"I've always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof."
Sherlock BBC Series
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I become desperate, vulnerable, helpless, worthless, piteous, miserable, destroyed...
He is manipulating me. I see it, I feel it. I'm changing. He started to control all my actions. I have nothing to use against him. I can't stand this anymore. It's as if he's no longer my opponent. He is like a terrible monster. I don't even know what to do anymore. I do not want to lose. However, he has no weakness. He is making fun of me. He looks at me with a sly smile and mocks me. I hate him! I despise him! I loath him! I like him... I love him... I worship him...
Yes, I know it's not me. But still this feeling... This burning fire inside me... I can't stop this... This flame grows bigger every day. He is the one.
I'm not kind of person who lies herself about her feelings. I understand my feelings very well. I understand very well that I love him. But if I accept it in front of him, he will leave me. I can't live without him anymore. I have to make him fall for me. But how? How can I overcome this despair? It is true that emotions weaken a person. An unshakable person like me is now helpless. He is so far from me, despite he is standing next to me.
Nevertheless, I can not give up. He has become a part of my life. I have to make him love me. I have to do my best.
I will do it! I understand very well that this is a very risky and dangerous move. But I have no other choice left... The only way to tie him to me, to make him mine forever. Therefore, even if it is my downfall, I will take this risk. I will do this thing, which is the "ultimate" weakness of every man. I have never done that before. I don't know how it will end ... This is a risky gamble. However, I am a risk-taker. So I'm going to take a risk! I will do this thing that binds every man to a woman for the rest of his life.
I'm gonna...