"Do you want to dance with me later?" asked Horry, and I gulped another full glass of red wine.
"Yes darling, we can dance." He clapped twice in easy acceptance, and I scrunched my nose.
"We should dance to my favourite song." He proposed.
"What's that?"
"Ah, now that you ask." I glanced sideways, and his brows were furrowed in a pronounced frown. "I am not actually sure. Let me show you what–"
"Horry," I interrupted, rising to my feet quickly. "Give me two seconds. I just need the bathroom."
Horry's frown deepened. "Bene, ma per favore, make sure you return in time for my dance."
I ground my jaw. "Stat." I murmured, whirling on my heels and stomping away from him.
He was driving me nuts!
Him and his mother. But Horry I could tolerate, he was just acting like a semi-obsessed college boy. Ines, on the other hand, was clearly out to get me.
It seemed to me that Clementine had decided to sell me as cheap as she possibly could, and the entire evening, Aunt Ines had been shooting me dirty looks and more often than not scoffing whenever she crossed paths with me.
At this point though, I didn't even give a shit.
Like promised, I had been able to keep away from Raffaele for the whole night thus far. Yes, he looked absolutely delicious, especially with his hair pushed back like that. But I couldn't fall into carnal desire.
Unlike me, Taya had already made out with Marcello in the garden shed, and evidently so, had broken off our entire deal for the evening by opting to spend the night with him.
I'll take the stand for the both of us.
On my way to the bathroom, I secretly grabbed hold of a wine bottle on the drinks table, taking it with me and waddling to the foyer. One swig, and I downed what remained in the bottle—not much anyway.
"Oi," I jumped, nearly tripping back on my heels. "You always surprise me when it comes to alcohol."
I looked at Raffaele. He was standing by the mirror, illuminated by the dim glow of the lamps overhead. Licking my lips, I angled my head to undress him with my eyes.
He'd taken his tie off, top two buttons undone, and wasn't wearing his blazer anymore. He looked so fucking fantastic in formal wear, and I was so unbelievably ready to throw myself at him.
Smacking my lips, I mumbled, "I surprise you?" I pointed to myself, then pointed at Raffaele. "No champ. You surprise me."
Raffaele raised his eyebrows in amusement, stepping back and watching me. "And how to I do that, might I ask?"
I blew spit from my lips, trilling. "You're like–" I hiccuped. "–so fucking hot. I've never seen anyone like you."
"Because there's only one Raffaele." He said cheekily, but I ignored him.
Narrowing my eyes, I stalked to him. "Come with me please." I said when I reached him.
He frowned. "To where?"
I didn't answer his question, instead holding his hand and ushering him to the bathroom. I reassured myself that it was the alcohol taking over. And since right now I was intoxicated Lexi, and not sober Lexi, it meant I wasn't cutting the deal.
Also meaning that I could fuck him.
I looked to my left, then to my right, deciding that the coast was clear, and pressed down on the handle, letting Raffaele inside first.
"A week," I grunted, shoving the door closed and glaring him. "It's been about a fucking week." I was panting, and tucked my hair behind my ear.
Raffaele blinked, watching me in complete confusion and awe. "A week...of?"
"Oh, don't play the fool's card with me Raffaele." I tutted, wagging my finger with a wry chuckle. "You know exactly what I mean." I stepped forward, eyes staring him down.
Jesus, he looked so damn good.
"You want... to do it... here?" He questioned, eyes still wide. "With everyone outside?"
"I took one look at you in the garden," I heaved, taking a few more daunting steps forward. Almost stumbling, Raffaele walked back and pressed himself into the sink. "And I was more than ready to have you do me on the patio."
I let my eyes roam his entire stance, drinking him in—his dress pants, and how they fitted his lean legs so perfectly; his white dress shirt, and how his strong arms bulged through the sleeves.
I wanted him all over me.
Then I looked at his face-his magnificently gorgeous face. With his hair styled back, I could finally take in all of his beatific features. Chiseled jaw, slender nose, green eyes gleaming brighter than ever.
"You know," I rasped, standing close to him. I pressed my body against his, trailing my fingers around his clothed torso. "You look so, so good."
He exhaled deeply. "Hypothetically," he murmured, his eyes never leaving mine as I traced the open skin of his chest. I smirked at the reference. "We all do."
"All of us?" I purred, kissing his chest and making him sigh.
"No," he shook his head. "Just you and me."
"Hmm," I traced my tongue over the bottom of his chin, nipping gently. "I don't see a lie."
When Raffaele closed his eyes, I kissed my way down his stomach, lowering myself onto my knees. I looked up at him again, raised eyebrows innocently asking for permission, and a growl rumbled from the back of his throat, mouth taut. He nodded stiffly, and I bit my lip, facing forward again.
Unbuckling his belt, I slowly pulled his pants down his legs, and heard him exhale a deep breath. I glanced upwards, saw his head fall back in ecstasy as his knuckles gripped the edge of the sink counter.
I continued my torture, dragging his briefs down the same and meeting his erection. I rubbed up his length once, then down again, before letting my lips touch his tip. A light moan escaped his lips, and I used that as my cue take him fully into my mouth.
I heard his hard breaths, watched him through my lashes, and enjoyed the simple idea of sucking him off. Sensing his release, I popped him out, using my hand instead, and his eyes shot back to me.
"What," he said through gritted teeth, and I smirked. "the fuck?"
I pouted, shaking my head. "I want you," I pushed myself back up, lips just making contact with the shell of his ear "to fuck me right here," I tickled the skin on his neck with the tips of my fingers. "on this counter."
Raffaele gripped my waist, breathing hastily. "Fottere..." He cursed. "Vera?"
"Sì," I kissed his cheek. "Per favore..." He let me breath in his ear, while his hands clutched me even tighter. "Come un piccolo coniglietta sporco."
He chuckled. "I see your Italian's getting better."
"Only what I've picked up from you." I teased. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, breathed in the alluring scent of his cologne and sighed. "Plus, the instructor's oh-so attractive."
He simply grunted, nodding briefly, before kissing along my neck and collarbone, around my shoulders and I threw my head back. Raffaele gripped the nape of neck, angling my head to grant himself better access to my skin.
His lips paused, and I frowned. "Why'd you stop?" I questioned, only to find a smirk climbing slowly onto his lips.
"Just wanted to see how badly you want his."
I rolled my eyes, before connecting our lips this time. He kissed me roughly, and I all but moaned when his teeth grazed my bottom lip, tugging as his tongue fought for entrance.
"I think it's clear," I reached low, fingers making light work of his erection cradled between my legs. "that we're both just as excited."
He groaned, and once again I was the victor.
"So it seems your little visits in the week were just to tease me, isn't that so Coniglia?"
Heat reached my cheeks, and the hotness drifted to where I felt his touch as I flushed. All the times I'd blown him off the last few days flooded my memory again and I shivered when his fingeres ran gently over my skin.
But it would do me no good to be shy at this moment—I needed this man in me.
"I hope you're ready to show me just how much you've missed me..." I weaved my hands into his hair, his tongue dancing with mine as we kissed in total longing.
"Raffaele," a voice called out. Antonio. "Dai. zia Ines vuole dire qualcosa a te e Clementine." (Come. Aunt Ines wants to say something to you and Clementine.)
My eyes grew wide, looking at Raffaele in fear. He mouthed that I relax, nodding his reassurance.
"Sì, due minutes."
"Bene sbrigati." (Well hurry up.)
Antonio's footsteps shuffled on the other side, retreating, and I drew a stifled, unheld breath.
I didn't bother to look back at Raffaele, trying my hardest to gather myself. My skin was hot all over, both from his touch and my anxiety. I rubbed my temples, and pressed my hands to my cheeks.
"He knows." Raffaele muttered and I restored my eyes back to him a moment later, eyebrows furrowing in waited question. He only nodded, slipping his pants all the way up and adjusting his belt. "Antonio, he knows about us."
I stared at him, not comprehending clearly. "I'm sorry?"
Raffaele groaned, straightening and rolling his eyes. "He's aware that we're fucking, so there's no need to worry about getting caught." My mouth flew open, and he shrugged, raking his hair back. "I expected him to figure it out."
I was too shocked to move for a little while, before exclaiming, "You expected?!" I stared at him in complete incredulity. "And what did you tell him?"
"That we are."
At this point, my eyes were popping out of their sockets and I squeaked, holding my hands in the air as my disbelief surged with each ticking second.
Raffaele huffed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Of course I didn't say it like that, but I confessed and said that we are indeed messing around."
For some reason, my heart skipped a beat. Those words... they didn't sound so good coming out of his mouth.
"Messing around?" I whispered, though it came out more like a question than a remark.
I saw him swallow hard, averting my gaze. "Sì, that's what we're doing." Raffaele told me. "Till you leave at the end of summer."
My world slowed, and I turned my face away.
"Of course..." I expressed, breath quickening. "And till you get married."
Those dates were nearing, and they were the last of things I wished to dawn upon right now.
His words on the beach suddenly returned to me.
I'd be lying if I said that it wouldn't affect me.
And how cold and empty they were as I reflected our current conversation.
I glanced down at the ring on my finger—why did he give it to me? That would make forgetting him so much harder, counter to what he thought. It was selfish and unfair of him to have done so, but I didn't express this to him. I couldn't express anything. I was wordless, unable to say much else.
"He made me promise not to fall in love," Raffaele joked, and I winced. "So that I don't get my heart broken." Those last few words were low, as though he was saying it more to himself rather than to me.
But I heard them all, sounded everything out clearly, and tensed as I took full note of the meaning behind his statement.
My vision was blurring, turning hazy as the room spun. All these sensations were making me dizzy, and I seriously felt like puking.
"Love was never a construct in our arrangement." My voice had been reduced to an almost inaudible whisper, so I cleared my throat. "Friends with benefits, remember?"
Raffaele sighed. "Ah, sì. No feelings–"
"–and no emotions." I finished for him, seeing how he clenched his jaw, nodding slowly.
I ran my hands through my hair, nodding as well in an attempt to convince myself—to console whatever it was that was toiling within my heart. I closed my eyes, inhaling the cold air, and briefed the current situation with careful thought to remind myself that this relationship was never meant to be more than just two people hooking up.
Nothing more, nothing less.
And absolutely no love.
***
"Lex?" My mom called, and I acknowledged her with a glance over my shoulder. "Have you seen Fio?"
I snorted. "She clocked in about an hour ago. Told me she couldn't stand being here."
Mom pressed her lips into a thin line. "Well good for her. Because I would really like to take a warm bath and read my novel."
"But we have to pay put respects, non Mama?" I pouted, making fun of what she had told us all before attending the party.
Mom rolled her eyes, waving her hand at me dismissively. "Well I take it back." I laughed looking forward again.
Raffaele and Clementine were seated in the centre of us all, and just like the rest of the attendees, were anticipating whatever it was that Aunt Ines wanted to announce or toast to.
I smiled in good humor when I saw him, head bowed and bored out of his mind.
"Honey?"
"Yes?"
"I just want to tell you that I know." Not understanding, I looked at Mom again. The corners of her lips raised to a warm smile. "Fio told me."
I angled my head to the side, staring at her. "Told you... what exactly?" My voice cracked, and I cleared it.
There was a knowing glint in her eyes, and she nodded. "To be honest, I knew something was going on before she confirmed it."
"Going on?" I forced a laugh, and it came out hoarse. "Nothing's going on but this engagement party." I turned in my chair, eyeing her very carefully. "I'm not doing anything with Raffaele."
Mom smirked. "I never said that you were. But now that you've said it." I watched her wide-eyed with a slack jaw. "He who excuses himself, accuses himself."
"May Winters," I reprimanded through gritted teeth, only receiving a laugh from my mother in return. "This conversation is over."
Her laughter faded, and her expression softened. "My dear, if it's love you feel for that man, why do want to just... let him go?"
I held silent for a minute, not because I had nothing to say, but because what I had to say was something both she and myself did not want to hear.
I exhaled tremulously. "How... how did you know when you loved dad?"
Mom chuckled lightly. "It was not something I had to figure out, because before I knew it, my love for your father had already wend it's way into my heart." She explained with a shrug. "Because sometimes when we fall in love, unbeknownst to us, that love was in our hearts all along."
I held my head in my hands, the feeling I had felt in my chest earlier returning. This time, it was squeezing my lungs, my heart, everything, in the most painful way.
As though I was missing something—someone.
"You will know, Lexi." Mom whispered, and I finally found the courage to look up at her and smiled weakly. "If it is Raffaele, you will know."
"And let's say it is," I croaked in a low voice. I could feel the tears rising, and the feeling in my chest did not want to go away. It was relentless, making it difficult for me to breath. "What happens then? I cannot stop..." I was tripping over my words, and my tongue felt heavy in my mouth. "Mom, I can't... I cannot–"
"Lexi," Mom put forth, reaching for my hand over the table and clutching it tightly in hers. "There is nothing you cannot do. And if there is enough love to carry you forward, you will know your answer."
"Mom..."
"Now the question that poses, do you think you love him?"
I swallowed the thick lump in my throat, opening my mouth to answer her. But before I could, the loud chinking of glass echoed behind me. My mom gave my hand one final squeeze, and nudged her head forward so that I could turn around.
"Signore e signori," Aunt Ines chirped. She tapped a knife against a tall wine glass, trying to get the attention of the little people that were at the party. "Please, let us spare a moment for our couple."
She was wedged between Raffaele and Clementine, grinning widely. Her pink cheeks were puffed as the grin on her face only widened when everyone began to direct their attentions to her.
"Sì, we are all very happy for la mia piccola Clementina e il suo fidanzato, Raffaele." Ines set her glass on the table, hooking her arms in the arms of those declared beloved. "So what kind of engagement party would it be if they do not kiss?"
My head snapped back, and I blinked in total surprise.
Clementine nodded with much enthusiasm, and Raffaele continually stared at the ground. Aunt Ines stepped aside, letting them stand closer to one another.
It materialized in slow-motion:
Her palms cupping his face, hands ushering his head closer to hers, bodies drifting nearer. My eyes fell slowly, mild blink, and in that split second when they peeled back open, her mouth was pinned on his, brushing against his lips so lightly.
All sounds around me became muffled, the loud claps and cheers of Aunt Ines nothing more than mere noises that buzzed in my ears like crashing waves; that similar sound like when you pressed a seashell against your ear, and it filled your ears like water.
When I saw her kiss him, watched how she moved her lips against his, I felt that same, harrowing pull in my chest that tugged at my heart strings. I hadn't noticed, but my breathing had stopped, lashes fluttering as I gripped the table for support.
I don't think I anticipated just how much Clementine kissing Raffaele would have affected me. As they did so, with the whole world around me watching evidently how it all unfolded, reality hit me. And the force of the collision was brutal.
He was getting married.
For the very first time since I had ever met him—since we decided to indulge in this stupid summertime romance—I could feel as the heartbreak filled inside me.
It climbed up my spine, toiled from the deepest depths of my stomach and rose up my throat like bile. But nothing was worse, more painful than the uncomfortable feeling in my chest, which was incredibly suffocating.
I felt paralysed. Paralysed by the scene, paralysed by my heartache. Paralysed by what he had done to me. Whether it was intentional or not, he had rued my heart with these incomprehensible feelings and emotions, and I couldn't seem to control them anymore.
In the moment of their kiss, it dawned on me—Raffaele had become more than just a casual fling. And seeing how he could never be more than that, never be mine, absolutely damaged me inside.
I'd broken our promise—I got my heart involved.
Clementine finally streaked her lips away, smiling triumphanly. She scanned the area, eyes zeroing in on mine. She grinned, winking, before pecking Raffaele's lips again.
My breath caught in my throat when the next pair of eyes that met mine were his green ones. He ground his jaw, shaking his head at me in forlorn angst. His eyes, they looked hurt, apologetic—broken.
I looked away, forcing myself not to think about it, not to think about him. Mom was prattling in the distance, but for the life of me, I could not pay attention to anything that she was saying. Then, I thought about the ring from the castle, thinking about how it had told me he was my supposed soulmate.
That he was the one my heart truly desired.
Then I twisted his ring on my finger, my eyes welling, and I shook them away.
I hated this damn country, with its damning rings and damning Italian boys that brought onto me all these stupid feelings and unstoppable emotions.
It completely destroyed me inside because what I felt for him had escalated, turning into something more than just lust, more than just attraction. As much as I denied it, not wanting to admit it out loud, I couldn't escape the fact that Raffaele had begun to mean more to me than anyone else ever has.
And that, more than anything, broke me.