandalous."
"Fessa, shut up." Laughing softly, I turned and looked at her. "How do I look?"
"What vibe are we going for here?"
"No vibe. Just overall."
"Well in that case you look beautiful as always." She smiled at me and I returned it.
"I would kiss you again but first I need to brush my teeth." I walked into my bathroom and brushed my teeth, throwing water on my face until I could do my face routine. When I finished, I came out of the restroom and grabbed my phone. Nafessa watched me flock around with a goofy look on her face.
"You should see yourself right now T."
"Hush." I mumbled as I walked over and kissed her. "I'll be back."
"Take your time but close the door." She called back as I walked out of my bedroom and closed the door behind me. Walking down the stairs, I walked back into my living room and saw Janet looking at the photos on my fireplace mantel.
She saw me come down and picked up a photo. "Is this your daughter?"
I nodded. "Yes, that's my princess."
"Wow. She's beautiful. How old is she?"
"Thank you. She's seven."
Janet smiled down at the photo before sitting it back down. "Wow... you have a daughter." She glanced down at her feet before mumbling. "Where has time gone?"
Shrugging, I shook my head. "I honestly don't know." Walking to my kitchen, I asked. "I overslept, so nothings ready but you wanted coffee right?"
"Oh no. It's okay. We can just talk."
Nodding, I put a pod in my Keurig and placed one of my mugs underneath it. Starting the machine, I leaned on my counter and pointed towards my bar stools. "Okay well you can sit there if you want to."
Janet didn't sit but instead went to the other side of my kitchen and stood across from me. My island was separating us and I braced myself for what she was going to say. "Toni... I honestly have been wanting to talk to you for a while now. Years actually. I'd just never gotten myself to a point where I could put my pride to the side but I'm there now. I need to apologize. For everything. For how I treated you. For what I said. For leaving you by yourself after our best friend died. I was messed up back then but I'm trying to right my wrongs and you... you are one of the main people I did wrong."
Silence hit my house as my Keurig finally warmed up and began pouring the liquid into my mug. I traced her eyes, ready for her to say she was joking but I found sincerity behind them. Still, I needed answers. I picked up my mug and sipped some of the spearmint tea before asking. "That day... that day I told you what happened to Ken. I told you I was there. I sat in front of you in tears and all you did was stare at me. You couldn't even hug your own friend. Why?"
"Kenny had just died. I'd just found out. I was numb, T."
"Numb enough to tell the entire high school that I was the reason the cop got off?"
"Why didn't you go to court?" She shot back a question but I had my answer.
"I didn't go because I was scared shitless. I'd been brave. When he shot Ken, I was so fearless. I knew I was next and for a moment I was content with death. I was staring death in the face and I was ready to lose the battle, but then I didn't die. And the courage went away. I was scared of death. Kenny didn't look peaceful when he died like all the Saints in church said he should have. He just stared at me as the life in his eyes disappeared. I had to watch the life leave his eyes. So no... I didn't go to court. Not after seeing what I had to see. So I will apologize for not showing up to that court case and putting that man in jail, but I will not apologize for not choosing death after that moment. I was going through it. By myself. I had no best friends anymore. All I had was me."
"I told people you didn't show up because I did. I showed up. I snapped out of it that day for Kenny. I went to court, content on holding your hand if that's what I had to do. I was coming to fix us and help put the man who put our best friend in a grave in jail. And you just never showed up... so I assumed you didn't care."
"You knew me. You knew I cared."
"No. Not in that moment. In that moment I didn't because to me caring was showing up and you did not show up, so I counted you out." She paused and I went to protest before she continued. "I counted you out instead of having a conversation with you. I was hurt but that did not mean I should have left you alone. That doesn't mean I should have treated you like that or allowed others to treat you like that. I'm sorry I failed you back then Toni. It wasn't right."
Taking a moment, I sat the cup down by my side and nodded. "It's okay. I forgive you. We both should have done things differently. I'm sorry for not showing up to that court room. I should have."
"You couldn't handle all of that by yourself and it's no reason I should have made you feel like anyone else besides you could have. Nobody would have been able to do that by themselves. Not even me. I should have been a better friend. We'd both lost Ken.. and I just shut you out. Yet you still cared. Like that day of Ken's birthday. You came to my house and talked me down. You were always the more caring one out of us."
"You cared Janet, you just had different ways of showing it." I assured her. "But I'll always care. We all had our ways in high school. We were all set on our ways or the highway but it's good that we're all maturing and growing up. Now we're older and wiser."
"Wayyyy wiser." She commented causing me to chuckle.
"Mhm.." I agreed. "How've you been?"
Janet looked at me and replied. "No complaints. After Mikey passed, I kinda just picked up on getting more serious about my music. Forgot the real world existed too be honest."
"Oh yeah. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how close you two were."
"Yeah me and that knuckle head were thick as thieves."
"I sent flowers. I didn't think you'd want to talk to me after what happened, but I made sure to send—."
"The white roses?" She cut me off.
I nodded. "Yeah. I sent the white roses."
"Toni, I thought I was going crazy when I got those roses. I knew it had to be you. Only you, Ken and I said white roses would match any occasion and the card attached only said sorry for your loss. I couldn't prove it was you so I just moved on but I had a feeling."
"Yeah it was me. I'm glad you got them. I was worried you'd moved when I sent them to your house."
"No. I got them. I did." She paused softly. "Thank you for that."
"Oh no problem. Even when we were on bad terms, you knew if you needed anything that I could give, I would give it. Even if it was my last."
"Yeah, you've always been like that..."
"But continue." I motioned her forward. "Finish your story."
"Oh so I just got off of my third tour, caught a break. A real break. I finally caught my breath and one morning I woke up and realized I'd lost some of the best people in my life because I was too focused on everything but myself. So I started from the beginning and worked my way to the end."
"Well, I'm glad you had me on the list."
"You and Kelendria were definitely at the top of the list."
"Really? I just saw Kel the other day."
"Really? Same."
"It is crazy how life's going full circle. We're all doing pretty good for ourselves."
"As we should. How is everyone? Mama E? Your sisters. I would ask about Nafessa, but you moved and she made it clear that y'all broke up."
I refrained from chuckling at Nafessa's comment from high school. Instead, I answered with, "Mom is good. Tamar is great. Same ole Tayme. My other sisters are good as well. What about Mama Kat?"
"She's good. Retired five years ago. So she's been getting into water aerobics and casinos."
"Oh Lord. Not the casinos."
"Every week or so, I'll call and check in on her and she'll tell me she's in Louisiana."
Chuckling, I shook my head. "Mama Kat is a mess."
"She is but we knew that." She laughed with me before pointing towards my picture. "Tell me more about your daughter. You said she's seven?"
"Yes, she's seven. Turning 8 this year. Her names Kennedy and—."
"Kennedy?" She asked softly. "After Ken?"
I nodded. "Yes. After Kenny. Her birthday is the same day as his. I went into labor the day before his birthday. I was in labor for 8 hours. Looked up and it was Kenneth's birthday and just knew I had to name my baby after him."
"Wow. That's beautiful."
"She's the total opposite of me as a child. She's out going. Straight to the point. Right now she wants to be a hip hop ballerina. So she's in dance classes. Has me running around crazy."
"Aw. She dances?"
"Mhm, but what about you? After high school, I know you did something other than music."
"Oh I did a few things." She muttered before pulling her phone out and showing me a picture of a little boy. "But my favorite thing is my son."
"Oh now this baby is adorable." I cooed. "How old is he?"
"6. His names Eissa."
"Geez. He's handsome."
"Thank you. Thank you. See you have dance lessons but I have music lessons. He wants to play the piano. A six year old Toni..."
I laughed. "When they say they want to do something, they know they're gonna get to do it. Especially when they ask us."
"Exactly." She laughed with me.
Footsteps sounded and I looked towards the steps. Nafessa came down and mumbled as she opened the fridge. "I'm sorry but I'm hungry." She grabbed my guacamole dip, my bag of chips and greeted J. "Hey Janet."
Janet smiled in humor. "Hey Nafessa."
"Do not eat all of my dip."
Fes narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm a guest here. I'll do as I please." She smiled deviously at me before leaving the kitchen and going back upstairs.
I rolled my eyes playfully and turned back to Janet who chuckled. "Well I stand corrected. I should have asked how Nafessa was after all."