"I can't remember anything Detective." Saint whispered.
"I've been telling you... I can't remember." His voice cracked as tears spilled.
"So the last recollection that you have... Would be serving a customer a Mr Ren, Mr Andrew Ren before closing?" Detective Wong questioned him.
"Yes." Saint answered and absentmindedly nodded. He could remember Andrew, one of his older customers who enjoyed coffee and croissants.
"No memory of Mr Simon Nguyen or Mr Zee Pruk Panich arguing or getting into fights?"
"I don't know... I can't remember..." Saint replied feeling utterly bewildered.
"Is Simon... Is Simon..." Saint's voice shook. His body trembled.
"Mr Suppapong... As we informed you earlier... Mr Zee Pruk Panich admitted to murdering Mr Simon Nguyen because Mr Nguyen was attacking you."
"It... It can't be true..." Saint shook his head.
"That's why we need information from you... We need testaments from you Mr Suppapong."
"He's not dead... He... He can't be dead..." Saint cried in anguish.
"Mr Suppapong... From Mr Panich's testament, and from the files we received from the hospital... Mr Nguyen had been abusing you... The Physical evidence we found old and new... They do not lie. Your partner was abusing you."
"He's sick.... He's unwell..."
"We..." The Detective turned to his colleague.
"We understand but what we want is any recollection of what actually happened that evening."
"Zee... Zee... Killed Simon?" Saint felt nauseated.
"Are you alright Mr Suppapong?"
"Zee..." Saint tried to remember what happened that night but he could not.
"I don't know!!!" He shook his head.
"Oh my God.... Simon.... Oh my God...."
"Mr Suppapong... Calm down..."
Saint was becoming extremely overwhelmed by the knowledge of what happened. Simon was dead. Simon was killed by Zee.
"Why did he do it? Whyyyyy....." Saint wailed.
"Nurse..." One detective called for a nurse to help Saint.
"Why... Why... would he kill Simon?" Saint began pulling at his IV and hurting himself.
"Why Zee... Why???!!!"
A nurse printed towards Saint's bed. She quickly gave him some drugs to calm him down. The detectives looked anxious and worried. They had a suspect. The suspect even confessed to the murder. Yet, they still needed to know what actually happened. The doctors had informed them that Saint Suppapong had amnesia but they were still unsure whether it was caused by Saint's head injuries, his abuse or because of the horrific incident that he had witnessed. The detectives waited until Saint had calmed down and slowly falling asleep. The evidence was all there but with 3 people involved and one man confessing; one man was killed and as detectives they still needed to get the testament from Saint Suppapong.
"How long will he have amnesia?" The Detective questioned one of the nurses there.
"Sometimes they could remember... The question would be when."
"We don't have time... Unfortunately."
"Detective Lim... Sadly... Sometimes some patients would lose that part of their memory forever." The nurse explained.
"Looking at Mr Suppapong... And the injuries inflicted by his boyfriend... I personally would not want him to remember." She continued.
"It's horrific..." The detective murmured.
"It's a miracle that he is still alive..." She whispered before checking on Saint for the last time and left his room.
********************************************************
"I arrived at the cafe... To check on Saint... I saw Simon beating and hurting Saint... I tried to help but then Simon attacked me... I grabbed the nearest thing I saw... The rolling pin... I hit him..." Zee told Joss.
"Why did you go to the cafe that late?"
"I know the closing time... I didn't want to disturb his work."
"What's the relationship between you and Saint Suppapong?"
"Cafe owner and customer."
"A customer would not be checking up on him at 10 Zee!"
"I know he has been... Had been abused..."
"So... You are more than a customer to him?"
"I am a friend then."
"Zee... Involuntary man slaughter... 3 to 15 years... Be clear with your answers!"
"I accidentally killed him to protect Saint... End of story." Zee muttered.
"No Zee... Simon Nguyen's lawyer will paint you like a jealous angry stalker... I would do that if I were to prosecute you!!" Joss growled in anger.
"I will make you look like the most despicable human who destroyed the peaceful life that Saint and Simon had!"
"I would accept my punishment." Zee replied making Joss to lose his patience.
"Zee... You jackass... I don't know how or why... You are lying about something... I've known you since were kids! You're fucking hiding something!"Joss shook his head in frustration.
"I am not hiding anything!"
"LIAR!" Joss yelled.
"Tell me the fucking truth Zee!!" He slammed the table between them.
"I love Saint..."
"That's not it... I know you love and care for the man... But Zee..."
"Joss... Just try your best... I have confessed to the crime..."
"Zee... If they could paint you in such negative light... You might not get the minimum..." Joss closed his eyes in frustration.
"I did kill the man... I understand the punishment."
"Why Zee... God... You had a future in front of you... You were supposed to be the CEO next year..."
"What would you do if someone was hurting the person you care the most?"
"I would not hit him that many times with a fucking rolling pin!" Joss barked.
The room became quiet.
"Sorry... Sorry Zee..." Joss apologised.
"It's alright..."
"That could pose a huge problem Zee... How many times you hit the man with a rolling pin..."
"I was angry... I can't remember how many times I hit him..." Zee murmured.
"Saint still cannot recollect anything that happened... He has amnesia... He is still at the hospital... It could be his head injuries or trauma but isn't it convenient?"Joss muttered sarcastically.
"Leave him be... He suffered enough... I committed the crime... Not him!" Zee asserted.
"Your parents are devastated... Your siblings too..."
Zee's face clouded.
"I didn't mean to hurt them..." Zee whispered.
"I wanted to do what was right... I wanted to protect Saint..."
"Why didn't you call the cops?"
"I didn't think... I was terrified that it would be too late... The man was demented... Totally unhinged." Zee replied.
"They will ask you questions like these over and over again Zee... Until you break down or give them the answers that they want."
"I know Joss... But I have you..." Zee smiled weakly at his childhood friend.
"This is a clusterfuck Zee... The tabloids are having a field day... They are hounding your family... They are at the mansion and the company main building..." Joss shared.
"It's not every day a scion of Thailand's 1 percentile committing murder." He murmured.
"Tabloids? Are they harassing Saint?" Zee immediately asked Joss.
"He's protected by the police at the hospital..." Joss explained.
"Make sure he is safe."
"I am your lawyer not his bodyguard." Joss answered exasperatedly.
"He has no one Joss."
"I want to focus on saving you first Zee..." Joss shook his head.
"Joss..."
"No Zee!"
"He is in the hospital and can't remember shit while you are here in jail and could be incarcerated for years Zee!"
Joss continued to glare at his best friend.
"I did what I did... Because that was the only option I had to protect Saint from the man... I wish I could do more..."
"You became a murderer because of him!" Joss responded.
"What more could you do Zee?" His friend questioned him.
"There's always something that I could do..." Zee smiled sadly.
"You worry more about him than you?"
"Yeah..."
"You're fucking stupid Zee." Joss sighed in frustration.
"I guess I am..." Zee murmured.
The two best friends studied each other. One was trying to decipher as to why his friend would kill someone while another was hoping that his friend could save him from getting the maximum sentence for the crime he had committed in protecting the only person who mattered to him.
"Zee... It's going to be a long arduous trial..."
"I understand Joss... Thank you for accepting me as your client."
"Not accepting you as my client means that I am willing to face your mother's wrath." Joss joked.
"Whatever it is... Thank you." Zee repeated.
"Now... Let us see how we can save your ass." Joss muttered.
***************************************************
"Are you in a romantic relationship with Mr Zee Pruk Panich?"
"No..."
"LIAR!" The lawyer barked scaring Saint.
"Mr Simon Nguyen has testified saying that he had seen YOU and the defendant numerous times in YOUR cafe in rather comprising situations!"
"No..." Saint shook his head denying the allegations.
He felt trapped. The accusations brought by the prosecutors were lies but they kept asking and asking and cornering him until he felt utterly helpless. Saint was shaking so badly and he tried to find somebody or anybody to to give strength and support but he had nobody to turn to.
"Answer the question Mr Suppapong... Had Mr Simon Nguyen hurt you in any way BEFORE the night of the murder?"
Saint's tears fell. Through the haze clouding his mind, he found the only refuge he could find. Zee. He stared at Zee who was looking at him sympathetically. He could not answer the question. Telling the truth meant that he was betraying Simon and telling a lie meant he was betraying Zee. He gripped his hands trying to calm himself down.
"Mr Suppapong! Answer the question!"
"Your Honour... The prosecutor is harassing the witness." Joss Wayar stood up.
"Overruled. Mr Suppapong... Please answer the question." The judge waited for Saint to answer the question.
Everyone was staring at him. Saint slowly licked his lips nervously. He turned towards the judge.
"Mr Suppapong?" The judge urged him. The older gentleman smiled at him as if encouraging him to speak.
"Si... Simon has... Had... Simon was sick..."
"Mr Suppapong DID HE or DID HE NOT abuse you in any way prior to his MURDER!" The overbearing prosecutor demanded.
Saint stared at Zee. Tears fell from his eyes as Zee's kind eyes stared back at him.
"He... Simon... He had... He was abusing me." Saint told the court and silently cried.
Jeremy who was sitting with his family immediately stood up.
"YOU FUCKING WHOREEEEE!!!! YOU FUCKER!!!!"
"SIMON NEVER HURT YOU! LIARRRR!! FUCKING LIARSSSS!!! YOU AND HIM KILLED SIMON!"
"Order..." The judge signalled the police officers to control and subdue Jeremy who went totally berserk.
"SIMON'S INNOCENT!!! YOU TWO KILLED HIM IN COLD BLOOD!!!! YOU ARE GUILTY... GUILTY!!!"
The police officers in the court began carrying the angry Jeremy away from the courtroom. There was chaos as a few of the Nguyen family members began fighting with the police officers. Saint sat there at the witness stand paralysed in utter fear. He could not explain why but the moment his eyes rested on Zee; everything else that was happening in the court disappeared. Zee was saying something but Saint could not decipher. He continued to stare at Zee when realisation dawned on him. Zee was telling him that it's alright, that he was safe. Zee nodded his head while repeating the same words over and over again. Zee was his safe haven in the madness that was happening in the court. The judge then called for recess and then postponed the trial to the next date.
Saint could only see Zee being carried out by police officers. He could not understand why Zee looked so calm. Saint wanted to ask and tell him so many things but he had no idea how he could do so. The two police officers who were protecting him walked him out of the courtroom but Saint could see Simon's family waiting outside. He could feel himself shaking. If looks could kill, Saint thought. They all looked at him with disgust and hatred. He was glad that the two police officers were with him because Saint knew that he could not face any of Simon's family members who looked as if he had done the worst crime towards them.
Saint's heart broke. He did betray Simon by telling the world that he was an abuser. Tears fell again. He tried to ignore their remarks but of course he could hear everything. They used to his family. Now they had become strangers or even worse, his enemies. Saint averted his eyes when Simon's mother cried while his father shouted how much he hated him. Saint and the police officers escorting him continued to walk to the end of the hallway when silence enveloped him. Then, the moment he left the courthouse he was surrounded by numerous journalists badgering him with questions upon questions. They pushed their way into an awaiting car. When, they closed the door to the car, finally Saint was alone. The press continued to hound him but he blocked everything away.
************************************************************
Saint stared at the television screen. He felt empty. Tears continued to fall. 3 years. Zee Pruk Panich. Heir to the Panich Industry would be incarcerated for 3 years for involuntary man slaughter. Saint turned off the television. There were police outside his apartment keeping the press away from him. His heart broke for Simon. His heart broke for Zee. One man was the man whom he loved for more than 6 years, while the other was his saviour.
"But at what cost..." Saint murmured and wrapped his arms around his knees.
He cried for Simon. He could not believe that he was gone. Simon who was an exuberant happy man. Simon who was the optimistic outgoing man. Saint refused to remember the man Simon had become after the accident. The broken man. The violent man. The shell whom Simon used to be.
"You... You hurt me Simon... You hurt me..." Saint cried.
"I miss you... I miss you..." He held Simon's pullover and hugged it tight.
Then, Saint cried for Zee. The man who had fallen in love with. The only light in his bleak desolate life. He killed because of him. He became a killer because of him. He was incarcerated because of him. Saint could never ever forgive himself. He could never ever forgive himself.
Saint wished that everything was just a hellish nightmare. That he would wake up and everything was back to normal. That Simon was still alive. That Zee was still in the cafe talking and laughing with him. That he could make new muffin recipes for him and he would enjoy them. Pain filled his heart. Saint could not face Zee again after what had happened. If he just followed what Zee had asked him, he would not be incarcerated. Zee would not have to kill. Zee would not have to lose his freedom. Zee would not have to hate him.
"Zee... Forgive me..."
"Forgive me..."
*********************************************************
"Hello?"
"Saint... This is Huang... How do I put this... You are a month late in your cafe and apartment rent... I know you're struggling but maybe if you could pay either the shop or apartment rent... That would be great Saint."
"Mr Huang... I am so sorry... Things have been really difficult... I'm not... I'm not sure if I could pay the rent this month..." Saint tried to explain to the man.
"I know my boy... If you could... I am so sorry for calling you."
"I... I understand."
Saint sat down and looked around the cafe. He lost many customers. Journalists hounded the place. That prevented people to near his cafe. Then, his customers were mainly office workers from Panich Industry. They did not want to betray Zee. Saint would do the same. He had not been able to sell much. His saving was dwindling. Saint had no idea what to do.
"Saint... May I have another please?"
"I'm sorry Cliff, I was daydreaming." Saint said.
"What... What did you say?" He asked the other man.
"I need another one." Cliff pointed at his empty glass of iced latte.
"Sure Cliff." Saint smiled at the man and made some coffee for him.
Clifford was the only customer who had been loyal to the cafe. He started coming just before the incident and he became one of the few who stayed. After a few minutes, Saint brought Cliff his iced latte.
"Here you are Cliff." Saint put the latte on the table.
"Sit with me Saint." Cliff pointed the chair in front of him.
"How are you?" He asked Saint.
"Okay... I guess..."
"I heard your phone conversation... What are you going to do?"
"I don't know... Maybe I should just leave and find a new place to stay." Saint stated.
"Would you like a job? You can work at my club... We have an opening..." Cliff offered.
"I... I don't know Cliff."
"If you don't like working with us Drag Queens, and if you can find something else..."
"It's not that..." Saint stated.
"The club also offers lodging... I'm not kidding... Our Boss is the best boss in the whole wide world!" Cliff grinned.
"I'm... I'm afraid to let go of this place... This is home... Even after what happened." Saint murmured.
"You don't look happy Saint... Don't let the past haunt you... Don't let the past determine your future. You create your own future." Cliff held Saint's hand trying to convince him.
"Let me tell you something young man... I used to be in an abusive relationship too... It was not easy to start anew... It was not easy to build trust... It was not easy to forget. In fact we can never forget but we are stronger than we think. YOU are stronger than you think." Cliff smiled at him.
Saint's eyes began to water.
"It's okay to cry... You can even cry everyday if you want to. Then, we wipe our tears and dust everything off and we forge on." Cliff continued.
"I'm not strong Cliff... If I were strong... Zee wouldn't... He wouldn't..." Saint could not contain his sadness.
"You cannot change the past." Cliff reminded him.
"I wish I could remember... I can't remember anything from that night... I wish I could say something in the court to help Zee..." Saint lamented.
"Saint... Honey... YOU CANNOT CHANGE anything... You have to accept it." Cliff asserted.
"He's there because of me..." Saint whispered.
Cliff tried consoling Saint the best he could. They talked and it was time for Cliff to leave. They were heading towards the door when Jeremy stepped into the cafe.
"Jeremy?" Saint was surprised because he had not seen him since the day he was at court.
"I'm here to get Simon's stuff."
"Jeremy... This is Cliff... This is..."
"I don't give a shit who he is Saint... I don't have time for this... Give me the key." Jeremy demanded.
"Manners young man." Cliff murmured.
"I don't know who the fuck you are... KEYS NOW SAINT!"
"Excuse me Cliff... Sorry about this..."
Saint followed Jeremy to the apartment. At the apartment, Jeremy continued to be rude and dismissive towards Saint. He did not want Simon's clothes so he only ended up with only 2 boxes of Simon's belonging.
"Let me help you." Saint offered to help.
"Don't touch me!" Jeremy spat.
"You can lie to the world... You can lie to the police... YOU and that Zee... You planned it all... Didn't you?!!"
"No... I... I didn't Jeremy..."
"Save it!! You are SCUM!!! Simon was right... YOU are a FUCKING WHORE!!!" Jeremy yelled.
"You are WORSE than FILTH!! Simon loved you and you KILLED HIM!!"
"I loved him Jeremy... You know that." Saint answered.
"Don't FUCKING LIE Saint!!"
"YOU FUCKING USELESS WHOREE!!!" Jeremy roared.
"Amnesia? That's convenient for two conniving LOW LIVES!!" Jeremy yelled.
"3 fucking years for killing my brother??? 3 FUCKING years!!!" He took a few threatening steps toward Saint.
"ENOUGH! You leave this apartment now! I will call the cops on you." Cliff all of the sudden was in Saint's apartment.
"Who the fuck are you? This is between THIS WHORE and me!" Jeremy growled.
"It doesn't matter who I am... YOU... Leave now! Never bother Saint ever again!" Cliff insisted.
"Saint... YOU are going to regret this! I'm going to make that bastard's life a living hell and YOU will pay for everything!" Jeremy yelled before leaving the apartment.
******************************************************
Saint's eyes teared up. Someone had vandalised his cafe. There were words sprayed all over the front of his shop. The words 'whore' and 'murderer' were everywhere. He could not afford to lose any more money because he still had not paid his rent for both the cafe and his apartment. His part-time workers stopped working months ago. He was responsible to run his cafe on his own because he could not afford to pay some extra hands. Saint slowly wiped his tears. In his heart he knew who was responsible but he did not want to confront Jeremy or Simon's family. He continued to stare at his cafe. He had worked so hard for the place. He began saving money since he started working and when his late grandfather passed away leaving him with some inheritance; it kicked started his small business. Saint loved running the cafe. He loved meeting the different people. He loved seeing them enjoying his coffee and pastries.
He got inside the cafe and tried to calm himself. He had grown tired of crying every single day. He remembered what Cliff had said to him on numerous occasions. To leave the apartment and the cafe. To start anew. He was willing to help. Saint was unsure of what to do and whom to trust. Simon was the person whom he trusted the most and yet, he had done atrocious and violent things to him that destroyed their lives. Saint filled a pail with some water and soap and found him a scrubber. He stepped outside the cafe and shook his head. He began cleaning the paint on the glass and slowly but surely cleaned the front of his cafe. While he was busy cleaning, someone tapped his shoulder.
"Mr Huang..."
"Saint... What happened?"
"I... I don't know." Saint felt awful as the owner of the building looked at the cafe in horror.
"My boy... Who could have done this?"
"I don't know Mr Huang." Saint lied to the old man.
"You have dangerous people coming to get you..." The Old man said.
"Could it be... The Panich?" The man asked.
"Mr Huang..." Saint was too drained to explain to him.
"I'm sorry that I could not help you Saint." Mr Huang asserted.
"You've helped me more than you should Mr Huang."
"Saint... I know you have so much on your plate... I know I might sound selfish... But Saint... You owe me 2 months rent for the apartment and the shop."
"I know Mr Huang... I'm so sorry... I don't know what to do..."
"Saint... I know you are a very nice person but I cannot afford to wait for you to pay your rent... Why don't I suggest this... You don't have to pay the 2 months rent... Both for the apartment and the shop... But my boy... I have to ask you to move out at the end of the month... You have 2 weeks..."
"Mr Huang..."
"I hope you understand me Saint... I wish I could help you... I am so sorry..."
"I am the one who should say sorry to you Mr Huang." Saint whispered.
"Saint my boy... If you need a job... You can call me... It's the least I could do for you Saint."
"Thank you Mr Huang."
"You have 2 weeks Saint... I'm sorry." Mr Huang left.
Saint moved like a zombie into his cafe and sat down one of the chairs. He thought and thought but nothing seemed to crop into his mind. He had no money. He had no family. He had nowhere to go. Saint sat in the slowly darkened cafe without realising how long he had been sitting there. He did not even notice when Cliff wandered into his dark cafe. The older man sighed and shook his head.
"Saint..."
"Saint?"
"Huh..." Saint raised his head and stared at a silhouette.
He was surprised that it was dark. He lost track of how long he had been sitting in his cafe.
"Saint Honey... Don't get up... Let me..." Cliff kindly went to find the light switches.
"They're next to the refrigerator." Saint informed him.
"Found them." Cliff said and the cafe suddenly was illuminated with lights.
Cliff filled up a glass with water and walked back to where Saint was sitting.
"Here you are." He gave Saint the glass of water.
"Thank you." Saint whispered.
Cliff stared at the younger man.
"You okay?"
"No..." Saint smiled sadly.
"What happened?" Cliff asked.
"I have to leave my apartment and cafe in two weeks... And I don't know what to do."
"Of course you know what to do..." Cliff patted Saint's hand.
Saint smiled.
"I'm... I'm afraid." Saint replied.
"That is understandable."
"How... How did you do it? How did you start? How did you get rid of... The guilt?" Saint questioned.
"How? One small step each time..." Cliff smiled at him.
"As for guilt... You can never get rid of it... But Saint... You need to learn to forgive yourself... Maybe that is a start..." Cliff reasoned.
"You didn't kill Simon... You didn't cause him to be abusive... You didn't cause for him to lose his life..." He continued.
"I caused Zee to be incarcerated..." Saint whispered.
"No Honey... You did not cause that..."
"This.. This is so hard..." Saint closed his eyes.
"I'm so tired of crying Cliff..." He opened his eyes and tears fell.
"I'm so tired...." Saint whispered.
"Saint... There are reasons why things happen... Good or bad... There are blessings in them... You have to find your silver lining... You have to start counting your blessings!"
"Come with me... You can work at my club... The vacancy is still open. You stay with me for the time being."
"I can't do that." Saint answered.
"Why not?"
"I don't want to burden you."
"Burden me? Do I need to carry you on my back? Do I need to feed you or clothe you? No Honey... You have to pay me rent!" Cliff grinned while Saint slowly smiled at the flamboyant man.
"Are you sure?"
"100%! I'm so tired of begging you to work for me... For YOUR information... I never beg... Unless I can get.. Something-something!" Cliff winked and grinned.
Saint smiled at the nice funny man.
"Honey... Have you eaten?" He proceeded to ask Saint.
"No..." Saint replied.
"Do you have anything in the cafe for us to eat?'
"No... I'm sorry."
"Let me order some pizza... Are you okay with pizza?"
"I eat anything."
"Cool... Let me order our pizzas." Cliff murmured as he pressed the Grab Food application icon.
"Is that horrible man from the other day still bothering you?"
"No." Saint shook his head.
"If he comes again... Call the police on his damn skinny ass!" Cliff growled while Saint smiled at him.
"Honey... Have you started going to therapy?"
"I want to but... I'm... I'm not ready." Saint whispered.
"Do you still have nightmares?"
"Sometimes..." Saint trailed.
"Cliff... Why are you so nice to me?"
"Because when I was in your shoes... Someone helped me." Cliff smiled and patted Saint's hand.
"Just think of me as your... Hairy Godmother." He added and Saint smiled.