I fall to the floor of Barnes' apartment, taking a few deep breaths. I look over to him, both of us covered in sweat and we start laugh. Barnes placing a hand on his head, "I'm glad you could come over."
"Yeah, I am too," I get up and start getting dressed. Putting my jeans on, before I start on my blouse.
"Come on, do you have to go so soon?" Barnes sits up on his elbows.
"Didn't know you didn't want me to leave so soon," I tuck my shirt into my jeans.
Barnes gets up and puts on his boxers, "no, I don't. I enjoy having you here sometimes."
"Oh," I chuckle, "what's next asking me out on a date?"
"Well, would you say yes?"
I think for a minute, "some food and a time where it's socially acceptable for us to sit in silence? Yeah, I could get on board with that."
"Speaking of food..." Barnes looks around his apartment for a second before looking back to me, "I told Yori about you yesterday."
"Did you really? Well, big step," I chuckle.
"Well, I kind of told him about you. I, uh, I tried to use you to get out of a date."
"You did what?"
"Yori set up a date for me and his, our, favorite waitress."
"Oh, when?" I slide my jacket on.
"Uh, tonight actually, around ten."
"Well," I look at my watch, seeing it's almost 9, "you'd better start getting ready then."
As I take a step away from him, Barnes grabs my hand, stopping me, "can you please just...." He takes a deep breath, "stay for a minute."
I shake my head and sigh, "okay."
"Well, don't make it sound like such a burden."
"Sorry, it's just that when I stay, if I stay, you don't talk."
"And I'm trying to work on that."
"By talking to your fuck buddy about your upcoming date?"
"Wow, nice to see you're getting your attitude back, although it may be a bit worse now."
I shrug, "making up for lost time."
"Anyway, my therapist thinks I need to start opening up to people, talking to them. She said something about nurturing friendships."
"And I'm guessing she doesn't think this is good for you."
"She said that this doesn't count as me having someone, that I'm still alone."
"That's because you are, having me around for an hour doesn't change that," I move over to the little island bar Barnes has in his kitchen, sitting on the bar stool.
"She also thinks that it is complete shit to say that I want peace."
"It is."
"What? How?"
I take a deep breath, "when Steve and the others had to fight Ultron, he said that Steve couldn't live without war, it was in his DNA, in his genes, to seek out the fight. And on some level he was right, Steve always looked for something to fight, he said it was to make sure that there were no threats, but I think it was so he didn't have to think about things he had done and people he killed. And that list is even longer for you." I shake my head, "given everything you two have been through, peace means time to think, time to think means back to hell."
"You say that like you know about this stuff first hand."
"It's not easy killing," I shake my head, "you know that better than anyone. But do you want to know one of the advantages to being someone who was blipped?"
"A fresh start?"
"You don't have to relive watching your friends and family turn to literal dust in front of you," I shake my head, turning back to the bar, looking away from Barnes. "You don't have to live with the fact that it may have been your fault, because you cannot stop a... steroid ridden grape."
"It wasn't your fault and you helped reverse it."
"I watched you turn to dust." I turn back to Barnes, "I mean, I didn't know you then at all, but I watched you and Sam turn to dust and blow away. Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up in your apartment and you're gone? Even if you're just in the bathroom, it all comes back, the look on your face, you falling and literally exploding into little Bucky bits." I shake my head, before placing a hand on my forehead, "I worked non stop for five years after the snap, the only thing that got me to stop was Steve's death. And now I don't want to sleep, I can barely eat. All I wanna do is train, so that if, God forbid, someone like Thanos comes back I can fight them."
"You did fight Thanos. Do you not remember kicking my ass in Wakanda before we took on all those weird looking dog things?" I chuckle thinking about the sparring match I had with Barnes and Steve. "You kicked our asses, so there's no way you didn't contribute to our fight against Thanos."
"Yeah, I guess. But you should really start to get ready for your date."
"Are you okay with me going?"
"Yeah," I nod, "we're friends, right? I mean, this isn't anything..." I try to think of another word to describe this but I can't, so I just shake my head and shrug.