"I'm done" Aiden's hands shook as he clutched onto the back of one of Sebastian's living room chairs. Aiden was once small, some may even say weak. He was easy to push around, easy to use, and manipulate. Sometimes he thought he still was... But for the first time in his life, he was standing up for himself. He was voicing what he needed after an accidental confidence boost from Xander... If Xander could stand up to their mom and Micah he could ask for a little respect from his boyfriend.
"With?" Sebastian barely spared him a second glance as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone.
"I want to go back to how we were... At least for now... I'm not ready for that stuff" Aiden barely managed to force it out without stammering over his words. "I feel gross... And it hurts and you're supposed to care about me" Sebastian groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He turned off his phone and finally looked up at the younger boy.
"I've had a long day. I seriously don't have the patience for this" Sebastian deadpanned. He halfheartedly shoved his fluffy dark hair out of his eyes. "You asked for it. Remember? You told me it was okay. You can't just take it back because you're in a mood" Aiden's throat tightened. He had agreed out of fear that Sebastian would leave him... Did that really count? Sebastian said it did... So it might. He wasn't so sure.
"I'm not... I just don't want to do anything for a while... Can't we just go back to movies and kissing?" Aiden brought his gaze to the floor. All courage and the thrill of confrontation were gone. He felt small... Weak... Pathetic.
"Aiden" Sebastian sighed before pulling the younger boy toward him with a warm smile. "You should have just said something sooner... Those are the best parts of my day" He hummed before pressing what Aiden had once believed to be a loving kiss to his cheek. Aiden sighed in relief and melted into the older boy's embrace. Sebastian wasn't angry... It was okay. He was safe.
"I love you"
"I love you too, bub" Sebastian chuckled before pulling away. "I'll drive down to the store and pick up some ice cream, yeah?" Aiden let a small smile slip and nodded. It was okay. Things were back to normal... Sebastian was back to normal. He had no reason to dread seeing him anymore.
Sebastian didn't uphold his promise. He never planned to... He never did... He just wanted to shut Aiden up... He knew that now.
_________________________________________
"We need to talk" Tai announced as soon as Aiden pulled open the door to the boy's dorm. Aiden's eyebrows shot up in surprise. His eyes were baggy and he was physically exhausted. He was a little bit happier... Beau had started attending classes more often and if Aiden was lucky he managed to talk him into joining him for dinner or breakfast, but never lunch. Beau had stopped asking for things completely... Aiden wasn't sure how he felt about that. Instead of telling him where he stood with Beau, Beau had decided to eliminate any physical affection from their relationship as a whole.
Now, instead of staying up late with Beau, he was staying up late stressing out over everything. Sometimes he avoided sleep as a whole. He had woken up to panic attacks in the past and it wasn't fun to explain to Austin that he wasn't dying or just having a bad day... That somebody had just fucked him up and now he had to suffer the consequences.
"What about?" Aiden hummed before sitting down on the opposite end of Tai's bed.
"Beau..." Tai glanced down at the sheets of his bed, nervously twirling the tag on one of his pillowcases around his finger. "I know you like him" Aiden's face fell and he quickly lowered his gaze feeling somewhat guilty.
"It's... Complicated"
"No, it isn't" Tai sighed. "The other day... When we were with Jullian and Jayce... The way you reacted when you thought Beau could get hurt... I'm not your first choice, am I?"
"I like you... I'm dating you... Aren't I?" Aiden anxiously twisted the rubber bands he kept on his wrist, occasionally purposely cutting off his circulation.
"Aiden, I've been people's second choice my entire life... It would be nice if you didn't avoid my question" Tai sighed. Another wave of guilt washed over Aiden and he hesitantly bit down on his lip.
"I like Beau... But he doesn't like me back, not really. I like you and you like me and I'm happy with you..." Aiden sighed, still avoiding Tai's gaze.
"You don't like Beau, you love him"
"I don't-" Aiden paused as the pretty boy popped into his mind. A bright smile on his lips, his blue eyes squinted slightly and the light kisses from the sun dotting his cheeks in the form of freckles. How just the sound of his voice brightened up Aiden's day... How badly he craved his touch and every ounce of affection he could get. "Shit... I'm sorry" he whispered as he buried his hands in his hair.
"It's fine... It's not like I didn't already know" Tai mumbled. "I want you to be happy" He lightly nudged Aiden, forcing the boy to look back over at him. He was surprised to see that he was wearing a bright smile... Even when breaking up with Aiden.
"I feel like such an asshole" Aiden admitted with a groan.
"It's fine. It's not like this was ever going to go anywhere. You're too vanilla for me" Tai snorted. He stared at Tai in disbelief before a bright smile reached his lips, followed by laughter on both ends.
"I'm not vanilla" Aiden protested. Tai rolled his eyes.
"Are too" He laughed. If Aiden had learned anything about Tai, it was that he had a degrading kink along with a few others he refused to mention. Aiden had decided that like the time he had tried handcuffs with Olive it was an... Interesting experience, but not for him. Aiden rolled his eyes and jokingly shoved Tai away.
"I'm not" Aiden scoffed, although he couldn't suppress another laugh. He was just glad things weren't weird... He was glad Tai was still Tai and that they were still good friends. But his mind was more occupied by Beau and only three small yet powerful words circled his mind;
I love him
_________________________________________
"I didn't get to go to his funeral... But I heard from a few people in town that they listed me off as his friend. I hate that so much" Beau sighed. "And I can't talk about this with anyone else... Markos has tried listening and all but he doesn't get it... And I just feel guilty for talking to Aiden about it... I'm sorry for talking so much"
"Quit apologizing" Jullian rolled his eyes before glancing up from his notes and at the small blue-eyed boy sitting a few feet from him. Jullian had enjoyed talking to Beau... Although he couldn't always understand his thought process or views on the world, the two were from insanely similar backgrounds.
Both were from strict religious families, both had lost a loved one, lived in a closed-minded community, and felt the need to lessen themselves into what was expected of them. Jullian had known he had one similarity with Beau when they had played never have I ever. Beau had grown uncomfortable and disgusted with himself at the idea of having any desires toward others. Jullian had had similar issues for a while... Up until Sarah had proven that 'impurity' didn't make you a bad person.
They were two different outcomes of the same equation. They were two people that had spent so long living for someone else and being someone else to appease the people in their lives. And now that they finally had the freedom to be them, they didn't have a clue where to start. Jullian was just relieved that he wasn't trying to discover it alone anymore.
"Sorry- I mean... Okay?" Beau's cheeks flushed and he hesitantly looked back down at Jullian's notes he had been copying over from weeks worth of missed classes. Luckily, Beau had always been a good student so although it would be exhausting, it wouldn't be too hard to catch up. Jullian rolled his eyes when there was a knock at the door.
"It's open" Jullian called. He expected Jayce or Aiden or maybe even Markos looking for Jayce. But when the small, white-haired brat known as Austin Blake strutted in he was taken aback. Austin had been ignoring him on and off. He'd stop by when he wanted something only to disappear for days afterward. "Good to know you're still alive" Jullian scoffed. Austin's lips pressed into a thin line as he glanced over at Beau.
"What's he doing here?" Austin deadpanned. Jullian went to argue when a thought suddenly crossed his mind. Austin didn't like Beau, that much was clear. Why was a mystery to him, but Austin had about a million things to rant about when it came to Beau. Jullian wasn't sure if it was out of jealousy or annoyance, but Austin was pissed to find Beau in Jullian's room. And Jullian didn't mind using that to get back at him a little.
"What's it to you?" Jullian sighed instead.
"Nothing" Austin scoffed before closing the door behind him and taking a seat on Jullian's bed so he could peek over at whatever Jullian and Beau were working on. "It's been a while since we spoke, Beau. How are you feeling?" Jullian glanced over at Beau suddenly feeling a bit sorry. It was a trick question... Austin never asked those types of questions unless he was prying for a way to get inside your head and rip it to shreds. The only good thing that could come out of this was him confirming Jullian's theory. He was jealous.
"Um..." Beau's face paled slightly as he struggled for an answer. Growing up in a tight religious community, Beau likely had his fair share of condescending people and mind games. But Austin lacked most of the morals those people had. "Better, I guess"
"Really? You look a little pale" Austin hummed. Jullian sent him a warning glare and debated asking Beau to leave or if he'd head down to the cafeteria and get them something to drink. Maybe that way he'd have a moment to talk some sense into Austin.
"Yeah... I guess" Beau shrugged.
"I didn't expect to see you any time soon... I mean, if Aiden never shut up about you I probably would have thought you went home" Austin shrugged. That was a trap and there was no doubt in Jullian's mind that Beau would fall for it.
"He does?" Beau's voice was cautious and it was right to be. Jullian shook his head 'no' at Austin, silently begging him not to go through with whatever he had planned.
"Yeah... I mean, you've seen it yourself. He's just been so exhausted lately. Always having to keep up with you has really taken a toll on him... It's kind of depressing" Austin sighed. For a moment, Jullian almost believed Austin was sympathetic. That he genuinely cared for Aiden's well-being... But that was bullshit. Austin didn't care about anyone except himself. He had made that clear. "Personally, I don't see why he's still pining after someone so... Different from him but I guess we all fall for the people we can't have"
"Austin" Jullian warned. "Knock it off"
"No... It's fine" Beau mumbled. "I- I think I'm going to go check on him... Thanks for the help, Jullian" Beau gave him a quick yet heartbreaking smile before quickly collecting his things and rushing out.
"What the hell, Austin?" Jullian snapped the moment the door shut.
"What?" He scoffed. "I didn't do anything wrong" He sat up and narrowed his icy-blue eyes at Jullian. Jullian took a moment to look over Austin. He looked skinnier... His black cropped shirt showed off his lower chest and stomach as usual, but his skin hugged his ribs a little tighter. His hands shook at times and a layer of porcelain concealer couldn't hide the bags under his eyes. Austin's internal distress that constantly followed him around was breaking to the surface for the first time. And he blamed Jullian.
"Bullshit you didn't do anything wrong" Jullian scoffed. "Beau didn't do anything to you"
"I just don't like him. Okay?" Austin rolled his eyes before crossing his arms over his stomach. Usually, he'd cross them over his chest when he was frustrated. Jullian had memorized most of Austin's body language when he wasn't thinking things through. The motions he made when he was being irrational and didn't think through. The motions that showed Austin and not the perfect mask he had painted on to manipulate people. This motion was completely new and Jullian didn't have a clue what it meant.
"Are you jealous?" Jullian deadpanned.
"Ew, no" Austin wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I don't get jealous. Especially not over a prude like Beau"
"You know, for someone who can pick apart other people's emotions you're absolute shit at identifying your own" The brunette scoffed. "You're jealous, get over it"
"Just because you're into me doesn't mean I'm into you" Austin snapped, slowly losing what little patience he had left.
"Why would I be into a psychotic, manipulative, and condescending bitch like you?" Jullian spat. Austin smiled and stood up.
"I don't know and I don't care. But I'm going to give you the same advice you gave me" Austin roughly gripped Jullian's chin, pulling him closer until his lips were just hovering over his ear. If Jullian wasn't so angry he would have been turned on. "You like me, get over it" he hissed before pulling away and slamming the door behind him.
Beau hesitantly knocked on Aiden's door and was relieved when he answered in a matter of seconds. He seemed surprised to see Beau... Beau would have been too. He couldn't help admiring Aiden... Aiden was always good-looking. He was a bit taller than Beau with brown eyes that had the gentleness and beauty of a deer in spring, messy dark brown hair that had finally grown past his ears, and warm tawny skin. Beau had always found him to be attractive... But he rarely let himself admire him.
"Hey... I thought you were studying" Aiden's eyebrows creased together slightly.
"I guess I just... Missed you" Beau nervously admitted. He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced down at the floor feeling somewhat awkward and guilty. He knew Austin was just trying to stress him out... But that didn't keep him from believing what he had said. He was hurting Aiden by being so distant... And with Tai and Aiden broken up and him finally beginning to process Lukas with Jullian's help, maybe returning to their friendship wasn't a terrible idea.
"Come on in" Aiden hummed with a bright smile. Beau sighed in relief and quickly followed him over to the bed that Beau had spent hours talking to Aiden on. It felt so unfamiliar now... He took a seat close to the wall and rested his head against it.
"Austin interrupted so I think I'll just have to ask Jullian to help me tomorrow too" Beau admitted before meeting Aiden's gaze. "There's something going on between them... Right? I'm not just crazy?" Aiden chuckled and sat down beside Beau.
"No, you're right. Austin hasn't said anything about it but he's over there way too much for his grades to not be going up... It's toxic as hell if you ask me, but it's best not to say anything when it comes to Austin..." Aiden chuckled. He glanced over at Beau with a permanent smile on his face. "I'm really happy you're feeling better" he whispered.
"Me too" Beau mumbled. He hesitated before grabbing onto the sleeve of Aiden's hoodie like he used to whenever they'd lay together like this. Usually, he only did it when he was too afraid of being rejected... Too afraid to actually reach out and touch him. But today it was because he just wanted to be close to him without moving too fast...
Aiden smiled over at Beau before there was a light knock at the door making him groan. Beau knew who it was... He had stayed over with Aiden often enough to memorize whenever the nurses would stop by with his medication. The door opened and the two boys quickly sat up. A familiar young woman came in and handed Aiden a small paper cup no bigger than a couple of inches tall with a few pills inside.
"You know, I think I would do fine handling my own medication at this point" Aiden scoffed as he reached for his water. He took them without hesitation and went through the usual routine of making sure he actually swallowed them.
"Just following procedures" she shrugged before smiling over at Beau. "Hello, Martin... It's nice to see you out today" She politely hummed. Beau nodded and spared her a small smile. The nurses always referred to students by their last names since it was easier to keep track of them that way... "And Coldwater, you have mail" She added as she handed Aiden two letters before leaving.
Aiden hesitated as he flipped through them. Beau peeked over his shoulder at the return address curious as to who they were from. One was from his friend Edward Alberty and the other from a name Beau had only heard once from Sage; Sebastian Lauzon. Aiden's face paled and he quickly set them down on his bedstand.
"Aiden... Are you alright?" Beau hesitantly reached out to place a hand on the boy's shoulder only for him to wince.
"Please don't" Aiden mumbled. Beau pulled away quickly but that didn't stop the worried looks he gave him... Aiden had been so happy moments ago. And then he saw the letters... As far as he knew, Aiden had no issues with Edward. But he did know that he had dated Sebastian once upon a time... Was Sebastian the ex that he had run into a few months prior? The one that had made Aiden collapse in on himself? Had things ended badly between them? He silently prayed it wasn't.
"You can talk to me if you need anything..." Beau carefully offered.
"I don't want to talk about it..." Aiden snapped before he froze. "Sorry... I feel sick" he whispered. Throwing up had always been an instant response for Aiden when it came to Sebastian... The first time it happened the first thing he had done when Sebastian left was throw up... And then he cried a lot... And then he ran home to Xander... Just like Sebastian predicted. Now, just the thought of Sebastian triggered nausea.
He didn't want Beau to see him like this. He didn't want to see him as a victim... As someone weak who couldn't stand up for themselves. It was his fault... He should have just left. He should have just said no again and let Sebastian kick him out. He shouldn't have been stupid enough to fall for him in the first place. He shouldn't have let himself get manipulated and used like a god damn child.
"Shit..." Aiden whispered. "Fucking hell..."
"It'll be okay..." Beau attempted to soothe from a distance. He wanted to reach out and pull Aiden into his arms... To try and shield him from the hurt. But he didn't want to hurt him... He didn't want him to wince or to feel trapped. So he sat there and did his best to reach him through words... Words he never seemed to have.
"No... It won't. That's the thing... It doesn't stop. He doesn't stop. He's always there... He won't let me alone" Aiden rambled. His face was hidden by his hands that were buried into his hair. He sounded hurt... Broken... Beau had to assume he was talking about the writer of whichever letter had upset him... His money was on Sebastian but he knew it could just as easily be Edward.
"What happened...?" Beau hesitantly asked. Aiden froze and stayed silent for a few moments longer. Beau was almost certain Aiden wasn't going to respond... But he sat up glancing back at Beau with watering eyes that broke his heart.
"I..." Aiden paused and took a deep breath. "I want to tell you... But I need you to promise me you won't look at me... Differently... I- I don't want sympathy" he whispered the last part and Beau nodded without a moment's hesitation... He was just relieved that Aiden was willing to talk.
"Of course"
"I've never really... Said this out loud... So I don't even know where to start" Aiden breathed. "When I was fourteen I got my first boyfriend... His name was Sebastian and he was a few years older..." Aiden admitted. "At the time I thought he was... Well... Perfect... I was stupid and naive"
"Did he hurt you...?" Beau quietly asked.
"Yes? No? I don't know..." Aiden brought his hands back to his hair, nervously tugging at the ends of it. "It was so... Complicated. I was fourteen and living with my boyfriend... He had complete control over everything. I thought I needed him... I would do anything just for an ounce of his affection... I thought he loved me... And then-" he began to ramble. Aiden froze as he reached the next part. He didn't talk for a few moments... Beau hesitated and extended a hand to Aiden, hoping that maybe if Aiden got to initiate any physical touch then maybe he'd take it... Aiden always reacted best to physical affection. Aiden hesitated before intertwining their fingers, allowing Beau to run his thumb along his knuckles in soothing circles...
He took another shaky breath. "A-and then he started asking... For things... Things I didn't want..." Aiden whispered. Beau's heart shattered as a single tear rolled down the boy's cheek. "I- I was assaulted... A lot... At first... I agreed to it to keep him around... So that he wouldn't leave me... But eventually... I realized it hurt to be with him and I tried to leave... But he had- he has photos and he won't delete them... I don't want anyone to see them. They're sick and disgusting and vulnerable..." All sorrow was gone from Aiden's voice and replaced with anger. Anger he rightfully had.
"He has a wife now" Aiden snapped. "And a stepson... And it makes me sick just to think about the things he must have done to them..." Aiden froze once again before tightening his grip around Beau's hand. "He thinks it's fun to fuck up my life whenever he can... He likes to use the photos so that I still have to see him... So that he's never truly gone and I can't get away" Aiden's voice finally broke at the end. His cheeks were stained with tears and he was completely broken.
"Aiden... I... I'm so sorry" Beau whispered. His heart was shattered for the boy in front of him. He wanted to make things better... To fix them... To make it all go away and to make Aiden smile again. He was also angry... Angry that someone would ever do something so sick and twisted. Especially to someone as good and kind as Aiden... "Can I hug you?" Beau quietly asked.
Aiden hesitated before pulling Beau closer and allowing him to wrap his arms around his neck. He ran his hand up and down Aiden's back, filling his shaky and hot breath against his neck. Aiden's face was buried into Beau's neck and his eyes were shut tight to avoid any more tears... His arms were wrapped tightly around Beau as if he may disappear forever... He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. But eventually, Aiden's breathing mellowed out a bit, and his wet tears stopped hitting Beau's skin. Eventually, he was relaxed and safe... Even if it was only for a few moments.
"Thank you"
Question of the chapter: Favorite tv show?