Unknowns journal (jk)

March 19th 12:22am

-
I'm laying here currently listening to "suicide" Isaac Dunbar. Questioning why doesn't my life have meaning I'm so invested in my thoughts.have so many dreams I want to achieve but don't have the willpower to do so. My body feels like I'm dying my brain shuts off when I get the motivation to do something.I don't really feel the love that I used to feel from my mother and father sometimes my mom is in her own world it's like she is lost.my father wants to leave but doesn't want to leave my mom alone. oh how I would kill for a warm hug but at the same time die from someone's touch.I'm not sure if I can feel anything anymore...I'm feeling numb all I could do is cry but don't know what I'm crying for is it the fact that my dog is suffering from sickness or that my mother won't be able to be as smiley or happy as she used to be crack a joke or enjoy trips with me and my sister to the mall or how it's eating me inside that I cannot tell my mother how her cousin died due to covid and other complications.so many thoughts so many things I have to kept to myself that I cannot tell cannot not feel it. Feeling like a knitted sweater unraveling the yarn is my feelings scattered all over the place like scraps waiting to be thrown in the trash.
~~~~~