It felt odd, unlike anything he had ever felt. Nessa sat at the table, surrounded by all of his new friends. The seating arrangement had been a nightmare to sort out. Vaguely, they all implied that Ilya absolutely had to sit beside Venice, which made Nessa wonder why that was. Emi and Keely had to sit by one another too, though that reason was obvious, then there was Jada and Ian. Which just left Nessa to sit beside a dutiful Kiwi.
They were occupying two tables in a small fast food restaurant located within the mall. Nessa sat at the same table as Ian and Jada, the other four sat across the aisle from them. Emi was as far away as she could get, sipping from her diet soda as Keely tried to console her. Nessa wondered why she still had her chin tilted up, eyes indifferent as she stared blankly across the room. Didn't she have the right to be visibly mad?
Kiwi was talking animatedly with Jada, and from what Nessa had tuned into, she had apparently been his babysitter for a very long time growing up. He had learned other small facts about her as well, like what her major was, the name of her dorm mate, and the fact that she came by almost every weekend to "make sure her brother wasn't being as depressing as always" which was followed up by, "and this weekend he was cooped up in his room, speed-reading some book about houses and snakes."
That made Nessa smile. He liked listening to them reminisce, but it really proved how little he knew about everyone. He was supposed to be their friend, but he hardly spoke to any of them. A wave of guilt washed over him once he realized that he had probably spoken more words to Ian—who he had only met on a few occasions—than he did to Kiwi—who was always by his side.
Things had been easier when he lived in California. The friends he had were always there since he was in middle school—some of them had even gone to the same elementary school as him. Things had been different, he had been different. Then everything fell apart, making him wonder if that would happen to these guys too.
He predicted the future as he sat there quietly. Emi would probably go to a college for something edgy like sociology, and Keely would blindly follow her because Nessa didn't have to look to know how much she truly loved her. Ilya would probably end up working at a bar, maybe doing it on the side as he began studies of his own. Ian would definitely go on to do great things, probably becoming a politician or new-age philosopher.
But what about Venice? That almost made Nessa laugh. He had spent a fair bit of time beside Venice, and yet he knew next to nothing about him. He was the kind of person to immediately know when someone was approaching him, to sit in utter silence, piercing eyes seeing the things that most other people would not. He was the kind of person to carry switchblades in his pockets, and choose not to drink alcohol. That was the kind of person who probably wouldn't go to college.
Maybe something was going to happen first. Before they were all able to part ways like normal teenage groups did. That thought scared Nessa, because it was same thing that tore him from his previous friends. One event leading to another, and then just like that, everything was all wrong.
What the fuck did you do, Charm?
"Nessa?" That caused Nessa to blink, realizing that Kiwi had been speaking to him. His eyes briefly met Ian's dark ones. Nessa looked away. "You alright?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "I'm fine. I was just... thinking."
"I do that too." Kiwi laughed. Before he could explain why he had said Nessa's name in the first place, Ilya's voice suddenly carried over.
"Hey, Nessa." He turned to see him brushing a loose curl out of his face. "I've noticed that not only have you finished your food, but you're also just sitting there silently."
"Well, I was just about to tell him—" Kiwi protested, but was quickly cut off by Ilya again.
"Anyway, Venice here seems to have lost his phone somewhere between here and Hot Topic." He explained. "And the rest of us are still eating, so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping him out while we finished up?"
"Ilya." Venice warned, his tone flat like always, but Nessa could tell that there was something akin to annoyance behind it.
Ilya simply smirked. "What? Nessa always looks like he's seeing the world different than us losers. I have a feeling that he is probably great at finding lost items."
That caused Nessa to cringe. "Not really. I can't remember things all that well."
"Good thing you don't have to do any remembering then. All you have to do is follow Venice around and keep you eyes peeled." Now Nessa was curious as to why Ilya wasn't the one going along. Clearly he was the closest to Venice by a long shot, and he definitely didn't come across as a bad friend. So why was he asking Nessa? "So what do you say?"
Nessa saw that Venice didn't look any different, body language the same as always. His face never seemed to stray away from its usual blank state, baby blue eyes striking against his white skin. He had his usual bucket hat on, but because his hair was unkempt, it was laying in straight needles around his face. Finally, Nessa shrugged. "Okay. I don't mind helping."
That caused Ilya to grin triumphantly, lightly patting Venice's shoulder. Then Venice swiped his hand away, shoving his own hands into the pockets of his baggy black jeans as he stood up. Nessa noticed how his lunch had consisted of a strawberry milkshake, and a cinnamon roll.
Nessa stood up as well, waving politely to his friends as he wordlessly turned to follow Venice, who clearly had no plans of exchanging any goodbyes. It seemed like Jada was about to protest for a reason unknown, panicking as she looked to her brother. But that was all it was left as. They exited the restaurant in silence, entering the noisy food court. Doing as he was told, Nessa made sure to keep his eyes open, peering around at the floor, or other small surfaces where Venice could possibly have dropped it, or had someone else pick it up to move it out of the way.
"I'm sorry." Venice suddenly mumbled, eyes trained perfectly forward, walking just a bit in front of Nessa.
Realizing that this had been directed at him, Nessa sped up just a bit, falling into pace with him. Again, he thought about how much smaller Venice was. It was peculiar, given how oddly intimidating he seemed. There was just an air of untouchability to Venice, one that peaked Nessa's curiosity and only made him want to spend more time with him. But there was also something else to Venice. Even though Nessa didn't know what it was, it felt like he somehow still understood it. As though he could relate.
"About what?" He asked, glancing at Venice, but did not get a look in return.
"About Ilya making you come along." Venice shrugged, and something told Nessa that his hands were probably balled into fists within his pockets.
"He didn't make me." Nessa told him. "I don't mind."
Venice appeared as though he wanted to say something more, but he didn't. Instead, he nodded almost unnoticeably as they continued to walk around. After that point, they began to slow down a bit around any place where they had stopped on their way to the restaurant. A few small stands, a sweet shop. Then once they exited the food court empty-handed, they went towards the escalator. Nessa was horrible at retracing his steps, but it seemed that Venice was not. Nessa felt as though he was probably not really helping at all.
As they ascended the escalator, Nessa peered over the edge at the large crowd of people. It was a harmless act, at least, it had been intended as one. But then he spotted something that caused his heart to stop, his eyes to widen, and his throat to dry up. There was a head amidst all of the people, one that brought back old memories. Memories that he had spent these last few months trying desperately to drive out from his brain. As the instinctive fear overwhelmed him, Nessa simply couldn't stop himself from reaching a shaky hand out and grasping at Venice's extremely oversized sleeve.
"Nessa." Venice spoke his name like a threat, immediately turning to him and stepping out of reach. Nessa peered at Venice, brows knit together as he tried to control his breathing.
"I-I'm sorry." He almost whispered the words, biting his lip, trying to come to his senses. "I.. there was..."
But when he turned back to the crowd, that head was no longer there. The vague shadows of a familiar face, the memory of that man's hair, all of it was gone. Had he just imagined it? But it felt so real. He could even feel him still. A cold shiver ran down his spine, and he tried his best to swallow any threat of tears.
Venice was still looking at him once they reached the top, stepping off to the side so that the people behind them could carry on. It was incredibly embarrassing, so much so that Nessa was sure his face had gone red. He hadn't intended to have an episode like that in front of any of his friends. He was glad that it had happened in front of only one of them, though he wasn't sure if Venice would have been his first choice. It was also a relief that the episode had been so mild—so different than the ones he used to experience.
"Who did you see?" Venice asked, which somehow shocked Nessa. He hadn't been expecting Venice to speak about it, which caused his face to warm further.
"I..." It took him a moment to figure out how to respond to that. "Just... I thought it was someone bad."
Instead of ridiculing him or looking at him as though he were insane, Venice simply nodded. "Were they still there when you looked back?"
That question threw Nessa off a bit. He didn't understand why that was an important question to ask. It only made him wonder why Venice was the way that he was. What happened to him? Was it similar to what happened to Nessa? Probably not, Nessa thought, he was probably a better person than that.
"No." Nessa spoke the word with relief, looking down at Venice and trying his best to muster a shaky smile. The hairs on the back of his neck still stood on end as he tried to push everything out of his mind. "No, they weren't."
"If you find that they ever are, you can point out which one it is in a crowd." As he spoke, Venice turned, probably to see where the Hot Topic was in relation to where they stood. "I won't let them near you."
Then without another word, Venice began to walk. It took Nessa's mind a moment to catch up, and once it did, he quickly followed to fall into step beside Venice once more.
The truth was, he could feel the certainty in Venice's words. They were said as though he truly meant it, as though no one would ever come near him as long as Venice was around. That made Nessa feel just a bit more safe. Like maybe he wasn't being followed. Like that man was truly never coming near him again. He recalled how Kiwi had introduced Venice, dont piss him off. He will stab you.
And after that point, Nessa didn't doubt it. There was something about Venice, a hint of protectiveness that he never would have noticed before. But he did now, and he guessed that Kiwi had not been lying.
They reached the Hot Topic, and sure enough, Venice's phone had been turned into the cashier. She handed it to Venice after verifying that it was his. Apparently he had set it down on one of the shelves, and forgot to pick it up after. It was that simple. Nessa noticed that Venice had a plain black case, nothing striking amongst the darkness. Nessa believed that a phone was a sure-fire way into someone's mind. And based off of Venice's, he was just as blank on the inside as he was on the out.
But Nessa didn't think that was true. He thought that maybe Venice was only blank because there was something he was trying to erase. And Nessa knew better than most that no matter how hard you erase the graphite on the paper, its shadow will never fully fade.
"Was there someone bad around you?" Nessa had not intended to ask it at first, but the longer they walked in silence, the more he couldn't resist.
Venice didn't respond for what felt like ages, eyes meeting Nessa's as he carried on as stoic as ever. Then finally, he stated simply, "No. But there was someone bad around someone I loved."
And that was all he said, which Nessa didn't mind as much as he thought he would. He wanted to know more, of course he did. But something told him that getting stories from Venice was not an easy feet. So all he did was nod in understanding, and joined his side as they returned to the food court.