I couldn't sleep. Shortly after I said goodnight to Kai, I took a shower and hopped into my bed. Spending the next couple of hours tossing and turning, I couldn't bring myself to shut off my mind. Too many thoughts about Kai raced in my head as I replayed our latest conversations, feeling like an idiot in our interactions.
Kai didn't mention it but I felt like I was a moron, talking about crime novels and staring at him like some weirdo. This would probably be the last time he ever spoke to me. Connor and Matt were right. I was so lame. And the entire world knew it.
I couldn't stop overthinking things and the more I immersed myself into our conversations, the more details I added in my head, not knowing where reality begins and my imagination ends. The two of them somehow merged together.
It wasn't until I was emotionally burnt out that my brain shut itself off. Or at least it had the common sense to put my body in hibernation.
What felt like three seconds later, my alarm clock went off and startled me into starting my day off with a bang.
Literally.
I rolled over the edge of my bed and fell onto the cold, hard ground, hitting my head against the floor. Groaning and grunting, I sat up to turn that blasted sound off. I hated my alarm clock. If hell had an anthem, it would be a mashup of all the alarm clocks in the world and it would probably last for a few hours. Imagine having to stand through hours of alarm clock sounds... The only real cause of a migraine that my doctor would probably acknowledge.
Going through my morning routine, I put on a video in the background where I watched BookTubers go through their new book recommendations. A lot of the books mentioned were fairly new and I didn't have the chance to buy them yet.
I cleaned my face, got dressed, did my makeup and then went downstairs to make myself some tea and go through my notes for school. We didn't have any exams yet but I liked to be prepared. I also had two books in my bag which were not material for school and were solely there for entertainment purposes.
I was almost done going through the notes when my alarm clock rang again, notifying me that it was time for breakfast.
Halfway through my meal, I heard loud 'thump, thump, thump' noises nearing me. This could only mean one thing. My brother's footsteps got even more thunderous when he arrived to the kitchen. He barely bothered to glance my way but he did say hi, which was a record on a Connor scale.
"I have to hand in my essay for English tomorrow that you need to write for me," he notified me before he dove into another one of his excuses. "I have practice again today and a ton of homework to go through so the least you could do is help a brother out. It's not like you have a life."
I didn't enquire as to what the topic of his essay even was, hoping that if I didn't ask, he might forget about it. So I ignored his remark and watched him pour the last bit of orange juice from the bottle into a glass and then put the empty bottle back into the fridge like a psycho. He always did the same with the milk but with that one, he left two or three drops in just so he could use the excuse that we didn't actually run out of milk yet.
Once Connor gulped down that orange juice, he grabbed the keys of his car and left without a goodbye. The only thing of his left was the dirty glass sitting on the counter with a wet ring forming around its bottom where he spilled a little.
Sighing, I picked up the glass and cleaned up after him. Then I cleaned up after myself and returned to my notes. It would still be a while until the bus came and I was certain Kai was just messing with me yesterday. Either that or I was counting on him definitely changing his mind.
Just like Connor and his friends would. Just like my friends would. They'd offer me a ride and when the last bus left, they made one excuse or another and I ended up having to walk to school.
I still hated the way I felt about Matt. Despite his asshole behavior, there was still a part of me that was hung up on him. Just like my brother, Matt often found ways to torment me by calling me stuff or acting like I was a waste of space. He often called me ugly, lame, useless and every other hurtful thing he could think of. Mostly, I was referred to as the loser of my family. I was used to being in everybody's way by now so I plainly resolved to solitude.
I was just about to open up a book when a knock on the front door stirred me. I half expected Connor to return and tell me he forgot something but I hadn't actually heard his car pull back up into the driveway.
Slowly and cautiously I made my way through the kitchen and toward the front door. I opened it slowly, only to see my neighbor standing casually right in front of me. He was wearing our school's varsity jacket, a black shirt underneath and paired that with black jeans. His hair was carefully styled in a messy way that reminded me of Anthony Padilla's normal hairstyle except Anthony's hair was a bit longer.
"Morning, sunshine," he grinned, all cheerful and happy. Why was he so happy all the fucking time? It really got on my nerves.
I raised an eyebrow, once again at a loss for words.
"What, you're not going to invite me in?" He asked. "Cause that would be rude, you know? Here I come to your rescue like the Prince Charming that I am and you just won't let me in."
I stared at him, eyebrows raised and waited before speaking. "Prince Charming is a creep. Trying to save a damsel in distress just so that she'd owe him something in return."
"Are you always this cheerful in the morning?" Kai asked, disinterested in the dude.
Realizing that we were still standing in the doorway, I took a step back which was a hint that he could come in. Instead, he mimicked me and simply stared.
"I'm guessing that apart from your stalking tendencies you also thirst for blood," I said, again rambling and unsure he would even know what I was saying by that point. I mentally slapped myself across the face for being this stupid as I was filled with shame.
"Nope, I just want you to be nice to me and invite me in," Kai smiled, getting all smug. I did note that he got my joke of being a vampire who needed an invitation before he could come in. Ugh, the joke so wasn't funny if you had to explain it. Connor was right, I was lame.
"You have ten seconds before I close my door in your face. You decide which side you want to be on," I said which instantly made him walk inside. "Congratulations, you're in my house. I'd appreciate you not killing me. I know as a fresh criminal, the thirst for violence is never-ending but I'd like to live for now."
"Don't worry, I'm still deciding on my target and pattern. You're safe for now," he said, dead serious which already sent shivers up my spine. I instinctively took a step away from him as he looked around him and made assessments about my home. When he noticed that I backed away, he trained his eyes on mine. "Are you always this paranoid?"
"I'm cautious," I corrected.
"Not fond of trusting people either, huh?" He asked but it was more like he was mumbling to himself now. He was trying to figure me out.
"Why are you even here?" I asked. "What do you want with me?"
"Nothing. I'm just here to give you a ride."
"Is that all?" I asked, skeptical.
"What, is that not enough for you? Cause I'm down for anything," he said with a mischievous glint in his eye.
I rolled my eyes, unable to justify any of that with an answer. And by that I really meant that I was unable because no words would come. Rather than give him a reply, I headed to the kitchen to grab my stuff and heard him follow closely behind me.
"You've got a nice house. Much nicer than ours," he commented. "You know, it would be very nice of you to invite me over sometime. I will hardly be able to focus on my studies with the upcoming renovations and you have a quiet home."
"Go to the library if you want peace," I responded, feeling nonchalant.
"Come on, we could study together. I'm very good at chemistry. I got a B- on my last exam," Kai said proudly, as if that meant something to me. My grades were perfect and getting a B- would normally cause me to have a full-on anxiety attack because my brain would literally convince myself that the world was ending, that no schools would accept me and that I was a disappointment to myself and my entire family.
"Ask Connor. Maybe you can get some of your brain cells to replace his dead ones."
Kai laughed and it was a short, low laugh which made me snap my head in his direction. It was so odd to hear him laugh.
"Are you always up so early?" He then asked, looking almost confused. "I saw your light turn on at five in the morning."
"Stalker alert," I blurted out.
"I'm not a stalker," Kai rolled his eyes at me. "I was just up."
"Right," I said, not really replying to his question. "We should probably go then if you're my ride."
"We can wait a few more minutes. I'm interested in this book that you're reading. A Court of Mist and Fury. Sarah J. Maas. Is it any good?"
I snatched it away from him and put it in my bag. "Don't touch that."
"Why?" He asked, suddenly curious.
"It's my favorite and it's signed. I don't trust anyone with it."
"But I'm not anyone," he pointed out.
I looked him right in the eye and said, "That doesn't mean anything to me."
He smirked and ran a hand through his hair. "I know. Your disregard for me and my reputation is refreshing."
I sighed and pulled the strap of my bag on my shoulder. "What are you talking about?"
"You just really don't give a shit that I'm Kai Asher, do you?"
"No," I shook my head. "To me, you're the guy who totaled my car and feels such immense guilt for it that he's willing to risk ruining his reputation for being seen with me in public."
"That's not it," he denied the reason behind his involvement.
"Yes it is," I pressed. "Either that or this is some sort of a game to you. Maybe one you've planned with my brother. You two seem to get along."
"There are no ulterior motives going on. Like I said, I like that you don't filter out your irritation at me just cause I'm the hottest guy you've ever laid eyes on."
"That's debatable. Conceited though? Definitely," I replied without being able to stop myself. With Kai, I had this feeling of being able to speak without feeling silenced. It's like he listened to me say the stupidest shit but he never made fun of me for it. Instead, he really listened and engaged. I don't know why but with him, my anxiety wasn't as bad which was definitely abnormal.
"You're funny," he told me.
"If you think that's funny, you haven't been exposed to any real comedy in your life," I replied. "Can we go now? I don't want to be late."
"School starts in an hour but I see you want to get away from me as fast as you can. Fine but I'll have you know that this is an enormous loss on your part. I'm a great conversationalist."
I grabbed the last of my things and walked from my kitchen and to the front door with Kai by my side.
"Says who?"
"Well," he spoke then grinned widely. Unapologetically. "Mainly my mom."
I laughed.