"The one who falls and gets up, is so much stronger than one who never fell." -La La Anthony
Harry Styles. That goddamn name has haunted my head all fucking night. Every single thing I said, did, thought it all came back to him. Why? It's like he put a chip in my brain to make him and only him infiltrate my every thought. It's fucking annoying.
This morning while I was making my morning coffee in my Keurig, I looked at the steaming brown coffee and thought of how steaming hot he is in his brown hair. Even looking down at the tiny tattoos that littered my hands reminded me of him.
I haven't known this man for more than 48 hours and I can't get him out of my brain. It might be because he's one of the most interesting people I've ever laid my eyes on. And I've seen some pretty interesting people.
Something about him though just makes me so drawn to him. He has this commanding aura that tells you to beware and don't stand too close. But if you really squint, you can notice it's not actually who he is.
He got me thinking yesterday when the closest thing to a smile I'll probably ever get from him was his mouth wide open at my driving skills. He was in awe when I know damn well he would have done the same exact thing.
I don't know if it's because he's a sexus and is surprised that a girl can drive like that, but it was interesting to see. The persona he puts up isn't as strong as he makes it seem.
Well, maybe just to me. I know what it looks like to try and act like a tough guy but actually be crumbling down inside. I've been through it. Not as prominent as Harry's but, something similar to it.
I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it. I get that from Nat. Natalie is in school to become a psychologist and one night I was helping her study for a big exam. The exam was on behavior analysis. Studying the ways a human reacts to pressure.
Natalie is fucking amazing at it. She can spot a guilty man or a liar from a mile away. I'm never able to keep her birthday presents from her because she always tells me I'm hiding something and I always wind up telling her to avoid an argument.
I think she's also good at it because of how she grew up. Natalie hopped from foster home to foster home ever since she could remember. She was given up for adoption as a baby and doesn't remember a single thing about her family.
She lived on the streets a lot, learning how to read people was her source of entertainment. That's how I met her actually. Hanging with one of my ex gang banger boyfriends in the alleyway she used to stay in. She told me I was a manipulative bitch and that I deserve better than the man I was currently with.
I cracked my knuckles and got ready to attack her until she apologized and said she only meant the better man part. That's where our friendship was born. I helped her get into college with some of my scholarships and was able to get her into the same school as me.
I guess you could say she owes me her life now. Without me, as she puts it, she'd be ten feet under and living her best life. I don't know if that's supposed to be nice or mean but I took it as a compliment.
Natalie and I were summoned to Alea tonight. Ya know, I wonder what Alea stands for. It's definitely an odd casino name. Natalie and I got there at our scheduled time in ripped jeans and crop tops. Ya know if she wasn't gonna dress nice, I wasn't going to either.
Standing in the velvet ropes were the usual line of people dying to get into the casino. It took all of me to now stick my middle fingers up and yell "see ya later suckers" when Zayn opened the front doors for us. I'm way too sassy for my own good.
The atmosphere of the casino was a bit different since the last night we were here. The lights were a dimmed red, and there was music blasting through the speakers. The casino was definitely way more packed tonight too.
Zayn opened the door of doom for us, smiling as we walked in front of him. Zayn was a nice guy, I think. We walked down the creaky stairs, fastening our pace the farther we got down.
Once we reached the floor, it was literally hell. The room had dark red lights like the upstairs. There was a small jukebox in the corner of the room, playing sinister classical music. Felt like I was walking into my own death for the millionth time coming into this place.
The big roundtable was still in the middle and there was smoke swirling around in the air. Sat around the table was the usual crew of hotties. Niall, Ryleigh, and Liam occupied one side of the table. While Louis and two empty seats occupied the other.
Zayn sat down in the closet's empty seat beside Louis, patting him on the shoulder and unbuttoning his suit jacket. Natalie looked around the room curiously, narrowing her eyes at small aspects of the room that I guess were different.
I haven't been in this room enough to notice any small changes. But I did notice the light change, that was very noticeable. I looked up at the light's, how they were red instead of white. I mean, it looked really bad ass. But this just made me even more uneasy being here.
"Boo." A deep raspy voice whispered beside my ear, making me flinch and nearly elbow the voice in the gut.
I stumbled forward, making myself nearly fall so I didn't hurt the person.
Of fucking course it was Harry. I should have hit him in the gut, see what he would have done.
"Hey Harry." Natalie turned her head, staying in the exact same position she was in prior to Harry being a total dick.
"Hello Natalie. Lovely day innit?" Harry patted Natalie on the shoulder and shot me a quick side eye.
"Yes it is. Nice summer day." Natalie responded, nodding her head with a grin on her face.
Harry walked past her and purposely bumped into me while sitting down in the seat beside Louis. I held back my rude and snarky remarks, not ready to be beaten to death just yet. Although I am reaching my peak of annoyance with him and Ryleigh.
So, instead. I recoiled against the wall, biting my tongue. Harry looked over to me, noticing how much restraint I'm showing. A smirk grew on his face, like he was fucking proud of himself.
I'm gonna purposely get in his pants just so I can cut his dick off.
Harry shook his head like he was listening to my thoughts. Wait, was there an actual chip in my brain? I honestly wouldn't be surprised. I have no idea what this man is capable of, and honestly don't want to know.
"I need someone to stay here with Natalie and dopey to watch the club." Harry looked around the table at everyone's faces.
All their heads were hung like kids who were just caught doing something they weren't supposed to. Harry rolled his eyes.
"I'll stay. I'm not in the mood today." Louis spoke up, lifting his head to look between me and Natalie.
"Perfect. Good luck Louis, clutsy's a tough one." Harry winked.
He was in an awfully good mood today. Maybe he's high or something. The rest of them jumped out of their seats and headed up the stairs, while Louis sat with his head down. Harry patted him on the back and whispered something to him before following the crowd up the stairs.
The door shut and we sat in the empty room for a bit, watching Louis who was watching us. He eventually rolled his eyes and got up.
"Natalie, you watch the games. I'll show Kennedy around." Louis stood up and faced me, who was standing a little behind him.
"On it." Natalie nodded and scurried up the stairs in a hurry. I wish I could do that, this was awkward.
Louis began to flatten out his suit. It was tight around his skinny body, tailored to fit him perfectly. His hair was sat on his head naturally, no gel of special hair products. It was short to begin with so I can imagine why there wasn't any.
Louis took a deep breath and locked his eyes with mine. His baby blue eyes, sinking deep into my pupils.
"You don't have to be scared of me. I'm not Harry." Louis gestured to my hand which was gripping my thigh for safety.
"Oh I-"
"You don't have to follow his bloody rules with me either. Just don't be stupid and we're fine." Louis buttoned his sleeves at his wrist, spinning the few rings on his fingers to look perfect.
"You're all just, I don't know." I bit my lip and looked down at my shoes pathetically. I didn't want to just flat out admit I was intimidated.
"Intimidating? Yea, I know." Louis cleared his throat. I guess my body language was that easy to read.
"Exactly." I slowly brought my head back up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Louis nodded.
"Well, then let's not be intimidating to each other. I'm Louis Tomlinson." Louis held his hand out for me to shake.
I took it and held it in my hand before shaking it gently. His hands were small and soft.
"Kennedy Monroe." I smiled at him, feeling a bit more relaxed with the proper introduction.
"Nice to meet you Kennedy. Well, today I'll be showing you how we manage this place. Seems like this will be one of your silly errands." Louis gestured towards the door, letting me go ahead of him.
"Sounds good." I turned around to speak while walking up the stairs. My nerves were way calmer now.
I opened the door for us, letting Louis out in front of me and slamming it shut behind us. Louis locked it before I could even turn around. He pressed his body against the door and grinned.
"Now, a few things to know about this place." Louis threw his arm around my shoulders and began to walk.
The place was extremely loud with people's victory screams or sore loser cries. The music had gotten louder and more people were getting let into the place.
"This place has been around since our grandfathers. Generations have owned this place." Louis looked around at the establishment like a proud father.
"Wow." I mumbled.
"Harry's grandfather came up with the initial idea, making his bloodline the one in charge. In real time, his father is the big man." Louis kept a slow walk towards the front entrance.
"I can ask questions right?" I needed to make sure I wasn't going to suffer any consequences.
Louis nodded.
"Is that why you all kind of follow Harry's orders?" I chewed on my lip, afraid of how angry Louis could get from my curiosity.
"Pretty much. His dad gave him authority." Louis shrugged, stopping in front of the front doors and looking over to me.
I looked back to him, watching his eyes light up as he pushed the doors open and walked out in front of the group of people waiting outside. I followed close behind him like a scared puppy.
"Another thing, let loose here. This isn't a place to be afraid of, embrace it's craziness." Louis whispered into my ear before facing the big crowd of locals who were begging to get in.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to Alea! Your time here will be very well spent. Enjoy!" Louis threw his arms in the air as the velvet ropes on either side were released by the usual security guards who patrol the entrance of the casino. Everyone started to run in the direction of the front door.
I stumbled towards Louis, nearly falling into his arms by how eager these people were to get into the casino.
"Don't tell Harry. He likes to make people wait out here. Makes him feel superior over people." Louis chuckled, and took my hand to lead us back into the casino. He pushed his way through the crowd, eventually getting us back in.
"Wasn't planning on it." I panted out, overheated from the amount of sweaty bodies we had to push through.
Louis threw his arm around my shoulders again, and walked up over to Natalie. Natalie was slowly walking around the big tables under the dim lights, making sure no one was cheating or stealing. Louis got her attention by clearing his throat.
"Oh! Hey!" Natalie smiled and walked over to us, completely abandoning the game she was intensely watching.
"I have to go talk to some people, keep her company? Show her a thing or two?" Louis winked.
"Will do." Natalie nodded.
Louis pressed his hands together in a praying motion and walked away into the new sea of people. How come he winked? Not the time for questions. Natalie took my hand and brought us back over to the game she was watching.
It was a large table of men playing an intense game of poker. They were all old with expensive silver suits and black fedoras hiding their faces. They had pipes in their mouths, puffing smoke out like it wasn't illegal. Well, I guess here it is legal since everyone was smoking everything from a joint to cigars.
"These are some of our regulars. I love to watch them play." Natalie narrowed her eyes at the dealer's card set.
There was a big W on the top of every card. I wonder if that was a custom card deck.
"Who are they?" I whispered into her ear. Natalie chuckled.
"Powerful men." Natalie nodded slowly.
Powerful men? That wasn't exactly an answer to my question. I guess this is a part of the information that will come with time. But how much longer will I have to wait? I don't see myself being with these guys in the long run.
Natalie led us over to an empty table, leaning on it and clearing her throat. The dealer that was shuffling cards looked up with an annoyed expression, but quickly turned frightened when he noticed it was Natalie.
"Ms. Levine. How can I help you?" The dealer was a thin man. He looked very scared of Natalie.
Ms. Levine? I've never heard anyone call her by her last name.
"Marcus, this is Kennedy. Kennedy, this is Marcus. Our newest dealer. Something happened to our old one because of one of the regulars, but we hired a new and better one." Natalie kept a huge smile on her face, glancing towards Marcus and back to me.
"Nice to meet you." I held my hand out for Marcus to shake.
Marcus shook his head and looked down to his deck of cards.
"G-germaphobe. N-nice t-to meet y-you M-ms. Kennedy." Marcus stuttered.
How can a germaphobe be a dealer? They touch the same deck of cards over and over again without washing them.
Natalie rolled her eyes and pulled me along. She brought me back to the game with the regulars. They were still playing with the same cards. I don't think any of them even made a move yet.
"I can take her." A faint british voice spoke from behind us, making me flinch again and actually elbow this one in the gut.
I turned around at the man who I just elbowed, and watched Louis hold his stomach and step back.
"I am so sorry! It's instinct." I ran over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder to try and offer him some sort of support.
"I noticed how you stopped yourself for Harry's sake. I wanted to see if you'd stop yourself for me, and you didn't." Louis stood up straight, clearing his throat and directing his eyes to mine again.
"You noticed?" I gulped.
"Of course I did. I used to teach self defense classes to kids before I started helping my father. I know what it looks like to be trained. I just don't know why you held back from Harry. It surely wasn't because you're scared of him, that makes you want to protect yourself more." Louis narrowed his eyes on mine, trying to read my confused expression.
"I didn't want to face his consequences." I took a quivering breath, backing away from him slightly.
"Something to know about Harry is he would never touch a woman. He has the utmost respect for them. He might seem scary and make threats but he won't ever hurt you. Oh, don't tell him I told you that either. He'd kill me without thinking twice." Louis grinned.
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry for elbowing you." I gestured to the elbow indent in his use to be pin straight suit jacket.
"It's alright. I was prepared for it." Louis chuckled, looking over to the regulars table and approaching them.
Louis placed his hands on one of the man's shoulders, squeezing it and chuckling.
"Hello boys!" Louis looked around at the table who were all staring at him with angry expressions.
"Can we help you Louis? As you can see we were in a game." The man Louis has his hands on gestured to the table.
"Just wanted to check on my favorite customers." Louis winked and looked around the table again.
"Let us play in peace son, your goons have sucked us dry." One of the men groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on, you knew it was coming lads." Louis lowered his face closer to them, like he was going to tell them a secret.
"We already lost our home no thanks to you, leave us alone Tomlinson." The same man slammed his hands on the table.
"Alright, alright. Enjoy playing lads." Louis chuckled, walking back to us and sticking his hands in his suit pockets.
The rest of the night was pretty fun. Louis showed me how to patrol the place but have fun while doing it. Natalie stayed by the regulars, laughing with them and even playing a few games with them.
Only thing was, every time I'd look over to Natalie, Louis would drag my attention back to him to keep me distracted. It's like Natalie was doing something I couldn't know about over there.
Louis tried to distract me by getting me to take shots or show me where secret rooms were. I was just intrigued by why I couldn't look at Natalie. What was she doing that was so bad?
Louis eventually took me back down to the devils lair to get me away from any eye sight towards her. He told me to stay here until he or Natalie came to get me. I felt like a child. Being told what to do and what I can or can't look at. It's honestly insulting.
I blew it off because I weighed the pros and cons of feeling Louis wrath. He may seem like a cool guy but what happens when the cool guy loses his cool. Probably don't wanna be on the receiving end of that.
So, I walked around the room. I looked at all the tiny details in the small office area. The little cracks in the drywall or the small red dice hid randomly around the room. I could barely tell they were red because of the lighting, but was able to make out the color just barely.
I walked over to the jukebox that was playing that odd classical music when I first got here. There was a set of disks beside it, all with no names. Just clear cases and random dvds.
I decided to just press play on the one that was in there and hope for the best. The faint piano of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata started to play. I know this toon since I learned how to play this with my grandma a few years ago when she was still alive. It's such a beautiful piece of music. Wait, does Harry listen to classical music? That's the last thing I would have expected from him. Maybe some hardcore Metallica but not Beethoven.
I turned the volume up, and continued to walk around the room. I ran my fingers along the walls, watching the big table in the middle of the room as I slowly circled it. The remnants of cigarette buds in black ashtrays, and the way the pictures were unevenly hung on the wall, reminded me of Harry.
How? How would those details remind me of a man I barely know? I know nothing about him. I don't know his favorite color, his age, what he does for a living, if he has siblings, why he has all those tattoos, and hundreds of other questions I would die for answers too.
Why am I so fascinated by him? The way he pushed me to my limits makes me wonder why. Why he's like that, why he puts on an act, why he hides things. Anyone who meets him would know he hides deep dark secrets even his closest friends don't know about.
I guess I was too deep in thought to notice the song had stopped, but not at the end. It stopped manually, like someone had stopped it themselves. I wandered my eyes towards the jukebox to notice someone was standing in front of it.
At first, fear riddled my body. Who was down here? But then, the feeling of safety took its place. The person lifted their head and turned it to the side. It was Harry. I could tell by his nose and jawline. Why was he back so soon?
"Who let you turn the jukebox on?" Harry's chocolate curls were dangling in front of his shimmering face.
"I'm sorry Louis said that I should stay down here till someone came to ge-"
"I'm not mad. Just confused why you left this song on." Harry's breathing was heavy and staggered.
"I used to play that with my grandma. Beautiful song." I felt my mouth start to dry up from how long my mouth has been gaped open.
Harry's facial features were darkened, but it was light enough to see the import features. His long eyelashes, his puckered lips, his heavy eyelids. He looked tired.
"You should go, it's getting late." Harry turned his face forward, showing me nothing but the back of his head.
I went to go touch him. I don't know why but I did. I wanted to put a hand on his shoulder and turn him around.
But, I stopped myself. I bit down on my lip and nodded.
"See ya tomorrow." I responded back, passing by the chairs and heading towards the stairs.
"Kennedy." Harry turned his head towards me again, flashing me his whole face this time.
"Yea?" I felt my heart skip a beat when he called my name.
"Early day again tomorrow." Harry nodded and faced the wall once more.
I nodded and ran up the stairs. What did I think he was gonna say, stay? He's enticing me and I need it to stop. I slammed the metal door behind me, and flew past the whole group who stood talking in the middle of the room. Natalie tried to stop me but I ignored her and ran outside.
I needed to get out of here and I don't know why.
The minute I got outside, I grabbed the pack of cigarettes in my back pocket from earlier and my tiny metal lighter. I put a white stick in between my lips and lit it with the lighter. I stuffed the box and lighter, back in my pocket before taking a long drag of the tobacco.
The minute the sweet taste of the tobacco hit my tongue, I felt my anxiety slowly start to fizzle away. I don't know what happened to my heart in there but it can't happen again. He's a bad guy who you can not and will not fall for.
I can't believe my mind would even go there. He's shown you nothing but zero respect. Do you really wanna fuck that? He may be hot but he's not worth the pain. You don't know anything about him, it's not worth it.
I took another drag, letting it out into the air and watching it evaporate. I can't believe this. I'm so fucking gullible. That's what he wants. He wants you to be intrigued in him so he can fuck you and throw you out like your nothing but another thing that shares his air. No, not me, not today.
I took a few more drags before throwing it to the ground and stomping on it with my red converse. I don't care if Natalie was still in there, I wasn't going back. I texted Natalie and told her I'll be in the car. I needed to figure out a way to stop what's already begun.