Nissa's rusted heap of metal jerked to a stop on the street outside my house, and her speakers boomed loudly all the way across the yard.
"She's a lovely girl, but I could do without that racket every morning," Aunt Fawn said as she leaned out of the screen door and handed me an iced coffee.
I stared at the car from the wooden porch swing. If I got up and got in, I was committing myself to at least eight hours of learning on very little sleep. But then again, if I didn't get in the car, Flora and Fawn would probably murder me.
They didn't play around when it came to school. Apparently it was one of the few things required of me as a human child, and it was the least I could do, according to my aunts.
So instead of soaking up the sun on the porch and lazing the day away, I took a huge slurp of the iced coffee and shuffled my feet forward until I was buckled into the passenger seat of Nissa's death contraption.
"You look like shit," Nissa yelled over the radio. "You have that dream again?"
God, did I really have to have such a big mouth and tell the entire world that my psyche was nocturnally screwed up? The answer was yes. Especially with Nissa. I knew all of her secrets, so it was only fair.
Except Nissa's secrets were things like I'd rather kiss girls than dudes, and I sneak into the skate park after it closes because I'm scared to skate in front of other people. Whereas mine were more like I'm haunted by people and places that don't exist and falling in love with a literal dream boy.
"I'm fine," I lied after a moment under her intense glare.
She shifted the car into drive and it shook violently as she slammed her foot on the accelerator. "Whatever. Don't tell me then."
I held on to the handle above the window and tried to maintain a calm exterior as she weaved in and out of traffic illegally. "Oh, come on, Niss. You know it's not that deep."
She shrugged a shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Like I said. Whatever."
"What's with you today?"
The bare trees of the neighborhood gave way to concrete buildings as she maintained her breakneck speed. "I just have no interest in unpacking your dreams this morning if you aren't going to make me."
I bit my bottom lip out of habit and nodded. "Harsh, but fair."
"It's just, like, your aunts treat you like a princess—given it's the locked-in-a-tower kind—but still. You literally have so few problems in your life, your brain has to make them up. And here I am down one parent and completely ignored by the other, but we never seem to touch on that."
Leaning forward as far as the seat belt would allow, I tried to catch her expression to see if she was joking or serious. "Do you want to touch on that?"
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "No," she laughed. "I most definitely don't."
"Then what is it?"
The red brick and slightly greenish glass of Douglas County High came into view, and she sighed at the line of cars leading to the parking lot. "It's just," she paused, taking a moment to steal a glance in my direction, "don't forget some of us have real-world problems while you fall in love with your little dream guy."
"Phillip."
Nissa's eyes widened as she slowly turned her head back in my direction. "Do not name him. My dad used to say when you name things, it makes it harder to let them go. Like strays or lobsters."
"He's not a stray dog, Nissa. That's rude."
She pulled into her parking spot and shut off the car before throwing her hands in the air. "Oh, my god. He's not real, Rosalie."
"I know that." I grabbed my backpack and bolted from the car, hoping I seemed more believable than I felt.
Nissa sauntered after me, having no rush to get into the building and start the day. Despite her insane driving, everything else Nissa did was laid back and slow. Like she didn't care if the rest of the world was waiting on her.
It helped, though—to be around her. To sink into her turtle-like pace and let the world rush by around us. Neither of us were meant for the get-it-done, work-til-you-die culture. As if we should have been born in a different decade, or in a different world completely.
"Nissa Liu," a deep male baritone boomed as soon as we walked up to our shared locker.
She turned around to face Principle Saunder directly. "Yes, sir?"
His freckled forehead was all scrunched up with deep wrinkles as he assessed her. "Your mother said Nolan didn't come home last night."
I looked between her stone-faced expression and Principal Saunder's worried countenance. Nolan had issues. Everyone knew that. But he'd dropped out before our 10th grade year, so this wasn't a school question. This was a 'Principal Saunders is also Pastor Saunders' question.
Nissa's facial expression changed just enough to roll her eyes. "He's probably crashing on a couch somewhere. He will come home eventually."
"As his twin, I was hoping you'd have more information than that."
She turned and finished pulling her books out of the locker before she slammed it shut. Thankfully, I had already gotten most of what I needed out of it because she didn't even think about asking. I could get through my next class without my pencil bag... hopefully.
"We were born at the same time. It doesn't mean I have some mystical tracking powers on him or anything."
Principal Saunders shook his head and walked in the opposite direction as Nissa headed for class.
I looked back to make sure he was far enough down the hall before I pulled her to the side by her elbow. "You didn't say a word about Nolan going missing."
She rubbed a hand over her face. "He's not missing. He's messed up at some crack house somewhere or something. If I worried every time he disappeared, I'd have no time for anything else—like my mom."
"Still. Are you okay?"
The bell rang, and she shrugged before she started running toward her class. Saved from any emotional venerability by the stupid school bell.
Eight incredibly boring hours later, I got to Nissa's car before she did and jumped up on the hood to lay back and steal just a few minutes of rest. I was so tired of being tired, but if I was being completely honest with myself, I didn't want to give up the dreams either. It caught me in this exhausted purgatory for as long as feasibly possible.
Something came in between the sunlight and my closed eyelids, making a large dark blob appear in my periphery. I sat up, thinking it Nissa coming to take me home, but it wasn't.
A tall girl dressed in all black stood at the side of the hood staring at me. I looked around at the now empty parking lot before turning back to her. "Can I help you?"
Her fire red hair was an obviously botched dye job. It looked more like red Kool Aid as she shook her head. "You're Rosalie, right?"
I sat up and pulled my arms around myself. It was strange enough to be stared at while your eyes were closed, but it was a free parking lot, so whatever. Definitely not the first impression you'd want to make on someone. "Yeah, and you're new," I said even though it was apparent enough.
"Yeah," she extended her hand sheepishly, as if she wasn't sure if this was how humans interacted. "I'm Ella. Nissa told me she'd give me a ride home. Said I should find you and wait for her. Since you're the only car still here..."
"It wasn't hard to find me. Got ya." It all started to click together. Of course Nissa would crush hard on the new goth chick and offer to take her home.
Ella came around the side of the trunk and jumped up beside me. Sitting awkwardly stiff as she held onto the straps of her backpack as if it was going to run away if she didn't. "So, do you know Nissa well?"
"We've been friends since second grade. So, I'd hope so." Why was I being so mean? It wasn't like this girl had done anything to me. Well, other than stare me down and interrupt my nap. Still, I didn't like the idea of Nissa hooking up with some chick she barely knew or giving up our cathartic loud music and air guitar time on the way home.
She smiled, but the sharp lines of it told me she caught the edge in my voice. "I only live about five minutes from here. I won't bother you long, promise."
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and then sighed. "No, you're fine either way. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."
"Sounds kinky," she said as her tightlipped smile shifted into a smirk.
Huffing a laugh, I rolled my eyes. "It's a lot less exciting than you are thinking."
"Nightmares?"
"And dreams. Either way, it's like I never get any rest."
Nissa emerged from the building and slid her gray Adidas hoodie over her t-shirt and basketball shorts. It was late December and the Georgia heat had given way to an icy chill. Inside, her normal outfit of shorts and a t-shirt was fine, given the central heating, but outside the wind must have been bitterly cold.
"That's not healthy," Ella said as she jumped down from the trunk and walked to meet her.
"Tell me about it," I said under my breath as I slid down behind her.
***
Nissa didn't even turn on the car radio the entire ride to Ella's house. Instead, she asked Ella questions about music, even daring to ask if she wanted to jam with us some time when Ella said she played bass. We didn't need a bassist. We were fine. Plus, we had plenty of friends who played already. If we need a third or something, we'd just call one of them.
When we finally dropped Ella off at some building that didn't much look livable, Nissa turned to me before pulling back onto the road. "You can't do that."
"Do what?"
"Make your scowling face every time I try to make new friends."
"I'm not scowling," I said as I uncrossed my arms and tried to look neutral.
"You totally are. Ella's cool. Like she gets me."
I scoffed. "You've known her maybe a day."
"Yeah, and it only took me a few minutes to know I wanted to be your best friend." With her point made, she started driving again. "Speaking of, are we doing anything for your birthday?"
I eyed her suspiciously. "How is that speaking of?"
"I was just thinking we could all hang out at your place. Watch movies, let your aunts fatten us up with junk food, the norm."
"All as in more than me and you?" My suspicions were all but confirmed, but I wanted her to say it. To cop to what she was trying to do.
She put her hands together over the steering wheel like she was praying and pouted at me. "Come on, Rosie. You know I can't let her come to my house. She'd run away screaming."
"Then she doesn't deserve you. I accept you for who you are. It's not that hard."
Nissa rolled her eyes and put the car in park. "Yeah, but you're not exactly lining up to date me either," she said so low I could barely hear her.
"Not fair."
"It's true, though. I get it. I wouldn't want to screw this up between us even if you weren't straight and hung up on some make-believe Prince Charming."
We sat in silence as she drove until the weight of it was too much for either of us to bear. She flipped on the radio and plugged her phone into the aux cord. Seconds passed before an old No Doubt song erased the tense vibe around us and replaced it with the thrashing of limbs and hair as we sang at the top of our lungs.
By the time we pulled back up to my house, the awkward moment was all but forgotten. The pieces of it that lingered filled my insides with guilt. I loved Nissa, just not the way she wanted me to.
I took a deep breath before I opened my mouth to agree to something I knew in my bones was a mistake. "I'll tell my aunts there will be three of us," I said as I opened the car door and headed up the sidewalk. Not even her squeal of delight made me look back as I headed for my room. Maybe tonight I'd get some sleep.
Maybe tonight the nightmare would let me rest.