The room was spinning slightly more than one would have appreciated at 8:00am on a Saturday morning, but I had only myself to blame, as the sheer amount I had drank the night before was made very apparent by the throbbing in my head.
The sharp, scraping sound of the curtains being drawn rang aggressively in my ears, followed by a harsh, intense stream of light spilling into the room, its bitter heat very typical of a December morning, and burning slightly as it washed over my fluttering eyelids.
I groaned dramatically at the sudden intrusion of light, purposefully extending my murmur in a whiny tone in an attempt to annoy whoever had drawn back the curtains and brought upon the inevitability of the day.
A deep chuckle was the only response to my whine and the intensity of the heated sun was not fading from view, so I lifted my head slightly, my eyes still firmly shut, and pulled one of the pillows from below me, lobbing it towards the window aimlessly.
"Not a morning person. Noted" A voice chuckled, a gravelly roughness to his tone, similar to Fred's but distinctly different. "Sorry, I figured you'd want to get back before your friends woke up"
My brain couldn't decipher where I had heard this voice before, but it was certainly not new, and the confusion was likely very noticeable, creeping its way across my features as the voice spoke again.
"It's Draco, love" He laughed, easing my confusion, although inviting a hundred more questions.
My hand, without hesitation, slipped under the sheet and down towards my core, and I released an audible sigh of relief, my desperate search concluded as my fingertips came into contact with the waistband of my underwear and I noted that I wasn't naked.
"Relax love, we didn't fuck" He chuckled darkly, his voice holding a slight edge although I could sense the humor in his tone.
"Jesus Draco" I croaked, my voice rough and achy, a sharp gravelly edge to my usual softened tone.
Without a second thought, Draco reached to the side table of the bed I was in and handed me a tall glass of icy water, a gentle smirk pulling at his lips.
"Thank you" I rasped once again, before finishing the water in only three rather large gulps, placing the glass back on the side table and seating myself up.
The room was decorated in a variety of deep forest greens, and the occasional highlight of silver, or deep toned charcoal for contrast, although the darkness did not feel trapping, rather bringing a sort of comfort that I understood.
The bed on the opposite end of the room was neatly made, the corners of the emerald green sheets tucked neatly under the mattress, and the clothes Draco was wearing the night before folded in a tidy pile beside the bed.
I had very little recollection of making my way to, what I could only assume was, Draco's dorm the night before and was certain Fred would not have let me wander off alone, let alone to the Slytherin boy's dormitories.
"You don't have a clue how you got here, do you?" Draco asked, helping me to further sit up so I could reach for the, no longer empty, glass that he had conveniently refilled with his wand.
"Care to enlighten me?" I asked with a sarcastic chuckled that Draco found amusing, chucking slightly himself before answering.
"Well, the party had died down quite a bit, it was around 2:00am and I was about to leave when I saw you looking rather out of sorts, I didn't want to leave you alone and searched around for your friends" Draco rambled, rubbing his head absentmindedly in an attempt to sort through the events from last night, before continuing.
"Ron had left hours ago, Ginny and Potter disappeared not long after him, and I couldn't find Granger. George and Oliver where practically shagging on the couch and some girl was straddled over the other Weasley, making out with him in an armchair, so I took you back here myself, I was a complete gentleman of course and-"
I halted his speech immediately once his words began to register, "Woah, woah, woah. Backtrack. Fred was making out with who?" I questioned nervously and my voice broke as I did, the panic beginning to surface.
"Johnson I think, why do you care?" Draco asked questioningly, studying my worried features, surveying the sudden shift in my demeanour. He place his hand on mine, "Lupin, talk to me"
Before I could fathom some kind of response, a salty, and somewhat painful tear trickled down my cheek and fell into my lap, and before long a stream, that I was too tired to try and suppress, had followed, the heated tears now shamelessly trailing down my face.
"Woah, Ari, what happened?" Draco suddenly asked, the concern very apparent in his tone as he pulled me into him and I began to uncontrollably sob into his shoulder, his fingers quickly finding my hair as he began to stroke my head gently.
"It's nothing" I choked out through broken sobs, the embarrassment of the situation setting in nicely.
"It's obviously not nothing. Is this about Weasley?" He asked with a tender tone, clearly not wanting to poke at a fresh wound.
Typically the human response too "It's nothing" or "I'm fine" is always some variation of "Okay" or "Good" because humans don't like to deal with their own emotions, let alone those belonging to others, and so when you provide them with an out, an opportunity to surpass having to indulge in the comfort of another person, more often than not they'll take it.
Not Draco.
He knew, he knew exactly what that felt like. To say "I'm fine" and wait for the false sense of relief to wash over the other person, waiting for them to walk away, so you can finally break, because that "I'm fine" actually was an "I'm really not ok".
"Ari, is this about Fred?" Draco repeated, still not abandoning his careful and hushed tone.
I nodded into Draco's chest shyly, the image of Angelina sat upon Fred fresh in my mind, as though I had seen it in real life a hundred times over.
"You like him?" He queried and I nodded again, my sobs growing more broken and violent.
"And he just wanted to be friends?" Draco guessed, still stroking my hair and rocking me gently.
"I don't shower with my friends like that!" I shouted suddenly, not meaning to project anger onto Draco, but seemingly not having anywhere else to voice it.
"Oh shit. So you guys have been seeing each other? But you never put a label on it? And now he has kissed Johnson, but hasn't technically cheated on you and you have no idea where you stand?" Draco summarised in a painfully accurate, neat little list.
"Something like that" I sighed quietly, far too exhausted to sob any longer.
"I'm sorry Ari'' Draco apologised unnecessarily, pulling my face from his bare chest and wiping away the reminiscence of tears.
"Don't be, you didn't kiss Angelina" I joked trying to lighten the mood, when a gentle knock sounded at the door, and both mine and Draco's attentioned was pulled in the direction of the sound.
"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt" Theodore Nott spoke gently front the crack in the door, his stance uneasy as though he was prepared to turn back around at any moment, "I just wanted to grab a clean shirt"
"No problem Theo, I was just leaving" I assured him, cleaning my face with the hem of my shirt and pulling the heavy quilt off of my legs. "Thank you Draco"
"Of course" He called after me as I slipped out the room, "And come find me once you have met up with Sirius"
And then a much more apparent and seemingly more immediate problem had made itself known. It was December 3rd, and Sirius Black was coming home.
The idea of 'home' was one I questioned often. Nowhere had ever felt like home to me, not the permanent kind anyway. The first twelve years of my life were spent in a constant state of vigilance, the possibility of war the only certainty and the inevitability of the future forever nearing closer.
I moved from one house to the next, in and out of Grimmauld place frequently, nowhere really sticking, and although I understood this was essential for our safety, it still didn't mean I wasn't robbed of that feeling of home.
I say 'feeling of home' based on the pure fact that I don't suppose home really is a specific place, it's an arrangement of people and scents and sounds, and books and songs and places.
It's nowhere fixed or certain, it wherever it feels as such, and so when I say Sirius was coming 'home' I mean more that I was going to have to try and let him into the part of me complied up of all these people and scents and sounds, and books and songs and places, and I wasn't sure that was something I was ready for.
I headed straight over to Remus's room, not in the slightest prepared to face the common room, or more specifically, not ready to face Fred.
Knocking on the door with caution, a gentle voice, I took immediate comfort in, invited me inside, and I obliged, stepping inside and closing the door behind me.
"Morning Poppet, you look rough" He chuckled, his back to me, quickly glancing at my reflection through the mirror as he viewed himself intently.
I rolled my eyes and giggled slightly, walking over and throwing myself down into the burgundy armchair I loved so much, looking over to Remus and his nervous state.
"You look good Remus, I promise. Sirius isn't going to care, he just wants to see you" I assured him and Remus ruffled his hair back and forth before taking an elongated sigh.
"You're right" Remus sighed with a gentle smile, walking over to perch on the arm of the chair where I was seated, now absonmidnely flicking through the pages of the book resting on the side table, The Great Gatsby.
"I always am" I smirked, glancing over to Remus before resuming my position of flicking through the book
"And you? How are you feeling?" He asked me softly, resting his hand on my head and running his finger through my hair much like Draco had, just moments ago.
"Strangely optimistic" I replied truthfully, throwing Remus a gentle smile and looking up at him.
"I'm glad. I am going to pick him up from the ministry in a few minutes and take him to Grimmalud place to get settled back in, he will meet you for lunch in Hogsmeade around one, ok?" Remus explained, reaching for his jumper and pulling it over his head, disheveling his already messy hair.
I nodded, hauling myself out of the chair and onto my feet, "And when you say 'settled back in' that better be all you're doing over there" I teased heading for the door.
"You're disgusting Ari" Remus scoffed, before ushering me out the room, but not before placing a gentle and comforting kiss on my forehead.
And now it was the simple case of getting from 9:34am to 1:00pm, avoiding a certain Weasley. Seemed easy enough. And to my surprise it did prove easier than expected, as I showered, got myself dressed and headed into Hogsmeade, wandering the streets aimlessly for a while just as an excuse to avoid Hogwarts, and in turn, Fred.
When 1:00 eventually came around, I headed over to The Three Broomsticks and anxiously although immediately pushed open the door, and although the panic was rising at an intense speed, I did not let this stop me as I walked over to the two-seater table situated by the window, one of the seats already occupied by Sirius Black.
I scraped the chair from out beneath the table louder than I should have, but I was desperate to fill the silence that inevitably hung heavy in the air. And as I sat down we searched each other aimlessly, neither one of us entirely sure where to begin.
He wore a charcoal grey t-shirt that sat loose, and lazily over his torso, a pair of darkened jeans, that too didn't quite fit him right, and a vintage leather jacket, various patches scattered along the sleeve and back, that fit as though it had been made just for him.
Numerous silver rings were scattered across his damaged fingers, a particular one on his thumb that he fiddled with absentmindedly, and he had a few tattered strings tied around his wrist.
Suddenly he cleared his throat, knocking me from my stare out the window behind him and out onto streets of Hogsmeade, my eyes now uncomfortably locked with his own.
"So Ardelle-" He began nervously, but I immediately interjected.
"Nobody calls me that" I snapped bluntly, halting his speech, and immediately dropped my eyes down to the table, my hand coming to play with the water ring left by my glass.
"I'm sorry?" He questioned apprehensively, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"I said no one calls me that. Ardelle. No one uses my full name" I scoffed, rolling my eyes although still they were still transfixed to the table, my finger fiddling with the condensation forming over my glass.
"What would you like me to call you?" Sirius asked openly, a desperate tone laced with his words, as he fought to form a connection from thin air.
"Ari is fine" I muttered, barley above a whisper, but I caught the slight nod of his head in my peripheral vision indicating he heard me.
"So Ari" He corrected before continuing, "Tell me anything you want me to know" Sirius stated calmly, trying to provoke a conversation, but I shrugged and didn't lift my gaze.
"Alright, I'll just ask then, if you don't want to answer just tell me" And I had to give it to him, he was trying, he truly was, it was my lack of compliance, not his, I was the one resisting, but something in me told me not to stop, not to let my guard down, not yet.
"What kind of things do you enjoy?" Sirius asked inquisitively, his tone hopeful and encouraging.
"Reading, I like to read, and I like astrology" I whispered shyly, "Oh and The Beatles" I added with a little more volume, slightly embarrassed at my sudden and unwarranted enthusiasm and immediately quieted down.
"Old school, I like it. You are definitely a product of Remus" He chuckled, and although he smiled at me warmly, I could sense it pained him to acknowledge that fact,regardless of how much truth it held.
I nodded, attempting to mirror his tender smile but the opposing side of me, the one not quite ready to give in, fought back and my expression remained purposefully dull and empty.
"And reading? What's your favourite book?" Sirius asked genuinely, leaning himself forward and propping his elbows onto the table.
"Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, I quite like Shakespeare, and I recently finished Wuthering Heights" I listed casually, counting the books on my fingers as I went, Sirius watching me intently.
"Remus read me Wuthering Heights, he is the only reason I ever finished a book" He chuckled with a pained tone he attempted to mask, closing his eyes briefly as he thought back.
"What about school?" He asked vaguely, and I furrowed my brows, lifting my head and looking over to him, finding myself doing this purposefully for the first time today.
"What about school?" I responded, copying his words but shifting the tone of the question.
"Do you enjoy it?" He confirmed, making sense of his previous statement, taking a large sip of his ice cold butterbeer and reclining back in his seat slightly, his demeanor slowly becoming more relaxed.
"Usually, the classes are good, some more so than others, just sometimes Snape wont get off my back, him and I don't exactly get on too well" I explained, shuddering slightly at the thought of Snape and his monotonous and draining tone, even the thought of which was tiring.
"Ah yes Snivellus, he was never my biggest fan either" Sirius confirmed with a gentle laugh to himself, a reminiscent smile pulling at his lips.
"Snivellus?" I queried, the name familiar although I couldn't quite place it.
"Did Remus never tell you?" Sirius gaped at me, his jaw slack, suddenly leaning forward in his seat and resting his hand on the edge of the table. I shook my head.
"Snivellus was what Remus, James, Peter and I used to call Severous. He was a right git in school, constantly teasing Moony for his scars, not to mention his obsession with Red, uh I mean Lily, and was generally a prick. So we were constantly messing with him, me more so than the others, turning him into felines, changing his hair colour, messing with his stuff, only when he deserved it, but you would be surprised just how often that was" Sirius explained, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"A CAT? YOU TURNED SNAPE INTO A CAT?" I exclaimed in pure shock, I too sitting forward in my seat, leaning closer to Sirius.
"Oh that's only the beginning" He smirked.
And for the first time in my life, I laughed with my father.
The rest of the afternoon was spent immersed in easy conversations about everything and anything, the only silence when I stopped to take and breath, and Sirius listened intently, as though he had never wanted anything more than hear me speak about the things I loved, desperately hoping he would one day be on such a list.
The amber sun had dipped out of view gradually, and the comfort of the immense night sky had emerged, a strangely blank canvas that evening, the usual constellation of opal light not so visible, as though everything, not just the sky, was clearer.
Sirius continued to ask questions, never once forcing me to answer something I wasn't happy too, until eventually we fell onto territory I had so desperately tried to avoid.
"Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend? He asked casually, the relaxed conversation suddenly shifting into something slightly more uneasy.
I shook my head, dropping my gaze to run my index finger over the rim of my empty glass, "No, neither" I reposed, my tone wavering slightly.
"That wasn't a very sure no" He chuckled, trying to relieve some of the tension.
"It's complicated" I muttered under my breath, still not shifting my gaze.
"Ah I see. Well the best things always are" Sirius assured me, reaching for my hand and unintentionally forcing me out of my stare. "What makes it so complicated?"
"I thought he liked me. I liked him, a lot, I still do. But last night he kissed someone else" I explained in a croaky and suddenly shy tone.
"Have you spoken to him since?" He queried, and I simply shook my head.
"Even the best of people make the shittiest of mistakes, believe me on that" He squeezed my hand slightly before continuing, "You like this boy? Don't write him off before you have the full story, perspective can surprise you. And after that, if he doesn't want to be with you, he's a fool"
We didn't say much more after that. Sure this wasn't perfect, and it still needed a lot of work, and yes the situation with Fred was a mess, and perhaps my life was still chaotic and complex and something I was still trying to navigate, and constantly failing to do so.
But right there, in that moment, it didn't matter, none of it did. Because it may have been an intricate mess, but I finally had my dad back.