I might as well be dead.
That was the only thought that ran through my head as my boots squelched on the blood-soaked floor. The gruesome red of blood and its foul smell has long since fazed me. I no longer attempt to search for my nonexistent emotion as I walked down the hall. I knew that I would come up empty.
Blood dripped from the tip of my sword. The noise echoed loudly in the room within my mind. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. I walked to the far end of the hall until my feet were inches away from one of the many bodies lying lifelessly around me in pools of blood. His back was facing me and for some reason, I felt a sense of familiarity as I stood over the body and surveyed his silhouette. All of a sudden, a lump formed in the back of my throat as regret washed through my long-frozen husk of a heart like an unforeseen swell of a tsunami. I crouched down, my free hand naturally reaching out to him like it was something that I had done countless times. As my hand landed on the small of his arm, I turned his body to face me so that I could finally see his face.
"Huan Zheng! Wake up!"
Huan Zheng gasped, clamoring for breath as he tried to differentiate reality from dream. That nightmare again. It was the ninth time this month and it was barely past the middle of the month. The nightmare always ended at exactly the same moment.
"Xu Huan Zheng! Your good-for-nothing friend is here! If mother finds out, you're dead meat! " Xu Si Wei bellowed at the top of her lungs as she barged into Huan Zheng's room uninvited.
Huan Zheng pulled the blankets over himself in reflex. "Shush! Stop yelling! The only way mother will find out is if you keep roaring in that voice of yours! And didn't the governesses at your ladies' academy teach you not to enter the private chambers of a man!"
"Hah! Don't make me laugh. What man? You're just my idiot brother." Si Wei rolled her eyes at Huan Zheng. Xu Si Wei was Lord Xu's youngest and only daughter. She was Huan Zheng's younger half-sister and despite the crassness in her words, she was the only one in the family who treated him as an equal. The rest of the family only thought of Huan Zheng as nothing but dirt in the corner of their eyes.
"Yeah, yeah. And you are my sister who probably won't get married her entire life." Huan Zheng stuck his tongue out at Si Wei as he got off his bed. Before Si Wei could continue their argument, Huan Zheng continued. "Do you want me to see Da Bai while I'm in my night robes? Let me dress. I'll make it quick. Kick Da Bai out and ask him to wait for me outside."
Si Wei grinned devilishly and made a beeline to remove Da Bai from the property. "As you wish!"
Huan Zheng smiled fondly as he shook his head at Si Wei's rapidly retreating body. She made it so obvious that she can't wait to chase Da Bai out.
Much to Si Wei's disdain, Da Bai once confessed his feelings to her and she had been holding a grudge against Da Bai ever since then. And Si Wei wasn't one to hide her grudges. Come to think of it maybe it was his fault that Da Bai was at the receiving end of Si Wei's rage, he did have a vision of them being happily married when he accidentally brushed Da Bai's hand that one time. And he told Da Bai about it, assuming that his friend wouldn't do anything about it. Who knew that Da Bai would actually confess to Si Wei. Huan Zheng didn't even know that Da Bai actually had a crush on Si Wei for the longest time. It made him think through their entire friendship, wondering if Da Bai approached him so that he could be near Si Wei. In the end, Huan Zheng concluded that Da Bai didn't have the capacity to be that slick.
To be fair, Huan Zheng even held Si Wei's hand once just to make sure. Huan Zheng could still remember the sting of the slap that landed on his hand and the utmost annoyance that met his eyes. Si Wei should really learn how to control her temper. Huan Zheng spared a few seconds to offer a prayer for Da Bai's future with her.
Huan Zheng didn't know when it started but one day he just happened to have visions whenever he held someone's hand. It took him about two years to realize that he was having visions of the person's soulmate. Sometimes, it was just a face. Sometimes, it was a prominent feature that the person possessed like a red mole at the corner of her eyes or a small cut over his lips. And sometimes, it was a vision of a scene that the couple would eventually share in the future. Most people find Huan Zheng's gift fascinating, but not his family, not even Si Wei. While Si Wei's concern was about the possibility that other people might exploit his gift, the rest of his family just thought that it was a useless gift to possess and couldn't care less about it. Especially his father, Lord Xu, one of the richest merchants in the entire empire.
Huan Zheng had always had a rocky relationship with his father. Huan Zheng's birth mother was a prostitute from the brothel that his father had visited the night before his arranged marriage. He was a mistake that his father wanted to forget but couldn't because Huan Zheng's paternal grandfather's last request before he passed away was for Lord Xu to take Huan Zheng back to the Xu residence. Huan Zheng wasn't sure because he didn't have any recollection of it, but he heard from the servants that he was brought back to the Xu residence when his mother passed away. He was just two years old at the time.
Truthfully, he couldn't even remember his birth mother, all he knew was this family. An indifferent father, a cold stepmother, a cruel younger half-brother, and his favorite younger half-sister. Huan Zheng should thank Si Wei for keeping his sanity while he was a part of this family. And maybe Da Bai as well.
Da Bai was his closest friend. His real name was Bai Lu. Huan Zheng still remembered the way Da Bai introduced himself when they were just nine years old. He went on a rant and made an entire presentation on how the name made him look weak because it sounded like a white deer and asked Huan Zheng to just call him Da Bai because he liked how strong that nickname sounded. Ten years later, Da Bai indeed grew up to be large-boned and fair as snow.
Huan Zheng gave out an amused laugh at the thought as he sashed a dark grey outer robe over his white inner robe. He then brushed his silky dark hair into a half-bun and pinned it with a silver hair crown on top of his head. Smoothing his clothes, he pulled a pair of gloves over his hands and finally stepped out of his private chambers.
It seemed as if the snow had piled up overnight. The courtyard was filled with undisturbed piles of snow except for Si Wei's footprints. She herself was nowhere to be found. Huan Zheng thought that she was probably frolicking at some other corner of this large property after chasing Da Bai away.
Huan Zheng shrugged and made his way outside. Da Bai who was leaning by the door with a straw in his mouth stood up straight when he saw Huan Zheng. "Brother Xu! How long were you going to take to dress up? I swear, you're like one of those maidens, taking forever when you're dressing up."
Huan Zheng smirked. "What do you know, Da Bai? It's about presentation. Maybe if you took more care of your looks, Si Wei would be more smitten with you. And where did you get that straw from? It's already the middle of winter."
"Ah, this? I just happen to have it." Da Bai answered, unconcerned about Huan Zheng's half-hearted insult. " Hmm.. What you said about taking care of my looks, would it really make Si Wei fall for me? Maybe I should learn from you.." Da Bai was thrown deep into his thoughts.
"Yes, yes. Of course, you should learn from me. But I'll teach you next time. We need to head to the market now! Or we're going to be late! We don't want to lose our customers because of we're late, do we? The one who reaches the stall last is a dumb bun!" Huan Zheng provoked Da Bai playfully before running off on his own, leaving only his joyful laughter behind."Oi! Who are you calling a dumb bun?! And who was the reason we're late now?!" Da Bai yelled as he chased behind Huan Zheng.
Writer's note:
Intro to our characters hereee
Our MC #1: Xu Huan Zheng
Chinese/Mandarin name: 许焕正 (xǔ huàn zhèng)
许 a Chinese surname, the word itself stands for wish
焕 stands for change/new, from the idiom 焕然一新
正 stands for correct/right
Our dear sister: Xu Si Wei
Chinese/Mandarin name: 许思唯 (xǔ sī wéi)
许 a Chinese surname, the word itself stands for wish (but it's just a family name for this instance) ;P
思 stands for thought/rational thought, as in 思维
唯 stands for only, as in 唯一
*She's the only one in the family who's keeping HZ sane.
Our dear best friend: Bai Lu
Chinese/Mandarin name: 白禄 (bái lù)
白 a Chinese surname, the word itself stands for white
禄 stands for happiness
*Has the same tone as 白鹿, which means white deer.
**Da Bai (大白) literally translates as Big White/Fair.