🌻
After leaving work without permission, Gulf stayed home. Since the day before, the General Affairs Department Manager had kept calling Gulf and insisting that he come to work, but Gulf had merely said, 'I'm not getting up' and hung up the phone.
Gulf understood the trouble he had caused by running out after half a day as the temporary presidential secretary, and he couldn't blame the General Affairs Department Manager for being livid. But he couldn't make himself get out of bed. And even if he did force himself to go to work, the only thing waiting for him there was harsh reality. He had no desire to make dinner reservations for Mew and his fiancee. And there was no way he was going to send red roses to her with Mew's name on them.
'Mew!'
The mkre Gulf thought about the situation, the more convinced he became that he had bee living a fantasy.
'It is true,' he thought, full of self-hatred. 'I have no judgment when it comes to men.'
Yet he hadn't been blind to Mew's natire---he just hadn't paid any attention to reality. After all, Mew hadn't lied to him once. Gulf had simply become caught up in ecstasy and refused to see the big picture. When he thought rationally, the very idea of a person like Mew having a true relationship with a man he had picked up at the bar was ridiculous. Mew deserved status and prestige---and of course a family that he could present to the world with pride.
But Mew was basically a good person, so Gulf didn't think he'd be dumped like he had been by AA. The fact that Mew had showered him with so much attention probably meant that, like AA had said, he intended to keep Gulf around as companion, separate from his family, whom he could enjoy in a casual, uncomplicated fashion.
It felt like his heart was being steadily torn to pieces.
'Mew!'
The world would never accept a relationship between two men, so maybe Gulf should just be grateful that he could be near Mew. But he couldn't help what he felt. Even knowing that he was being stupid, he hoped for just one person whom he could love truly and who would love him back.
'I can't share Mew with anyone else!'
But if he didn't, he would lose Mew.
'No!'
Reality battered at Gulf's defenses as he descended even deeper into a pit of despair. Unlike the past with AA and the other men, he'd never be able to get past being dumped by Mew. How was he supposed to go back to work and pretend like nothing was wrong?
'I can't.'
Gulf wished fiercely that he could somehow escape from this bitter reality.
TBC