Adrien didn't know what to do.
Walking towards the Gaming Club, he felt completely separate from his body, as though he was in a horrible dream watching things happen he couldn't control. His arms swung loosely by his sides, his brain was in a fog.
It had been two days since he'd been released from the hospital. Two days since he'd finally, at long last, been able to reunite with Marinette, with his precious, wonderful girlfri-
Ah. That was an issue. Was she even his girlfriend anymore?
The note she'd left was resting in his satchel, in its own pocket. He must've read it a thousand times by now. Poured over every line, traced over every letter as each word sunk into his skin, rattled and shook his insides. Even so, he had the urge to look at it again, read it again, to search for some clue that told them they weren't over, that he hadn't ruined this for good.
He shook his head as he pushed open the doors, entering the complex of classrooms where the Gaming Club was hosted. This was silly. All the note had said was that Marinette was confused and hurt by his absence, how she needed space from him for a while. She'd said she wanted to talk eventually, but she was hurt.
Adrien placed a hand against his chest. Hurt. He'd hurt her by not showing up. Of course she'd gone to the natural conclusion that he was upset that she was allegedly dating someone else. The timings were ripe for a disaster of miscommunications and he had only himself to blame for not speaking out sooner.
When she wanted to see him again, he was going to tell her who he was. He'd already vowed to do so, but now his resolve had doubled. These secrets and half-truths had caused too much damage, too much doubt and fear. He needed her to understand. Hopefully, she would forgive him. But he'd keep silent for now. He'd respect her wishes. To barge into her space and reveal his identity, to demand his presence be acknowledged, was too emotionally manipulative. If he ignored her wishes, broke into her room and de-transformed, it would seem like he was trying to use his identity to his advantage, as a way to persuade her into staying with him.
No. They would clear up this horrid misunderstanding. Then and only then would he reveal his identity.
"What am I doing?" he whispered to himself at the top of the staircase, staring into the dimly-lit depths below. He shouldn't even be coming to the Gaming Club should he? Yes, Marinette's note had been directed at Chat Noir, but it wouldn't be respecting her wishes if he still spent time around her wouldn't it? Even as Adrien.
But the will to see her, to know she was alright, was unbearable. Her green ribbons were gone, the way she'd looked in the hospital, now the note... the fact that she'd mentioned Derek's threats. She must've been so worried about it all and he hadn't been there to soothe those fears. He had failed her as a partner. Just as he had once failed Ladybug.
The thought made the terrible clawing sensation in his chest deepen and Adrien was almost breathless with the pain of it.
He gripped the railing tight, swallowed thickly. This wasn't going to work, was it? How was he going to hold himself together in front of her? The moment he saw her, he knew he'd fall apart. Marinette had asked him to stay away so he needed to do exactly that. As both of his identities.
Releasing the railing, Adrien turned and got out his phone. Marinette would worry about him if he didn't show up. He was supposed to go for his mental health after all, that was the point of him joining the club in the first place. Not wanting to place any more stress on her than he already had, he began to type a message to the group chat apologising and offering an excuse for his absence.
As he walked out the door he bumped into someone in a hurry and his phone almost flew out of his hands.
"Woah! Sorry man!"
Adrien's head shot up at the sound of Nino's voice and, despite all the inner anguish, he smiled.
"No worries," he replied, putting his phone away. "You running late?"
"Yeah, I usually help set up but I think half the damn metro is closed for whatever reason, so I walked a lot of the way," Nino explained with a shrug, then gestured to his backpack. "Mari's setting up on her own so I stopped off to buy snacks by way of apology."
"Sweet," Adrien said and it was nice to have a normal conversation, even for a little bit. No talk of Derek, or kidnappings, or how thoroughly he'd messed up his love life.
Nino frowned, glancing out the door and then back to Adrien. "Were you leaving or something? How come you were walking out?"
Adrien froze. "Ah," he drawled out, high and awkward. "I changed my mind about going. You know with everything that happened I'm worried about how far behind I got with my studies and I have a bunch of papers to mark. Plus loads of other stuff."
Nino scoffed, flapping a hand. "Papers-shmapers! You've been through a lot and you need to let off steam."
Oh boy do you not even know the half of it Adrien thought, then gave a start when Nino grabbed his arm and started frog marching him down the stairs.
"Nino, wait," he cried, resisting. A wave of panic hit him. How had he ever thought going to the club was a good idea? "I can't. I really can't."
He tugged his arm out of Nino's grip and Nino grunted in response, losing his balance. Adrien's eyes widened and he swooped down to stop his friend from falling down the stairs. That's just what he didn't need, more blood on his hands.
Nino frowned, turning to glance at him. "Dude, what's going on?"
Adrien started backing away, back up the stairs, back towards the entrance. His heart was pounding. You see? You only know how to hurt the people you love.
"I'm- I'm sorry. I've gotta go," he said. Then he fled.
***
Adrien never wanted special treatment. But, because of the surname he carried, special treatment often followed wherever he went. His PhD, however, was different. He insisted to his professors that he be treated like every other student as he didn't want to be seen as getting favours. At first they were reluctant. Nobody wanted to fail the son of Gabriel Agreste, after all.
But the silver lining in the storm of awfulness that was finding out his father was Paris' main supervillain, had been that he was able to get Gabriel to back off. His PhD was his and his alone. Finally, he would be able to earn something due to his own efforts, not because people were scared of the consequences if they dared deny him.
And equal treatment led him to the Broom Closet.
At a certain point in the programme, PhD students were eligible for their own offices. None of these were glamorous by any stretch of the word. The PhD offices were usually the gloomiest, most run-down, tiniest rooms at the university. Had Adrien allowed his privilege to step in, he would have automatically had a room more akin to a fully qualified academic, possibly even better than theirs.
But Adrien never wanted that. He wanted to start from the dankest, dingiest little closet office and work his way up to an office with a big desk and whiteboards, with an actual window or two and maybe a coffee machine if he was feeling extra daring.
So he had an office, yes. If you could really call it that. Plagg called it the Broom Closet and the name stuck. It was big enough for his desk and an extra chair on the opposite side for any of his students. There was a tiny window at the top which allowed for some light and Adrien had brought a little warm desk lamp, as the blue-white of the overhead light gave him migraines. There was also, quite peculiarly, a constant smell of spinach.
Adrien loved the Broom Closet to pieces.
It was there he sat, marking papers as a way to calm himself down after his near-miss with Nino and the Gaming Club. Plagg was curled up in his own drawer, where he'd made a nest of snacks and mini cushions. Headphones in, Adrien played some music and hoped the monotonous task would calm his racing heart.
He was halfway through his impressive paper stack, and about a quarter of the way through his I'm Pretending Everything is Fine playlist, when a loud knock jolted him out of his concentration and he gave a start.
Nino had sought him out.
"Gaming Club is done," he said, an unreadable expression on his face, as Adrien ushered him in and closed the door behind them both. They settled down in their respective chairs, the desk in the way. "I just wanted to check up on you, you seemed really out of it and I worried."
Adrien sighed, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair. Noticing his headphones were still blaring out a song, he quickly switched them off to give Nino his full attention. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that man. I just panicked and- you ok?"
Nino was wrinkling his nose. "Fine, but like, you aware your office smells like boiled cabbage?"
"Spinach actually," Adrien shrugged. "Pretty sure it's boiled spinach."
"Right. Yeah. Makes sense," Nino replied, nodding absent-mindedly. Lightly shaking himself out of his distraction, he looked up at Adrien. At once, his remorseful puppy eyes met Adrien's and he burst out with, "Look man, I'm really sorry! We should have talked about it all before you came back, but I was running late and it just totally slipped my mind. I should have told you Mari and I asked everyone not to bug you about the whole kidnapping stuff. Everyone is really glad you're ok, but we weren't going to bother you with a million questions about it. We're all there to have fun and kidnappings are- like- the exact opposite. So Gaming Club's honour! We promise we won't mention it. We missed you tonight."
After such a heartfelt, caring speech, Adrien couldn't help but be touched. Once again he marvelled at how many people had come to care for him, for Adrien and not Chat Noir. Like a ray of sunlight, Nino's kind words broke through Adrien's brain fog. But only a little.
"I had a feeling you'd both do something like that," Adrien replied, pulling out a tin of chocolates he saved for any students who came to visit. He offered them to Nino, who took one with an expression somewhere between relieved and confused. "I'm sorry I worried you."
They munched on their chocolate for a brief, contemplative silence.
"So," Nino replied after a while. "You really didn't freak out over everyone wanting to know about the kidnapping?"
"I'm secretly traumatised about lots of things, but the kidnapping probably isn't one of them," Adrien responded dryly, choosing a small cookie from the tin this time. "Neither is how other people would react to my kidnapping."
"Okaaaay we're going to put a pin in that one and save that for later," Nino said, making a pinning gesture and leaning back in his chair. He fixed Adrien with a harder stare. "So, then, it didn't have anything to do with the whole Derek incident."
"I promise it wasn't that," Adrien replied honestly.
"And you seem to have a handle on the marking you missed."
Adrien's head swivelled towards the large chunk of papers he'd already made his way through. Suddenly he felt like he'd walked into a trap. "Uhh..." he took another bite of cookie and tried to remain calm.
"So, then, is everything alright with you and Marinette?"
Adrien choked on the cookie.
"Marinette?" he rasped. Instantly, his mind filled with images of her. None of them were good. A particularly nasty one forced itself to the forefront, a more recent one from his nightmares, one where Marinette had joined Ladybug the time she'd been shot, lying side-by-side, both of their blood on his hands. He shoved the image to the back again, his heart leaping into his throat. "Why? Is she okay? Is she hurt? How is she feeling, did she worry about me not being there? I tried to be respectful and stay away."
"Why the hell would she want you to stay away?" Nino frowned. "You're her friend! Of course she wouldn't want you to stay away. She cares about you. And to answer your question, I guess she's ok? She seemed super tired and out of it tonight but, like always when she's upset, she tries to pretend she's fine and able to handle it. A bit like you actually."
Adrien fought not to wince, but failed miserably.
Sighing, Nino adjusted his glasses and leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the desk. "Look, I'm only gonna ask this once ok? And whatever you say I'll believe you. But... what is going on with you two? Really? I know it could easily be that you're both upset about what happened to you, but it doesn't feel like that, ya know? And you said it wasn't anything to do with that. I also overheard Marinette facetiming Alya, I know I shouldn't have and it was an accident, but it sounded like she'd broken up with someone. So, look, I've gotta ask. Have you two been dating in secret? I thought maybe it was a secret because your dad seems like a stuck-up jerk, but that's just a theory." He paused, no doubt watching the colour draining from Adrien's face.
He went on, "Both of you are acting like you're romantic messes at the moment. I've been putting two and two together, like how cosy you both got when you were pretending to be a couple? Yeah that looked real for a reason I'm betting. And when I spoke to her about it, she got all upset and told me that things are complicated. Plus I've known you've been crazy about her for a while, you'd have to be blind not to see that! I don't know man, I might just be looking for eggs in a dairy farm, but I care about you both and want to make sure."
There was another pause. At first, Adrien felt the instinct to lie again, to fall back onto the patterns he'd followed for the past four years, since he'd got the ring on his finger. He flexed his hand, twisted the miraculous, ready to cover the truth once more.
Then he looked at Nino's earnest expression, and a wave of exhaustion hit him. He'd never had a guy friend like Nino before. Sure Plagg cared about him, but he often wasn't the best source of emotional comfort.
He was so tired of the lies. He was tired of pretending everything was fine. Someone was there, in front of him, looking out for him, giving him the option to be emotionally vulnerable. And Adrien craved that more than anything. At a time when he was even hiding from Ladybug, cancelling patrols because he was just so ashamed of everything, his resolve began to crumble.
Like an ancient stone wall met with a tsunami, Adrien's defences fell, and he slumped forwards, head on his desk. "I've messed everything up, Nino. I've messed everything up."
He felt a gentle weight on the crown of his head as Nino patted it. "I'm sure you haven't messed up that bad. Like, if you'd really messed up I doubt you'd both be so sad. Unless you secretly broke up your secret relationship?"
Adrien sat up and swallowed around a lump in his throat. "I don't know if we are. We had a big misunderstanding and she asked for space."
Nino grinned. "Ah! So you've had the dreaded miscommunication fight? Alya had a couple of those at the start of our relationship. You get over them, I promise. As long as you can figure out a way to not have those miscommunications again. God and here was me thinking something really bad had gone down like your dad had discovered your relationship and was forcing you out the country or something."
Adrien squirmed a little. "I think it's more than a small miscommunication," he admitted and Nino's face dropped, the grin wiped from his face and he sat up. It was nice, Adrien thought, that someone was taking his pain seriously. "I think I just went about this whole relationship wrong from the start, hiding in the shadows like a coward. I should have never snuck onto her balcony and left that rose there. I should have just been straight forward with her as myself."
He hadn't been thinking properly when he spoke. But the words were out before he realised the implication, before he realised he let his guard down too much.
"Uhh," Nino frowned, leaning back. "What do you mean you shouldn't have left a rose on her balcony? How'd you sneak up there in the first place?"
There were a number of reasons he could have suggested that would have sounded viable; her parents let him in before she got home, he learned parkour as a teenager and put it to good use, he was really good at throwing stuff.
But, in his blind panic, Adrien's mind packed up shop and left for a holiday in sunny Barcelona. So, instead he yelled, "HELICOPTER."
Nino snorted, leaning back on his chair and smiling. "Wow, how did you keep up this secret relationship for so long? You're such a bad liar, dude."
Adrien sucked a breath between his teeth, leaning over the desk to glance at Nino. "Look, man, I- can you please forget I said that? Please?"
Nino stared for a while.
"Sure," he said eventually and, though Adrien's shoulders sagged with relief, he got the feeling Nino was reluctant to forget.
They ate another biscuit in silence, much more uncomfortable this time.
"If you ever want me to remember what you said though," Nino added after a time, "I can do that. Because here's the thing, you and Mari are so similar. Way too similar actually. It's like you both go out of your way for others, you'll do anything to help people, but will claw your own arms off before you ask for help yourselves. So, I guess what I'm saying is, if you need a friend...yeah?"
Another wave of affection washed over Adrien. "Yeah," he replied fondly. "Thanks."
"Anytime," Nino replied with a casual shrug. "Look I'm sure if you're just honest about your miscommunication, things will clear up. In the meantime, I'll pretend I don't know. I'm not sure why this relationship is secretive but I can respect it. As long as you don't hurt each other in the process okay?"
Adrien nodded and Nino got to his feet.
"Anyways it's late and I know you've still got papers to mark so I'll leave you to it. Don't stay too late."
"I won't," Adrien replied, also standing. "I'll probably head to the library later, do some studying. Mix it up."
"Party hard every day," Nino finger gunned and opened the door.
He was halfway out the door when Adrien placed a hand on his shoulder. "Nino, wait."
Maybe it was how much Nino loved all of his friends, maybe it was the realisation that he was part of that friends list now, or maybe it was simply the fact that he needed to tell someone who wasn't going to treat the whole thing as a joke or something that could be solved easily, but Adrien's resolve crumbled a second time.
Gently tugging Nino back into the room, Adrien peered out into the hallway, checking nobody was there. When he was satisfied, he closed the door again, back pressing against it to look at Nino.
"What's the matter?" Nino asked, confused.
Adrien felt his hands begin to shake, and placed them in between the small of his back and the door to control it. He inhaled. "Listen. I... I have a secret ok? But I don't know if telling you will put you in a bad spot. You've been friends with Marinette way longer than you have with me. You, Alya, the rest of the club. Heck, even Marinette, you've all known me for less than a year. How can I just swoop in and ruin everything with my- my secrets and lies? I don't want to cause any more trouble."
Nino smiled. "Adrien," he replied, "shut up and tell me what your secret is. Unless you're into some criminal shit or something- I'm sure it's not so bad....you're not a criminal right?"
"What?" Adrien blanched. "No! I'm kinda the opposite actually. I'm Chat Noir."
"Oh, well then that's ok," Nino said, as if he'd just heard the date of a doctor's appointment. Then, after a five second pause, his eyes widened to the size of saucers. "WAIT WHAT"
Adrien launched forwards, pressing a finger to Nino's lips. "Shh! Please!"
"Dude, no way! No way that's so...wait really?" Nino took a step back and hit the desk, twisting a little from side to side. "Why don't you have enough space to pace?! I need to PACE!"
"So you believe me?" Adrien asked, heart squeezing painfully. It felt like he was standing on a mountaintop, waiting to hear if the descent was clear or not. "I mean, I can show you proof too."
"You- proof?! Show me the proof!" Nino's mouth dropped open. "I mean- like- I believe you, man, it totally makes sense. You look so crazy similar I don't know how I didn't see it before! But yeah, show me proof."
Adrien would have been more nervous, but there was both shock and amazement in Nino's eyes. It was easy to forget, sometimes, how it had felt in those early days of being Chat Noir. Taking down Hawkmoth and the Puppetmaster had been a hard lesson in the burden of being a superhero; that intense highs came with lows so deep he'd been certain he'd never be able to climb his way out of them. Nino's excitement was infectious, and made him remember how free being Chat Noir had once made him feel. He only ever felt that nowadays when he was with Ladybug, racing over rooftops, protecting the city as always.
So Adrien showed him the proof. He had to prod Plagg from his nap and he was sure that would come back to bite him, possibly literally, but he didn't mind.
As Chat Noir stood in front of an awed Nino, he couldn't help but scratch his head awkwardly. "So...err... ta-dah? Secret unveiled. You were half right. I am dating Marinette, in secret. But this is the reason why, not because of my dad. She doesn't know that I'm Adrien."
Nino whistled low. "Dude," he breathed. "This is heavy shit, so I'm going to lighten the mood by saying- I've gotta remove you from my list."
Well, whatever reaction he'd been expecting, that hadn't been it. Nino looked halfway between amused and embarrassed. A faint blush dusted his cheeks.
"Your list?" Chat inquired.
"Yeah. Alya and I both have these silly fantasy lists of people we'd be allowed to go on one date with," his blush got harder and Chat found himself turning red too. "She has- I mean had- she had Ladybug on her list until about two years ago. I kept you on mine though. I have to take you off now though. Now I know you, it's WAY too awkward. No longer a funny fantasy."
"Sorry?"
"Nah don't be," Nino shrugged. "I'll just replace you with a Hemsworth. Thor's pretty cute. But you could save my sanity by changing back to Adrien now. Need my bro back, not my superhero crush. I'm about five seconds away from swooning and really, that's just gonna be awkward for everyone isn't it?"
He said it in such an exaggerated, feigned embarrassed way that Chat couldn't help burst out laughing, eternally grateful that his friend knew how to break the tension.
Adrien transformed back, and Plagg flew off grumbling. Nino's eyes widened again as he watched the kwami go back to his drawer. "I'm going to have to have a chat with him at some point."
"Bring cheese if you want to get anything out of him," Adrien explained, suddenly feeling exhausted. He slipped down the door and sat on the floor with a loud sigh. Only one leg had enough space to lie stretched out, the other he curled up towards his chest. The back of his head hit the door.
Nino came and sat beside him with a loud exhale. "So this is definitely not what I expected tonight."
"What am I going to do?" Adrien pressed his lips together, closing his eyes.
"Wait, wait, wait I'm connecting the dots," Nino replied. When Adrien opened his eyes again, Nino had one hand on the side of his glasses and his other hand waved in the air making invisible notes. "So you caught feelings for Marinette hard but instead of confessing as Adrien, you left a rose for Marinette as Chat Noir. I'm guessing she caught you doing it and that's how your relationship started?" Adrien nodded and Nino went on. "But then you pretended to be a couple as Adrien and Marinette, and then that fake relationship went viral... but then you had to go into hiding because of freaking Derek. But that meant Chat Noir couldn't meet Marinette anymore. Which probably means SHE thinks you're- Superhero You- is mad at her or thinks she was cheating or something and now she's asked you for space? Oh dude. DUDE. You are so super fucked."
"I promise I didn't do any of this to trick her or anything! I'm just a coward," he stared at his lap. "I didn't think she could love me. Not as Adrien. The night I went to drop the rose on her balcony, I wanted to do it as a way to give myself closure. I thought nothing would happen. But it turns out I saved her life once, years ago, and she's always held a candle for me and then things just snowballed out of control. I never, ever, wanted to hurt her. I was going to tell her when all the Derek stuff ended but she asked for space and now I'm worried I'm too late."
There was silence for a moment. Then Nino hit him with his hat.
"OW!" Adrien cried. "Dude what-"
"You are the most caring, lovable, likeable dude on the planet!" Nino scolded, wagging his finger inches before Adrien's nose. "Honestly it's a little crazy how nice you are, considering you're rich! So you can stop that nonsense right now. Secondly, you have to tell her. You know that right? And you know she'll be ok with it."
"How do I know that? I've lied to the girl I love this whole time. That's pretty unforgivable."
"It's superhero identity stuff! Of course it's all a big mess and of course she'll understand all the reasons you didn't tell her. Especially if she loves you back which, judging from how you're both handling things right now, I'd say she does," Nino hummed, putting his hat back on. "You could make it a special night, a romantic one. Ask her out as Adrien or something, show her a nice time and then tell the secret, like it was a proposal rather than a death sentence. I think your major problem has been that you've been thinking of this secret as something to be ashamed of, that you- Adrien- are something to be ashamed of. Chat Noir isn't the only worthy part of you, man, you're more than worthy on your own. I bet that's why you were chosen for the superhero job in the first place."
Adrien sat there, letting the words soak in. Nino was right, wasn't he? He'd spent so long being afraid, so long thinking Marinette would react with anger and hurt that he'd not even stopped to consider she might react with kindness and understanding. He was so busy thinking poorly of himself that to hear others speak of him with praise caused his world to tilt and shift. For the first time in a long time, he began to hope.
Tears blurred his vision and he stared hard at his lap. "Thanks Nino, you're a really good friend."
"I've heard," Nino grinned, clapping him on the back. "So, how are you going to do it?"
Adrien looked at his phone, checking the time. "Have you got some time?" he asked weakly, still unsure, still worried, the hope was still just a seed. "I could use someone to bounce ideas off of."
"Sure," Nino replied. "I've got a bit of time."
***
Ladybug couldn't tell if the skyline was blurry, a fog descending on the night, or if her eyes were so tired she could scarcely focus again.
She sighed, slumping against a chimney and running a hand through her hair. No, it was definitely her brain that was cloudy. She could at least admit that to herself. Her super strength nudged her forwards, kept her on her feet. As Marinette she could barely stand. And she knew why.
Tikki was worried, of course. Tikki was always worried. But this was the only way Ladybug could see being able to resolve the issue. She needed to find Chat Noir and as Marinette she'd unwittingly asked him to stay away. Of course he'd respected those wishes.
So every day since then, she had transformed into Ladybug in the vain hope she might catch him on a rooftop wander. It didn't matter to her that she couldn't sleep. Sleep evaded her regardless. All that mattered was finding Chat Noir and setting things right. Finally telling the truth. If she couldn't do that as Marinette right now, she would do it as Ladybug.
He hadn't shown up once. In fact, he actively cancelled their one weekly scheduled patrol.
She knew what that meant too. He felt guilty. He only ever cancelled on her when he was feeling bad about something, but didn't know how to talk about it.
Ladybug teetered towards the edge of the rooftop, staring down at the traffic below before averting her eyes. Her powers could only do so much to fend off her exhaustion, and bright lights were especially annoying. Instead, she scanned the rooftops again. The scent of late-night waffles hit her nose and she sighed. This was one of his favourite spots to go if he felt bad about something. The amount of times she'd found Chat, nestled on the roof of the cafe munching on a takeaway crepe or waffle, was numerous.
But he wasn't here. He wasn't anywhere. That told her he wasn't transforming into Chat Noir as much. Gritting her teeth and turning around, she summoned her energy and took a running leap off the rooftop, onto the next, and further still until she got as far away from the cafe as possible.
She tried not to think about the last time he avoided being Chat Noir, the last time he'd felt so ashamed of himself he'd tried to give up his miraculous, but her hand wandered to her abdomen anyway. Had she really messed things up this badly? Why was he so guilty that he was avoiding even Ladybug? Was he ashamed of the way he'd treated her as Marinette? Or was there something more urgent going on, something greater and more important than their relationship, which was taking him away from his duties?
Ladybug was a fixer. It was in her nature to look for solutions to complex problems and solve them, usually in the context of taking down villains. But this? This she couldn't see a way to fix. She couldn't find Chat Noir and confess to everything if he was avoiding her as both Ladybug and Marinette. And the longer this went on, the greater her anxieties grew. What if they'd ruined this? What if they'd spent so long saving others that they were now beyond saving themselves?
When, at last, she reached the rooftop adjacent to her house, she finally stopped running. Instead she stared over at her balcony, where it had all begun.
Even if someone had asked how she felt then, staring at the scene of her greatest joy and greatest crime, she wouldn't have been able to say. Tiredness was emotion, right?
She leapt onto the balcony and de-transformed, collapsing into her chair with a sigh.
"Marinette, you can't keep doing this to yourself," Tikki chided softly, nuzzling into the spot between Marinette's neck and shoulder. "I can feel you weakening every time you transform. What if something or someone attacks the city and you have to fight when you're like this?"
Marinette winced. Her heart felt like a stone in her chest but she could not cry. She was too exhausted to cry. "I know Tikki, but every time I try to sleep my mind races with possibilities. What I could do, what I should do. All of the scenarios that could play out and how I could deal with every one of them. Then I start to think about the lack of sleep and how it might start affecting my studies and then all of the possibilities that might happen from THAT. My brain just feels like it wants to explode."
Tikki thought to herself for a minute, nuzzling closer. The gesture reminded Marinette of that Valentine's day night what now seemed like years ago. What would she do, now, if given the chance? Would she have told him her identity outright? Would she have waited? There had been so many chances to make the right decision, to be honest, and she had squandered all of them.
Marinette wasn't usually one for self-hatred. She was often the first to try and own her mistakes, to apologise and make them right. And, whilst she was trying to do that now, the self-hatred at how long it had taken her, at how badly she could have ruined this, was growing at an alarming rate.
"You know," Tikki mused. "He does love you. You remember? He said so. And you know Chat Noir better than anyone else. What did your note say?"
Marinette didn't want to say, didn't want to remember the stupid drunken words she wrote. "I asked him for space."
"Exactly!" Tikki replied encouragingly, her whole body bobbing up and down. "He loves you, and he's going to give you space, respectfully, because you asked for it. But you know he'll come back soon. He came back once, he'll do it again. I'm sure this is all one big misunderstanding. I know you're worried you messed up, I know you don't want to lose him, but you have to be patient now, and not panic. Stop trying to force it or you could do more damage."
Marinette sighed, her whole body slumping down even further. A part of her, the more neurotic fixer part, wanted to ignore Tikki and carry on with her pointless nighttime searches. But Tikki was right. If she kept this up, she was going to do more harm than good. In all areas.
"I guess I just have to trust it will turn out ok, right?" she said, objectivity washing over her. Tikki's cold, hard facts were a much-needed balm and she sighed.
"Sitting back and waiting for things to happen is hard for any superhero!" Tikki smiled. "You can do it though. Like I said. He loves you. He'll come back, and you can both get the answers you need."
Silence fell as Marinette turned the words over in her mind. Patience. Love. Trust.
Answers.
"Why don't we go to bed?"
She didn't realise she'd buried her head in her hands until Tikki spoke. Glancing up into the kind kwami's eyes, Marinette felt a cold dose of reality wash over her. What the hell was she doing? She was worrying everyone. Most people who didn't know her, she could fool. But her parents she'd been able to avoid enough to keep the heat off. Alya, Nino and Tikki, she couldn't escape from. They knew her well enough to see through her fake smiles.
"I can't. I have to study. I have a paper due for fashion history class," she replied, trying to brighten, trying to do better, if not for herself then at least for the people who cared about her. "I think once I get past that I'll be able to relax a bit. Just a bit."
"Well how about this?" Tikki replied after musing for a little while, "how about we go back to your campus library and have a good old-fashioned study session? Maybe spending time away from your room will do you good!"
Marinette smiled, her first true smile in days. "That sounds perfect."
***
The campus was strangely empty. Fallen leaves danced around her feet, caught in the breeze between the university buildings. As she made her way towards the library, Marinette watched them go, lost in her own thoughts. For once, however, they weren't on Chat Noir. Tikki's suggestion had worked wonders. Along with the slight chill which stung her cheeks, the idea of having a late night study session had managed to shift her focus.
She loved the school library. It hadn't quite beaten her lifelong favourite spot in Paris, the Trocadero, but it was close. The library was surprising; a boringly old-fashioned building became a hodgepodge of modern and interestingly old-fashioned design the second you walked in. Glass elevators were set amongst ceiling-to-floor bookshelves holding dusty old tomes. Study rooms with intricate 19th century wallpaper oversaw shiny brass lamps and computers. The latest book-searching tech met its match with the oldest librarians the world had ever known. Students often said that the librarians had been there since the time of the Bastille.
Marinette felt a sense of calm there, and not just because of the silence. Here was a place so old yet so modern. Full of wonderful contradictions and secrets, and she couldn't help but feel connected to it for that reason above all else.
"Marinette?"
At the sound of the voice behind her, Marinette's hand froze before it reached the door handle. Her ears were deceiving her, right? There was no way- no way...
She wheeled around and came face-to-face with Adrien.
Breathing out a puff of air and mentally chiding herself (she really needed to get some sleep if she was mixing Adrien's voice with Chat Noir's) she smiled at her friend. Her hand dropped back to her side and she turned away from the library towards him instead.
For the briefest of moments, she was caught off guard again. Adrien looked ruffled, but in the best kind of way. His hair was slightly mussed, probably because he'd run his hand through his hair. Marinette knew he did it when he was stressed, nervous or frustrated. The collar of his perfectly tailored peacoat was suitably rumpled, like it had been tossed over the back of a chair for hours. If it weren't for the tired, dazed look in his eyes, she might have accused him of walking right off of a fashion shoot.
He loves you, an evil, mean, cruel voice piped up, immediately making heat flood to her face. He told you himself, even if he didn't know it.
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, another part of her mind yelled back.
"Hey Adrien! We missed you at Gaming Club tonight!" she said, a little louder than normal, as if she could force those thoughts out of her mind by yelling. Yes she'd been worried about him not showing up, but Nino had said he'd check up on him after the club had finished and he'd messaged her saying Adrien really was swamped with work, so that had been a relief. "Did you get caught up with your work at least?"
Adrien blinked, shaking his head like he was trying to force himself out of a daydream. "I, um, yeah," he stammered. "Yeah I got caught up with a good amount of marking. Still have lots of studying to do too."
"Yeah I'm super behind on a paper," Marinette sighed, the mask of her forced cheer slipping under his scrutiny. Why was he looking at her like that? Like she was some sort of ghost? She had to fight to keep her voice steady as she continued. "I was going to pull a late-nighter to try and get it finished."
"I was going to study too but, you know, I can go if you want?" Adrien asked, jerking his shoulder back like he was about to leave.
Marinette frowned. "What? Why? I don't own the library! Of course you can study at the same time as me, silly!" she started giggling but when Adrien's mirth didn't match hers, she realised he was serious and her face dropped.
"I know but-" he protested whilst Marinette connected the dots. Not showing up at the Gaming Club, leaving the library when he saw she was going there too...
"Adrien, are you avoiding me?" The idea struck her at once, and was far more painful than she expected it to be. She didn't want him to avoid her. Not ever. "Because if I've done something to upset you, I'm sorry. Was it the hospital? I know I'm weird with hospitals."
"What? No! No of course not!" Adrien replied with more passion than she expected. He stepped back, flustered, "Um, Alya told me you had a- an accident a couple of years ago? I know you don't like them and I'd NEVER be mad at you for that. I didn't think anything like it. I'm not- I'm not avoiding you?"
Marinette stepped back herself, running a hand down her face and sighing. What was she doing, accusing Adrien of something so horrible for no reason? Was she determined to push away everyone she cared about?
"Are you...ok?" he continued, tentatively.
She looked up and Adrien had stepped closer to her, the light from the streetlamps catching his pretty eyes, his lovely jawline, and Marinette wanted to fall into the Seine again. It would be easier than tearing her gaze away from him.
"Honestly, Adrien? No. No I'm not. I'm super stressed right now," she admitted with another sigh, shoulders slumping. "For lots of reasons."
"Yeah," he agreed. "I get it. I'm stressed too."
Marinette felt a little smile, a warm sense of comfort at his sympathy. If his words had been in the mouth of any other guy, she might have accused him of being patronising. But she knew he'd never intend them to be that way. "Then let's be stressed together. Study sesh?"
Finally Adrien smiled back. It was small, shy, and did funny things to her chest which she refused to acknowledge, but it was there.
He bowed, arm outstretched towards the library door. "Lead the way."
***
The study session was a disaster.
At least for Adrien.
At this time of night, the library was fairly quiet, and they'd found their own little table in the corner of the third floor, out of the way of the painful fluorescent lights. The lamps there were softer on the eyes, reflecting more comfortably on the books spread out on the table before them.
Adrien clicked away on his laptop, making notes to add to his research project. Across the table, Marinette was jotting her own notes in a pretty notebook with an inexpensive fountain pen. When asked, she said it was easier for her to remember dates and names if she physically wrote them down.
And there was the problem exactly. Marinette. She was far too distracting. Every few minutes, Adrien's concentration broke and he glanced at her, taking her in; the little crinkle in between her eyebrows as she read, the press of her lips as she wrote, the flicker of her eyelashes as she glanced from one medium to the other.
Despite the fact that he'd written pages of notes, he couldn't remember a single damn sentence.
I should have been an artist, he thought, or a photographer.
She must have sensed him staring because her eyes met his and she smiled.
Adrien panicked and shoved his face back toward his laptop screen.
His mind was burning. His fingers itched to reach out and hold her. His tongue was pressed to the roof of his mouth in an effort not to blurt out the truth and ruin the plan Nino and he concocted. Adrien sighed, trying to remember the reasons why he wasn't telling her the truth right now:
She'd asked for space. He was already breaking that rule on a technicality and didn't want to push it.
If he told her right now, it would seem manipulative. His plan was set to take place in about a week, when he'd given her the time she'd needed.
The kidnapping, and the threats against Marinette too, were still fresh, still raw. He didn't want what would hopefully be a happy moment to be tainted by all of that mess. Nino had opened his eyes to the fact that this should be a good revelation, not a shameful one, and it needed an event fitting of that. He did need to apologise for concealing the truth, but not for who he was under the mask.
Adrien felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle and looked up from his laptop to find Marinette watching him. As soon as their eyes met again, she squeaked and shoved her face in her library book, the tip of her ears going pink.
And Adrien almost keeled over from how cute she was. Did he have a plan? Ah screw the plan. He wanted to kiss her RIGHT NOW.
A mental image of Nino slapping his around the head and yelling "get it together, man!" flashed in his mind and he shoved those impulses right back down.
Marinette yawned, closing her notebook and stretching. "I think I've done all I can here. What about you? Ready to call it quits?"
With a quick nod, Adrien saved his work and closed his laptop. "It's late though," he replied. "Are you going to be ok getting home? Nino told me the Metro wasn't running properly today."
In the middle of packing her things away, Marinette gave a bit of a start. "Yeah," she drawled, elongating her syllables. "The metro was down... which is why I took the bus. Oh but I guess the one I need isn't running now? Don't worry, I can walk!" she shrugged cheerfully.
"You can come with me if you want," Adrien said, balking at the idea of her walking the dark streets at night after everything that had recently happened. "My driver can swing by your house."
"Oh I wouldn't want to put you out," Marinette replied softly, rummaging in her bag with a pout. Picking up her bag, she put it on the table and began searching deeper, almost shoving her head inside. "I'm sure I'll be fine- DAMN IT!"
One of the ancient libraries, of course, was walking by as Marinette cursed. She gasped and brought a crooked finger to her lips, glowering as she shushed them. And, although he'd fought major villains in his lifetime including his own father, Adrien still found himself terrified to his core.
Sinking down, Marinette mouthed back an apology and the ancient librarian was appeased. Once she'd disappeared between the shelves again, Marinette slumped back in her chair. "I can't find my keys. I think I left them at home."
Ah. That was a problem. "Can you call your parents?"
Marinette shook her head. "They'll already be in bed. I don't want to wake them up. I'll text Alya, I can probably crash at hers."
Maybe it was his innate protectiveness, maybe he didn't want the night to end, or maybe he wanted to stay as close to Marinette as possible. Whatever the reason, Adrien's next words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them.
"You could stay at my place."
Like two puppies in the middle of a playfight, the pair of them froze instantly, waiting for the other to move first.
In the end, it was Adrien who caved, and it was almost instantaneous. "I mean of course you don't have to if you're more comfortable with Alya! It was just a suggestion because I was going to drive you home and everything, you know?"
"Adrien," Marinette replied gently, looking at him in a strange way. He couldn't put a finger on it, but he was certain she had been acting differently around him recently. "That's really kind of you. Are you sure you don't mind?"
Adrien couldn't think of anything he'd minded less in his entire life. Besides kissing her. But instead of saying so, he simply pulled out his own phone, shook his head and replied, "I'll call my driver."
***
The Parisian lights filtered by as Adrien's driver took them back to his apartment. Even at the late hour, on a weekday, people were out and about. Groups of friends strolled down streets to the nearest bar, shopkeepers waved at each other as they cleaned their porches, drunken tourists were wandering around butchering the French language.
Marinette didn't see any of it. She was too busy on the phone.
Marinette: ALYA WTF AM I DOING?! I'm going back to ADRIEN'S APARTMENT because I lost my keys!!!! HELP!!!
Alya sent back an eggplant emoji, followed by a wink emoji.
Marinette: ALYA YOU'RE KILLING ME!!! It's not like that!!!! Do you think he asked me back because of THAT?! I CAN'T DO THAT!
Alya: I mean, historically speaking, you CAN. You mean you won't lol
Marinette: ALYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Marinette then proceeded to send a number of crying emojis.
Alya: Ok ok jeez calm down I was only kidding...
Alya: So you lost your keys and he's offered to have you stay at his place for the night? Sounds like Adrien. He's a good guy and I'm sure he's not doing it to take advantage.
Marinette: Ok but what if I'm taking advantage of HIM?!?!!?
Alya: .....
Alya: Wot
Marinette: Adrien is IN LOVE WITH ME, Alya! Am I taking advantage of his love by staying the night? And what about Chat? I'm staying over at a guys apartment- but not just any guy. The guy most of the world thinks I'm DATING!!!! What if someone snaps a picture of us and uploads it online AGAIN and Chat sees before I have a chance to see him...AGAIN?!
Alya: You know, sometimes I really do wonder what it's like to live in your head. It must be fascinating.
Marinette: It's mainly a lot of screaming
Alya: Yeah I can buy that.
Alya: But honestly? You asked Chat for space and he'll give you space. Then you can sort out your shit with him, as messy as it all is. You know I'm still rooting for you both.
Marinette: Thanks xx
Alya: As for Adrien, I admit that this has thrown a spanner in the works. I love Adrien and don't want him to get hurt either. So just... be careful? Unless...
Marinette: Unless what?
Alya: Are you catching feelings for Adrien?
Marinette: What?! NO! I mean...
Alya sent a bunch of looking emojis.
Marinette: It's messed with my head ok? I guess I can admit that. Adrien is so kind and sweet, and things are so much less complicated with him than with Chat. With Chat there's all this baggage and fear and secrets and with Adrien around, I just feel... calm I guess? At ease??? Idk. He makes me feel at peace. Safe.
Marinette: But no matter what Adrien makes me feel, and no matter how much his accidental confession has effed with my head, it doesn't matter. I'm not bringing him into this mess. Especially after what's just happened with his KIDNAPPING!
Alya: Yeah. Poor guy doesn't need to be roped into all of you Chat Noir stuff. No offense btw xxx
Marinette: Nono I totally agree. I need to figure out what's happening with Chat Noir. Best case scenario we can reveal identities and be together for real, a true fresh start. Adrien would move on from me, I know that. He's so gorgeous and talented, he'll have no trouble finding love.
Alya: But...ok I know you like to freak out. But what happens if things with Chat Noir don't work out? Would you go with Adrien then?
Marinette bit her lip, trying to ignore the ice-cold grip of panic at her throat.
Marinette: I'm not sure. Adrien deserves better than that. I wouldn't want to be with anyone for a while. The idea of things not working out with Chat... it's too horrible to think about. What would that mean for our partnership? What would that mean for us as a team? Would we have to stop being superheroes? I think the fallout would be so terrible, there's no way I'd want to jump into a new relationship for a long, long, LOOOONG time. Adrien shouldn't wait around for me forever. By the time I'm ready, he might have already moved on and that's ok.
Alya: You're right. I think that's a really good take tbh. As long as you're all happy, that's what matters the most to me <3
Marinette: Yeah.
Alya: I guess Adrien is one of those "in another life" kinda things.
Marinette: I guess so.
Alya: Not living up to the Tragic French Romance stereotype AT ALLLLL there girl lol.
Marinette: Hahaha oh so funny
Alya: My wit is as powerful as your fashion skills.
Marinette chuckled, sending Alya a gif of someone laughing as she felt the car slow down to a stop. Adrien, who was on the other side of the car, unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to her. "We're here."
Cringing at her own rudeness, Marinette sent a quick goodbye text to Alya and grabbed her bag. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to text the whole way here."
"Don't worry about it," Adrien replied, gesturing to his driver, who looked like he was about to get out of the car. At Adrien's silent insistence, the driver stayed put and Adrien got out by himself.
Thoroughly confused by the short exchange, Marinette gathered her bag and said a thanks to the driver. She was about to open the door herself when Adrien opened it for her, leaning in and offering his hand to her.
Her first instinct was to want to tease him at how old-fashioned he was being (in a cute way of course) and totally ignore how flustered she was. Then she remembered who'd raised him, and how Emilie Agreste was all about manners, how elegantly old-school she was, and her heart melted. So instead of teasing, she accepted his hand and allowed him to gently guide her from the car and onto the street just below his apartment building.
It took her a few moments to realise she was staring before she pulled her hand away from his, instead flicking it up to the ribbons in her hair. Despite not being green, she still felt guilty.
Adrien's eyes followed her hands, his expression unreadable, before turning to his apartment building and ushering her inside.
***
"Welcome to my place!" Adrien uttered cheerfully as he opened the front door of his apartment, wondering why he needed to announce it like a 1950s newscaster.
It was fairly understated, as far as luxury apartments go. His mother had helped him find a way to incorporate the crisp, modern style he preferred without completely ruining the natural aesthetic that came with the historic build. Neutral, earthy tones kept the place clean yet warm. High ceilings and windows let in the natural light so wonderfully that Adrien wished he saw more of it in daylight hours. The doors in his kitchen let out to a small balcony, where the Eiffel Tower shone just beyond. In the end, he was pretty proud that it didn't look like a typical bachelor pad... except for his room.
But Marinette wasn't going to see the floor-drobe, so it was fine.
Even so, despite being happy with his own place, he couldn't help but feel nervous. Hence, the 1950's newscaster voice.
"Thanks chief," Marinette replied back in a voice to match his own, offering a cute little salute as she stepped into the foyer.
After putting their shoes and coats away, Adrien led her to the main room. The living room was the largest room in the house and was open-plan with the kitchen, only an island separating the two. Having a kitchen and a living room combined was a bit unusual for a luxury apartment, people usually liked to keep them separate, but Adrien loved it. Since moving out on his own, he found that he'd enjoyed cooking his own meals. It meant he could still cook and watch TV too, which was always a bonus, on the rare occasion he had a free enough night to watch TV anyway.
Adrien didn't know why his heart was beating so loudly against his ribcage. He watched Marinette walk towards his bookcases, which framed the large TV, and begin searching his anime collection. It wasn't because he was expecting anything to happen, far from it in fact, but there was something about having Marinette here, in his home.
"Nice piano by the way!" she chirped, gesturing to the grand in the corner.
"Thanks," he rasped back, his tongue drier than dust on a disused keyboard.
He'd once watched a nature documentary where the male birds build nests for potential partners. It was supposed to be a sign of their suitability. Once they'd spent hours and hours building their nests, they would sit and wait to be scrutinised by potential mates, to see if they would be accepted.
And Adrien couldn't help but empathise with those poor little birds. Watching Marinette float around the room, stare out at the windows to the view, a small smile on her face, he wanted to scream "DO YOU LIKE IT?" "DOES IT FEEL LIKE HOME?!" "STAY WITH ME HERE FOREVER!"
He forced his tongue to the roof of his mouth and made his way over his fridge. "Drink?" he asked in a strangled voice.
"Sure!" Marinette replied from behind him. Following him towards the kitchen area, she pulled out a stool and sat on it. "What have you got?"
Not much, Adrien realised with a grimace. What good was a nest- HOME- if it didn't have suitable drinks?!
"Milk," he said flatly.
Marinette burst out laughing.
"Whew! And there was me wondering how a bachelor ends up with such a lovely looking first apartment with nothing out of place," she giggled. "Nino's first apartment, before he moved in with Alya, was just covered with beer cans and mould."
Although Adrien was blushing, he couldn't help but laugh along with her. "Yeah I guess because I haven't been here in a while, things like groceries sort of fell to the wayside,"
Marinette's face dropped. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I should have thought about that."
"No! No please don't worry," Adrien hastened to reassure her, not wanting the mood to fall. "Besides I think my parents sent groceries over. There are a couple of wine bottles in the rack if you want them? They're not chilled though."
"Eh neither am I," Marinette shrugged, earning another chuckle from him as Adrien rummaged through the cupboards. "But maybe skip the wine, as blasphemous as that is to say."
"I have hot chocolate!" he replied triumphantly, spinning around just in time to see Marinette's eyes light up and for her to give a winning nod.
Once Adrien had made two full mugs, they sat on the sofa and settled in watching the anime movies Marinette had spotted on his shelf.
Both of them sat on the opposite sides of the sofa.
Despite the fact that he hadn't seen some of these movies since he was a teenager, and remembered them fondly, Adrien couldn't concentrate. Instead, he kept stealing glances at Marinette. With the lights low, and the screen on, she'd tucked herself into a corner sipping her hot chocolate, and finally let her guard down.
She seemed so... tired.
Not for the first time Adrien wanted to reach out and hold her, to soothe the lines of sadness her lips made, to make all her troubles disappear. But he suspected he was no small part of her troubles, and didn't wish to compound them. He had a plan. He'd stick to it. Keeping the distance, respectfully staying away, just like she'd asked him to.
But when the credits rolled, Marinette sighed. Her mug was already discarded on the coffee table.
"Can I ask you something? It's sort of a silly question," she said, fiddling with her red ribbons and shifting towards him, closing the gap.
Before he could stop himself, Adrien copied her actions. "Of course," he replied because it was less damning than saying anything.
"What do you think of these?" she asked, gesturing to her ribbons, and Adrien's heart grew cold. "I know I used to wear green ones all the time but before that I used to wear these ones most of the time. Someone at the Gaming Club said I seem happier when I'm wearing green ribbons, almost like they're a lucky charm. I guess their words have- like- I don't know, stuck with me. So what do you think?"
To any outside observer, the question seemed totally innocent. But Adrien knew better. He knew what she meant, he knew of the secrets between her words. The fact that she had no idea who he really was, that he was the reason she wore green ribbons, made the situation that much more delicate.
Because he could tell her the truth. He could tell her he loved her green ribbons, that he felt honoured that she chose to wear one of his signature colours, that it was one of the funnest, sweetest parts of their secret relationship. She'd once told him that it was so he could spot her in a crowd, if he ever ran into her as his civilian self.
Little did she know, he'd always notice her, with or without the ribbons.
His hands shook and Adrien busied himself with placing his mug on the coffee table to hide it. "I think," he said honestly. "I think you should wear whatever makes you happiest."
And that was the real truth, the one he wanted her to focus on the most. Yes he wanted to be with her, yes he missed her green ribbons but, more than anything in the world, he wanted her to do whatever made her happiest.
Marinette nodded, leaning back against the sofa, and Adrien set up their next film. When he sat down, he found himself closer to her again and cursed himself inwardly.
BE RESPECTFUL! KEEP. YOUR. DISTANCE, he yelled at himself as the opening credits popped up.
Eventually, he relaxed, trying to focus on the film. But, like an infant, the effects of the warm hot chocolate began to take hold and he found himself slipping in-and-out of focus. Unlike the first movie, Adrien decided not to focus on Marinette this time. He didn't want to get caught and come across creepy.
He blinked and suddenly it was dark.
The TV screen had turned off and Adrien's head swam with confusion. Then, as his consciousness grew, he realised he must have fallen asleep. That was a usual occurrence.
What wasn't usual, however, was the warm weight at his side.
He glanced down and Marinette was right there, curled up next to him. Both of them must have nodded off, and found a way to each other. In the night, Adrien's arms had fallen over her protectively. Her head gently rested on the little nook between his shoulder and chest.
Unable to help himself, he sighed with content and allowed himself a few moments to enjoy this. His heartstrings tugged painfully as he came to realise that, no matter what happened to them as a pair, this would always be where he belonged. Right here, holding the girl he loved.
He hoped the Gala would turn out ok. He hoped they could once again do something like this, with no more secrets.
But he had to be patient. Love was a marathon, not a sprint.
After letting himself have a few more minutes of the blissful embrace, Adrien ended the waking dream and quietly slid both himself and Marinette off the sofa. Holding her in his arms he lifted her up and took her to his bedroom, amazed she was still completely out. The guest quarters were upstairs and fairly out of the way. He didn't want her to wake up and worry about where she was.
Laying her down on his bed, he fought every urge not to join her. Instead he placed her phone by her side and popped it in his charger so it wouldn't run out of battery, and then kicked his floor-drobe under his bed so she wouldn't wake up to the mess.
It was as he was charging her phone that he spotted it on his bedside table. The lucky charm Marinette had given him for their anniversary.
Adrien pocketed it, relieved he'd been able to see it in the dark and that she didn't discover it upon waking. That would have led to some awkward questions to say the least.
He was about to go when Marinette shuffled in her sleep, restless.
So Adrien turned back to her. Leaning down, he stroked some of the hairs from her face and, before he realised what he was doing, he kissed her forehead softly.
"Goodnight princess," he whispered.
Marinette hummed in her sleep. "'Night, Kitty."
Adrien didn't know whether to smile or cry.
***
The early morning light kissed her eyelids and Marinette stirred, awoken by it. A familiar, comforting scent surrounded her and she buried herself deeper in the blankets.
Her mind felt thick with sleep as she roused from the best night of it she'd had in days. Although it took her longer to gather her bearings than usual. Memories flooded her of the previous night, but she couldn't quite recall falling asleep. Nor could she remember how she found her way to bed.
She assumed Adrien must have taken her, which was sweet of him.
Wiggling her toes she stretched her hands above her head and let out a yawn, then squeaked in surprise when Tikki popped up between the blankets and her chest.
"Glad to see you finally slept!" the kwami chuckled and there was a strange glint in her eyes which Marinette, in her sleepy state, couldn't put her finger on. The little smile playing at Tikki's mouth was playful, like she knew something Marinette didn't.
Deciding not to dwell on it too much, Marinette sat up and shuffled away from the blankets reluctantly. It was so warm and cosy, and she'd dreamt Chat Noir was kissing her back to sleep. "I guess hot chocolate solves everything," she replied, fingers brushing her forehead.
It didn't take her long to find her phone, plugged in and fully charged, on the bedside table. She grasped it, touched that Adrien had thought of everything. Not for the first time, butterflies fluttered through her stomach and up past her lungs.
She shoved them right back down again, grabbing her metaphorical insecticide and killing them one by one. She could NOT have butterflies about Adrien, no matter how sweet and kind he was. It wasn't fair on any of them.
After using the ensuite to clean herself up, Tikki snuck off to hide in her bag, and Marinette opened the bedroom door. Following the soft sound of music, she managed to find her way back to the living room.
Adrien was in the kitchen, brewing some coffee, and the sounds of soft piano jazz filled the air. The bags on the table indicated he'd run out to a corner grocery shop. A cutting board rested on the counter, with eggs and chives resting on top. She watched as Adrien moved the eggs away and began cutting the chives, his sleeves rolled up, showing his forearms.
Marinette allowed herself to take in the sight before her, torn.
You could have this, a small, horrible part of her whispered before she plucked that thought and chucked it out of the beautiful ceiling-high windows.
She shook her head and strolled forwards. "Morning!"
"Morning!" Adrien spun around with a smile. "I'm making omelettes if that's ok? I remembered you eating one the time we all went to brunch. Coffee's almost done if you want some too."
"Love some," she replied, hopping back onto the same stall she sat on last night. "And omelettes sound great. Need some help?"
"Of course not, you're my guest," Adrien tutted, a playful glint in his eyes. He waved a whisk towards her as he picked up eggs and she batted it away with a chuckle. There was something unguarded about him in the mornings which Marinette liked. He was cheekier, freer. Sometimes he would get that way in Gaming Club, but he'd always catch himself and reign it back again. There was none of that reservation here.
Plus the cowlick hair at the back of his head was really cute and she found herself entertained with the fact he hadn't yet noticed it.
"Well omelette late to breakfast, which is a relief," Marinette teased.
Adrien laughed, pouring her a mug of coffee and sliding it her way. "True, but we better crack on if we want to get to classes on time,"
"I might whisk it," Marinette countered, taking a sip of her coffee. It was smooth and, of course, expensive tasting, "Egg-specially as I don't have lessons until the afternoon today."
"Oooh two-puns-in-one! Nice," Adrien shot her two finger guns as he set to work on the omelettes.
They continued punning back-and-forth until Adrien had finished the omelettes and the two ate in companionable silence, on opposite sides of the island. Marinette was surprised that he could cook (and cook well) given the fact that he was wealthy enough to have his own chef, but she decided not to ask about it. She didn't want to appear rude.
"I bought pastries too," Adrien replied and suddenly, the mood shifted. Marinette had no idea why he seemed so nervous, but the cheeky smile was replaced with a small, shy one instead. He glanced at her, then away, with a soft blush. Getting up, he moved a basket of pastries onto their breakfast counter. "They probably aren't as good as your parent's ones, but they're there in case you want some."
Marinette, who'd already finished the omelette, grabbed a pastry straight away. "All pastries are good pastries but none are as good as my parent's ones, so that makes them equal in a way," she joked.
But the joking manner of her words didn't last long. Glancing over at Adrien, she couldn't help but feel a rush of fondness for him. "Thank you."
Adrien shrugged, bashfully munching his own pastry. "It was nothing, really."
"No it is, it's a lot," Marinette replied earnestly. She reached up and touched her ribbons, glancing out of the window. "I've been really... really stressed out recently. So thank you for helping me get out of my own head. This has been so nice."
Their eyes met across the counter, and Marinette felt an unwelcome heat climbing her face. What was it with her and green eyes? Did she really have that much of a type?
Adrien turned away, picking up their plates and putting them in the sink. Gone was the happy, free, relaxed Adrien who made their omelettes. His shoulders tensed, his hands were jittery as he rinsed their places. "Of course," he said, his voice quiet. "You're welcome back here anytime you know. It's nice to have some company."
Marinette had no idea what to make of the sudden change, so she took a sip of her coffee and hummed in approval instead.
Adrien took a deep breath. Placing their plates in the dishwasher, he cleaned his hands and suddenly stood like a soldier, facing towards her with a slight look of panic. "I have tickets," he garbled.
Frowning, Marinette tilted her head to one side. "Tickets to?" she encouraged kindly. Then she realised what was happening.
Tickets?!
He has tickets to something?!
And he's telling me about it?!
Oh no, oh no, oh god no don't do it Adrien. Please don't force me to turn you down. I don't want to turn down the guy who dove in front of a bullet for me, without powers to save him.
Adrien cleared his throat and looked away from her again. "Yeah, I have these tickets to a gala. It was meant to be part of the fashion show I was going to do but obviously that got cancelled because of... well you know. But my parents helped to reorganise it as a sort of fashion charity event. I bought four tickets and Nino told me that you've been having a hard time, and I know you like fashion, so I just wondered if you'd like to come? Alya and Nino are going to be there too. And my friend Chloe, who you haven't met but I think you'll like her."
It was clearly a practiced speech, one he'd spent time on, and Marinette didn't want to seem ungrateful. Downing the last few dregs of her coffee, she clung onto the cup like her life depended on it.
"Adrien," she sighed, hardly bearing to look at him. "That sounds lovely. I'm sure I would like it..." she trailed off.
He picked up where she left off. "But?"
Her heart grew hot and painful at the sound of his utterly crestfallen voice. Still, she had to do it, she had to address the elephant in the room. "Adrien," she breathed, closing her eyes for a moment, then staring at him because damn it he deserved that much from her. "The whole world thinks we're dating."
Adrien's mouth dropped open in shock. It would have been cute and funny, had the situation not been so serious. "Oh."
"Y-yeah," she stammered. Trying to make her way through this awkwardness was like wading through a corn maze filled with custard. She bit her lip, shoulders shrugging up towards her ears in embarrassment. "When the photos first came out, it wasn't so bad because you went into hiding, and my friends and campus security kept most of the reporters away. But my parents had a lot of nosy reporters asking after me and I don't want them to get harassed again. Now everyone's distracted by Derek's trial and your kidnapping. But all of that stuff about our fake relationship is going to come out again and more if I show up as your date to this fancy gala."
That plus the fact that if Chat Noir saw photos of her there, it would probably be the final nail in the coffin for their already fragile relationship. But she didn't say that part out loud.
She could hardly stand it any longer. Torn on this precipice between superhero and civilian, love and duty, desire and companionship. Why did she constantly feel like she had to choose one or the other? It was like picking between food or water, light and dark. Choosing one and not having the other would always leave her a little empty, unbalanced, unsatisfied.
Only the slight sound of a chair scraping gave Marinette an indication that Adrien had moved back to his seat. She didn't realise she'd turned away, didn't realise the tears filling her eyes, until he reached over and covered one of her hands with his own, both of them now resting on her empty coffee cup. "Hey," he said softly, "hey, it's ok. I'm sorry, I didn't think about that. Not that I didn't think about that, I mean us two fake- fake dating, I did think about that... I thought about it a lot actually. Not like! Not like I thought about it. I just, you know, thought about it. I had my phone taken away from me at the time so I couldn't call and check on you. I was really worried about you. I wanted to call and make sure you were ok but I couldn't and oh my god why am I so bad at this?"
He leaned across the counter, face-down, his head in his hands and his fingers burying into his hair.
Unable to help the soft chuckle from her lips, Marinette shook her own head. The temptation to reach out and grab his hands, to comfort him through touch, was almost too much. She gripped her empty mug tighter, fighting her instincts, as she didn't want to send him mixed signals. "It's alright," she soothed. "You know I don't blame you for any of it. You were only looking out for me, trying to help get Derek away from me, which proved to be good foresight if you think about it. And you couldn't exactly help that you went into hiding and couldn't check up on me."
From his lowered spot closer towards the countertop, Adrien glanced up at her, his eyes wide and earnest. It was too much for her heart. She tore her eyes away. "I hope you all enjoy the gala though, it sounds like a wonderful time."
She really wanted to go. A fancy charity gala where she could meet Adrien's childhood friend? She and Alya could dress up and giggle about who has the silliest rich-person name, she could meet other designers and maybe even get a few tips from them, even show off a dress she made. Like Cinderella, she was beginning to fantasise about the evening, about what a dream it would all seem like...
But unlike Cinderella, this was a ball Marinette was destined never to go to.
"Ok, how about this," Adrien replied. "How about I ask my family PR team to release a statement denying our relationship? PR teams do that all the time, and do it convincingly. And if I send you the tickets, you can come to the Gala separately from me. You could show up with Alya and Nino. My parents will probably want me to go with them at first anyways. Then, once you're inside, there's no press. It's a bit like the Met Gala in that way. What do you think?"
What did she think? Marinette couldn't think at all. Firstly, why hadn't she considered that Adrien would have his own PR team? Of course he would! Secondly, she was so moved that Adrien would do all of that for her... but she knew the reason. She knew it was because he loved her.
Guilt began to consume her.
"It would be good for all of us to hang out in a different context," she tried, cautiously, because it was easier than asking him if she was his date or not. From what she could tell, though, it didn't seem like a date. But his nervousness was throwing her off.
Adrien nodded. "I've actually been wanting to invite all you guys to a fun event like this for a while. Usually these rich stuffy parties are boring as hell. But a gala is a chance to be more expressive with your fashion and, because the press aren't inside, the celebrities especially let loose and you can see some pretty funny stuff. It's sort of like what happens at the gala stays at the gala though."
His words soothed her and she leaned back in her chair. The guilt ebbed, as she realised he really wasn't asking her out on a date. In fact, he was doing everything in his power to make it appear the opposite, all so her and her family wouldn't be harassed by the media.
"Alright," she nodded. "If you're sure it'll be ok-"
"I promise it will all be ok," Adrien nodded, smiling gently at her. "I can call our PR team later today and they deal with it as a number one priory."
Marinette hummed, trying to ignore the butterflies, which had reappeared in her chest. "Well, in that case, I'd love to go."
Adrien's smile turned into an outright beam and he began talking to her quickly and excitedly about the gala and what to expect.
It sounded wonderful, and all Marinette could do was hope that she wasn't making a terrible mistake.
***