Jeremiah was sitting on a blanket on their spot from days before, admiring the mild yellow sun as it came down closer to the horizon in a pink and orange hue. There was a cooler next to him with two mangonadas in it.
Since their kiss he spent hours thinking about what to tell Angel. How to start, where to begin, how to finish. What they'll be by the end of it. Nothing seemed right, and the right things felt scripted. He wanted Angel to feel what he felt. If there was a way to just hold his hand, look him in the eyes and have all the right emotions shown to Angel, he'd do it. Because nothing he was writing in his head felt good enough to explain how intense he felt about everything.
He would just have be honest and hope for the best.
Angel, self-conscious over what this was, had not exactly dressed up, but wore something other than his athletic clothes. He wasn't claiming this as a date, but it was cooler at sunset and it was nice to be in pants.
Jeremiah moved over to let him sit next to him and properly admire the view. He handed him his mango treat. And for a moment they took the silence between them as a sign of peace. No one was at the park at this hour. Savoring it before they dove into why they were both here.
Angel expected this conversation to tread lightly, for the apology to come out, a soft explanation, and some closure but Jeremiah spoke bluntly, "I've liked you since high school. Maybe even in love because it's been so long"
Angel stayed quiet, shocked, while Jeremiah poured his heart out.
"I knew something was off about me since I was younger. I been knew way before I actually accepted it that I cared about you and I was attached to you, but I was convinced we were like brothers" He looked down at his hands and shook his head, "It was stupid denial. I like girls. I do, so my brain used that as an excuse that I couldn't like guys. As if bisexuality just didn't exist. But I liked you and I clung to you like a puppy. This is gonna sound horrible, but part of me was glad you never went out with no one. And if I brought it up and you'd start, it would've hurt. I was trying to keep you close enough by my side that friendship could sustain what i really wanted. I kept my questions to myself hoping you'd somehow read my mind and like me too. Which...you know didn't happen. Was I obvious?"
"I never suspected anything" Angel assured. But that's because I liked you too much to tell, is what he wanted to add.
"I should've been more open. You wouldn't have been so alone. We wouldn't have felt so alone. It sucks feelin' like the odd one out, like you can't talk about certain things to nobody 'cause they won't understand. And you understood me so well. Even without knowing that part of me. We were perfect. As friends and on the track, like fuckin' Thelma and Louise. I couldn't ruin that. It's hard for me to say I'm bisexual, I'm still fixin' up my confidence but I'm confident about how I feel about you"
Jeremiah's mangonada was melting in his cup the more he fidgeted with the spoon. He stuck it in the small red and white cooler. He was being vulnerable and Angel could tell he'd been telling the truth. He'd know if he were lying.
"I like you Angel. I like how humble you are even though you're a beast on your feet. I like how smart you are and how much you try. You spend more time in the library studyin' then anyone else I know. I like how you challenge me and every time I think maybe I have the advantage, you hand me my own ass. You pay attention. You defend yourself. And even when you're anxious you still do your best" Jeremiah rambled becoming increasingly nervous, "So I wrote you the love letters as a coward. Sorry if you found them cringey and dated. I'm not even that great at writing like that"
"That's a lie. You're an English major" Angel bent his legs up to drape his arms over his knees, "You always wrote great essays in high school. I could never peer edit your shit, because I didn't know what to fix"
Jeremiah's eyebrows went up, surprised he remembered that. Most of his other homies didn't even know what he was studying. "And you still know me well, Cupid. How could I not like you?"
Angel put the mangonada back into the cooler with the other. "I'm not going to lie. I–I like you too. I thought I was the obvious one. I tried to stop myself. Sometimes I thought you secretly knew and just felt bad for me"
"Is that why you acted different when I saw you again for the first time? At the start of the semester?"
Angel nodded, shyly. "I didn't wanna suffer again. Like in high school. The plan was to put space between us and I'd get over it. Because I thought I already was. But you made it hard 'cause you were still the same guy. You hadn't changed and it was a lot to let go off"
They stared at one another. Stunned. Suddenly very quiet. They felt like two trains seemingly going in opposing directions, only to go off course and find out they've been heading towards each other all along. Frightening, yet in a good way.
Angel's cheeks down to his body were pink from the pumping of blood flushing his skin in embarrassment. He never thought he'd have the courage to say that to him. He leaned to one side with his arm holding him up.
Jeremiah was inwardly vibrating with happiness. Their fingers touched on the blanket "Since when?"
Angel's mind went blank from overload and he stuttered out, "I-I don't know. Uh, sophomore year of high school? I knew for sure then"
Jeremiah pressed their shoulders together. The answer made him happier. This boy, who had been driving him crazy every moment they were within 20 feet of each other, felt the same way for him. He kept his outer appearance calm and murmured, "I didn't fully accept it until senior year. When it was too late. But it made sense. How protective I was. Possessive even, of you"
Jeremiah's face inched in, lulling Angel towards him, "I didn't think I'd see you again" Jeremiah's fingers went up and raked through Angel's hair, "I'd given up. I was hoping when I went back for break last year that I'd just run into you. I didn't and I kinda believed that it just wasn't meant to be" He shrugged, "You were a gust of wind that passed me by, you were here and then gone. The universe had something else for us and it wasn't each other"
Jeremiah's palm slid behind Angel's head down to his nape, "And then you appeared. It had to mean something, a sign, or dumb luck" His eyes went down to Angel's lips and he muttered, "I wasn't going to let you pass me by again. I had to take a chance. Even if it took hiding behind stupid letters"
Jeremiah pulled him in gently by his neck, a test to see if Angel would want him too. And Angel did, kissing him first. A kiss with everything they didn't give each other when they had the chance. Maybe things would've turned out differently if either of them made the first move back then.
Their lips moved so softly and cautiously like if they went any further the ground might crack open or a the sky may fall, or the two of them would break into glass shards.
Jeremiah slowly parted their mouths to tell him, "Angel, please go out with me"
He waited for him to say anything, since the angelic boy became speechless. Jeremiah didn't know it but he always had that effect on him. The ability to just take his oxygen from right out his insides. Jeremiah held his hand, interlocking their fingers and holding it to his chest, "Go out with me, corazón"
Angels heart raced, and he pushed him away with that same hand to fend off his eye-blinding flirting. The boy was too much for his blood pressure.
That seemed to work because he obediently backed down and gave Angel and his poor palpitating heart some space. He was like a muscley Labrador dog. He listened, but he was a lot to take in.
"Yes. Okay. Let's go out"
Jeremiah was smiling. Dimples out and blissfully content. He held his hand tighter and kissed the back of it, "Mi tesoro" He laughed not holding back his joy, "A practice date. I'll make you happy. I promise" He was grinning goofily, "I feel a pain in my chest, mi Dios del amor. Your arrow has successfully pierced me. But to complete the spell you have to kiss me"
Jeremiah dramatically fell back on the blanket pulling Angel down by their intertwined hands. "Kiss me, cupido. Complete the spell or else my heart will break, permanently"
Angel couldn't restrain his own happiness, "Pendejo" And kissed his cheek warmly.
Jeremiah pretended to pass out at the touch of his lips, and revived, gasping for air."You saved me. It's complete" He held Angel tightly, "Ahora soy tuyo, mi Ángel"
"Y yo el tuyo"