Great Tyro, High Tyro,
He's great in every way.
There is nobody wiser
On planet Earth today
Who gives us all the things we eat
And everything we drink?
Who helps us with our daily work?
You know his name we think –
Smart Tyro, Kind Tyro,
He's great in every way.
There is nobody kinder
On planet Earth today
Who's stronger than an elephant?
And fast as any bird,
Protecting us from every harm?
His name you've surely heard –
Strong Tyro, Good Tyro,
He's great in every way.
There is nobody mightier
On planet Earth today
Who fills our lives with happiness
And fills our days with bliss?
In case you haven't got it yet,
His name's pronounced like this –
It's Tyro, It's Tyro,
He's great in every way.
There is nobody friendlier
On planet Earth today!
The singing stopped suddenly. Liana hadn't joined in, but nobody could tell, as a mask covered her face. She was sitting in the front row of the Great Hall of Tyro's Palace in Tyropolis. Herago sat next to her, with a big silver parcel on his lap. The parcel contained all of the stuff for their Impossibles. Alongside them sat others with silver parcels – all inventors who would be showing their inventions. Or at least, some of them were showing their own inventions. Others had been supplied with inventions by Pritch. At the end of these showings, it was said that Tyro himself would be revealing a new invention - one of the greatest things ever seen.
Sleech had flown into the hall wearing wrist-flyers, but his flying was clumsy and uncontrolled. He almost knocked into Tyro's throne, but then managed to land in front of it, looking relieved to be back on the solid ground. Tyro himself walked up to the throne and climbed the steps to sit on it, tripping as he did so, but then just recovered enough to reach his seat. The audience watching him shouted 'hooray' repeatedly, and Liana noticed that the shouting was louder just as he tripped.
Sleech had spoken about how wonderful things were, and how this would be a great and historic day. And then he pointed to a platform high above the stage, on which was a large cage. In the cage stood two people, a man and a woman. They were a long way away, and it was difficult to make out their features, but they seemed familiar to Liana.
'The people of Bartyronis,' Sleech said, 'are kind and fair. We have invited to this festival some "honoured guests".' He said the words as though they were meant to be funny. 'These Grabblers have come here to witness the superiority of our science and ideas. They will not understand much of what goes on, but it will be enjoyable for them to marvel at the achievements of a superior civilisation. In their own world, they are known as "wise ones", which just shows how stupid the Grabblers must be as a race.'
Could it be? Liana wondered. She looked again, as hard as she could through the slits of the mask she was wearing. Yes, she was sure it was them. Piacho and Selentaya.
Then Piacho looked down directly at her, and smiled. Yes, he was watching.
It was then that everyone had launched into the song. The sound was muffled, as most people were wearing masks, or at least stick-on smiles. When Liana first arrived in the hall, she noticed these things on people's faces, and suddenly understood what it was she had been making. Stick-on smiles. Somewhere else they must have been making full-face coverings. The people of Bartyronis could not ensure that they would wear a smile on their face – essential for a Festival of Happiness – unless that smile had been manufactured somewhere, and sold to them.
The full face-coverings – masks, like Liana and Herago were wearing – were, of course, more expensive. They were essential for Liana and Herago, because showing their darker skin in Bartyronis would be enough to get them arrested. They were uncomfortable, but had the advantage that they meant Liana and Herago didn't have to join in with the singing.
Once the song was over, and people sat down again, Liana looked at Sleech and Tyro. Tyro was actually rather small. Yet the throne he sat on was enormous; he seemed like a little doll on a big chair.
All the pictures Liana had ever seen of Tyro had made him seem gigantic – always bigger than the people around him. But here was this little man on this big, big throne, with his legs too short to touch the ground. And there was a familiar look in Tyro's eyes that Liana couldn't recognise at first, it was so unexpected. Then she realised that she had seen that look many times. It was a look of fear.
Tyro's frightened eyes scanned the whole of the hall, finally looking directly at Liana. Liana looked over at Sleech, who she saw was also looking at her.
Definitely, she had seen Sleech in her dreams. And he had known that she had seen him. She realised this now.
Then Tyro spoke. Liana had heard Tyro's voice many times before, on headphones and through all sorts of speaking machines in public places. But the voice that now emerged from Tyro's lips had none of the confident, commanding tones that Liana expected. It was hoarse and hesitant, and seemed to be having difficulty finding the right words.
'Erm ... thank you Sleech, 'Tyro began. 'As you say, this is a very... a very... a very... erm ...'
'Happy?' said Sleech.
'Yes, yes. That is the word. Of course. A very happy day for all of us. We have all been... been... We have been doing that thing – what is it called, Sleech?'
'That thing, Great Tyro?' Sleech smiled, but looked worried.
'Yes, yes. That thing. They do. When people are... Happy. That thing. We read about it...'
'Celebrating?'
'Yes, yes. We have all been celebrating here in Bartyronis, and all over the world. And now, our celebrations reach their peak, as we see the achievements that our happy people have... have... what have they, Sleech?'
'Achieved?' Sleech ventured.
'What? Achieved? Yes, I suppose so. The achievements have been achieved. The inventions have been invented. It only remains for the inventors to... to... to what, Sleech?'
'To show their inventions, O mighty one.'
'Yes. To do that. As we all know. In the front row we have inventors. At least, that is what I have been told, but...' Tyro crooked his finger for Sleech to come close. Tyro whispered in Sleech's ear, and the two of them looked over to where Liana and Herago were sitting. Liana could just hear the words 'children' coming from Tyro's lips, and the great ruler now looked angry and puzzled, as well as frightened. But if he was frightened, how much more frightened should she be? Liana could sense Herago's body stiffening. But although Liana knew that she had good reason to be frightened, she actually felt quite calm.
Meanwhile Sleech was whispering to Tyro. Tyro nodded, then Sleech moved to one side. Tyro continued to speak to the crowd.
'Yes, well. Anyway. We have a lot of inventors here. And some of them are really quite young. Which shows how advanced are the Bartyronian people. Our children are as clever as the so-called "wise ones" of other lands. Cleverer, cleverer!' Again, Tyro looked angry. But he continued.
'Yes. Well. Let's get it over with. Let's see the so-called "inventions". We'll start with...' Tyro looked along the front row, carefully examining each masked face and looking at the silver packages on their laps, or in front of them. He took another look at Liana, but then moved his gaze to the end of the row.
'You!' he shrieked, pointing at a man with a bald head. The man suddenly looked very frightened. He looked around, hoping that Tyro was referring to somebody else, but Tyro's finger continued to point directly at his chest.
The man got up, clutching his package, and walked towards the stage. 'Come on, hurry up. We don't have all day,' shouted Tyro. The man looked at the stage, which was about chest height, and started trying to climb on to it. But he couldn't lift his leg high enough. So, he put his package on the floor to use as a step, but still he couldn't reach. The man was sweating, and going red.
Tyro's face showed greater and greater fury as he watched this business. Eventually he shouted 'No, no, no! What is he doing, Sleech?'
Sleech continued smiling and looked at the man. He motioned to one of the Guardians at the back of the stage to help the man to get up. In the end he was pulled roughly on to the stage by two Guardians.
He stood in the middle of the stage with his parcel.
Tyro and Sleech looked at him expectantly, but he appeared to have frozen solid, looking like a statue of a man with his mouth wide open.
'Well?' shouted Tyro.
The man jumped, then seemed to recover a little. 'Great ruler' he said. 'Most Magnificent of Magnificencies. Greatest of all beings, mightiest of mighties, erm, heaviest of erm...'
'All right, all right,' Tyro broke in 'get to the point. I don't want to be here all day, you know, being ... happy. I have important things to do.'
'Yes. I hear the words of the mighty one. Well. What should I say?'
'Who are you, and what is your invention?' said Sleech.
'Oh yes,' said the inventor 'my name is Banch, and as for my invention, allow me to demonstrate.'
He took the silver foil off his packet, to reveal a large box with lots of buttons and levers. The box had two doors on top. Banch opened one of these, and from it he took a bunch of bananas.
'Your Excellency. I present to you this misshapen collection of fruits which the outsiders call...'
'What is this?' Sleech interrupted. 'Do you have to show us those things? Their appearance is sapping the happiness from all those watching. These are un-Bartyronian fruits, and we will not allow...'
The inventor became quite agitated, and quickly defended himself:
'O, wise and noble Sleech. Please do not think that I have overlooked the offensive nature of these objects. Let me assure you that my invention will remedy the very defect that you have so cleverly pointed out. Please allow me just a little time to explain, then if you are not satisfied, well... I don't know... Perhaps you will... erm...'
'If we are not satisfied, we will know very well what to do,' said Tyro in a determined, icy voice. 'Let him continue, Sleech.' The man now looked even more nervous, but he carried on with his explanation.
'As I was saying, these, erm, bananas are repulsive objects, bent and curved in the most offensive way. But research has shown that despite their awful shape and appearance they actually have a rather pleasant taste...'
'What?' shouted Sleech. 'Are you saying that you have actually consumed some specimen of these monstrosities?'
'No, no, no, Citizen Sleech. I have certainly not done any such thing. But I am aware of tests that have been carried out in particular, controlled conditions, in which volunteer subjects have...'
'All right, all right. Get on with the demonstration,' said Tyro, wearily.
How strange, Liana thought, to hate bananas. She had only tasted them a few times in Seren-ila, because they were not easy to grow in the climate. But those she had tasted were delicious. And she actually thought the shape was quite beautiful.
But now the inventor was demonstrating the workings of his machine. He broke a banana off from the bunch, opened one of the doors on the box, and put the banana inside. Then he pressed just one button. The box started to hum, then a small, high-pitched squeak could be heard from inside – almost like a little scream. Then the box beeped. Twice. Banch opened the other door on the box, and took out a silver cylinder with a zip down each of its four sides.
'Well?' said Sleech.
'Yes, what have you done?' asked Tyro.
'Your Magnificentness' said the inventor 'there could be no greater contrast than that between the shape of the banana, and this flawless tube. But the two are, in fact, the same object.'
'Sleech, check the box' ordered Tyro.
Sleech grabbed the box from the man's hands, opened both doors and looked inside. He turned it upside down and shook it, but clearly, there was no banana there. Then he grabbed the silver tube that the man was holding.
'So, this is a banana?' Sleech asked, suspiciously.
'Oh yes,' said the inventor. It has just been restructured in order to give it an acceptable appearance.'
'And could someone eat it?'
'Certainly. It retains all of the taste and nutritional value of the old, nasty sort of banana, only in...'
'And how do I open it?'
'Well, it has a zip as you can see, and...'
'Oh yes.' Sleech unzipped the tube and inside it was a straight white cylinder of fruit. Sleech bit the top, and smiled.
'Give me it!' shouted Tyro, and Sleech handed the rest of the fruit to his master. Tyro looked over at the remains of the bunch of bananas, which was on the floor beside the inventor 'you say that this, is actually the same as these?' asked Tyro.
'Oh yes, your Honoured Excellency. But I assure you...'
Tyro shuddered, and then gingerly broken off a piece of fruit. As he put it in his mouth, his face wore an expression of intense disgust. Once the fruit was inside, his expression changed. At first he showed what appeared to be abundant pleasure, but then he checked himself, regaining his dignified look of disdain. But clearly, he couldn't resist further mouthfuls of fruit. He broke off larger and larger pieces of banana, finally pushing the bottom third of the cylinder into his mouth.
With his mouth full Tyro said something that nobody could understand. Both Sleech and the inventor looked at him with concern. Tyro swallowed the mouthful and barked an order.
'Do another one!' Tyro commanded. 'Quickly!' Banch broke off another banana from his bunch.
'Can you only transform them one at a time?' bellowed Sleech.
'No, no, no, Himester' said the inventor and he put the whole bunch into the box and pressed the button. After a series of little screams, the inventor removed a block of little tubes, all joined together at one end, but with a single zip by which they could be separated, and each with its own set of four zips for unpeeling. He handed the block over to Sleech.
'Good', said Sleech. 'Now give me the box.'
'Certainly, Himester', said the man, as he handed it over.
'Now, Banch, it must be admitted that this is a very fine invention.' said Sleech
'Thank you, thank you, thank you sir,' said Banch, looking both pleased and relieved.
'But I must ask you one question.'
'Yes.'
'Listen carefully, Banch.'
'I'm listening, Himester.'
'Who really invented this?'
'Pardon?'
'I'm just asking, Banch,' said Sleech with exaggerated humility, 'who it was who had the idea for this invention?'
'Why, I did, Himester,' said the inventor, with a tone of surprise in his voice.
'Now Banch, I would just like you to search in your heart of hearts, and be sure that this is really true. Can you really, really say that you thought of this invention all by yourself?'
'Well, of course, some of the processes it uses are not entirely novel, so I suppose you could say...'
'Aha! What could you say?' snapped Tyro. 'Could you say that you based this whole invention on one of my ideas? Is that what you were about to tell us?'
'I, I, I...' Banch stuttered, as he looked from Tyro to Sleech, and both of them seemed to expect something from him, but he didn't know what.
Banch just stood there with his mouth hanging open, and his eyes wide. He looked at Tyro, then he looked at Sleech. There was a silence. At last, Sleech spoke.
'Banch, this is your last chance. If you tell us now about how you... borrowed... this idea from our Great Leader, you will not come to any harm. On the other hand, if you continue to pretend that this was all your own work, why then...' Sleech paused, and every eye in the room focused on his lips. Every brain in the room tried to imagine what terrible fate could befall Banch if he continued to deny his awful betrayal. And it was as if all those terrifying imaginings suddenly crowded into Banch's skull for all at once he let out a howl of anguish, and started sobbing.
'Do you have something to tell us, Banch?' Sleech asked as the crying subsided.
'Yes, yes, yes...' Banch managed to blurt out between sobs.
'Good. Now, tell us exactly how you came upon this "invention"' Sleech spoke calmly and slowly. 'The best thing you can do right now is to tell us all the truth.' Banch mumbled something. Herago leaned over to Liana.' What did he say?' Herago whispered.
'Couldn't hear', Liana replied quickly.
But Sleech seemed to have heard. 'So, Banch, tell us from whom you stole these plans.'
Banch opened his mouth again, but no sound came out. Sleech turned his gaze from Banch to Tyro and back again. Banch looked at Tyro and then back at Sleech.
'Come on, Banch. The truth.' There was no sign of impatience in Sleech's voice, but every other person in the room was desperate to hear the answer. At last Banch spoke up:
'I stole the idea from our Great Leader,' said Banch.
'Louder,' said Sleech, and Banch shouted the words at the top of his voice. 'Good,' said Sleech. 'Now tell us how you stole it.'
Banch suddenly looked confused. 'I, I, I...'
It seemed as if Banch had got stuck, and was just going to keep repeating 'I' for the rest of the day. Sleech interrupted:
'Banch, perhaps you have forgotten exactly what you did.'
'Yes, yes. That's right,' Banch replied.
'Then let me make the suggestion that might jog your memory.'
'Oh please, please do.'
'I suggest that, in the dead of night, when all decent, hard-working people are asleep in their beds, you climbed onto the balcony of the great Tower, making your way to the window of one of the private rooms of our great leader. Is that correct Banch?'
Banch nodded.
'Speak!' barked Sleech.
'That is correct,' came Banch's wobbly voice.
'Then, you broke in through the window, by some means we have yet to establish, found the plans of the machine that Tyro had been working on that very evening, made copies of those plans, then returned to your workshop to put those plans into practice. Is that what happened?'
Banch nodded again, but then remembered himself, and added 'Yes' in a loud voice.
'Do you have anything to say to us about what you did?' asked Sleech.
Banch was confused again. Panic seized his features, but he struggled to control it, and at last he could speak.
'It was a very bad thing to do,' he said, 'but I could not resist claiming for myself the wonderful idea of our great leader.'
Suddenly, Tyro roared with anger. 'It was not just very bad. It was terrible! And you will be dealt with accordingly. Take him away!'
Banch started to speak.'But I thought,' he said '...but I thought that as long as I told you what you ... as long as I told you the... the... truth, I wouldn't...'
'You have heard the words of Tyro,' said Sleech. 'Now, you will go with the Guardians, and we will decide later what is to become of you. Think yourself lucky.'
Two Guardians carrying large weapons came forward. Liana noticed their wrist-flyers. They each took hold of Banch by an elbow, and flew with him out of sight.
There was silence in the hall.
Sleech spoke again:
'An unfortunate start to our festival,' Sleech was smiling as he spoke 'but again we have all come to understand the power and ingenuity of our great leader. Now, let us continue with the demonstrations of inventions. Who is next?'
The rest of the front row, all of whom had it seemed so confident before, now shrank in their seats, trying to hide the silver parcels which they had been displaying so proudly.
'Come on!' said Sleech. He scanned the faces of the inventors, and all of them were unable to meet his gaze. All except Liana. Sleech stared at her for a moment, but then moved on. He looked at the empty seat at the end of the row, where Banch had been sitting, then pointed at the frightened woman in the next seat.
' You!' Sleech beckoned the woman on to the stage.
This inventor, Leph, had found a 'seed accelerator', a new way to make seeds grow at an astonishingly fast rate. The demonstration drew gasps of amazement and admiration from the audience, but Sleech and Tyro watched with cold indifference.
It was soon revealed to all that Leph, like Banch, had stolen her idea from Tyro. But Leph made things even worse for herself by continuing to deny the crime. In fact, she even argued with Sleech, claiming that what he said was impossible. This made Sleech very angry, and when the flying Guardians came to take her away, they carried her upside down through the air, taking no notice of the pain this caused.
From then on, the inventors who came on to the stage behaved differently. They began by explaining that what they were going to show was not actually their own invention; that they had stolen the idea from Tyro. By confessing early to their crime, they ensured that the punishment would not be quite so bad, and the most apologetic ones even managed to return to their seats. In the case of one inventor, Flamp, Sleech actually refused to accept that his invention – a new way of wrapping parcels – had even been stolen. Flamp was still punished – for claiming that such an uninspired invention had been thought up by the great leader.
So it continued. Anything that seemed like a good, clever, or useful idea seemed to have been stolen from Tyro. Any idea that Tyro and Sleech didn't like, or didn't understand, also brought punishment to the inventor. None of the inventors in the front row alongside Liana and Herago returned to their seats. All were eventually sent for punishment.
The point arrived where the only people in the front row were Liana, Herago and Pritch.
'Now,' said Sleech, 'let us see what these children have to show us.'
It was time for their showing.