"Bloody hell" Markos groaned. He glanced over at Beau's half of the room to find that Aiden had stayed over again. Markos didn't mind it... He really didn't. But it was stressful enough changing around Beau or trying to change before he woke up. He knew he didn't have to... They were just scars he could easily lie his way around. But he was still self-conscious about them and something told him that Aiden was active enough in the community to recognize them. He didn't want to go through the panic of having another person know... It just made him uncomfortable.
Aiden had been over often enough the past few days. Usually, he'd just lay with Beau and maybe play with his hair if Beau let him touch him. Beau had been struggling... A lot. To the point where Markos had been bringing him his homework from missed classes more often than he would have liked. But, Aiden was always there. He'd stay over and lay next to Beau just until the boy would finally fall asleep. Then he'd leave before it got too late and head back to his dorm on Beau's good days. On his bad days, he usually ended up staying over.
Markos climbed out of bed and dug through his drawers until he found a maroon button-up, a black belt, and cream-colored pants. He avoided looking in the mirror as he pulled a baggy t-shirt he always wore at night over his head, allowing himself to stretch for a moment. He wasted no more time buttoning it up until his chest was covered and pulled on his jeans as well.
Showering and changing always felt awkward and unsettling for Markos. He tried to go late at night or early in the morning so fewer people would be in the showers. Even with the thin sheets of plastic to cover him from the world, there was always that unsettling fear of something going wrong...
He didn't mind if people knew... Well, he wouldn't have minded if he hadn't given up so much to appease his mother by staying quiet. But if he did ever decide to tell more people, he wanted it to be on his terms. He didn't want it to be another Jayce situation... That had nearly destroyed him. It was a miracle he hadn't broken down right there. It was a miracle he had managed to force himself into numbness in a matter of seconds.
Even with him being out to Jayce, it was proving to be difficult to just relax around him. He knew Jayce didn't care if he wasn't perfect. He knew Jayce didn't see him as less of a man. He knew Jayce cared and that he was accepting of Markos regardless. But it was still terrifying... Intimacy as a whole had proven to be terrifying. He hated freaking out at just the idea of being shirtless or naked in front of him.
He was grateful Jayce never asked for anything more. He never tried to slip a hand up Markos's shirt or did anything without asking first. He was really grateful for that since Markos had never been great at communicating his needs when it came to intimacy. But he also didn't want to live in fear and discomfort with himself. He was so tired of it... He just wanted things to be simple.
He finally finished getting dressed, fixing his eyebrows, and reached out for his medication. Almost everyone had medication at Westwood. It was refilled every week to avoid overdoses and Markos was one of the few people who had medication prescribed for something that wasn't for mental pain. He wasted no time in taking the usual pill before glancing over at Aiden and Beau.
Aiden was finally awake, his messy dark hair fell over his eyes. He shoved it away before meeting Markos's gaze and a sheepish smile reached his lips. Markos had mixed feelings about Aiden. Aiden was nice, sure. And Beau really seemed to like him. But that was where his compliments ended. He didn't know what it was about Aiden that bothered him so much, but there was just something off.
"Hey... Sorry, I fell asleep" Aiden yawned before rubbing his eyes.
"I noticed" The words were a bit more forced than he had intended. Markos closed up his pill organizer before turning back to Aiden. "Don't the nurses ever wonder where you are?"
"Yes," Aiden deadpanned. He seemed annoyed for a moment and Markos couldn't blame him. Aiden was woken up every morning at the crack of dawn for his medication because he couldn't be trusted with it. "I think they gave up... At this point, they just leave it on my bedstand"
"Ah" Markos pressed his lips together as he tried to find an excuse to leave. He could say he was going to go see Austin, but everyone knew there was no way in hell Austin would be awake before noon on a weekend. He could have just as easily said Jayce, everyone knew something was going on between them. But Jayce was with Jullian every Saturday. They meditated in the morning, got breakfast, and played basketball for a few hours. So instead, he asked; "How's Beau?"
"Um," Aiden's face fell as he glanced down at the sleeping angel below him. It was weird to see how different Beau was when he was at peace. He wasn't forcing smiles and laughter. He was relaxed and at ease for once in his life. His lips were parted just slightly and he appeared alive and content rather than the empty shell that wandered Westwood. "I don't know"
"How do you not know? You surely spend enough time with him" Markos scoffed before taking a seat on his bed. He resisted the urge to pull his knees to his chest and relax. He needed to maintain control of the conversation and having bad posture just made that harder.
"I just don't know. Alright?" Aiden sighed. "One minute he's clinging on to me like he actually wants me and the next he's shoving me in Tai's direction. One minute he's perfectly fine and the next he's crying on my shoulder. One minute he wants Lukas and talks about how amazing he was, and the next he's wishing that Lukas was never born and cursing him out. I just don't know"
"Poor kid" Markos mumbled. Aiden nodded and ran his fingers through Beau's hair, doing his best to style it in the very specific way Beau liked it. Markos could recall about a million different episodes of Beau stressing out in front of a mirror over it. If it wasn't perfect, Beau wouldn't leave. It was as simple as that.
"Hey, handsome" Aiden smirked down at Beau as two pretty blue eyes blinked open.
"Knock it off, Aiden" Beau groaned. He shoved Aiden's hand away and buried his face further into his pillow, receiving an eye roll from Aiden. Markos felt a bit bad for him at that moment. He was trying his best and was receiving little to nothing in return. He couldn't even get a clear answer as to what Beau wanted of him since Beau's moods were too unstable.
"Morning, Beau. Tea or coffee?" Markos hummed. He received a groan in response making Markos laugh. At least some things didn't change with Beau's moods... Not once since Markos had met Beau had he been a morning person. "Tea it is"
"No, thank you" Beau grumbled.
"café à la crème, as always then?" Beau gave him a half-hearted thumbs up while Aiden just gave Markos a funny look.
"You speak French?"
"I speak a lot of things" Markos deadpanned. And it wasn't by choice either. His parents had been very insistent on him being well-rounded and using Markos's natural genius to their advantage. So they assigned him, tutor, after tutor for skill after skill. He'd learned how to read music when he was seven, learned to speak Spanish by the age of six since his dad was fluent, Spanish led to Italian and French since they were so similar. He had taken pottery classes, had excelled in all studies, and even tried to pick up Chinese but that never stuck. He knew the basics of a few other languages spoken around Europe such as Bosnian, Dutch, and Greek. He was gifted. He was talented. And he hated nearly every part of it. The only enjoyable thing was that he got to show off.
Markos headed down to the cafeteria like he did every morning. He always made himself green tea with lemon. Preferably, he'd be sitting on a balcony overlooking the city while drinking whatever rare or unique concoction the help had made. But in Westwood, he'd have to settle for less. He filled the electric kettle and turned it on to boil before moving to make Beau's coffee while he waited.
"Hey" A breathless voice instantly brought a smile to his face as an arm slithered around his waist and a quick kiss was pressed to his cheek. He could feel his heart dancing and his cheeks lightly flush as Jayce rested his head on the crook of his neck. He silently begged Jayce couldn't tell how fast his heart was beating. "What are you doing?"
"Making tea and coffee" Markos mumbled. "Beau's still... Yeah"
"Poor kid" Jayce mumbled before lifting his head. His arms were still wrapped around Markos's waist and he wore a thin jumper and jeans. Markos's ring was still on his finger, but that wasn't what caught Markos's attention. His eyes were locked on a dog-tag necklace with small letters and numbers engraved into it.
"What's that?" Markos hummed. He turned around to face Jayce, taking the tag between his middle and pointer finger as he inspected it.
Williams,
Sean H.
It was followed by a series of numbers and a few basic things such as his religion.
"Huh? Oh," Jayce glanced down as he watched Markos's fingers carefully glide over the engravings. "My dad was in the military" He shrugged. Markos nodded and finally let go of the steel necklace before turning back to his tea. He poured the boiling water into a familiar to-go cup Westwood used for all hot drinks before finishing Beau's coffee and mixing in creme.
"I thought you were playing basketball with Jullian" Markos blindly mumbled. Jayce nodded and leaned back against the counter, letting his arms slip away from Markos.
"I was... But I wanted to talk to you" Jayce shrugged. "I was thinking... We could go out sometime?" He reached for the back of his neck, nervously glancing down at the floor making a bright smile reach Markos's lips. He could be a nice person and just agree. But, Jayce was adorable... And he was bored.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean"
"Well, it sounds like you're asking me out but it's hard to tell. Might want to try again later"
"Jesus Christ... Yes, Markos. I am asking you out"
"Sorry, one more time?" Markos smirked as he tapped just below his ear. He savored the scowl on Jayce's face and how easily he could still piss off the taller boy. Jayce took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, before talking.
"Would you like to go on a date with me?" He finally blurted out.
"No" Markos deadpanned leaving Jayce dumbfounded. He fastened the lids to the two cups he had prepared while Jayce tried to come up with a reasonable response.
"Alright then..." Jayce finally decided.
"But" Markos cut in right before the boy was about to leave in defeat. "I wouldn't be opposed to you letting me take you out"
"You're an asshole" Jayce groaned as Markos finally cracked and let out a small laugh. "Or what is it you people say? Wanker?" Markos internally groaned at Jayce's terrible impression.
"Please never say that again" Markos groaned before going on his toes to place one last peck on Jayce's lips. "Next weekend, alright?" Jayce nodded with a dazed smile on his lips as he watched his pretty curly-haired boy walk away.
_________________________________________
"Math"
"Sex"
"No"
"Ugh" Austin groaned as he collapsed onto Jullian's bed, rubbing his eyes. His natural blonde roots were beginning to show more and more with each passing day. His hair was still neatly styled with about a million products and he wore a cropped black hoodie with a pink playboy bunny logo on the corner. His fishnets poked out from his jeans and did little to cover his toned stomach which was on perfect display. "I'm bored"
"You're also failing" Jullian groaned as he rubbed his temples to soothe his building headache.
"I wouldn't be failing if you weren't distracting me" Austin announced. "Who even needs any math taught past Algebra one?" He demanded. "And since I plan on dancing for a while, I don't think I'll need any past like seventh grade"
"I'm not having this argument again. We can do integrals or you can leave" Jullian hummed as he mindlessly went through another problem. Academics came to Jullian as easily as breathing. Academics for Austin were about as easy as trying to swallow a brick - it just wasn't going to happen.
"You know, sometimes I think you're this nice person for tutoring me. And then I talk to you and I remember I only like you for your dick" Austin deadpanned.
"The feeling is mutual" Jullian rolled his eyes as he continued to go through his schoolwork with ease. He ignored the whining boy laying on his bed in hopes that Austin would realize sooner or later that he just wasn't interested tonight. Then maybe he'd leave... Or, even better, stay and annoy Jullian with stupid questions about Calculus.
Jullian didn't like Austin. He found the boy to be attractive, that much was obvious, but he hated his attitude. He hated how cruel and self-centered he was. He hated how he never let anyone know exactly where they stood with him. He hated that he didn't interact with people unless they benefited him. How people swore up and down they were his friend only for Austin to bad-mouth them or state that he didn't care about them moments later. He hated Austin. So why did his words hurt? Even just a little.
Jullian was used to only being liked for what he could do rather than who he was. He was liked because he was a star soccer player. He was liked because he got good grades and had a pretty face. His own parents didn't even like him beyond what he could do. It shouldn't matter to him that Austin was no different. Especially since he didn't know much about Austin.
He knew why he was there. He knew he had a brother he hated for some reason. He knew that he was from Alabama and had been dancing since he was a kid. But he couldn't tell you how Austin took his coffee or what his friend's names were. He didn't know what Austin dreamed of doing with his life or even his favorite color. So he shouldn't care that Austin didn't want to know those things about him. He shouldn't care that Austin didn't care.
"Jules" Austin groaned. "I'm dying" Jullian rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed, leaving his homework behind him.
"You look fine to me" Jullian deadpanned before reaching toward the boy's waist. He tried to ignore the thrill he got when Austin's body flexed under his cool touch. How he'd squirm at the lightest brush of his fingertips. Austin's skin was always warm despite the boy whining about being cold any time he went outside. Jullian had grown obsessed with the feeling of Austin's skin against his. Maybe even a little addicted to it.
He liked that Austin enjoyed taking control. He liked that stupid smirk or teasing smile that was always on his lips. He liked how gorgeous Austin looked whether he was a moaning mess below him or was throwing his head back in pleasure when he got to ride Jullian. He liked that Austin knew what he was doing and found a way to bring a little bit of passion into Jullian's otherwise dull life.
"I always look fine" Austin deadpanned before shuddering at Jullian's touch. "Just, please" He quietly begged. Those two words snapped Jullian back into reality. It brought him out of his lust-filled fantasies and back into a world where he was hurting. Where who he was just wasn't good enough for anyone.
"Not today" Jullian decided as he took his hand away. "I'm not in the mood" The white-haired boy's eyebrows arched up in surprise and he quickly sat up. Jullian tried to ignore the feeling of Austin's feet resting on top of his. If Jullian was an idiot he'd think it meant Austin was comfortable around him. That he had subconsciously done it and maybe didn't even realize he liked Jullian's company.
But Jullian wasn't an idiot. He knew Austin... He knew that he saw his relationships with others as some twisted game. That although Austin wasn't book smart, he could play others better than he could dance. Everything about Austin was planned out from his body language to his tone of voice to what he said. It was all made to pull people in... To make them think he liked them or that he was was comfortable around them. But it was all lies... And Jullian didn't want to be the next idiot to fall for it.
"What's wrong?" Austin blindly asked. Jullian went to his usual response. That nothing was wrong, that he didn't feel like socializing or that he just wasn't in the mood. But Austin interrupted. "Did you know that you press your lips together more when you lie?"
"I hate you" Jullian decided before collapsing onto the bed next to him. Austin rolled his eyes and turned to face him.
"Yeah, well same. So what's wrong?" Austin blindly asked. Jullian decided that since lying to Austin wasn't an option, he'd just flip him off instead. "Bitch" Austin groaned before laying back beside him. "Name five things that are blue in your bedroom" Austin randomly sighed.
"What?" Jullian's eyes shot over to meet Austin's. The pretty boy's face was still... Emotionless even as he spoke.
"Just do it"
"Fine" Jullian rolled his eyes before looking around the room. "Your jeans, Jayce's bedsheets, your eyes, the lines of my notebook paper, and the tie to my uniform. Now, what was that?"
"It's this stupid trick I use to pull me out of my head" Austin shrugged. "It reminds me that I'm here. That I'm real... My dad taught it to me. Does it work?"
"I guess" Jullian hummed despite having more questions. He had never heard Austin talk about his dad - only a stepfather or stepmother. He never talked about his biological parents or even told anyone much about his step-parents. It was all a mystery. "You never talk about him"
"What's there to say?" Austin snorted. "He's just another piece of trash rotting behind bars"
_________________________________________
"Damn" A small boy whispered to himself. He couldn't be older than six and had messy blonde hair. His blue eyes were wide and wild as an angry older man glared down at him.
"Empty your pockets" Austin's throat tightened and he found himself subconsciously glancing toward his dad's car that was parked outside. It shouldn't be too hard to just run... Austin was sure he could out-run the cashier. He wasn't sure how he had gotten himself into this situation. He had done everything asked of him. He had been quiet and followed his dad's directions to a T.
"Yes sir" Austin mumbled. He was careful to only grab a couple of candies he had stuffed into his pocket. It was enough to be believable that that was all he would steal. But his heart dropped as he realized he had set the lighter on the counter with him. His dad would kill him.
"Boy, have you lost your mind? What on Earth does a child need with a lighter?" The small shop-keeper demanded. Austin only shrugged and nervously shuffled as he stared down at the cheap, worn, hand-me-down shoes from his sister. "Let's call the police so they can deal with getting you back to your parents" The cashier grumbled as he collected the things and turned to the phone.
He could feel himself beginning to collapse in on himself. He could feel his heart racing and his fears of the world getting the best of him. He didn't want to get in trouble... Nobody was supposed to know where his dad took him on weekends. The deal was, that he could dance if he kept up his end of the deal and helped out his dad in scams and robberies. And he was really good at it too... Except for today. Because today he hadn't been expecting the security cameras to work. He had messed up and he might have ruined everything because of it.
"Austin. Snap out of it" A voice hissed in his ear.
He nervously glanced over at his dad's car and back at the cashier. He didn't have time to get another lighter... If he didn't leave now his dad would leave him or pill him out of dance. But he if did, he'd only have the pack of cigarettes his dad had asked for. He'd get in trouble for not having everything else. He could practically hear his dad screaming at him to leave from the car. So he did.
He took off running outside of the shop, trying to ignore the shouts of the cashier behind him. He was relieved to find that he in fact could outrun him. The cashier was limping terribly which meant that Austin stood a chance. He rushed up to the stolen truck and climbed into the passenger seat only for his dad to take off before he was even buckled.
"Did you get everything?"
"No"
"Then what the hell took you so long?" The man demanded as he glanced down at his son. Austin scrambled to pull on his seatbelt and nervously glanced around the car. He needed something to keep his mind off of things. He needed to stay in the real world and quit disappearing into his mind where he was weak and vulnerable... So he started counting all of the red things. A stop sign, the button on the heater, an empty McDonald's bag, the wrapper of a blow pop, and the red scrapes on his legs from dance. That seemed to relax him...
He wasn't supposed to be nervous or afraid. He wasn't allowed to hide in his mind from any of it. He had to face it head-on if he ever wanted to have the slightest bit of control in his life. So instead of freaking out or crying like he wanted to, he smiled. He smiled and tried to become someone careless. Someone indestructible that couldn't be hurt or show weakness.
His dad never taught him that trick. He never taught him to relax and to regain control of a situation - not on purpose anyway. He had taught it to himself... That was the day he began to take his father's rules seriously and even lived by them.
1. Never do anything for someone if it won't benefit you in the end.
2. Never take the first offer. The second will always be better.
3. Never get attached to something you could lose.
Question of the chapter: What are some of your all-time favorite albums to listen to?