You know those situations that you just can't make up, the kinds of things that happen in life that are so inexplicable that they must be true?
Well, when I say that I did intend on returning the letter back to Remus's room the evening before the trial, and instead stumbled across hundreds more, I'm not too sure anyone would believe it was an accident, but it was. What was not an accident, however, was me sitting and reading through every last one of them.
I had slipped out of bed not long after midnight the night before the trail, or the morning of, depending on which way you choose to observe it, and made my way over to Remus's living quarters, silently sneaking through the corridors.
I still didn't have the faintest idea of what I was going to be saying at the trial, but I knew whatever it may be, re-reading that letter for the seven-hundredth time was not going to provide me with the answers I needed, and would only result in another restless and unproductive night.
As I approached the door to Remus's living quarters I was unsure whether to knock gently, or simply let myself in, no noise created. I decided on the latter, noting that I wasn't too sure how far Snape's room was from there and I was particularly eager for him to see me out of bed at quarter past twelve in the morning.
The door released a muted creak as I carefully let myself inside, cautiously closing the door behind me, thankful I had made it across the castle undetected.
Remus was laying still and motionless in his bed, on the opposite end of the room, his peaceful state was so warming to observe, knowing that uninterrupted sleep was not a luxury he often got to endure.
I made my way over to the large burgundy armchair, and attentively, and without sound, climbed into it, quietly getting myself comfortable. The copy of Jane Eyre was exactly as I had left it, resting on the side table, slightly off centre, as though it hadn't been touched by anyone since me, almost on purpose?
I pulled the parchment from the pocket of my jumper reluctantly, not entirely sure if I was ready to give up this small piece of Remus, and Sirius, I had to pretend I didn't know. Nonetheless, I couldn't hang onto it forever, and honestly it was a miracle I made it as long as I did with it in my possession.
Although as I reached over and slipped the letter back between the tattered pages, scattered with the words of Charlotte Brontë, I noticed an unfamiliar looking box just next to Remus's bed.
I had never seen the box before, although it didn't appear new in the slightest, the corners were worn and well loved, and the colour was ashy and fading, as though maybe I hadn't seen it before because that was Remus's intention.
Perhaps this was something he kept hidden and only looked at when he was alone, maybe it was simply a mistake that it had been left on the side. It was perfectly plausible that Remus was looking through this box before he went to sleep and before he knew it, the exhaustion was taking over and he decided to put it away in the morning. An honest mistake on his behalf.
Except this theory didn't seem to stop me, as I found myself silently making my way over to the box to observe it closer, a polite way of stating I was going to look inside even though it was none of my business, and I was careful not to create much noise as I did so, considering I was now standing beside Remus.
I slid myself down the wall and hugged my knees into my chest, placing the box to rest upon them. It wasn't particularly heavy in weight, but something about it leaked sentiment, as though thousands of memories had been attached to this one box.
Carefully placing the lid on the floor beside me, I started rummaging through its contest, and to my surprise I was presented with what must have been at least a hundred small pieces of old parchment, each one of them scribbled with their own individual note.
I began to unfold each and every one, immediately recognizing the handwriting to match to the one that appeared in the letters I had received from Sirius over the years. I started to read through them all, allowing the words on the paper to speak for themselves.
"You looked cute today ;)"
"je t'aime tellement"
"Meet me in our spot at 11, I know you have potions, but I don't care :)"
"I missed you in arithmancy, I'm still not sure how I got tricked into even taking arithmancy, but anything for you <3"
"Meet me in the common room at 3"
"I definitely did not get a detention for blowing something up in potions, anyway I won't be back in the dorm until late"
"How did I get so lucky?"
"I wanted a hug in herbology and you weren't there :("
"Bunk off first lesson and come to the library, I won't take no for an answer"
"J'aime ton sourire"
"I've got detention for something really minor that wasn't even really my fault, on a completely unrelated note, Snivellous has blue hair"
"I want to play you something new on the guitar later"
"I love you <3"
And among these, many more, some scribbled in french, others holding neat and talented sketches of music notes and planets and some doodles of the stars. Some of them simply just displayed a sketch of the moon surrounded by neat little hearts, and Remus had kept every single one of them.
How was it, I was learning more about Sirius Black through his actions of the past more than I'm sure the present could ever teach me? Or maybe the present would not teach me who he used to be and rather who he was now, and maybe I was scared that was not the same person? Regardless I-
"Ardelle?"
A gentle and disorientated voice spoke wearily, from just above me. I lifted my head towards his voice, Remus's face looking down at me over the edge of the bed, his eyes deep sunken and heavy, "Do I even want to know?"
"Probably not" I whispered shly, starting to regather all the notes and place them back into the box, still balancing on my knees, "I didn't mean to, well except that actually I did mean to, its just I came back to return the letter and-"
"Letter?" He questioned, halting my excessive rambling, his features displaying a confused expression, though I was given the impression he knew exactly what I was referring too.
"Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to find it, I just did, and once I did, I couldn't not read it...Why didn't you tell me...you were in love?" I muttered questiongly, averting my eyes from meeting his gaze.
Remus released a soft sigh and sat himself up, swinging his legs over so he was sitting on the edge of the bed facing me and patted the space next to him, waiting as I scrambled to my feet and sat beside him.
"If I'm being entirely honest Pup, I'm not sure. I know the relationship, or lack thereof, you have with Sirius is fragile, and it didn't feel as though trying to fix it by sharing my past would have helped, I didn't want you to love him because you felt as though you had too on my behalf" He took a deep, elongated sigh and reached for my hand before continuing.
"I feared maybe it would make things harder for us, I may love him but you have made your views very clear, and no matter how much it pained me to suppress his memory in your presence, the relationship we have was more important, it always has been. I'm sorry" He gave me a weak smile as he released my hand and began to fiddle with the sleeve of his t-shirt nervously.
"Don't be, don't apologise, there's no need. I'm glad I know now, although I do wish I would have known sooner. I'm sorry I never got to see the side of him you loved so much, you really did love him, huh?" I whispered apprehensivly, not sure how much Remus was prepared to say.
"So much" He admitted in a softened and muted tone, as I watched a single tear make its way down his cheek and fall into his lap.
I burrowed my head into his chest and Remus rested his chin on my shoulder, but not before placing a tender kiss upon my head and releasing a gentle hum, pulling me close.
We stayed like this for the majority of the night, right up until the raw energy and illumination of each vibrant star had disappeared and the harsh night sky melted away and we welcomed in the radiant gold of the sun once again.
"You ready Poppet?" Remus whispered gently as we both acknowledged the time, noting that we didn't have long before we had to leave for the trial.
"As ready as I'll ever be" I chuckled trying to alleviate some of the suffocating fear, although failing miserably.
And with that we were off.
Remus sat in the stands, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Ginny and the twins all gathered in the surrounding seats, each of them insisting they came with in support, a gesture I found myself becoming rather grateful for, as I sat alone in the front row constantly looking up at them for reassurance.
It didn't take long for a pale and scrawny man to speak up from the podium, his voice was raspy and, much like his skin, drained of all emotion, "Please can those giving statements bring themselves to the stand"
I took a sharp gulp that I was sure echoed through the silent room, and just before I stood up I glanced my way back over to the group, although there was only one pair of honey eyes I was searching for.
"You've got this" Fred mouthed slowly, as his lips tugged into a calming smile, one I couldn't help but mirror back at him.
I made my way to the raised platform and stood in front of the judge, and in doing so the doors had since opened, revealing two ministry officials standing either side of Sirius and walking him to sit in the seat I had just risen from.
"Please state your full name for the record" The gaunt man spoke again in a monotonous tone, his quill resting lazily between his finger tips.
"Ardelle Sumer Lupin-Black" I stated clearly, although my tone wavered slightly as though maybe I was unsure of my own name, but I proceeded nonetheless.
The judge gave me a curt nod, indicating for me to begin, and despite having nothing prepared, I felt strangely ready, as I took a harsh shaky breath and cleared my mind, looked over at Remus and began.
"I never grew up with the things I was supposed too. I never had a conventional family or life. I am a product of my surroundings, born into war and destruction. Both my parents were taken from me before I knew their names, or was given the chance to study their faces. I will never know the sound of my mothers laugh. My dad never pushed me on the swings, or bought me ice cream after school" I fought the tears that were welling up before continuing.
"I never even went to school until two months ago because I couldn't bring myself to face the reality of who I was. My entire life has been sheltered, hidden away for the what if's and could be's because I was scared to accept my life as what it was. I was the daughter of a murderer" As I spoke I fought desperately with the urge to glance over at Sirius.
"I was the reject, the messy, destructive, no good, useless, waste of space that I told myself I was. You wrongly took my father from me, robbing me of the childhood I should have been promised. Before I came here today I didn't know if I would even provide a statement, because quite frankly how do you speak on behalf of someone you don't know?" And this time I couldn't help but sneak a glance over to him, his eyes soft and gentle, almost proud?
"Because truthfully, I don't know Sirius Black, or at least I didn't think I did, but over the past few days I have learnt more about him, and myself, than I have known in my sixteen years of existence"
I smiled over at Sirius.
"Did you know he plays guitar? And that he can speak french? He can draw too, like really well. He was loved, and he loved others, he was a friend and a boyfriend and a brother and a son and a father" I took a deep and shaky breath before glancing at Fred to gain some composure so I could continue.
"Okay sure, I may not know Sirius Black the way a daughter should know her father, but I realise now that I want to get to know him, and I want him to get to know me, is that so much to ask? So I ask you now not to think of the man who spent these last fifteen years in prison, but instead of the girl who spent these last fifteen years without her father"
I stepped down from the platform and the weight of my torso had suddenly become overly apparent upon my frail legs, and I stumbled slightly, losing my footing, as I made my way over to an empty seat.
I couldn't bare to look over and gage Sirius or Remus's face, the thought of disappointment far too paining to consider. Had I said the right things? Or I suppose the question I really wanted to ask was had I said the wrong thing?
"Thank you Miss Lupin-Black, this court will reconvene in half an hour with a verdict"
And now it became a waiting game.
"You did so well Ari" Fred grinned enthuisantly pulling me into a warm embrace and fighting the urge to crash his lips into my own.
"Are you sure?" I whispered under my breath, suddenly feeling very self conscious.
"Yeah, it was great, honestly" Harry commented as he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a large smile.
"Absolutely" Ron added whilst Ginny, George and Hermione nodded in agreement.
"Where is Remus?" I asked nervously, fiddling with the hem of my jumper and glancing at the glass door of the waiting room.
"They are letting him have a couple minutes with Sirius" Hermione answered quietly as she motioned out the glass door and towards the wooden one on the opposite end of the corridor.
"I'll only be a minute" I muttered absontmidnly as I was already making my way out the door and down the corridor toward the room labeled "Meeting room".
I pressed my ear firmly against the door, carefully leaning my body against its frame to avoid accidentally opening it. I closed my eyes firmly attempting to register any noise, when suddenly a conversation became clear on the other side of the door.
"I missed you Padfoot" Remus whispered, barely audible, as his voice cracked through the sound of muffled sobs.
"Of course you did Moony" Sirius chuckled, responding in that gravelly voice I still hadn't made myself familiar with yet.
"You would think fifteen years in prison would humble you slightly?" Remus scoffed jokingly, still crying all the while.
"It's going to take a lot more than fifteen years in prison to dampen this ego" He laughed, and Remus joined in before Sirius continued, "So Ardelle knows, about what we were?"
"She found a box of notes, every single one you wrote me back in school. She is a smart girl, she put the pieces together" Remus confirmed with a shy tone.
"You kept them all?" Sirius asked, his words laced with a shocked tone.
"Of course I did, Sirius you were my everything, you still are. I don't want what we had to be a thing of the past Pads, I meant it when I said I would always love you, nothing has changed. That is of course unless you feel different" Remus gulped and I could practically picture him fiddling with the frayed hems on the sleeve of his cardigan.
"I couldn't live with myself knowing that I let you slip away, I too meant it when I said nothing will dampen the love I feel for you Remus Lupin, nothing"
I felt as a heated tear trickled along my cheek, no doubt pulling down my makeup with it, and I quickly swiped it away and made my way back over the courtroom at the sound of the judge calling the group to reconvene.
We all made our way back into the room, this time I joined the others in the stands, seating myself between Fred and Remus, my head on Remus's shoulder as Fred's hand gripped mine softly, concealed under his seat.
"The court has come to a verdict" The frail judge spoke, the lack of emotion in his voice agonizingly dull, "We deem Sirius Black fit to rejoin the wizarding world, his release date being confirmed as the 3rd December. A settlement amount will be placed in a vault at Gringotts for his wrong incarceration, and the court apologizes for the disruption to the life of Sirius Black and those affected. I, Judge P. Stevens, am very glad to announce the case closed"
This time the tears came in full force, the heated burn being left in their wake was almost unnoticeable and unconcerning, I didn't care.
I didn't care about anything other than the words I had just heard.
Sirius Black was coming home.