003: silent language breeds fire
There was a brief moment where Joey could tell she was unconscious. Her eyes felt hot, mouth caked with sand. She thought perhaps she had drowned and she was in the purgatory. Maybe she had already descended to Hell. Either way, she tried to pry open her eyes that had been weaved shut by her sticky eyelashes. She wasn't sure if it was blood, until she realized it was just water and other remnants of the river. She was alive, unfortunately, and it took all her strength to roll over as her limbs screamed at her to stay still. Joey saw Billy stirring from the corner of her eyes. He was on his back, chest rising and falling as he seemed to be choking on something foreign. Like an invisible creature was laying atop his chest and cutting off his air as he tried to fight them off, closed lipped and eyes glued shut. Joey, her skin burning from the frying of the sun and her limbs aching from being thrown about in the water, army crawled toward her savior and attempted to push him over to make sure any water or other remnants he swallowed would fall out, as it seemed as though he couldn't do it himself. There was a brief moment where Joey was pushing, pushing, pushing, and she was about to presume he was dead ━ but she was able to roll him over on his side, and the water and seaweed that was in his mouth spilled out over to the sand. Joey sighed in relief and rolled on her back. "Holy shit, I thought you were dead," she breathed, partly out of relief and another because she had to make sure she was alive too.
Bill rubbed his eyes, dislodging any guck that remained and rolled over to look at Joey, who was still laying on her back trying to get herself back to normal. The sun was high in the sky at that point, Joey presumed it was about noon, and the heat pierced the backs of her eyelids. She heard Bill groaning from beside her. "What the fuck happened?" he grunted, shifting up to sit. Joey grasped the the sand beneath her hands in order to feel it again, to make sure she was actually present and alive, and not trapped in whatever post life, heaven like dream world she may have been stuck in. There was a moment when she felt a pebble go beneath her nail that she realized that perhaps she had just been passed out from not being able to swim, and from being thrown around in the rocky, rough waters of the river. It took all her will to push herself up to sit. Her clothes were soaking wet, which was a nice parallel to the deafening heat, but her skin had been blistered from exposure to the sun for multiple hours without protection, and it hurt to touch the sensitive skin. Bill noticed her pain, and as he pushed himself onto his feet, he reached forward to grab her hands. She pulled herself up and readjusted on the sand.
"I told you not to jump," he scolded, backpack soaking wet a few feet away from them. Joey narrowed her eyes. "If we didn't jump, we'd be dead. You should be thanking me, really," she breathed, trying to regain her composure before reaching for her own pack. She picked off the seaweed that littered over the top, as well as a few other remnants that had drifted from the ocean. Both of them smelt of the sea, and as if Joey couldn't already stand the smell of herself after these two months of no bathing, she definitely couldn't now. She reeked and nearly wanted to vomit just by the scent of herself. Her stomach growled feverishly, and she held a hand to her abdomen. "I'm starving," she complained, as Bill began to set off toward the city. He seemed to be trying to figure out where they were. "You ate all of those nuts before,"
"Yeah, and then I fucking threw them up,"
"Can you try and get through one fucking minute without fucking cursing?" he scolded, to which Joey scowled at his hypocrisy, but soldiered on not that far behind him. There were some dunes and rocks they had to climb over, and Joey felt her limbs growing weaker and weaker every time she lifted them up. She needed sleep, real sleep, and not being knocked out by a force of water. She was praying they were in San Jose, and that the quarantine zone wasn't too far from where they were ━ and she could rest her eyes for the time being. Bill sighed as the map was soaking wet, as it had been in his pocket, and the ink was beginning to run all over the pages. Joey pulled a lump of seaweed from her hair.
"We're in San Jose now. I guess your leap into the water saved us a few hours of walking," he breathed, crumbling up the map and throwing it to the ground. The city's streets were desolate, as most places were, but it still made goosebumps crawl all over Joey's arms. She felt vulnerable, even then, and even with Bill by her side. It was almost as though someone was going to jump out at them any second. He was still a few feet in front of her, seeming to be limping from the shot to his leg he got when they were on the bridge. Joey felt her heart soar, even though she wasn't sure why ━ but it was evident she was empathetic, despite popular belief. Or, just Bill.
"The map said it was in Downtown San Jose. We should be right around there now . . . c'mon," he waved her forward, and Joey studied his leg. "Should we stop and patch up? Maybe find some dry clothes?" she asked, and he shook his head. "I'll be fine, we'll be fine, we're almost there," he seemed to up his step a bit, and Joey noticed how the further they went into the city, the emptier it was. They had encounters with a few rotters, and had to scramble to find their knives in their bags before driving them through their skulls. It seemed empty of rotters, for a city, which gave Joey the slightest bit of hope that perhaps, maybe, the soldiers running this safe zone were able to take out a majority of the city. But, as they approached certain parts, Joey could see the charred remnants of a burnt building ━ some, if not all buildings, had been burnt down to crisp or nearly half the building had been ruined. "What happened here?" she asked, the familiar knotting in her stomach returning. Bill looked back and felt himself wavering at her expression. His mind flashed back to Ellie for a moment before he snapped out of it. Vulnerability got you killed.
"It's what has happened in every other city - government bombed all the major epicenters. LA. San Francisco. Now, San Jose ━ they thought maybe it would detonate the virus," he answered swiftly, avoiding eye contact with her. Joey didn't notice, nor care. Ever since they were back in Los Banos he had been acting like this. It gave her a bad taste in her mouth, but nearly everything he did did that. It was just a matter of keeping count. "Well that obviously didn't work," she teased, trying to diffuse the tension, but Bill didn't let the pressure rise off of his shoulders. They were heading toward Downtown, and yet they hadn't seen a single sign or person. Joey was beginning to grow nervous.
"I guess they want to be . . . undercover?" she suggested, and glanced around the empty streets. Nothing. You could even hear a pin drop ━ not even the window rustled the trees. "Yeah, I thought we'd see someone by now . . ." he mumbled, hand ghosting over his gun. By the time they had reached the designated safe zone, the tents weren't intact. Big gates that surrounded the area were toppled down. Joey felt her heart sink. "No . . . no . . ." she murmured, ignoring the tightness in her legs and running towards the broken gate, limping. Bill sighed heavily, not even wanting to advance, and watched as she struggled to make her way over there. She scrambled into the tent and took down the few walkers that were in there, though it was apparent most of the soldiers that were in there had taken their own lives before they could turn. Joey fell to her knees and scrambled to search the corpses that littered the ground.
"What are you doing?" Bill narrowed his eyes, pulling at her shoulder. "This is over, Jo, we gotta leave,"
She shook her head, and tried to flip the bodies around and search them for more things. No luck. "Jo ━"
"No! We can't leave, maybe they left something - to tell us where to go, where the next place ━" her breathing started to grow erratic, and Bill tried to pry her off of the bodies. She felt as though she had been stabbed repeatedly in the side, and she began to cry. She didn't even notice until the tears began to scatter on the soldiers dead faces. "There's nothing here for us, we need to leave," Bill began to grow emotional too, just by the sight of her. Two people who had lost everything, lost more. Neither could bear the feeling, but it was one they had to endure. Joey wasn't ready to revel in the idea of being the only ones left ━ it only made her more angry than sad. She continued to fight against Bill's grasp until she was left to crumble into her own, hands placed over her face. She cried, but not for long until Bill pulled her up off the ground. "Let's search around, look for what we can scavenge," he ordered, and she looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Can you give me one second to breathe?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose in stress. "We don't have a second. You don't know how far those men are from here. You don't know if there is a herd coming this way. This whole place is filled with things we need, we can't linger," he pulled at her arm, and she looked back at the soldiers on the ground. Silence throughout the city should've been a red flag already. Now, they were off their path ━ it was her fault. Everything was her fault. Her breath was still ragged, but she followed Bill into the other tents. There were a few rotters they needed to take out, and Joey felt herself beginning to grow more and more tired. They stuffed food and first aid supplies into bags that they found on other people, or ones littered across the wet ground. They had found dry clothes nearby that they changed into. Bill agreed to move into the other tent until she was changed.
Joey held the baby pink shirt in her hands, running her fingers over the fabric. It was clean, too clean, and she felt as though she was stealing from someone despite the fact that this woman was probably dead. No, she was definitely dead. The clothes were nearly a size too big, and the t ━ shirt sleeves reached her elbows. The cargo pants were warm from sitting in the sun, and had a bottle of Advil and a few hair ties within it's pockets. Joey shoved it in her bag and tied her hair back in a braid before beckoning Bill to come back in. He had changed into a black shirt with a pair of army pants. Joey felt her heart ting ━ they took those clothes without hesitation. They didn't even know the people they took them from ━ they could've been one of the rotters they killed without thinking. She swallowed thickly and slung her bag over her shoulder ━ she didn't even look at him.
"Cut it the fuck out with the silent treatment," he pushed her shoulder lightly, but Joey didn't answer. She tried to brush out her wet locks with her fingers as they couldn't find a brush anywhere. He groaned and kicked a nearby, empty water bottle. "Why do you act like such a child?"
Joey furrowed her brows and turned around quickly. "Because I am a fucking child? I'm fifteen years old you asshole," she backed up, shaking her head and trying to put some distance between the pair of them. They entered one of the last tents in the area to search for supplies. Joey saw a teddy bear sitting atop an empty cot. Her heart soared, and she felt guilty, as if she were the one to pull the trigger. It seemed to have some dirt on it, and some blood on its eyes. She ran her thumb over the black beads and saw her reflection. She sighed heavily. "Hey, what did we say?" Bill pressured, tugging on her sleeve. She sighed and looked at him with hardened eyes. "Don't take what we don't need,"
"Do you need a teddy bear?"
Yes, yes she did. She needed some more comfort that she wasn't receiving from a broken father who had nothing left. Joey needed someone, but she didn't have anyone. Bill wasn't her father, nowhere near it. She was a nuisance to him. He may not have said it directly to her, but it felt that way. She felt like he didn't even care if she lived or died, if anything it might be a bit of a relief if she just offed herself. Less cargo.
She threw the bear down back on the cot, looking at him before pushing forward. Bill looked between her and the stuffed animal before picking it up and sticking it in his backpack.
"So I was thinking we head towards the water. Maybe we can settle at a house near the beach, or find a boat or something,"
"And go where?" Joey asked, still avoiding eye contact with him. He shrugged. "I don't know. Being out in the water would be best ━ no rotters, infinite amount of food . . ."
Joey scowled, and itched the back of her neck. "What, so we just live on a boat for the rest of our lives?" she inquired, playing with the bottom of her shirt. He sighed. "I don't know, Joey, that's the whole fucking point of this thing ━ I don't know what to do at this point. It's been two fucking months but it seems like its been two years," he groaned, sitting down on the curb. Grass and moss were starting to gross between the cracks of the pavement. Joey put her hands on her hips. "There's gotta be other good people out there. I mean, there has to," she pleaded, looking up at the sky. There wasn't a single cloud in the vast sea of blue. It made her sick to think that the earth could still be so beautiful despite the world being crumbling to pieces. A few tears sparked her eyes just to think about it ━ also about the possibility about being alone out in the ocean, in the world, for the rest of her life made her want to throw up anything she had left swimming in her stomach.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do about that?" he sighed, and Joey furrowed her brows. "Uhm . . . I don't know, maybe don't run away to the sea? Do you even know how to fish? Or run a boat?"
"I have a hunch,"
"We can't afford to go on your hunch, asshole,"
Bill stood up in a fury and frantically itched his head. "I'm sorry, do you have somewhere else that would be better? Any recommendations instead of just standing there and judging me?" Bill yelled, and she shushed him in fear of attracting other rotters. "I heard one of the guys talking about Colorado. Denver, or something,"
"Denver? Are you kidding? That is a real funny joke," he laughed, and she furrowed brows. "That is a fake laugh," Joey murmured, crossing her arms over her chest. He hunched over with an arm over his stomach. "It's real!" he called out, and she shook her head. "Totally fake,"
"This is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh I've ever had in my life! Colorado? Are you fucking kidding?" he threw his hands up, staring at the city and its fallen borders. Joey tried to avoid his eyes. "It's a shot! It's a chance, okay. Instead of ━ retreating to the fucking ocean, encountering one storm and we're dead. We're not supposed to be on the water, this is fucking ridiculous . . . stop laughing!" she took a rock off the ground and threw it at his head. He dodged at the last minute, his laugh drowning. "Did you just throw a rock at my head?" his face looked as though someone had murdered a loved one in front of him. Joey nearly wanted to laugh at the expression. "If it would make you stop laughing like the fucking Joker,"
He poked the side of his mouth and shook his head. "We can't go to to Colorado,"
"Why not?" sweat beaded on her forehead from the restless sun. She was growing tired by just standing there and arguing with him, and she hadn't even moved a muscle. A few ragged sighs left her lips. "Because it's nearly halfway across the country? It isn't just down the street, Joey, and we don't even know for sure if there is anyone or anything there," he reprimanded, but Joey prevailed, and tried to find another solution. "We don't know if there is anyone anywhere, at all. I think this is a more realistic plan then hunkering down on a boat that ━ mind you ━ you don't even know how to handle. I think this is the best option," her hands were still on her hips. She began to grasp the shirt in her fist until her knuckles turned white. Bill stared up at the sky with inquisition ━ he wasn't quite sure what he wanted to do, and Joey could notice that. But she didn't like being doubted, and the fact that he was hardly acting like he was contemplating it made her angry.
They stood in silence for nearly two minutes. The sounds of the birds chirping and the wind rustling against the tree contrasted the deafening silence. Joey could hear Bill's shoe tapping on the gravel. "Fine,"
Joey's eyes widened. "What?"
"Don't make me say it again," he pleaded, still looking up at the sky and the molted buildings. She grinned. "No, I want to hear you say that I'm right," she pushed his shoulder, and he grunted before turning away. They needed to find a place to settle down for the night. "Say it!"
"No,"
"Say. It."
"Fine, asshole, you were right," he muttered, as they tried to get out of the city. There were a few more rotters that they needed to take out in order to escape the quarantine gates and other military restrictions that were still up from when the city was in lockdown. Joey tried to swallow the idea of the government bombing the cities and killing innocent people, but it didn't surprise her. If anything, it was something she expected. They didn't care about them. She wondered if there was some sort of bunker where the higher positions in government were hiding out. Where the Queen or the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom were hiding. Or were they the first to go? She was able to amuse herself with the thought of the Queen combatting rotters.
They walked further away from the city until they were back at San Joaquin. They trailed along the river for a while, hoping to find a hidden area behind the rocks or somewhere desolate to settle down for the night. Being along the water meant they could try and catch fish for dinner ━ although, Joey was pretty sure she would have to teach Bill instead of vice versa. She remembered going fishing with her grandfather ━ and the charter boat they went on for his 70th birthday. Watching the man who was helping them spear the tuna from off the boat. Her eyebrows furrowed and she felt herself growing more emotional ━ but she tried to hide it by wiping her face with her shirt.
"Here, put your stuff here," there was an area of marsh grass they leveled above their heads when they sat down. Joey scrunched up her face at the mosquitoes that bit and pinched at her flesh left and right. "We can't sleep here, look at all the bugs," she complained, but Bill pulled her up. "We're not sleeping here, we're just going to catch some food, alright?"
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" she questioned, as they made their way toward the water. "Dunno. We can figure it out, no?" they spotted a tent across the water. Someone must have thought it would be smart to set up camp here. Joey didn't blame them. It wasn't close to the city, and there was plenty of trout in the water. But it hurt her heart to see the hands beating against the nylon of the tent as the rotter tried to get out. She pointed at the tent and Bill followed her hand. "They could have supplies. Maybe some rods," she mentioned, and Bill stopped her before she could step in the water. "Here, let me do it. You got your clothes wet before. I'll do it," she didn't even have time to protest before he waded across the water. It made her boil inside ━ she didn't need help. She could take care of herself. Even though she knew Bill was just trying to be nice, it made her angry for some reason. But most things made her angry regardless.
When he got back, he had taken some canned food from the tent as well as a knife and a single fishing rod. He knew they'd be able to ditch it as soon as they were done, but it would serve them for the time being.
He tried to cast the rod across the water, but Joey placed a hand on his upper arm. "What're you doing?"
He looked between her and the rod. "Uh . . . fishing?" he raised an eyebrow, and Joey released a hefty sigh. "Without any bait?" her head tilted to the side, mockingly. Bill flared his nostrils, and Joey was weary to step back before anything got too aggressive. "Oh yeah. Oops," he lowered his head, a faint blush of embarrassment creeping onto his cheeks. "You didn't look for bait in there?"
"Well I uh, you know, was preoccupied with killing the three rotters in there? So no, Joey, I didn't look for any bait,"
"You know that's like, common fucking sense right," she kept her eyes on him as he tried to avoid her stare. "Can you shut the fuck up and look for some worms or something?"
Joey let a teasing smile rest on her face as she dug up some of the soil and found worms to pierce the hook. It took them about a half an hour to reel in two trout, and wrapped them up in a shirt to conserve it for other days. The sun was about to go down, and they were walking alongside the river once more to find proper shelter. Joey's stomach was growling so loud she mistook it for rotters murmuring in their wake. Her vision began to spot again, and they had finally found a comfortable place among the trees to rest. Once they had set up a string and a few noisy items around the trees to alert them if there were any incoming rotters, Bill began to try and start a fire, and asked Joey to go and gather some wood from the trees.
The woods were silent as the moon was rising and the sky turned from a mirage of colors to a jet black. The stars still aligned in their axis, and it was a reminder to Joey that the world still turned and went on despite their dilemma. The earth could take a breath from the lack of humans that were there to ruin it further. So, inherently, she felt a bit of hope ━ but it was dwindled when she heard another rotter, one that was high up in the tree. It was on a hunting stand, and she watched as it was trapped up there, skin sticking to the tree and peeling off as it maneuvered around. She stared up at it in disgust, and swallowed her dry throat. Returning to camp, Bill was feasting on a can of corn, and Joey watched him in envy. "Gimme some," she reached for it, but he pulled it away. "Hey! You've got your fish," he grabbed the fish wrapped in the shirt and threw it at her. She nearly threw up when she unwrapped it and got a whiff of the seafood, but took her knife and attempted to gut it. She had only seen her grandfather do it once, and she tried to recollect it, but was getting angry with herself, especially when she'd slip and knick her fingers or the juice from the fish would irritate her callouses. Bill just watched her intently until she warmed up by the fire and began to eat it. It wasn't her favorite, but no one could have favorites anymore, and she savored it despite the fact. Food was food, and her taste buds didn't even register the taste before she consumed the whole thing. Her and Bill shared some water.
"You should get some sleep," he urged, laying down and putting a hand behind his head. Joey scowled. "I'm not tired," she wished she had something to latch onto. Bill, evidently, wasn't an option. Everything reminded him of his daughter.
"Oh, forgot to tell you," He sat up quickly and pulled the teddy bear from the safe zone and threw it to her. It landed in her lap and she stared at him, confused. "Thought this took up too much room?"
He shrugged, laying back down. "You make room."
authors note: sooooo yeah. im writing this story like crazy bc i CANNOT wait to write for the canon seasons. so i'm trying to get all of these pre-season chapters in asap LMAO. sorry these chapters have been kind of boring? i hope to get some good parts in... also the dynamic between bill and joey??? thoughts??? sooooo yeah love you guys <3 leave any comments!!!!