Jayce laid out across his bed, smiling to himself as he thought of his boyfriend... Again. Markos was perfect. Things were perfect... Even if Markos could be a bit absent from reality at times, he still talked and communicated with Jayce when he wanted or needed something. He was kind and compassionate... He still had the biggest ego Jayce had ever seen, but it was quickly growing on him. He couldn't see what could possibly go wrong with them.
His situation with his grumpy roommate was a whole other story. Austin had been over less often... Jayce preferred to pretend he didn't know about them. He decided that Jullian didn't seem like someone who was open and comfortable about his sexuality and didn't want to get on his bad side... He and Jullian got along fine. They rarely spoke, sometimes they'd meditate together in the mornings and they played basketball often enough. But Jayce couldn't tell you much about him... Nobody really could.
He knew Jullian was from the suburbs of California. He knew he was Jewish and that he had a best friend or possible girlfriend named Sarah. He knew Jullian was an exceptional athlete and student. And that was where it ended. He lived with the boy and knew as much about him as anyone else in Westwood. It was quickly coming to the point where everyone knew or recognized everyone else in Westwood... Jayce could point at five random boys in the halls and tell you their names, where they were from, who they hung around and why they were there. But he still knew nothing about Jullian.
He did learn one thing new today though. And that was that Jullian had a short temper. When he wasn't content or numb like he almost always was, he was moody. And when he was moody, everything pissed him off. Jayce had debated just hiding in Markos's room until he had cooled off, but Markos had kicked him out because Jayce was apparently too distracting to write around.
"Are you... Okay?" Jayce hesitantly asked as he glanced over at the brooding brunette across the room. Jayce tried to avoid conflict at all costs... He hated it unless he had a good enough cause. For example, he'd gotten in fights with adults and kids his age over his sister. But you could curse Jayce out and he'd try and relax and slow down the conversation. It all came down to reasoning with him.
"Shouldn't you be off screwing that obnoxious prick you call a boyfriend?" Jullian deadpanned instead. Jayce pressed his lips together, trying to keep the conversation relaxed. He wasn't going to fight or argue... But he also wasn't going to stand around when Markos was being disrespected.
"Markos has been nothing but good to you... Just leave him be, alright?" Jayce huffed. "That being said, you didn't have to answer me at all"
"I didn't. I was simply asking a question, same as you" Jullian's voice was cold... Hollow even. Jayce liked to relate people to colors based on first glance... It always gave him a good perception of who that person was and it never failed him. Some people were more obvious than others. For example, Beau had always been a bright a cheerful yellow. Yellow usually meant creativity, loyalty, and optimism. Markos was always a dark navy blue which usually meant mystery, superiority, and chaos. But Jullian had always been a dull gray... Cold, lifeless, and passionless.
"If I answered yours would you answer mine?"
"Unlikely" Jullian mumbled without missing a beat. Jayce bit down on his lip anxiously as he debated asking about Austin. He wasn't sure if Jullian would like the fact that he knew... But he also knew Jullian needed somebody to talk to and he didn't exactly have a lot of friends...
"Austin's been by less often... Did he finally get his grades up or...?"
"Shut up" Jullian suddenly scoffed. "He's still a fucking idiot" Apparently Jayce was right... It did have to do with Austin.
"I really don't mean to pry... But if you ever wanted to talk..." Fuck... Jayce really wasn't good at this. He had never been good in situations like this.
"To you? No thanks... No offense, but the last guy you talked to you ended up screwing and I don't swing that way" Jullian's harsh, dark hazel eyes landed on Jayce with a harsh glare. Jayce decided not to correct him. That Jayce and Markos hadn't slept together and had only been dating a couple of weeks.
"Bullshit" Jayce scoffed. "And can you seriously stop bringing Markos up? He didn't do shit to you" He could feel his fists clenching and he knew he was only resisting the urge to start something because one, Jullian could probably kill him, and two, he was trying to keep a clean record in the asylum.
"I'll talk about who I want when I want. I don't need permission to talk about some self-obsessed prick-"
"Shut up"
Down the hall, Beau was finally out of his room and quietly talking to Tai and Aiden. He felt awkward around Tai... Tai was sweet and nothing but good toward Beau, but he felt guilty for liking the boy that was practically his boyfriend at this point. Aiden groaned as he heard Jullian shouting from his closed dorm room.
"I swear to god... If Austin is in there again I am not going to deal with his pissy moods all day" Aiden groaned before rubbing his temples to soothe a headache. "The boy was up all night and I couldn't sleep with him getting up every five seconds"
"You could have just stayed over" Tai chuckled as he glanced over at the exhausted dark-haired boy. Beau swallowed his jealousy and stuffed his hands into the pockets of another one of Lukas's sweatshirts. Beau didn't like to pry or eavesdrop... But the voice that shouted back wasn't Austin's.
"That's Jayce... Not Austin" Beau mumbled as he carefully tugged at the two taller boys' sleeves to get their attention. Their eyes darted to the dorm room before exchanging an awkward glance. Jayce didn't raise his voice... Even when he had argued with Markos in the past. Hearing him yell was foreign... There was a loud thump from the door and Tai cursed under his breath.
"Should we intervene?" Tai hesitantly asked.
"I'm worried about Jayce..." Aiden hesitantly admitted. "Jullian has a history with violence. He's in here for violence" But Beau was already reaching for the door handle. He had seen enough fights between bulls or dogs... People weren't too different and he wasn't going to stand around debating whether it was worth it to make sure Jayce was still alive.
Beau winced as another crash rang and Jayce was roughly slammed against a wall. Unforgiving fists were thrown and received on each end. Grunts and shouting echoed through the halls... His chest tightened as he realized neither of them would be stopping any time soon. They were both angry and they were both out for blood.
"Shit" Tai whispered as he froze beside Beau.
"Knock it off, both of you" Aiden shouted as he pushed between Tai and Beau and toward the tussling boys. Beau wanted to tell him not to get involved... To not be stupid. But he couldn't find the words. He never could anymore... He never knew what to say to Aiden because he didn't want to hurt him anymore.
Tai didn't waste another second and quickly moved to help Aiden separate the two boys. Beau, feeling useless just standing there, quickly followed. He decided that Jayce was more reasonable than Jullian and Tai could easily talk some sense into him... Tai always was good with people... So instead, he moved to help Aiden with Jullian.
Aiden had managed to put distance between Jayce and Jullian, even if it was only a couple of feet. The two boys still glared daggers at one another and Beau thought that Aiden should move before things got worse... But he didn't. He stood between them with a hand on Jullian's shoulder as if he had done this a million times.
"You two need to chill" Aiden scoffed.
"It's not my fault little orphan Annie likes to pick fights he can't win" Jullian smirked slightly when Jayce reacted as expected.
"Shut the hell up" Jayce spat. Beau's eyebrows shot up in surprise at this newfound information. He had expected that Jullian had thrown the first punch... He never would have guessed Jayce in a million years.
"Shut up, both of you" Aiden groaned. Jullian rolled his eyes and roughly yanked himself away from Aiden sending a hard elbow into Beau's side in the process. Beau cursed under his breath as instant pain erupted through his side and despite being raised to ignore pain, it hurt more than it should have. Maybe it was his lack of food the past few weeks or how weak he was growing. But all Beau knew, was that it would definitely bruise.
"What the hell, Jullian?" Aiden snapped before turning to Beau with a sudden softness in his gaze. "Are you alright?"
"Fine..." Beau mumbled.
"Look, it's late, you both are pissed off, you two cannot be sleeping in the same room until you've cooled off" Tai finally spoke up.
"I'll trade with Jayce" Beau offered.
"No way" Aiden instantly cut in. There was no way in hell Beau was staying in the same room as Jullian... Aiden didn't trust him. "You aren't staying with him... I can just trade with Jullian"
"And put him with Austin?" Jayce snorted. "He's the reason Jullian is being such a prick today"
"I will kill you" Jullian snapped as he shot another glare at Jayce. In any normal instance, Beau wouldn't have taken him seriously. But Jullian's face was empty of emotion despite the anger laced in his words. They sent chills down Beau's spine and Beau silently prayed that Jullian was just being dramatic.
"Do it" Jayce challenged.
"No" Aiden quickly interrupted once again.
"Best case scenario is me switching with Jayce" Beau cut in again. "Jayce and Markos are obviously close and familiarity puts the mind at ease... I doubt Jayce would find a night with Austin so relaxing..." Beau glanced down at the floor feeling anxious with all of the tension in the room, even if it was quickly diminishing. He needed to remain logical... He needed to come up with a solution he could focus on. That always helped.
"And Jullian has issues with everyone except Beau at this point" Jayce added with a scowl. Jullian rolled his eyes before glancing down at the drawers under Jayce's bed.
"Get out" Jullian deadpanned. Jayce rolled his eyes but complied by walking over to his drawers and pulling out a few necessities. He stood up and left, finally giving Tai a much-needed break. "The rest of you can leave too for all I care... Except you" He added with a quick glance at Beau.
Beau felt his blood run cold... Jullian wouldn't hurt him. He knew that. But it didn't make him any less uneasy around the boy. He was always cold and heartless or harsh and aggressive. And Beau just wasn't sure his fear of Jullian would balance well with the anxiety that always seemed to follow him.
"Let's go get dinner" Aiden sighed. He slung an arm over Beau's shoulders, casting one last glare at Jullian before leading everyone out.
_________________________________________
The room was darker than the copper-haired boy was used to. There wasn't the dim glow of Markos's lamp as the boy stayed up all night writing... There wasn't the occasional click of a pen or constant shuffling. Instead, there was silence... No movement, no light, no noise. Just darkness.
In the corner of it, all was a small blue-eyed boy whose mind was collapsing in on itself. His fluffy hair was hidden underneath a hood and his knees were pulled up to his chest. His head was rested against the wall and his eyes were closed... The only thing he could focus on was the smell of stale mint.
If he tried, he could hear the trickling water of the river. He could feel a warm Summer breeze and the harsh bark on his hands. He could see a wide field of crops begging to be harvested and a bird humming a few branches away from him... Beau loved heights. He loved being up on top of the rooftops or in the trees... Being able to see everything in all directions was soothing and safe. He didn't feel confined to a small town that wanted him dead, or in this case cramped in the halls of Westwood. He was free and above it all.
If he tried, he could hear Lukas warning him not to fall. If he tried he could see a messy mop of blonde hair leaning against the trunk. He could hear the light hum of his voice as he sang along to another Elvis song thinking that Beau wasn't listening... He always was. Lukas hated heights... He was clumsy and fell far too often. But he hated being away from Beau, so he'd sometimes join him. But most days, he'd just sit at the trunk and quietly listen to music or study while he waited. A routine they had repeated since they were seven.
Beau wrapped his arms tightly around himself in an attempt at comfort. He hated that all he could think about was Lukas. Sometimes he wondered if that would never change. If he was doomed to walk down an endless path of ghosts from the past. Little did he know, the boy across the room was walking the same path.
Jullian didn't see trees or rivers when he relaxed himself. He didn't see an open field or a peaceful world. He was running through a park, getting his ass beat by an older boy identical to him in a game of soccer while an obnoxious blonde cheerleader shouted at him to get his head in the game.
"Aren't you going to go to sleep?" Jullian suddenly scoffed as he heard the sheets shuffling on Jayce's bed. Jayce always slept like a rock... Jullian, on the other hand, was an insomniac. He filled his nights with daydreaming until Jayce retired to his bed. And then he'd spend the next few hours reading, studying, or occasionally even working out in an attempt to exhaust himself. It never worked. He did it at home too, it was the only reason he was as good of a student as he was. The only problem was how quickly he got dizzy or sick when playing.
"Sorry" Beau mumbled. "I don't sleep much..." Jullian nodded despite knowing that Beau couldn't see him. He didn't necessarily not like Beau... He didn't understand him though. Beau wasn't anything like Jullian. He was cautious, emotional, and warm. Jullian was reckless, logical, and cold. But they did have more in common than Jullian had first thought. They were both quiet and thoughtful people that didn't care much for themselves. And that was what made Jullian not completely dislike him...
"Me neither" Jullian hummed. He sighed and turned on the lamp before reaching toward one of the books Austin had bought him for Christmas despite Jullian not even celebrating. He had bought a few more books by the same author as the Outsiders... Jullian read the book because Tristan had always loved it. He would read it on repeat, take small notes in the corner when he noticed something new, and even wrote his personal thoughts on it. He always said that Darrel reminded him of Jullian - he didn't see it.
"I've read that" Beau blindly commented. "It's the only book Lukas had managed to read all the way through outside of school" this was what piqued Jullian's interest. He had heard the name a million times but he couldn't connect it to a face. He didn't know who he was.
"Lukas?" Jullian asked, forcing his voice to remain dull and uninterested.
"Yeah... He's kind of the reason I'm here" Beau mumbled before resting his head back against the wall.
"I thought you were a pyromaniac? At least that's what I heard" He glanced over at the copper-haired boy to find him wrinkling his nose in distaste.
"I wish people would quit saying that. I'm not" Beau groaned. "I just... I was sad and angry and I had a lighter and there was some gasoline in the barn... It made sense at the time"
"Usually, when people are mad at their ex they go for a car" Jullian snorted. He had assumed Lukas was an ex... Beau was gay, he was depressed and he had been angry enough to burn down a barn. So Jullian assumed Lukas had cheated or broken his heart in some way shape or form.
"I wasn't getting revenge on an ex" Beau deadpanned. "There's not much you can do to get revenge on a dead man" Beau's voice was monotone. It lacked any emotion or connection to the event he was describing... It was almost as if it hadn't happened to him but somebody else. Like a story he was retelling.
"I'm sorry" Jullian mumbled the familiar words that everyone had told him. They had no meaning... And once Jullian had been annoyed whenever he heard them. But talking to Beau made him realize there wasn't much else to say. "I lost my brother earlier this year" Beau's eyes snapped to meet his. They were round and a pretty ocean blue...
Jullian couldn't help comparing them to Austin's. Austin's eyes were blue, but not like Beau's. Austin's eyes reminded him of a chaotic blizzard on an icy winter night. They reminded him of when he had flown to Greenland over Winter break to visit his aunt once. Beau's were the opposite, like a koi pond. Peaceful and deep. Something Jullian could never imagine himself being.
"I'm sorry for your loss" Beau mumbled. Jullian only shrugged despite feeling a bit of relief. For the first time in a while, he wasn't alone. Somebody understood him... Somebody understood what he was going through and why he acted the way he did. Sure, Austin knew about Tristan. But as far as Jullian knew, he couldn't relate. You can't truly know how hard it is to lose someone until you've lost someone yourself. But Beau knew, and that was enough.
_________________________________________
"You're behind, Austin" Raphael called as he carefully inspected Austin alongside two other boys. Austin rolled his eyes and sped up, slightly wincing as he bent his ankle a little too far. He was used to it... He'd get over it. He just had to keep pushing forward.
"Bring your leg higher"
Patience...
"Move your weight to your other foot"
Just keep moving...
"Come on, Austin. I thought you were better than this" Raphael scoffed. Austin pressed his lips into a thin line before the music ended and he nearly collapsed in exhaustion. His lower body hurt and ached more than usual. It was like he was dancing on knives... He felt heavier and more out of shape than when he had begun dance. He wanted to collapse on the floor and never get up. "That was sloppy... Last week you were perfect. Have you just stopped practicing? Do you not care anymore?" Raphael demanded.
The two boys that were dancing with Austin for the assessment gave each other relieved glances. Nobody cared who was yelled at, as long as it wasn't them. And somebody was always yelled at. But never Austin... Austin wouldn't let himself fail or be ranked below another person. Until today.
"All I've done is practice" Austin scoffed. "It's just a bad day, alright? Get off my ass" Raphael rolled his eyes and called up the next three people. This time, three girls, one of which sent Austin a condescendingly sympathetic glance. Austin scowled and followed the two other boys off toward their water. He sat down and somehow not using his legs hurt more than standing. "Shit" Austin hissed before downing another quarter of his water.
"How did you not get your ass chewed out by Raphael? The last time I messed up that bad I was here for an extra hour perfecting it" A young Indian boy scoffed as he sat down beside Austin. He had neat black hair and dark eyes. Austin didn't care much for the other dancers since he knew he was better than them and had nothing to worry about. So names weren't something he cared for... He knew his name started with an S or maybe a T?
"Because I'm likable" Austin lied. No, it was actually because he had slept with Raphael a few months prior. And apparently, Raphael didn't want it to get out that he had slept with someone he was teaching even if it was legal. Austin had turned eighteen last July. Raphael was twenty, maybe twenty-one last he checked. It wasn't bad, but as long as Raphael didn't want anyone knowing he got a free pass on most things.
"Sure" The boy snorted before taking a long drink of his water. "You're dancing with Clarissa for the performance, aren't you?" Austin gave a quick nod, not really caring much for this conversation. Clarissa was a good dancer, sure. But he didn't care for her existence as long as she got the dance right.
His mind was more focused on Jullian. The stupid brunette wouldn't leave his mind for longer than five minutes. He couldn't even dance without getting distracted... The reason Austin was as good as he was was because of his ability to focus. Because of his ability to remove himself from his movements and be technically brilliant. He wanted to detach himself from society like he had become so good at doing. But the memory of Jullian's warm embrace just wouldn't let him this time.
"You're so lucky" The boy groaned. "She's hot" Austin wrinkled his nose in slight distaste. Clarissa was pretty, sure. But Austin was also gay... That was probably why Austin had been paired with her in the first place. The boys couldn't seem to keep their lustful eyes to themselves... "You don't think so?"
"Not my type" Austin shrugged. It was weird to not have everyone instantly know he was gay. He thought it was pretty obvious and even went out of his way to do clear indicators. But apparently, when you were dressed nearly identical to everyone else and repeating the same movements as them it wasn't so obvious.
"What is then?" The boy asked in disbelief. "She's perfect" Tall, neat brown hair, dark hazel eyes, and ivory skin. Quiet and closed off from the world... Physically and mentally flawless, emotionally unavailable. That was his type. But Austin didn't dare say it out loud. Instead, he only smiled and decided to mess with the boy a little.
"Dick" Austin deadpanned before taking another drink of his water, leaving the boy baffled.
Question of the chapter: What's your Hogwarts house?
Q&A:
So I'm going to be trying to put together a chapter for a Q&A. Ask questions for me, my characters, or just about the book in general! Depending on the number of questions I get, I'll post them on another update chapter or answer them in the comments!