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"how many are you looking for,exactly?" a nervous giggle left the flower shop owners' mouth.
they had been to multiple shops today and couldn't seem to find one that had any sunflowers, or even enough other flowers. they had finally found one that actually sold sunflowers, it wasn't going to work without sunflowers and they defiantly needed a lot of them. maybe december wasn't a good flower season.
"as many as possible."
"can i ask why you need so many?" the lady said whilst gathering many bouquets of sunflowers.
"no." kei probably said far too bluntly.
"o-okay. sorry for asking."
"no don't worry! it's just we need them for someone who's really sick. it's his boyfriend, so it's a bit of a touchy subject." daichi apologised for his friends bluntness.
"oh my god i'm so sorry. well i really hope he gets well soon."
"he will." daichi just wanted to help, he just wanted to be there for kei, but tsukishima couldn't even admit that tadashi was not going to get better.
"that's good." her worried expression was now replaced with a warm smile. her smile was almost like yams, just nowhere near as perfect.
all daichi could do was stare at his friend. how was he supposed to help, how was he supposed to comfort the boy.
Kei knew that tadashi wasn't going to get better, he knew this more then anybody, but he could pretend. there's nothing wrong with pretending. for now, anyway.
they gatherd the sunflowers,roses,tulips,lily's,poppy's into their arms. you could hardly see their faces over the flowers. hopefully this would be enough. kei's plan was to cover the floor and the bed in flowers whilst yams slept. he'd have something beatiful to wake up too. it would be as close to a flower field as possible.they'd be warm and be able to see the flowers. nothing could be better, well nothing possible anyway. he just hoped this would be close enough to what his lover wanted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the car journey was pretty quiet, they had been in the car for a good 20 minutes to get back to the hospital. there was still a good 10 minutes left,though. the silence wasn't awkward, they just didn't have anything to say to one another. daichi wanted to talk, he wanted to comfort the other, he wanted to tell him everything would be okay, he wanted to tell him how lovely this flower idea was. no words would come out, though, nothing at all. daichi glanced over at the blonde, what seemed for the 100th time, but this time something seemed diffrent. tsukki had been starring out the window and clutching at the few sunflowers in his arms. he was now starring at the flowers, possibly crying but it wasn't viewable. he wasn't gripping at the flowers anymore, now he was just gently stroking one of the petals.
"kei?"
no answer.
"kei!"
"hmm?"
"what's wrong?" how stupid daichi felt after asking that. what a ridiculous question. how could he even ask that. 'what's wrong?'his boyfriend would be dead in any number of days; he had to watch the boy die;he was losing the person he loves the most.
"what's wrong?" the blonde shouted.daichi thought it would be best to pull over and let the boy cry,shout. he needed this release.
"what the hell do you think is wrong, daichi. i'm not delusional. i know he isn't getting better, i know he won't. i know! i know better then anybody. i know because i am the one watching him die. you aren't. suga isn't. hinita isn't. yachi isn't. no body is. no one even visits him. suga does sometimes. but not you, not anyone else. i love him.... i love him so much. he is going to die. he's gonna leave me alone, all by myself. everyday i'm going to be reminded that i am all by myself. he hardly remembers anything. he isn't there anymore, daichi. he...he just isn't there. i only know he's alive because of that bloody heart monitor. without that and his occasional nods or the times he try's to speak. it hurts him, it exhausts him. but yet he still does it for me. he till try's to speak. he still try's to live and breath by himself. b-but he can't....... not even for me he can't...... why him. why my precious flower. the kindest happiest person alive."
how was daichi supposed to respond. he knew it was good for tsukki to have an outburst like this, he knew it was good for him to let this out. he wanted to let him have these moments to actually vent and speak his mind.
"i know tsukishima. i know. let it out." there was nothing more he could say. words wouldn't be able to comfort the other, he knew that. nothing he says is going to come close to what the other needed to hear. kei needed to hear that yams would be okay,that's the only thing that would make him feel better.
"why does he have to leave me?"
"why can't he just stay?"
"why not for me?" kei's speech had to come in separate loads now, he was almost choking on his tears so speech was difficult.
"the world doesn't work like that kei."
"can we please just drive. i need to set this up." after a few minutes kei had stopped crying and seemed to have calmed down.
"y-yeah."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"h-hey yams!" suga entered yamiguichi's ugly hospital room. the rooms in hospitals are exactly what you would think; bleached white walls, constant florescent lighting, a clean smell that always followed you. that disgusting hospital smell always clung to clothing to constantly remind you of what you'd just seen, who you had just left in the ugly rooms.
"y-yams?" suga wasn't used to being here without kei, so he wasn't always sure when the other was awake or asleep. just like anyone in his position would, he glanced over at the heart monitor. he hadn't heard any alarm, he knew the other was still here, he just had to check.
"your'e still here." suga didn't know why he was even speaking, the other was probably asleep; not that suga would be able to tell if he was awake or not.
"i think i might read and maybe do some studying today,yams. so i'm sorry that i'm probably gonna be really boring today." a slightly awkward laugh left the males mouth.
normally, suga would tell yams stories or they'd listen to music. suga had a test tomorrow though, so he had to study.
there wasn't even a slight movement to suggest that yams was listening, suga could only believe the other was asleep, there was nothing else that made sense. he settled down in the uncomfortable, white hospital chair. all he could do now was wait for tsukishima to get back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tsukki finished laying down the last flower. it truly was beautiful. yellows,pinks,reds every colour was spread across the floor. he grasped a singular sunflower in his, ever so slightly shaky, hands. this wasn't a flowerfield,not even close to one, but it was as much as he could do. this way yams could see the flowers, and be warm. for the first time in awhile, a genuine smile spread across the blondes face. tadashi would love this.
yams was sleeping, no one else would know this, but kei did. yams shoulders were relaxed, there wasn't a crease between the boys brows either. there was always an ever so slight crease between his brows when he was awake. he was in pain, this showed it. it made kei feel so selfish wanting the other to stay, he was in pain but tsukki still wanted him to stay. he still needed tadashi to stay.
kei gently sunk down into the bed. "hello my love." a hand gently made its way to yams soft,olive hair.
the ever so slight crease was apparent now, he even managed to somewhat open his eyes.
"look." kei put a hand behind the weakers back and pulled him into his lap, being extra careful of the countless tubes and wires.
the boys green eyes widened as soon as his eyes caught a glimpse of all the beautiful flowers.
"p-pretty."
"you like it? i'm really glad. y'know i tried really hard to make it look like an actual flowerfield. it didn't really work,though." he hugged tadashi even harder then before. he missed being this close to the other. he missed it more then he ever thought he could.
"can i tell you the real reason i like sunflowers so much tadashi?" even without looking, tsukki could feel the slight nod against his chest.
"w-well i think they're really pretty. the middle bit is a little like freckles. it always reminds me of your beautiful chocolate kisses..... i don't understand why you hate them, never have.....never will. also the way they try so hard....... like how they follow the sun. they try so hard to be the best they can. like y-you. they're also so bright and cheery. just looking at them makes me happy. that's another thing you do..... i think that sunflowers are simply the best flower. and you're the best person. the best person ever. so i guess sunflowers are just the flower version of...y-you."
"c-can.....phone?"
tsukki hastily pulled out his phone, opening the notes app, and passed it to the boy. this was something that happened quite often.yams wanted to say something but didn't have the strength to speak, so he'd use tsukki's notes app to talk.
'i finally chose a favourite flower, tsukki.'
"hmm? what is it?"
' roses.'
"why?"
'they're perfect,flawless. they're stunning,cold,unique,romantic. like you tsukki.'
all kei could do was let the tears spill over.
"why do you have to leave me tadashi?"
this made yams cry too.he didn't want to cause kei so much pain.he hated the fact he was the reason the other was crying, the fact he's the reason the other would cry for months.
'don't cry. please kei.'
"i'm sorry dashi. i can't help it. i don't want to say goodbye. i can't. i love you so fucking much.i always have. i should have told you sooner. i should have been better to you. i should..... this should be me."
yams was really tired now. so very tired. everything hurt.
'no it shouldn't don't say that kei. please please don't say that.'
"sorry tadashi.... here...." he placed the singular sunflower into the others bony,pale hands.
'it's beatiful.'
"you're beautiful."
' you're cheesy.'
this caused them both to giggle, one a lot louder and clearer then the other.
"oh shut up." kei said after his giggle fit.
'we'll see the flowers again soon,my love. right?'
"what do you mean,dashi? of course we will. come on don't talk like that. you're still here!"
"dashi?"
"tadashi?"
"please wake up... please.... no...... yams?..... tadashi?"
a deafening alarm flooded the room.
the alarm that meant someones heart had stopped.
tadashi's heart had stopped.
"sir i'm very sorry for your loss but we need you to please put him down and step away."
'what
no
this isn't really happening
no
not yet
please
please wake up tadashi.'
"no. you can't take him. can someone please give me a blanket. please. he's cold. he..... he's cold"
the nurses came and pulled them apart. they took kei outside and sat him down. one of the nurses had already called daichi.
daichi had told them to call him if the inevitable happened, he knew tsukki would need him.
"h-he needs his blanket. he doesn't like the cold. please can someone just give him..... give him his blanket....please"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when daichi arrived, kei was collapsed on the floor hugging his knees as close to his chest as possible.
"hey."
no answer. daichi squatted down next to the distraught boy and wrapped his arms around the other.
"he isn't hurting anymore, kei. remember that."
it was true, yams was no longer in pain, but that didn't help anything at all.
"he's cold, daichi..... they didn't give him his blanket.... he-he's cold."
"no he's not. he's okay."
"h-he needs his blanket. what if theres a storm. i can't protect him. he'll be scared."
"he's okay,now.. he isn't cold. he isn't scared."