TW: Mentions of past assault.
*
"Are you sure it's okay we're up here?" I asked as Sirius helped me climb over a pile of strange rubble on the venues balcony. They were right to rope the place off, it looked as if an explosion had gone off. What must have been nice seating was nothing but splintered wood and charred fabric.
"Absolutely not," Sirius chuckled. "We'll get kicked out for sure if they find us."
I froze. Sirius sighed. "But they're not going to find us. Security has more important things to worry about."
I frowned, but followed after him all the same. "What's with all this mess anyways?" I asked.
Sirius didn't answer, climbing around one last pile of rubble towards four, perfectly in-tact, red velvet, theatre seats by the edge of the balcony. After helping me over (which was a real challenge since I kept losing my footing, clinging to his arms to keep from falling on my butt), he hopped into one of the seats and patted the one at his side.
I let out a breath of relief. No more urban hiking.
Stubby Boardman and his band, The Hobgoblins, had just taken the stage and strummed out a dramatic E chord. The tiny witches and wizards below us all whooped and hollered. I smiled. Concerts weren't so scary this far away.
"You never answered me," I said, looking over at Sirius. He had been staring at me.
"I know. I was trying figure out how to explain without freaking you out."
I sighed and slumped back in my chair and looked out at the crowd. "You know, I'm not that big of a wimp. I can handle a scary story."
"There was a death eater attack early last summer."
I sat up and stared at him. He was studying my face, probably trying to gage how much I was freaking out.
"Really?" I asked.
"Really."
"Were you here when they—"
He shook his head and looked away, readjusting in his own seat. "No, we were supposed to go, but Peter got dragon pox last minute, so we bailed to be with him."
I stayed quiet, looking around at the charred rubble. My dad was an auror, I'd heard plenty about Death Eaters, read the news articles of attacks and rising number of blood purity radicals. But seeing the outcome with my own eyes...
I wanted to ask what happened, if anyone got hurt— if anyone he knew got hurt, but all that came out was— "Why are all the other chairs rubble when these are perfectly fine?"
Sirius let out a surprised laugh and stretched his arms over the backs of the seats, admiring them. "Remus wanted to bring a date up here a while after it happened," he snickered. "So James and I fixed a few up for him. There's actually few more in the back that we used to spy on him."
I blushed as I laughed. So these were intended for dates? I was so relieved to get away from the crowd I hadn't thought about the fact that I was going off all alone with a boy I hardly knew. But this wasn't a date, was it? Not a real one, anyways...
"I doubt he appreciated you spying,."
Sirius barked a laugh. "Oh, he was properly furious. It was brilliant."
Stubby started playing one of his hit songs, 'Don't hex my heart'. "I sure hope he got his revenge on you two," I smiled, shaking my head.
"No worries, he's since spied on James at least twice."
"But not you?" I asked turning to face him.
His arms were still stretched across the backs of the red velvet cushions. He looked at as if I'd caught him by surprise, but he quickly gained his composure and looked out at the stage. "I don't go on dates."
"What?"
He shrugged. "I don't date."
"Ever?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Why does it matter?" he asked quickly.
"I doesn't," I said. I could feel the tension between us. "I guess it makes sense, though. You are kind of a jerk," I shrugged.
He snorted. "Kind of an arsehole," he said, sounding more at ease. "Just use the word, Higgs. No one's going to tattle on you."
Like the mature young lady I am, I stuck my tongue out at him.
He smirked and patted my head again. "Calm down, little one."
I swatted him off once more and he laughed.
"So, what about you?" he said after a while of watching the concert. "Do you date?"
I blushed. "I-I've been on a date before. Once."
"Ah, yes. I forgot about the American boyfriend. Marty, was it?"
My face flushed even more. "His name is Matty and he's just my friend."
"Then why are you blushing?"
"Because you're trying to embarrass me!"
His lips tilted into a smirk. He leaned in closer. "If he's just your friend, what's there to be embarrassed about?"
"Because it's like having someone ask if I'm dating my brother— it's just wrong."
His smirk faded a little. "So you and him never..."
"Never what?" I snapped.
"Dated? Kissed?"
"NO!"
"Really? Nothing?" he asked, bemused. "Not even a cuddle? Suggestive hug?"
"No!" My face was positively burning and I was shaking a little from being put on the spot. What in the world was a 'suggestive hug' anyways?
Sirius hummed at this new revelation and sat back in his seat, as if contemplating a new method to torture me.
"So who'd you go on the date with?" he asked, genuinely interested.
My stomach sank. "You wouldn't know him."
"You're deflecting," he guessed. "It didn't go well, did it?"
"It's none of your business," I said quickly.
Sirius watched me, eyes softening. "Fair enough."
I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the stage determinately, but I could feel Sirius's gaze.
"Tucker," I said when Stubby began a nice ballad.
Sirius sounded like he choked on air. "Sorry, what?"
I rounded to face him. "Tucker. The guy I went on a date with was named Tucker..."
Sirius closed his eyes and tiled his head back to laugh. "I thought you were calling me a fucker—"
"NO!" I gasped, horrified. "I didn't— I wouldn't—"
I buried my face in my hands. Ugh, I just kept making a fool out of myself. I should have just kept my mouth shut.
"Hey, it's alright," he said, quieter, but still trying to not laugh. He placed a hand on my shoulder, I flinched. "Seriously, don't get all out of sorts. It'd hardly be the first time I'd been called that."
I pulled my hands away and stared at him desperately. "But that's not what I said. I said Tucker."
I was acutely aware of his hand still on my shoulder. Warm, steady. "If you say so," he smirked and moved his hand away. "So tell me about this fucker Tucker. Was he fit?"
I pushed him. "I'll stop, I'll stop," he laughed, putting his hands up in defense.
I crossed my arms over my chest once more. I couldn't look at him, even if he was just joking. "He was a Thunderbird— it's one of the houses at our school— and he was really outgoing, you know? Kind of a class clown... We had Charms together and he got moved to the seat behind me and he used to talk to me sometimes..."
I paused waiting for Sirius to make a joke or something, about him 'charming me in charms' but he didn't. He was just watched me patiently, brows slightly furrowed.
I looked away again, hand tracing over the paisley print on my dress. "Anyways... One day after class he asked me if I wanted to go to town that weekend and see a movie. I'm so stupid though, I didn't even realize it was a date until I told Matty about it."
"So you just went to the movies?" Sirius asked. "I thought it'd be worse than that..."
I sighed. "It was worse."
"Let me guess. It was an action movie?"
"Horror."
"Yikes. What happened?"
Why had I started the whole conversation? Why was I talking to him about this? This was one of the most embarrassing things that had ever happened to me and and here I was yapping about it to this jerk? Only... Sirius wasn't really a jerk. Not really. Not all the time. When I talked, he listened— well, when it was important, at least. Maybe I wasn't used to people really listening...
"It started out okay... We went out for enchiladas with some of his friends before. But when we got to the movie we sat by ourselves way up at the top. I didn't complain because I don't like scary movies to begin with... I didn't realize..."
"What happened?" Sirius asked again.
Why was I telling him this?
"He tried to kiss me."
Sirius studied my face. "That's it?"
I blinked and my heart raced. I looked away at the concert without really seeing anything. "Yeah, he tried to kiss me, I said no. That's it. It was embarrassing."
"You're sure that's what happened?"
He didn't believe me. I didn't know if I was glad or upset that he caught me in a lie. I could literally feel him looking at me, burning a hole into my head, as if he was trying to perform Legilimency.
"I—" I turned and couldn't see anything except grey eyes. "He did try to kiss me and I did say no..."
Sirius took a long breath. "Fucker didn't listen, did he?"
I blinked and shook my head. Why was I telling him this? I hadn't told anyone that part...Not even Matty. Partially out of shame... but also because Matty would have tried to kill him.
"I tried to push him off, but I'm not that strong—" My skin crawled thinking about him pawing at me, clammy hands all over me, his hot breath in my mouth, reeking of the stale enchiladas we'd eaten for dinner. "I tried to kick at him and ended up knocking the chair of the old lady in front of us. She started cursing at him and I ran out before he could go any further."
Sirius didn't say anything and I still couldn't bare to look at him. "I know I'm so stupid. I should have known."
"Don't say that," he snapped, voice low.
I turned around to face him. He looked terrifying. Eyes blazing, jaw tight. He was gripping the back of the chair, knuckles white.
"What should you have known? Should have known you'd get assaulted?" he asked. "You were on a date. It's not stupid to expect the bloke to treat you like a fucking human."
My lip quivered. He was right. He was absolutely right but the whole conversation was overwhelming and bringing up a whole bout of memories I thought I'd blotted out of existence.
I stared at the concert and swallowed the lump welling up in my throat.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry, I chanted in my head, not even listening to Stubby's songs.
"My family supports Death Eaters," Sirius blurted out.
My breath caught and I peeled my eyes away from the stage. "What kind of sick joke is that?"
"Not a joke. They're mad, the whole lot of them."
He must have seen the unasked question in my expression.
"You told me something really personal— figured you should know," he shrugged, not meeting my eyes. "Makes things even."
"But you don't... I mean you're not like that..."
"Course not!" he scoffed. "But I'm a bit of a black sheep..."
There was an anger that seemed to radiate though the cool expression on his face. A kind of swirling static of magic I'd experienced when I'd spied on him from the rooftop. "Were they the reason that you were so angry that night?"
His head whipped toward me. "What?"
"Before Matty sent the howler. I know you saw me on the roof. You were so upset... It was because of them, wasn't it?"
He clenched his jaw and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else, but he didn't look away. "Yeah, it was because of them."
"And it's the reason you've been avoiding Marls."
He hesitated. "It's one of the reasons."
I was testing my luck. "What... What happened?"
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. "Fuck," he said under his breath.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"It's not that," he grumbled. "I want to tell you... that's the problem."
What was that supposed to mean? I stared at him, mute, hoping he'd elaborate.
He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "They sent a howler while we were eating fucking dinner. It was horrible."
"Oh... If it was horrible, why are you laughing?"
"Because every time I talk to you I end up spilling my secrets." He sat up and leaned in, looking me dead in the eyes. "You're bloody terrifying. I don't know what else to do but laugh."
"Terrifying?" I laughed in disbelief. "You think I'm terrifying."
His gaze flickered down lower on my face, then up to my eyes. "Yeah."
"Why?"
"I just told you. Every time I talk you I just blurt out stuff I'm not supposed to say."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I do that all the time."
Again he looked down then back up chuckling softly. "Yeah, I noticed."
I don't know if he scooted in closer or if I did.
"Do you really want to go to that party later?" he asked.
"Kind of." I didn't want to go. I just wanted to keep hanging out with him
"I forgot you're a total party animal, aren't you," he smirked. "You'll probably ditch me to go snog some random mysterious British boy."
"Sirius," I said. He hummed in reply. "I don't know what the word snog means."
He barked a laugh, breath warm on my face. "Kiss, Higgs. It means kiss."
"Oh... " I flushed and let out a hoarse embarrassed laugh, my stomach flipping. "No, I'm too scary. I make all the mysterious British boys run away."
He nodded sagely. "You've made a valid point. Simply terrifying."
"You're not supposed to agree with me!" I laughed for real this time and I made to thwack at the nearest part of him I could find, which happened to be his chest.
"See! You're so violent!" He laughed and half-heartedly tried to bat me away as I giggled. "An absolute menace!"
"Oi! Padfoot! You up here?" A voice from beyond the rubble.
Sirius sat up, smile falling instantly. His hands, which had been loosely restraining my wrists, let go. "Shite!" he hissed.
I glanced over at the stage below, "Concert's still going...?"
Sirius shushed me.
"Padfoot?" the voice called again, more suspicious.
"I'm—" Sirius looked at me and then sighed in resignation, running a hand through his hair. "We're over here, Moony."
"We?" Remus's head popped up over the pile of chair carcasses. "Oh. Hi, Paisley!"
I waved, blushing as I remembered how he'd never spied Sirius on a date before. Not that this was a date... technically. I doubted Remus knew that.
"James thought you might have left," Remus said, leaping over the junk with a practiced ease despite his gangly limbs.
"I don't like crowds," I blurted out.
"Don't blame you. Getting a little raucous down there, even for me." He smiled softly, eyes flickering between the two of us. "Lily said you're going to the party with us later?" he said as casual as could be, plopping himself into the chair beside me, propping his long legs up on the railing.
"Maybe," Sirius answered.
I turned and gave Sirius a pointed look, holding back a smile at the thought our previous little play-fight.
His eyes softened and his lips twitched. "Probably," he amended.
I grinned.
"I see..." Remus said slowly.
Sirius cleared his throat and tried to school his face into something more stoic. "You going?" he asked Remus.
Remus leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I could see the dark circles shadowing atop sallow skin. Lily was right, he looked like he was coming down with something. "I dunno. Probably," he shrugged. "If everyone else is going."
"We could just go back to the Potter's," Sirius suggested. "Hang out there. Watch some of that muggle show Mr. Potter keeps on tape."
"James wants to go," Remus sighed, rubbing his eyes. "He's not going to trade a chance at chatting up Lily for Doctor Who. Plus, I think Pete's planning to sneak out and we can't just leave him there to fend for himself."
"I'm not babysitting drunk Peter," Sirius grumbled.
"I'm not babysitting drunk James," Remus chuckled. "You take James and I'll watch Pete. But who's going to babysit you?"
"Not drinking," Sirius said cooly.
I felt awkward watching the conversation going back and forth across me... even more awkward when Remus laughed. "Right, okay..."
"I'm not."
"Next you're going to tell me you're giving up the stupid motorbike as well?"
"Oi! Don't speak blasphemy against my Cassandra!"
I snorted. "Cassandra?"
"That's her name," Sirius said grumpily.
"Cassandra is the only one to worm her way into his cold, cold heart," Remus whispered.
Sirius reached around and whacked Remus upside the head. "Don't listen to him. He's just jealous his dad won't let him get one."
Remus shrugged. "Fair point."
Stubby began playing another one of his hits, 'Niffler Ran Away With My Heart' and the three of us entered into a comfortable silence, enjoying the show.
Only I couldn't keep from squirming.
And neither, it seemed, could Sirius.
"Rem, you staying the rest of the show?" Sirius asked Remus behind my head.
"Yeah," Remus said easily. "Unless... you want to be alone...?" he added.
"No, no it's cool," Sirius said quickly. "Got to run down to the loo. Didn't want to leave Higgs all on her own."
"Oh, yeah. You go. I'll stay with her."
Sirius nodded and gave my shoulder a discreet squeeze as he climbed over the back and over the pile of broken furniture.
Remus watched him go... and as soon as he was out of sight, reached in his pocket and pulled out what must have been— "Candy?" I said, amused.
"Shh... Don't tell Sirius or he'll hog it all for himself."
He shook a few sugary gumdrop- esque candies into my hand. "Do any of these have strawberry in them?" I asked.
Remus squinted at the back of the box. "No, pretty sure these are just lemon... is that alright?"
I popped one in my mouth. "Perfect."
"So you and Sirius, huh?" he said quietly.
"What?" I said, hand over my mouth as I nearly choked on the candy.
He smirked. "Never caught Sirius on a date before."
"Oh, we're not on a date," I chuckled despite my blush.
Remus's smirk softened into a smile. I don't think he believed me. "Hmm... My mistake. Want some more?"
"Yes please." He rattled a few more of the lemon gumdrops in my hand.
I glanced up at the messy pile of debris. "What's up between Sirius and Marls?" I asked before the sensible part of my brain could stop me.
Remus sighed deeply, brows furrowed. When I'd first met him, I thought he looked a little like Matty, but now he reminded me more of an old man. In a good way. Young old man. Old soul? Whatever, hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.
"You want the truth?"
"No, please, please lie to me."
Remus chuckled at my sarcasm. "Truth, I don't know everything. They're both beaters on the Quidditch team, and..." he hesitated. "Pretty sure she fancies him."
"That's it?"
He raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Well..." he sighed, pausing as if to choose his words carefully. "You didn't hear it from me... but I heard a rumor they may have snogged at the quidditch championship party before school got out. But that's just a rumor, mind."
Snogged... kissed. He'd kissed her...Maybe. My stomach flipped, and not in the good way. In the sinking way, as if it was trying to drag me by my intestines into a blackhole. I was probably making a total fool out of myself. My brain kept screaming that it would be Tucker all over again. That I should just ask someone to take me home.
But Sirius was nothing like Tucker.
Still, I couldn't get the mental image of him and her out of my head.
I shouldn't have even cared. It's not like we were on a date. It's not like he'd even considered me in that way.
But hadn't he? I was an idiot, I'll be the first to admit it, but did I imagine all the flirting before? And we'd talked about things, things we didn't with other people. Even Remus thought there was something going on...
"Yes, lemon drops!" Sirius cheered, snatching the box out of remus's hands and climbing over the chair once more. Only two rattled out of the box. His face fell and he threw the box at Remus.
Remus smiled smugly, cramming the trash back into his pocket as he stood. "That's what you get for being a thief."
"I thought you were staying?" Sirius said.
Remus smiled his usual blithe smile checking his watch, "It's probably going to be wrapping up here soon, also I'm mildly afraid James will start a search party if we both go missing for too long. I'll see you at the party, though."
"Maybe," Sirius said.
"Probably," I corrected.
"Right," Remus smirked and with that he went a climbing over the broken seats.
I sat awkwardly at Sirius's side.
"Higgs, you alright?" he said after a moment.
I nodded, keeping my eyes on the concert. I was still trying to not imagine him kissing Marls. Trying to not care if he had.
He placed a hand on my wrist, slowly. Slow enough and soft enough that I could have pulled away if I wanted to. "Hey, look at me."
I slowly shifted so that we were face to face.
"You okay? Really?" he asked.
I nodded, trying to throw in a smile, but I don't think it did the job.
"We don't have to go to the party," he said, misinterpreting my awkwardness. "The girls will understand. There's going to be other, more sober activities where you can hang out, I promise."
I didn't want to go to the party, but I was afraid if I didn't that would mean my night with him would be over... And who knew when I'd see him again. I was his Marls shield that night, but he wouldn't need me forever. And sure there might be more wholesome social events, but if he didn't invite me, who would? Certainly not James. And as nice as the girls were, I doubted they'd go out of their way to seek me out.
Which would leave me not just alone, but lonely.
But instead of saying any of this, I said: "Am I the reason you're not going to drink?"
He blinked. "What?"
"You told Remus you weren't going to drink. Are you afraid I'm going to judge you or something? Because I won't— Okay, maybe just a little because it's illegal. But I wouldn't hold it against you in general. You don't have to pretend to be something you're not. Not around me."
Sirius chuckled. "Well, that's nice to know, Higgs... truly. But that's not why... not exactly."
I blushed. "Oh."
His hand gave my wrist a little squeeze. "If I'm going to take you some place, I'd rather have all my mental faculties in fully functioning order. Got to be on my guard to keep you out of trouble... No offense, but you're a little helpless and prone to wandering off—"
"I didn't wander off— I went to the bathroom! And I'm not helpless!"
Sirius smirked. "Ah and we're back to you thinking I'm an arsehole. All is right in the world."
"I'm not helpless," I scowled. "I'm terrifying."
Sirius snorted, trying to hold in his amusement for all of two and a half seconds before bursting out laughing so hard and so loud that I was sure someone downstairs would have heard us if Stubby hadn't been in the middle of his grande finale.
"Okay, okay. You don't have to laugh that hard," I grumbled.
"Sorry to break it to you, but your reign of terror begins and ends with me, love," he laughed, standing up, blissfully unaware of the butterflies he'd unleashed on my stomach. "C'mon— let's get you to your bloody party."