*Louis' Point of View*
Harry was back, after being gone for two months doing God knows what. I can't decide if I am happy or just seriously pissed at him. I want to tell him, Piss off or Go back to where you left us, but I can't. He is the -arry, to our Larry. We are the closest of the band members, best friends ever since X-Factor, inseparable. Right now, he is crying in my arms. His walls falling down, after trying to show that he is strong enough. I can feel the pain he is feeling, it is radiating off of him. I don't know what to say to him really, so I am just holding him.. trying to soothe him. He weak voice came through the sobs broken, "I. I.. I sa..saw them. I saw her arms this morning." He cried even harder.
I tensed a bit at his words, no wonder he was hurting this badly. Even though El thought she covered them up from us, she didn't. I remember the first day the bandages came off of her arms after the second time. I gasped looking at them, the deep and jagged cuts on her arms. They were running vertically up, in the middle where a vein was visible. I had asked her why and her answer was simple. "I wanted to die."
The hospital staff had to drag me out the room, as I was sobbing. I couldn't come to terms of why anyone would want to do that to themselves. One thing I noticed that the cuts she made to take her life was in the midst of healing cuts. I don't think we ever thought about taking the razors from the bathroom after the first time she tried. El has always been a good liar, you could never tell if she was telling the truth or if she was lying straight through her teeth. I asked her one time why she always closed her eyes when she was laughing or smiling, and she came up with some bullshit answer of that's just how she always laughed. I knew better and told her to tell the truth, sighing she whispered, "My eyes tell my true emotions."
I should have known better than to leave for tour after the first time. It was stupid of us to go, but we had to. Management was already down our back about Harry leaving, and us practically canceling everything. They told us that we were throwing our dream away for some stupid girl. I furious at that one, and told set the straight. I spoke up and took responsibility for my best friends girlfriend. I stood up for the band and her, something that Harry should have done. He should have stayed and told management, and not back in London.
Harry tightened his grip on my shirt as I guided him back into the cozy living room. I grabbed his shaking body and held him close, letting him get all the sadness out. Rubbing his back, I continuously told him to calm down and that everything woud be okay.
A couple hours later....
*El's point of view*
Harry and I slowly walked down the the street hand in hand towards the hospital for my daily checkup. It was a surprisingly warm November day, so we decided for a walk. Truthfully I wanted fresh air, and some alone time with Harry. My little cottage was full of people. The boys, Jean, Kelly, Aliv and Eli. I feel like they were all planning something, and I don't really want to know what's going on with that. As long as its not a wild party. I'm fine. "What's on your mind?" Harry asked me as he guided me through the people.
"Why do I feel like they are planning something and you are in on it again?" I asked sighing. Harry's chuckles filled my ears, mixing in with the sounds of seren life of the little town. I couldn't help but smile at Harry's laugh, it was intoxicating. I would never grow tired of hearing it, even if he would tell me dumb jokes and think they are funny. That is how much I love him.
"Well i honestly don't know what you are talking about. I think Jean is behind this one.. Hey! watch it kid. You almost ran us over!" Harry shouted to the rushing wind that past closely to my body. Listening to the wheels of the object, I could tell it was a skateboard by the sound it made on the pavement.
"Shut up gramps!" The kid yelled as he continue to skate, laughing with his friends. I remember those days when I was younger, I always wanted to skateboard with the older boys. But they told me I was too young and I shouldn't get
"Am I really that old?" Harry gasped.
"No Harold." I mocked him in a grandma voice.
"Not funny El. I think I'm sounding older than I actually am. And that's not fun anymore." I continued to laugh until I heard the distress in his voice.
The pain in my lunges made me take a deep breath before I choked out, "I'm sorry Harry. You are very young, and you will always be. Remember, you sand Forever Young." I tried to keep a straight face on, but I couldn't last long.. The cheeky smile formed on my face and I softly chuckled.
"OMG. IT'S THEM!" I heard a voice yell. I suddenly stopped walking as I heard more voices yell, scream, and cry. Oh my.
I squeezed Harry's hand to tell him to stop walking. I knew we were about to be mobbed. It wasn't my first time, but it was my first time not being able to walk properly or see. "El, it'll be okay. Luckily it's only five of them," Harry reassured me as he put his arms around me. Soon, I heard the feet stop and felt the presence of people in front of me.
"OMG I can't believe it's the actual Harry styles." I could tell that one of girls were bawling. Her short pants and the smell of salt tears streamed to the air. I couldn't help but smile, as this girl is probably meeting one of her idols. She probably had posters, CDs, and watched every single video diary. See a life of a directioner is hard, you barely get to see concerts, the boys will never know you exist, and wait your whole life for one of them to break up with a girl so you have the chance.
"Hi loves." Harry turned his charm. I smiled as I waved at what was probably air.
"Hi." They all sighed dreamily.
I heard Harry chuckle as he asked the simple question of, "How are you guys?" He always cared about his fans feelings no matter what he was feeling. I always noticed that, but I never asked him about it.
I"We're, we're okay." I could hear then try to keep their cool, but they were obviously failing. "How are you?" The one girl asked, I smiled at her politeness. It's something you do not get a lot of these days. No one wants to communicate by talking, but only through technology. No I'm the one sounding
"I'm fantastic." I could feel him smiling, as he squeezed me farther into his chest. "We are fantastic." He added as he kissed my forehead. I heard the girls sigh and awe at his affectionate gesture, which definitely made me blush.
"Would you guys like a picture or an autograph?" I probably could bet you that their smiles were huge.
"Yes! El can you be in the picture too?" The one girl asked. My smile faltered as I didn't know whether to be happy, or concerned to know where to look?
"It's okay. I think I'll sit this one out." I offered as I tried walking away a little to not be in the way.
"No El, be in the picture. We love your relationship. We totally ship you guys but we can't make a ship name. Which makes it perfect." I could feel the one girl take my hand into hers. I made sure my sunglasses were positioned on my face better.
And smiled to where one of the pedestrians who took the photo of all of us said, "Say cheese!" It was another couple minutes until Harry signed autographs, and we were on our way again. To say I was relieved was an understatement. I was glad we left an hour early before my appointment. "Well that was an experience," I breathed out laughing.
Harry chuckled with me a bit before adding, "You get kinda used to it. But it gets old after awhile." He told me kidding my forehead. We continued to walk towards the hospital until,
"Ummpf," I felt someone run into my leg. I could tell it was someone really small and what confirmed it was the little whimpers come out the persons mouth. "OMG, Harry what just happened," I gasped, i could feel my eyes moving as they widened with fear.
Harry's hand left mine before he crouched down to the ground "a little boy just ran into your leg. Are you okay buddy," I felt Harry pick up the little boy. "Looks like you have a little boo boo there. It's a good thing that I have a band-aid with me." I heard Haz tell him.
"I'm sowwy. Pwease don't be mad at me!" He cried, as Harry placed I'm into my arms. I held him still as I could feel Harry place the band aid on his knee. "Thank yew." Harry took him back out of my arms as we continued to walk and talk to the little boy as he was still apologizing for running into me.
"It's okay little one." I cooed, "What's your name?" I asked him, as he was still crying and not giving much information. Harry said he looked every where and didn't see a frantic mum or dad anywhere.
"My name is Beau!" He sniffled calming down from his tears.
"Hi beau, what are you doing out here alone?" Harry asked him.
"I heawd yew were outside. And I thought I might mwiss you." His toddler drawl was adorable as he talked. "Won Dwirection is all Miss Anwa listwens too. I thought if i fwound yew I could bwing yew too her, and she might let me sweep with teddy twonight." The second part of that whole sentence made my heart sink, no child should have to fall asleep without their teddy bear. Beau kept on rambling about where he lives and about all the older boys who were mean to him and how the Miss Anna was his caretaker and she doesn't allow eat more food or play with his toys. Harry talked back to the little boy as we continued our walk to the appointment.
*Doctor's appointment*
After a few minutes I could hear sirens and I knew we were at the hospital. Harry had mentioned earlier that Beau had fallen asleep, he was probably tired from crying. With the guiding hands of Harry we made it to the second floor of the building, where my treatment center was located. I could feel his hands shaking, but I didn't want say anything that would make him break down again.
Yes, I heard everything that happened. I'm not deaf, I'm blind and my hearing became a whole lot better. I heard his cries downstairs. I heard Lou trying to comfort him, when nothing was actually going to go right for us. I had this feeling that today was going to bring both bad and good news. But on the other hand, I knew tomorrow was going to be terrible.
"Earth to El," and a wave of air hit me as I was brought me out of my deep thoughts. Blushing I nodded at Harry, not really trusting my voice at the moment. "I signed you in and Cheryl said that they will be out for you soon." I only nodded again.
Soon enough, I felt a tiny weight crawl into my arms. I knew a half asleep Beau climbed into my arms for a cuddle. I pulled him close to my chest and felt around for his curly hair. "Mommy," His soft voice broke the silence, "I wuv yew." And suddenly I felt that motherly instinct take over my body. It was like a fire in my chest, and the fire will never burn out.
"I love you too baby, just sleep," I cooed as I continued to play in his curls. I knew Harry's eyes were probably filled with concern and confusion. He is proabaly thinking about how we can care for three young children with him touring and me being sick. It's a crazy thought, but I have nothing else to live for.. so why not?
"El." I heard my name called by the familiar voice of Nurse Annie. Nodding my head again, I handed Beau off to Harry. Wasn't the smartest idea because he clung to me tighter and started fussing.
"Don't weave me mommy! I'll be good, pweease." It broke my heart to hear him wail this over and over again. I finally got him off of me and into Harry's arms, who was now trying to sing to the crying boy.
I leaned over and Harry guided Beau's forehead to my lips. I kissed it, "Beau sweety. It's okay I will be right back and Daddy will take great care of you. After we will go grab your things and take you home, yeah? Wouldn't that be exciting to look forward too. Then you can meet you little sister and brother and play with your uncles and aunties." I told him as I played in his curls. Soon the hiccups were gone and I felt him nod. Harry kissed me one more time and Nurse Annie helped me through the long hallway.
"You have a handfull there." She joked as we reached the familiar room. "Are you sure you guys can handle him plus two others?"
Sighing, I slowly undressed into my custom made hospital gown. "Honestly, no. But I can't let him go back to that orphanage. I love him too much already. Like he is my own son, you saw the bond we had out there. I just can't let something like that go." Tears started to gather in my eyes, threatening to spill.
Annie gave me a reassuring hug, "It will be okay dear. You are talking very well today, if I might add. Are you having any trouble breathing today?" I shook my head to answer her question. It was the truth, I was feeling a lot better today. I don't know if it had something to do with the walk I just took, or jus the fact that Harry is back in my life. "Ready for some tests today?"
"No, not at all," The sarcasm heavy in my voice. I could feel her roll her eyes and I took my familiar seat in the wheelchair. She rolled me down to where I would be picked, prodded, x-rayed, etc. I never really looked foreward to doctors appointments.
*Harry's Point of View*
Right now I was sitting in the waiting room with a fussy Beau. Before we arrived at the hospital we took a little detour to the horrid place where Beau called home. We talked to the orphanage and they said the next few days can be a trial for him living with the us. So he can get used to it. We arranged to pick up his stuff after the appointment, but El didn't want him sitting at the orphanage thinking that we didn't want him. I agreed right away, I could tell that I was already very attached to this green eyed boy.
He reminded me a lot of me, truthfully. It makes me wonder if we will ever be able to conceive a baby, one that has my genes and no one else's. Now don't think I don't love these children like their my own, I do. I would give my life to them. I was nervous as hell, waiting for El. I knew she was having a private appointment, but i would go back soon. To talk to the doctors about treatments, medicines, anything to help her walk better with blindness, everything. We also had to talk about her limitations, her mental health, and I was scared to see what they had to say. They were basically determining whether she would end up in a rehab center or if she could move across the pond and live with me in London.
I love her, I truly do. With my whole heart and she doesn't even know it. She is afraid of me, and it breaks my heart. I want her to see her for the way she is. The way she smiles at the warmth of the sun, or the way she crinkles her nose when she is concentrating. It just makes her so much more beautiful. El's always been breathtakingly gorgeous. The earthy chocolate brown eyes, that used to pierce into my soul. Her unusual hair, the way it was curly one minute and wavy the next. It always smelled like strawberries, and it was so soft. Her voice sounds like bells chiming. She made everything feel so tranquil and relaxed. It had a certain jazzy feel when she sang, anyone could get lost in the emotion she was portraying through the vibrations of her throat.
"Mr. Styles, they are ready for you back there. Would you like me to take the little one with me?" I looked up to see El's personalized nurse talking to me. I nodded my head as I handed the sleeping boy over to her.
I kissed his forehead, gently whispering, "I'll be right back, baby." He subconsciously nodded his head putting his thumb in his mouth. He looked to cute to tell him to stop that habit. I took a shaky breath before I started my way down the hallway. Here we go.
I knocked at the door, and heard a muffled, "come in." So I opened the door to see El sitting on the hospital bed. She smiled, I guess she sensed it was me. "Hi Harry," she giggled as I took her in my arms giving her a tight hug. I never wanted to let her go.
"Hello love. Did you miss me?" I chuckled as I squeezed her tighter.
"Mmm, yes. I missed your hugs the most." She hummed again my chest.
"What did the doctors say?" I asked curiously.
She pulled away a little, as she tensed. "They said that I'm doing a lot better, but they don't think I have MS." I looked at her with confusion across my face. "I can't see your confused face Harry. But I'm confused too, and scared." She whispered the last part thinking I didn't hear her. I pulled her into my arms again for a quick cuddle.
I kissed her forehead, then her cheek and then her other one, and finally landing one on her lips. She smiled kissing me back. "It'll be okay, remember through sickness and in health. I'll be by your side through anything." I told her truthfully after pulling away. She just nuzzled into my chest, I knew she was saying thank you. This is how we used to communicate, just by silence. I rubbed her back as I could feel her sigh. I isn't allow myself to look down at her arms, I wasn't ready for it again.
A knock on the door, and feet came into the room, "Ah, Mr. Styles it's nice to see you again," Dr. Mann shook my hand before telling me to take a seat in the chair next to the bed. "So it looks like we have some things to discuss." His tone was hard to decipher, I couldn't tell what coming out of his mouth was going to be good or bad. I nodded my head looking at El, she looked like she was shaking. I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She relaxed a little more, but it didn't help that much.
"It looks like your previous doctors missed diagnosed you before you came into my care," he began as he looked at charts and x-rays. "It seems that Multiple Sclerosis isn't what you have." I didn't notice that I was holding my breath until I let it go. This had to be a good thing then. "But what you do have is a tumor growing on your brain. It is what caused your loss of eye sight, and causes MS like symptoms. It's operable, and we can remove it."
A tumor, they haven't found this before? She could be dying and they wouldn't even know it. "What we see it isn't cancerous, but we want to get it out as soon as possible. We are pretty sure that your sight will restore to it's full potential, and you will live a much happier life." He continued to ramble on and on talking about medical stuff. Before I knew what I was doing, I had El into my arms again. I felt her happy tears and her smile. It wasn't ms, it was curable, she was going to be able to see again.
I could feel my tears spill out of my eyes. This was some of the best news that we could have ever received. "But with all operations, this one is tricky. It could have dangerous affects on your brain, and other body parts. You could be out into a coma if we aren't careful." Those next words brought the happy atmosphere to a panicked one. I was full of worry, if she was operated on something could happen. She could go into a coma, an if she did she would be ripped away from me. What if I have to make the decision to pull the plug, or I would have to bury her. No Harry stop thinking these petty thoughts.
"If I were to be operated on, how much of a chance do I have of getting out of this surgery with no to minor damage?" El's shaky but confident voice boomed. I could feel that she was trying to be strong, but she was scared.
"It's a 60% that you will be fine and a 40% that something dangerous would happen. But with our team of specialists you will be under great hands. Top surgeons in the state." I wanted to believe him so much, but right now I couldn't wrap my head around anything. I looked over at El, you could tell she was thinking hard over this. Probably saying the pros over cons, but I knew she had her mind made up five minutes ago.
"I'll do it." She breathed out, a little confident.
I looked at her, "El, are you sure. You don't want to talk to the others and see what Liam or jean think?"
She shook her head, "I want to be healthy Harry, I want to be okay again. I want this." A single tear fell from her face, I wiped with my thumb.
"Okay, let's do this. When do you want to operate?" I asked Dr Mann.
"Tomorrow." My eyes widened in shock, so did El's.
"Tomorrow, that is so close." She gasped.
"We know, but we need to get it out before it causes to much damage. I'll call in the nurse to give you the papers on what precautions you will need for tonight and how to prepare your loved ones. You can get changed in the mean time." Dr Mann left the room. The room was silent as none of us wanted to talk. I helped her out her jeans on, and then her shirt, giving her little kisses on her face. After she was dressed I held her in my arms.
"I'm scared." The walls finally crashed down, she cried into my chest. I rubbed her back and played with her hair as I whispered sweet nothing in her ears to calm her down. The nurse came in and gave us a big talk about how to prepare and that El would have to take four pills in the next couple hours, that she cannot eat or drink after midnight. El groaned at that one, she always craved a small snack at two randomly.
After we were "coached" on how to tell the boys, Jean, Kelly, and the kids. It seemed to be happening to fast. I took the papers in my hand, and nurse told us we could leave and she said she will see us at 8 in the morning for prep. We both sighed as I took El's hand in mine and we walked back to the front where a now awake and confused looking Beau was staring at us.
"Hi buddy, did you have a nice nap?" I asked him softly. He nodded his head and walked up to us, he hugged El's leg asking for her to pick him up. She looked at me for help, and I picked him up and placed him in her arms. He laid his head on her shoulder, drifting back to sleep. "I'm going to call Liam and see if he is here." I told her. She only nodded as she rubbed Beaus back.
"Hello," Liam's voice came through the phone.
"Hey Li, are you here?"
"Yes, outside in jeans car.' He answered, I thanked him and put my hand on El's back. She jumped a little and then relaxed. We walked out in a comfortable silence as we reached the car.
*Liam's Point of View*
It was a very uncomfortable car ride. El looked dazed out of her mind while Harry liked stressed. You could tell by how his brows were creased. There was something on his mind and he was trying to keep it from leaving his mouth.
The little boy who was sitting in Aliv's car seat was singing the song on the radio softly. We are on our way home from the orphanage where the green eyes boy was living for two years. He barely had anything to call his own, except for the clothes on his body and a stuffed Teddy bear. I didn't ask questions to why they thought they could handle another kid on too of everything. I would wait until we arrived at the small cottage.
Looking back I noticed El's mouth moving slowly. I noticed how her breathing patterned Changed as she.. As she sang. I realized that her lips were moving with Melody as she played with her fingers. It's been awhile since she has even opened her mouth to sing a note. I didn't say anything though, I didn't want to ruin the moment.. I looked back over at Harry who now had a smile on his face as he listened to the sweet but jazzy voice coming out of his fiancé's mouth.
"You put your arms around me and I'm home."
***
Quick A/N:
I am sad to say that this is the second last chapter to TDTLF. I want to create my sequeal and in order to do this I have to end this. I'm sorry. I trully am. Sorry for such a late update, i've been busy with exams and I had a funeral on saturday. RIP Mrs. Kocher, you will be missed xx I hope you guys like this chapter. Always remember to vote and comment, I love all of you guys so much.
xxx
El