"Rhea!" Markos's head snapped in the direction of a pretty blonde girl. It took a lot to pull Markos away from his writing now, but back then it was just another hobby. Another thing to keep him from his own cruel reality. He gave the girl a small smile before closing his journal. "Do you remember the Parkinsons kid? The one we sat with in math last year?"
"Yeah?" Markos couldn't help being more dumbfounded. They never talked to anyone outside of their social class outside of school work. So Lilly having any interest in the Parkinsons of all people was just weird.
"Well, her name is now Auna... A little weird right?" Lilly snorted. "I mean, I knew she was odd when we sat with her... But like it's so unexpected. Right?"
"I mean... I guess? I don't know... I'm a bit more proud she came out" Markos shrugged. He was used to the subtle transphobia, homophobia, and racism that always laced his friend's words. He always subtlely argued back but never made a scene. That was bad for his family's reputation. That would just get him into trouble.
"It's weird. Like, I'm cool with you screwing other girls or whatever but like... This is different" Markos rolled his eyes as a wave of defiance washed over him. He stood up and collected his belongings. "Where are you going?"
"To make a new friend"
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"On a scale of one to eleven, how mad do you think my mum would be if I just didn't call her?" Markos blindly asked. He was happily laying his head on Jayce's lap as the pretty curly-haired boy flipped through another play Markos had recommended.
"Based on what you told me I think she'd try and find a way to sue you" Jayce chuckled. Markos bit back a smile and silently admired Jayce through the small gap between Jayce and his book.
"So like a two?" Markos snorted receiving a light laugh from Jayce. The two hadn't talked about what they were or even talked about what happened last night. Markos had left shortly after their hug to go finish his homework and to avoid that talk as a whole. And now, he was just enjoying Jayce's company and being the clingy bitch he was after a long day of school. "You should set down the play and give me attention" Markos hummed as he lightly tapped the bottom of the page Jayce was reading.
Jayce glanced down at the boy ready to argue before he realized just how pretty Markos was. His brown curls fell over his forehead and a wide grin on his lips. Markos was wearing his rose-gold glasses instead of his contacts today giving off a sort of dork effect. And of course, he still refused to wear his uniform. He reluctantly gave in and set down the play before running his fingers through Markos's hair. He laughed as Markos's grin turned into a smug smirk as if he had accomplished something.
"I'm only doing this because you're pretty" Jayce deadpanned despite Markos's cocky smirk.
"You really should have taken into consideration the fact that I'm an attention whore before you kissed me" Markos's heart skipped a beat as he felt Jayce's thumb run over his bottom lip, lightly teasing him.
"How could I forget?" Jayce scoffed. "At this point, I think I'll just have to accept the fact that you're an attention whore with a superiority complex"
"I don't have a-" Markos paused as he reconsidered his words before groaning. "Fuck off" Jayce laughed and bent down to place a chaste kiss on the boy's lips. "But for real, my mum might kill me if I don't call... But I really don't want don't feel like getting deadnamed today"
"Then don't answer" Jayce shrugged.
"But I have a trust fund she can take away out of boredom. I don't want to give her an actual reason to take it" Markos protested. Jayce let out a long sigh and picked up the play once again.
"I'd tell you to go, but odds are you'll just make up another excuse" Jayce chuckled.
Down the hall, Aiden and Beau sat beside one another, filling out their journals for their impulse control class. Aiden always found filling it out to be repetitive and boring, but Beau was persistent in getting better and Aiden wasn't going to let him do it alone... Even if he had lost all faith in himself staying clean.
His biggest issue when it came to addiction was painkillers. It always started as one or two to cope with Sebastian. But then those two pills weren't as effective. So he'd take three. Then four. Then eventually he was counting out how many it would take to just end it all. When he failed or overdosed on accident he'd go to a mental or rehab for a month or two. Then he'd be clean for maybe a week after getting out before the process repeated.
He still felt guilty for breaking his promise to Beau. He felt even more guilty because he still wanted it. He didn't care what he took as long as he'd stop hurting. As long as he'd stop waking up in Sebastian's bedroom with a camera dangling over him. He hated feeling disgusted with himself. He hated the comments in the back of his mind telling him that he deserved it or that he was asking for it. He hated seeing his scars. He hated Sebastian for putting him in that position. And he hated himself for never speaking up.
Nobody knew. None of his exes, neither of his brothers or his mother. He didn't tell any of his friends or even his grandmother before she passed. He was sure some people suspected it. He knew Xander probably had an idea of what happened or a few people he had intended to sleep with that he freaked out on had a good idea. But they never said anything either. He kept quiet because he didn't want to see their reactions.
He didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to be looked down upon like he was a victim and nothing more. He didn't want to see their judgemental or accusing stares. He didn't want to be seen as unstable or weak. Or worse, be accused of lying. He didn't want to see their anger or their hurt... He wanted to spare them from everything he felt. They shouldn't have to worry about him...
Besides, he couldn't tell a soul. Not with those photos still with Sebastian. Nobody was allowed to see him in such a vulnerable state... He had no doubt in his mind that Sebastian had shown him off to his friends at some point but it helped to pretend that those photos were only seen by him and Sebastian.
He'd considered going to the police but with his lack of evidence, it was just hopeless. He could show them the photos, but that would just lead to multiple authorities seeing him so vulnerable with a high chance they wouldn't believe him. Besides, the photos could easily be interpreted as just another shy twink trying to hide his face from the camera.
"You have an admirer" Beau hummed, snapping Aiden out of his thoughts. Aiden glanced up from his journal to see no other than Tai walking their way. A smile broke out onto Aiden's face as Tai sat across them. Tai was a lot like Aiden but also balanced him out well. He was sweet, funny, and sarcastic and was interested in a lot of the same music. But he was also much more relaxed and level-headed. He thought things through and had an overall very calming energy around him. If he were a color he'd be deep and mysterious purple. Raised to be a calming blue, but tainted by a firey red.
"Hey, Tai" Aiden smiled at the pretty Vietnamese boy. His hair was pulled back into a bun showing off his sharp jaw and his gentle brown hooded-eyes nervously glanced between Aiden and the table. Aiden and Tai had spoken a few times during class after their hookup... It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was like talking to a friend you'd known your whole life. They just got along well.
"Hey, Aiden... So I got tickets to see K.Flay for Christmas and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me... Like on a date" Aiden's eyebrows shot up surprised and his mind scrambled for an answer. Tai was cute... But Beau. Tai was funny... But Beau. Tai was exactly his type... But Beau.
"He'd love to" Beau cut in catching Aiden more by surprise. Aiden gave the boy a funny look before looking over at Tai and giving him a quick nod.
"Yeah, sure... That sounds fun" A smile broke out on the boy's face and he quickly stood up.
"Sounds great... I'll see you in class tomorrow?" Aiden nodded and Tai said a quick goodbye before rejoining his friends.
"What was that?" Aiden demanded as he brought a harsh glare to Beau. Of course, the moment his eyes landed on the beautiful boy his face softened. He couldn't be mad at him if he tried.
"That was me forcing you to not wait around for me to get over Lukas" Beau sighed. "I'm not going to let you wait around forever"
"I honestly don't mind" Aiden pressed.
"Well, I wasn't wrong. You did want to go, didn't you?" Beau demanded. Aiden stared down feeling puzzled. There definitely wasn't a right answer to this.
"I wasn't sure" Aiden decided after a long moment of hesitation.
"Tai is nice, he likes you, I know you like him at least a little considering you two have been together-"
"How'd you know about that?" Aiden demanded. Beau shrugged snd turned his attention back to his journal.
"Lukas and I had a crazy youth group leader in middle school. She liked to judge or call out people who didn't take a purity pledge or who broke theirs so eventually, I picked up on her tricks. It's all in the body language" Beau briefly explained. Aiden gave him an impressed nod before glancing down at his own journal.
If he was being honest, it always slipped his mind that Beau was a Christian. He knew the boy prayed every night and often mentioned going to church when he talked about his home life. He never thought about the possibility of Beau taking a purity pledge or being apart of youth group. It all felt so unlike him.
He wasn't sure how he felt about what Beau had said either. Of course, he wanted to be with Beau as soon as possible and he knew Beau felt the same. But Beau not wanting him to wait around just felt wrong. Was he doing it because he no longer had feelings for Aiden? Or maybe he felt guilty for stringing him along? Or maybe he was just trying to push Aiden away altogether. It all felt off and unlike him.
"I can call it off, you know... Tai is sweet and all but I like you a lot more" Aiden sighed.
"Stop saying that... Just go on with your life. I don't want you waiting around when I don't even know how long I'll be... It could be a few months or it could be years. You don't want to wait around that long" Beau scoffed.
"You don't know that"
"Well, I don't want you to" Beau snapped. Aiden stared at Beau in pure disbelief. Beau could get a bit sarcastic or cold at times, sure. But he rarely snapped or even rose his voice and he never snapped at Aiden.
"Beau-" Aiden was cut off with Beau gathering his things and leaving Aiden behind to wonder what he had done wrong.
_________________________________________
"How are you so perfect?" Auna whispered as Markos carefully lined Auna's lips with a maroon liner. Markos obviously looked different before he transitioned. He still had the curly light brown hair only it was much longer. He still had the petrifying and curious green eyes only they were coated in mascara, eye shadow, and fake lashes. He always leaned toward a more masculine style but everyone had written that up to be a 'gay thing'.
"Practice" Markos shrugged before placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Auna smiled and Markos couldn't help grinning back. His room looked a lot different... There was only one flag on his wall and it was a blue, pink, and yellow one. He had a vanity and an elegant painting of him hung on his wall.
Auna was pretty. She had big brown eyes and a small, shy smile always lay on her lips. She had a messy blonde pixie cut and always got excited when she found a new pair of overalls to wear. She was a little bit taller than Markos and had a very fairy-like presence about her. She looked as if she had popped straight out of a kids cartoon.
"I honestly still can't believe you of all people are dating me. I had a huge crush on you all throughout math last year" Auna groaned as she reached for the matching lipstick that went with the liner and carefully applied it the way Markos had taught her.
"I guess we can thank Lilly for everything. None of this would have happened if she hadn't been such a bitch" Markos groaned making Auna giggle.
"I really don't know what I'd do without you... I was so lost just a few months ago... Thank you" Auna pulled Markos in for another long kiss, not caring if she smeared any lipstick on him. Neither of them cared. They were just happy to be together.
"I think I'm in love with you" Markos whispered as soon as she pulled away.
"Me too"
_________________________________________
Markos nervously drummed his fingers on the desk as the woman scanned his card. He felt Jayce run a hand up his side, not even caring that he was showing affection toward Markos in public. That made Markos somewhat relieved... He didn't mind seeing closeted people but it always added unnecessary complications.
"You can relax... It'll be fine. I'll wait out here if you want" Jayce offered. Markos nodded and accepted his student ID back from the young woman at the desk.
"I know... It's just she's a lot" Markos groaned. "I'm starting to think being left with nothing is more appealing than talking to her"
"Quit the melodrama. You'd never shut up if you didn't have access to your parent's money" Jayce reminded him before pressing a quick kiss on the boy's nose. "So go"
"Do I get something in return if I talk to her?" Markos asked with a suggestive smirk making Jayce roll his eyes.
"Well, for starters you won't lose my patience" He scoffed.
"I was thinking more a kiss but to each, his own" Markos sighed before heading inside the endless room of phones.
Jayce frowned as he watched Markos disappear into the other room and took a seat on a small bench waiting outside. His foot nervously bounced up and down as he waited for Markos to finish and undoubtedly be in a bad mood. His mind wandered over their kiss last night and just how affectionate the two had been today... It was all so new yet familiar at the same time.
He really liked having Markos hug and kiss him... He loved that Markos wanted to be around him even when he only planned to read in the library. He had been worried things would grow awkward after their kiss... That Markos would play some sort of game with his feelings or dismiss them altogether. But he had done quite the opposite and was even more affectionate and clingy than Jayce had ever imagined... He wasn't sure what they were, but he liked it.
One thing was certain; he wasn't straight. He liked Markos a little too much to even be considered straight... But he was still attracted to girls, that part was unquestionable. The only question he had to answer was whether or not he was attracted to any guys besides Markos- His thoughts were cut short with a short and cursing British boy stomped out of the room fuming.
"Are you-"
"This banshee of a woman had the audacity to have me reschedule with her assistant. If I want to talk to my mother, I expect to talk to my mother. Not her bloody assistant" Markos ranted as he plopped onto the bench next to Jayce with his arms folded over his chest.
"Shit... I'm sorry, that really sucks" Jayce sighed. He hesitated before bringing his arm over the boy's shoulders and lightly messing with the ends of his hair. "What can I do to make it better?"
"Help me commit murder" Markos deadpanned. "I'd hire an assassin but everyone expects the little rich boy to hire an assassin so I might as well do it myself" Jayce rolled his eyes, trying to put aside how dramatic Markos tended to be and look for an actual solution. He thought over things Markos liked; plants, poetry, theatre, writing, wasting money, harassing Jayce, and attention.
"Have you watered Henry and Julia today?" Jayce asked instead. This time, Markos's head shot up and he quickly jumped to his feet.
"Julia is gorgeous, by the way," Markos announced as he dragged Jayce down the hallway and towards his dorm room. "I checked out a few books on bamboo and spent a little too long fantasizing about owning a garden I'll never take care of the other night and apparently I'm not doing half bad with my plants" Markos rambled.
Jayce, although he had no idea what Markos was talking about, only smiled down at Markos as he went on about all the different terminology for plants. He was just glad to see Markos so happy and excited about something... Especially when he had been so angry only moments before.
Of course, the moment they made it to Markos's dorm he didn't rush to his plants. He grabbed Jayce by the tie and pulled him into another long kiss. Jayce smiled into it before wrapping his arms around the boy's waist. He tilted his head slightly to the right to deepen the kiss. He laughed as they stumbled toward Markos's bed, happily peppering kisses along one another's faces.
Jayce didn't know how he got there if he was being honest. He was so caught up in the moment that one minute he was kissing Markos by the door and the next he was laying across Markos's bed with the pretty boy straddling over him with a bright smile. His curls were messily falling over his eyes and how much the boy had been smiling and laughing reddened his cheeks. His hands were placed on Jayce's chest to give him balance and for the first time, Markos didn't seem like a celebrity with the world on his back. He looked like a boyish and youthful teen. Not afraid of making mistakes or saying the wrong thing. He didn't have a million expectations on his back, he was simply free.
"Hi" Markos laughed as he awkwardly glanced down at the bedsheets rather than meeting Jayce's eye. A wide smile broke onto Jayce's lips and he brought his hand up to push Markos's curls out of his eyes, finally allowing the boy to see him clearly.
"Hi"
_________________________________________
The club was always louder when Markos was drunk. Dancers gracefully spun around and drunk and sweaty bodies bumped into one another. People smelt like alcohol and cheap cologne or perfume... But Markos loved it. He loved how unstable and chaotic it was. He loved how free he felt there compared to being in front of a camera.
It had been nearly six months since Markos started his transition. His hair was cut shorter, his style was still new and awkward on him, and he still had a few feminine features he had struggled to conceal with makeup and contour. But he was much happier... Anybody who knew him could tell. Especially Auna.
Rhea, will you please stop yelling? I know you're upset and you're just lashing out but you're hurting me... Please just talk
Markos swallowed a lump in his throat and he reached out for another shot knowing very well that it might allow him to forget. Even after months of not talking to Auna, he hated it. He had dropped out of his school and begun homeschool during his transition. He knew Auna was still heavily bullied and his avoidance of her only made it worse.
You know I'm always here for you. Please, just let me help you...
"Fuck" Markos groaned as the alcohol burnt down his throat. He was okay with breaking up with Auna... It was for the best. They had very different goals in life and it wouldn't have worked out long term. But he regretted how it ended... All of the disgusting and hateful things that had left his mouth. Every word he had whispered into Lilly's ear to be sure it would get around the school. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair feeling another wave of guilt wash over him. It never stopped.
"Ariti" A familiar voice made his heart clench and he glanced over to see Auna. Her hair was a little bit longer, her eyes were still the gentle blue he had fallen in love with and she gave him a sympathetic, yet heartwarming look. "Congratulations" Her smile was genuine pride, but it still shattered his heart. His drunken mind stumbled for words; anything would do. But it was too late because she was already walking away.
"Auna" Markos suddenly blurted out and quickly stumbled through the crowd hoping to catch up with her. But his vision was too blurry and his mind too foggy. She was gone.
Question of the chapter: I'm going to assume everyone reading this is queer. So my question is, who was your gay awakening? Mine was Riven and Musa from the Winx when I was like seven? I've known most of my life