My Friday passed without any interesting developments until Saturday morning came and brought with it a ring of the door bell. It was my mom's day off while my dad was at work. Connor was on a second date with a girl from college and took her to an amusement park two hours away. A luxury he could have since he owned a drivable car. The girl was three years older than him but my parents didn't mind. My dad gave him a pat on the back for being a rockstar. If I pulled the same stunt, they'd ground me for life and forbid me to date until my thirties.
I heard mom's voice calling my name shortly after she answered the door. I was in the process of making myself an Instagram account when a short walk towards the staircase almost made me drop my phone.
"You've got a visitor," my mom said, pleased to see that the boy next door came to pay me a visit. In her mind, that made me seem almost ordinary. Because if I had friends and potential boyfriends, I wasn't such a lost cause after all.
Hiding my surprise, I walked down the stairs and watched as she retreated to the living room to give us some privacy.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, overly-cautious. I was just beginning to think that things went back to the old ways and he forgot that I existed after that one initial day. The only oddity was that his friends now kept glancing my way and occasionally saying hello, catching me off-guard and fear-stricken because that was apparently my defense mechanism whenever people approached me. I was used to snide remarks.
"Get ready and take your paper. I'm taking you out for breakfast and we can go through the questions," he said striding through the doorway, inviting himself in.
"I've already had breakfast," I told him.
"Then we can still go out for a drink," he replied, not fazed at all.
"Why?" I froze, definitely suspicious.
"Well, the submission date is on Monday and I realized that you weren't going to call because that's not your style. It was unfair to put pressure on you and I won't have you fail a class after you helped me with Bio."
"Wow, I never thought you'd ever apologize for giving a girl your number," I said, teasing him but the tone in my voice was dead-serious because I was too taken aback.
"Oh, I'm not sorry for giving you my number. You can use that number any time you want," he said unapologetically, stepping even closer to me to whisper in my ear. "When you're in bed... or in the shower... thinking of me..."
He was trying really hard to make me hot and bothered and while it might have worked, I mustered the courage to step back and raise an eyebrow, forcing my face to not betray anything while my insights were engulfed in flames. His proximity and low voice did something to me and I wasn't yet ready to think about that.
"It's called multitasking. Can't let mundane things distract me from what's really important," I told him.
"Sex?" He asked, unable to believe what I was saying.
"Plotting your murder."
He burst out laughing and even I cracked a tiny bit of a smile. Being the one to make him laugh filled me with a weird sense of joy. But then again, Kai was always so cheerful and happy.
He shook his head and then told me to go get my stuff so that we can leave. I did as he said, leaving him alone downstairs with my mom against my better judgment. Of course, I could hear her talking to him while I was in my bedroom getting ready.
"How long have you known my daughter?" My mom asked.
"As long as I've been on the football team with your son, ma'am."
Are you two friends?
"I'd like to think so. She might deny it."
"I make no illusions about my daughter. She's a tough nut to crack. What are your plans with her?"
"Take her out for breakfast and work on a paper we were assigned."
I almost choked because he dodged her real question so smoothly.
"Since you're in school with her, can you tell me if there are any boys that like her? She keeps these things to herself but we'd love for her to go out and date like other girls her age."
She was dropping hints which made me blush so fiercely, I had to hurry up and rush downstairs. Kai replied to her before I made an appearance.
"A teenager keeping secrets sounds pretty normal to me, ma'am."
I could hear the smile in his voice before I saw it, walking hastily downstairs.
"Have fun, you two!" My mom shouted after us as I grabbed Kai's hand and rushed him out the door. I didn't want to subject him, or me, to any more of my mom's awful questions.
"Slow down," he told me, laughing and pulling me back. My hand let go of his arm and before I could drop it, he slipped his into mine and nudged his head in the direction of his car. I didn't make any effort to hold his hand but he still wouldn't let go as he guided me to his driveway.
"So," I took a deep breath after he let go of my hand and we reached the car. "Where are we going, exactly?"
"I was thinking we could go to Starbucks," he told me.
"Ooh, I'd love one of their iced tea lemonades," I nodded eagerly, briefly forgetting about my earlier discomfort.
Kai gave me a smile and the way he held my gaze, I felt as if he could see inside my soul.
***
"What's the deal between you and Matt?" Kai asked.
We were sitting at one of the tables in the far off corner which gave us some privacy but there weren't many people around anyway. We got our drinks but then Kai went and ordered so much food we could hardly fit it on the table.
"What do you mean?" I asked, temporarily confused and fascinated as he took a bite of one of the egg sandwiches, almost inhaling them. The boy sure had an appetite.
"Oh you two just seem to have this unspeakable tension between each other." Kai observed after swallowing his food. He was probably the only guy I knew that didn't talk with his mouth full.
It was true. Matt and I were never fully comfortable around each other. "If you hadn't noticed by now, he's an asshole."
"I mean, when did it start?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Ever since he became friends with Connor, I think. He was never nice which is exactly why I don't believe your little theory."
"I don't know, I think it makes it so much more obvious that I'm right."
"Why do you always want to talk about the people in my life so much?" I asked, unnerved. I ran a hand through my hair and tried not to shrink in my seat, afraid of challenging him or offending him in any way.
Kai took a sip of his drink and responded, "Because I'm trying to get to know you by learning about the relationships with other people in your life. It's all connected to the paper. We're supposed to be learning more about each other."
"There's nothing to know about me that you don't already know," I insisted. "Besides, it would be easier to just switch and fill everything out."
"I think Mr. Collins won't be happy if we hand in a superficial essay. You heard what he said. We're supposed to get to know each other on a deeper level," Kai told me.
"Yes, you're awfully eager to do that," I observed.
"We've been over this. You intrigue me. You're not like other girls," he said.
I blankly stared at him, unamused. "What's next? I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding? I heard a scream but then I realized it was me screaming? Cause I've got more of these cliche lines you can use and soon enough, you'll have yourself a full-blown novel."
"Cringy as it sounds, I'm serious. You like to read and as it happens so do I. Your main objective isn't to get me to notice you. If I don't talk to you, you're completely unbothered and do your own thing. And if I do talk to you, you always seem surprised as if no human being ever showed an interest in you. You're not afraid to question my motives which also brings me to why we can have serious conversations. I don't know, I guess I like how chill you are about things."
He was wrong. I was anything but calm.
My mind was a constant battlefield of thoughts and emotions. I struggled to calm the oceans inside my mind that often took shape in toxic impulses. My head was filled with bad and ugly and I never got to catch a break. I might look okay and I might sound okay on the outside but my inner turmoil never stopped. I just became better at masking it in front of other people.
"Don't get me wrong," Kai interrupted my thoughts. "I did notice that you get stuck in your own bubble occasionally. It doesn't help that everybody keeps trying to poke it with a stick to see when it's going to pop."
"After seventeen years of living with Connor, I got used to it."
"You shouldn't have to get used to it, you know?"
"What am I going to do? Get rid of him? Last time I checked, that was illegal."
"That's not what I had in mind. Why is your mind always so gory?" Kai raised an eyebrow, amused.
I shrugged, not really knowing the answer. "Can we just get to my portion of the paper? I don't know anything about you."
"Then you're not listening," he replied.
"You said you like to read and you feel a weird pull towards girls who ignore you. Does that come from the need to conquer or the need to be liked by everyone?" I asked.
"It's not actually about girls who ignore me. I have a younger sister and she's also quite shy so it might be that I naturally try to step in to shield and protect," he said, tensing slightly which made me awfully aware of the fact that this was something he didn't talk about often.
Would I be overstepping if I asked more? I had no right to pry. I didn't want him to think I was rude. On the other hand, he probably wouldn't start the conversation if he didn't want to talk about it.
Taking a deep breath, I asked, "What's your sister's name?"
"Hannah," he said quietly.
"Do you have any other siblings?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Nope," he replied.
"Kai?" I asked, this time a different question came to mind.
"Yes?"
"Why did you move?" I asked again, feeling sheepish but still hoping that this time he'd tell me the truth.
"We had to sell the house."
I didn't feel comfortable forcing him to tell me why.