I could not even begin to tell you how it happened. It was one night of drunken stupidity, one tiny mistake, done for the first and guaranteed only time, and then a life was gone. I knew that it had been Jerome who convinced him because he vanished the same night. Philip left directly afterwards, too, as guilty as his brother had been. I knew that he felt just as guilty, because he left with Jerome and they found him dead, hanging from a rope off the rafters on the top floor of an inn two days later. The only two that remained with me were Henry and George.
I do not recall much of what happened. They rushed in carrying Silas' limp body in their arms. Henriette had grabbed Martha and the Richard and dragged them from the room, calling for Abe to follow. They laid him on the table and Jerome began sobbing, apologizing to no one and biting his finger. Philip ran to the window and threw up out of the window. George had begun to examine him while Henry sat by the door in a state of shock. I moved slowly from my seat in the parlor with a knot of ice in my stomach. I only got one look at him before I collapsed to the ground, narrowly missing Abe's outstretched arms as he scrambled to assist me. He was dead. Silas was dead. His neck was bent in an unnatural way, his eyes were glossy and blank, and his skin was becoming a pallid shade of grey. My husband, father to my children, was dead at the age of thirty one in the year of our Lord 1790. He had been challenged to a drunken horse race and fallen, leaving me a widow with three children and a farm.
-
Henry and George stayed and helped me bury him. No one else in their whole family bothered to attend, to send condolences, but his aunt did send me money with a condolence letter, for she was too ill to attend the little funeral, and hers was all I received. I could run the farm. Money would not be an issue, but I had a family to take care of. Mister Lee and Miss Anne were the first of my friends and family to rush to my aid. They offered up their home to my children and me if we needed it at any time. Uncle Francis said that he would come take us to Menokin himself if we needed it. Betsy and Alex agreed to send for me if I needed to spend time outside of Virginia. Thomas was adamant about me staying at Monticello if I needed repose. Even Joseph, upon hearing of my plight, offered to help me in any way he could. My friends were all there for me when I needed them, and I would work my whole life to repay those debts.
I did not leave my home, though. I stayed right there and ran my farm with help from George and Henry. Henry appeared to be getting sober, finally, and I was never happier to see that. We heard nothing from Jerome for months. Richard and Martha were trying their best to be strong, but sometimes I would break down into tears and they would join me on the floor or on the bed, crying beside me, and I would scoop them into my arms and hold them tight to my chest. Abe would be strong for all of us, and he came as the greatest support for Richard, who adored and idolized his new big brother, and I was there for my little Martha. Even my slaves, as they were now mine, made an effort to assist in any way they could. In turn, I provided even better for their welfare, despite Henry's protests. Abe went out and helped George with our personal garden and Richard helped Henry attend to our pigs and goats. Martha quickly began to help me, Henriette, and Pelly around the house. It wasn't long before we had the farm up and running at full speed once more. We could do it with or without Silas' extra money from surveying. However, I noted that Pelly had been acting rather strangely since the other brothers had left. I could not quite say what it was, but there was something slightly off about her now. I eventually boiled it down to me simply being tired and edgy.
When I was not balancing account books or surveying our crops, I would sit endlessly in the study and stare out the window into the distance and think. Abe would sometimes join me, sitting a respectful distance away, not saying a word. One day, when the sky was overcast and the wet winds of rain billowed clouds in the distance, Abe joined me and I asked him, "Abe... I must know, are you happy here with us?"
Abe looked at me as if the question was beyond ridiculous and gave his knuckles a crack, "Of course, Mama!" When he said that, he caught himself and looked away. "I mean, Miss Montgomery. I... I'm too old to call you "mama" and you aren't really my mama. You're Richard and Martha's mama..."
I smiled and held out my hands to him and he took them with and embarrassed smile, "Now, you listen to me, Abraham: I am your Mama if you want me to be, and never think that you are too old to call me Mama, you hear?" He grinned at me and flung himself into my arms. I loved my children. All four of them.
He became conscious that I was pregnant again and hastily stepped back to marvel at my swollen belly. "What will you call it?"
"If it is a girl, her name will be Elizabeth Anne. If it is a boy, his name will be Silas Washington." I patted the bulge with a sigh and a shake of my head. Babies were more trouble in the womb than after they were born, and I was the one who would wake up at odd hours to feed and change them. I was anxious to have it, this new child, and that was a new reaction for me to learning that I was pregnant. I thought that it must be because Silas was not going to be there and I did not think anything else about it. I had too much to do to be worried about such tedious little things. I had given easy birth to two healthy children before. How much different would a third pregnancy be?
-
I was a month away from giving birth when rumors that Jerome had meandered back into town began to surface everywhere. George and Henry set out to find him and make it perfectly clear that he was not to ever come to the farm again and left me alone with the children, Henriette, and Pelly. Pelly had begun to get antsy upon hearing the news, but nothing I said could coax a word from her lips about it. Even Henriette agreed that it was rather unusual that she was acting like this. She had tried everything and even she could not get her to speak about what was troubling her. We both resigned ourselves to simply not knowing and waiting for George and Henry to return. It was all we could do. They would go out for days and return with nothing, only to go out again. I began to worry. Jerome was not a happy drunk. He was belligerent and nasty and if the boys caught him on the wrong day, the consequences only seemed to be terrible.
The night was a dark, stormy, summer one, much like most days. Everyone had gone inside early as the dark clouds, flickering with lightning, rolled in from the west rumbling like drums and promised another night of heavy southern rain. The oaks around the house groaned against the wind fiercely and the sky became illuminated with bright white gashes. My children were all gathered around my chair in the parlor. Martha sat upon my knee, Richard and Abe rested their arms across my thighs and stared tentatively out the window. Pelly and Henriette were shutting up the windows for the storm upstairs and I was beginning to worry about my brother in laws being out in this weather. The slaves had gone to their cabins and shut their shutters tight against the wind.
Henriette came down the stairs and nodded that the storm shutters had been secured and that the children could go to bed. I patted Martha and she unwillingly moved off of my lap. The boys reluctantly stood and moved slowly towards the stairs. I gave each of them a kiss on the head as they passed by. Abe paused as his siblings went up the stairs and stood quietly in his breeches and shirt until they went into their rooms. "Mama, may I stay with you for a while?"
It was a strange request, but I nodded and moved stiffly back to my chair. I plopped down with a sigh and Henriette and Pelly moved to the sofa nearby. Abe sat cross legged on the floor beside me and rested his head on my knee, his auburn hair pooling on the white linen of my nightgown in soft curling waves. I ran my fingers through it and began humming the tune to The British Grenadiers softly. André used to sing the slightly raunchier version with his friends when they would get drinking and the tune stuck in my mind, and I would catch myself humming it when I could think of nothing else. Before long, Richard joined us. Martha had gone right to sleep, so it was just me and my boys. Richard's dark hair pooled on one knee and Abe's auburn on the other left only a small space of white cloth that would get illuminated by the lightning outside. "You know, it is long past little boys' bedtime."
"I know, Mama... " Richard replied somberly and stood up. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and went to the foot of the stairs. There, he paused and turned to wait for Abe.
Abe stood slowly and gave me a tight hug and a gentle kiss on the temple before following his brother up the stairs. I watched them go and listened for the sound of a door latch. Once it clicked shut, I heaved out a sigh and slid down into my chair. Pelly grinned at me and removed her turban and unwound her long kinky braid with a sigh and Henriette followed suit with a charming quiet laugh. The three of us sat there giggling like little girls. "Them boys are scared of a little storm!" Henriette mused with a shake of her head.
"Well, you cannot actually blame them tonight. This one looks nasty." Pelly admitted and turned to me with a small bite of her lip. "Miss Bea... Henriette... Can I trust you two with something?"
I nodded and sat up in my chair. We were finally going to get to the bottom of her strange behavior it seemed. "Of course, Pelly. Of course." Henriette nodded in agreement.
Pelly hesitated a moment, but slowly began to speak, "You know... Mister Jerome and I... We had an affair." That explained a lot of things. Everything about her nervous behavior suddenly made sense. "That isn't what I wanted to tell you, though... What I wanted to say was... For the last week... I've been meeting him in the abandoned homestead a mile up the road. I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore last night and he got scary mad. I wanted to tell you, honest, but I was too scared and now I'm worried that he might do something."
Henriette beat me to everything going through my mind, "My god, are you that dumb? Did you even think about the children? About Miss Bea? You did not think about anybody but yourself, did you? You stupid little tramp!" I quickly snapped a finger to my lips to silence her and she continued on in a hushed scolding, "What if he shows up, huh? The only one with a gun here is Mister Gerald, and he is down rounding up the cows! Mister George and Mister Henry took the other ones!"
In truth and unbeknownst to them, Silas' musket was tucked safely beneath my bed, but if a drunken Jerome came bursting in the front door, I couldn't say that my pregnant body could move fast enough to grab it. Just the knowledge that he was out there, so close, and emotionally unstable made my stomach knot sickeningly out of fear for my children. I could care less what would have happened to me, but I would be damned before I would let something happen to my children. I could see the guilt on Pelly's face and reached over to pat her knee, "Listen, do not trouble yourself with that right now. What is done is done. If he does come, we need to keep the children safe."
We formulated a plan. Pelly and Henriette would do what they could to hold him off while I made a dash for the gun. Why I did not go get it right then has an explanation for itself. No sooner had we agreed than the door flew open and there stood a very, very drunk Jerome. I could smell the whiskey on him from across the room and he stumbled into the house as all three of us shot to our feet, waiting to see what he would do next. He looked around amusedly at us and at the house, "So, this is where my whore has been staying. In my family's house." He flicked his eyes to Pelly as he slurred out the words.
"She has been staying in my house, Jerome. Last I checked, you were no longer welcome here." I was shocked that I somehow managed to sound in control of the situation as I slowly inched towards the stairs.
"Shut your mouth, you pathetic bitch! This doesn't concern you. Silas only married you for your money anyway!" Now all of his belligerent hate was directed completely towards me. "Silas took care of you because of your daddy, because the Lees are Virginia's royal family. If you hadn't come along, Silas would still be alive!"
I would not be talked to like that in my own home. He wasn't going to leave, that was apparent. He had come to hurt someone in his drunken madness. I inched toward the stairs until I felt the rail under my hand, "No, Jerome, Silas would still be alive if you had stayed away." That sent him over the edge. Henriette and Pelly caught him and held him as he lunged towards me with an awful scream and as I rushed up the stairs. I saw Abe drag a petrified Martha back into their room as I dashed for my own and the gun that was there. It was like some terrible nightmare that I wanted so terribly to forget.
I sank to my knees as quickly as I could and grabbed the musket from beneath the bed. I prayed that Pelly and Henriette still had a hold of him. I struggled to my feet and hurried back to the stairs for an unwelcomed surprise. Jerome just cleared the top step as I made it to the stairs and he grabbed at the gun and swung me into the top banister. I desperately tried to regain the gun, but one second I had my back to the banister and the next I was tumbling head first down the stairs. I watched the world flip around me and landed with a sickening thud upon my swollen stomach. Something gave inside. Something changed and my whole inside felt like I was being cut in half. I let out an anguished scream and looked down at myself. From between my legs came a sickening pool of blood and the scream of pain became a scream of terror. "My god! My baby! My baby!" I screamed over and over again as Henriette rushed to my aid.
Jerome dropped the gun and dashed down the stairs, pausing to stare at me in horror, "No... No, I never... This wasn't what I..."
Pelly took the fire poker and hit him with it, sending him reeling to the door, "Murderer!" She screamed out after him as he bolted out into the storm.
Henriette was helping me give birth to a dead child. My insides felt wrong. Everything just felt wrong. Sure enough, when the deed was done and the baby was born, his tiny head had an indentation in it deep enough to set an egg in. Henriette passed it off to Pelly and I heard her whisper burn it as she did. I was in too much shock to protest against it. Abe rushed down to my side and held me in his arms, but I barely noticed. "I have to leave this house." I whispered. Henriette helped me to stand and helped me clean and get dressed. My whole body hurt and my stomach had turned violent shades of purple and blue.
Henriette readied a carriage and packed the children and myself into it. They cuddled in close to me, silently crying, and I held them close to me. I kissed their heads and cried into their hair quietly. I had to be strong for them. We were headed for Westmoreland. If anyone would know what to do, it would be Mister Lee and Miss Anne.
-
When we arrived late that night, Miss Anne knew that something was wrong as soon as she answered the door. As I explained the situation, Mister Lee stopped me mid story and pulled me into a hug. Miss Anne took the children to bed, gave Henriette and Pelly warm clothes, and joined Mister Lee and I on the couch. The three of us sat there until the morning, locked in an embrace, and I cried the entire time. They never said a single word. They just held me and made me feel loved and safe. I needed to get away from Virginia. I asked if they could take care of the children for about a month and began to write a letter to Betsy and Alex the next day. I hoped that their offer still stood for a stay in New York.