THE ARRIVAL I HAD BEEN hoping upon for two years, turns out, to be something I avoid.
When Klarise landed, I did not pick her up like I had planned. When she was moving into her apartment, I did not meet her there to help like we had talked about. I didn't do anything I had been so excited to do.
When she finally tried to look for me—which was after a week—I always managed to get away. She called, I let it ring. She got Juno to contact me, out of everyone, and of course I started to decline his calls too. And then after a week, all of this stopped, and she made me think about how she barely even tried. How hard did she try to get to talk to me? Maybe it was how young I still was despite at thirty-eight, how we both were, but I ignored her while wishing and wanting to talk to her at the same time. Yet also unable to get over my pride, I just thought: She didn't try hard enough. I would have if I were her. Why isn't she trying harder?
Other than running away from both her and Juno, life was pretty much the same for me. And like always, I saw faces after faces each day, to the point where they sometimes felt like surreal images just passing by me and speaking to me. I don't exactly remember how long this goes on for, because I fell into a daze of routines where I suddenly felt lifeless. It's scary when this happens, because suddenly it's like you have no control over yourself, and things around you just keep moving. Maybe it's just me, or maybe this also happens to other people, but when I fall into this daze, I need someone to pull me out and wake me up.
And Mason did that.
I hadn't known he was flying to New York. For the past two years, he had been going on business trips after business trips, and though he had an apartment in New York near us, if you went in there you'd know no one really lived there other than the cleanup people that he hired to take care of the place from time to time. So when I was at home, taking a day off from shooting this movie, the doorbell rang and I went to get it; I was expecting my food delivery. But instead, what I saw was a very handsome still-in-suit-Mason and his stubble. I just blinked, my hand still on the edge of the doorframe.
Letting himself in, he steps into my apartment and just endure my amazement and blinking. It takes me a full minute to remember to close the door while I watched him stare at me. He eyed me from head to toe, then toe to head, and at last, he frowns. He shakes his head, without saying, I knew he was disappointed.
"Maeve," he sighed, starting to cross his arms in front of his chest. "I leave you alone for two years, and look what has happened?"
"What?" Suddenly I was very conscious of the fact I was wearing an oversized tank top that is almost revealing one of my nipples and that I'm in a very cartoonish underwear with no pants on. Yeah, I guess I'd be disappointed too if I saw me. Especially if I were Mason, I can't begin to fathom how much harsher his perspective of seeing me would be.
"Cameron told me what happened," He sighed lightly, this time kinder than the last. His criticizing frown softens, and he takes my hand. "I want to know if you're okay."
Ah, Cameron. Through my daze, I forgot the constant asking if I needed to talk with him, or why I was avoiding Klarise like I was avoiding hell. I forgot I never really answered him, or really acknowledged the fact he was there. That he was there for me too. That for two years, we were each other's comfort, that we had grown closer in a way I never thought possible. I feel the guilt slither its way up my skin as I tried to avoid Mason's eyes.
There was no point in lying. Often, we say we're good, that we're okay, when the question is asked. When really, you're not, except it's like a muscle rule that everyone just seemed to follow. But I'm too tired, too exhausted, too drained to want to keep saying I'm fine because I'm everything but that. And though this is what may be the littlest gesture ever, it feels like a great release. Like these thousand pound weighing chains and weights are suddenly lifted off my shoulders with the simpleness of just admitting:
"No. I don't think I'm okay. I feel like I will cry an ocean out anytime. I feel like I might drown any second if I don't pay attention to breathe. I just...I don't know what to do or where to go anymore. I'm lost."
"That's okay." He nodded, and then he pulled me toward him and put his hand on the back of my head as I rested it on his chest. "I'll help you."
And he did.
—————
A week later, I am a different person. At least on the outside I was more put together. The inside? Well, that takes more time than a week.
Though I said I worked, I haven't truly taken a proper project in maybe about a year. And Mason, being my ever so sincere personal manager since the start, was personally taking me to meet potential producers and directors that were looking for lead actresses like me. It felt nice, because since Sun Lively, Mason had left me, Cameron, Klarise, basically everyone to other workers to sign projects with instead of doing it himself. I mean it was expected, since he had to manage so many other things.
Now, in my nice shift dress he bought for me just for this party we were attending, I took his hand as he opened my side of the door in a gentlemanly manner.
To my surprise, Mason's also the one hosting this party. We're still in New York, and yet this big mansion we were stepping into, I had no knowledge of. I turned my head away from the few cameras, who I couldn't tell from whether or not they were photographers or paparazzis. And in my full view is a smiling Mason in this handsome mature-way that reminds me of the Cameron I first knew. But also making me feel like my best friend is somehow drifting toward another universe while I stayed in the same one, never changing.
"Wow, I didn't know you owned a mansion. This big. And in New York." I notice that I am gawking, and quickly, I make up for it by smiling at one cameraman as he snaps a picture.
Mason laughs heartily, like how he always seems to do nowadays. "When you own a company that goes successfully, you can actually own lots of mansions. Any size. Anywhere."
For some reason, I couldn't find the humor in what he said even though his tone was intended to draw a smile from me. I do smile though, only nodding merely before looking straightforward and focusing on the carpet that has been laid out for this party in the wide open parlor filled with bright yellow chandeliers. The walls are sculpted, and Mason points out to me (with awe and pride in his voice) that they were personalized from this very famous sculptor called Thomas something. You can't expect me to remember the guy's name that I've heard once after forty years, alright?
Everything was going so perfectly. The champagnes, the laughs, the talks, I had forgotten how all the partying and drinking really was the antidote to my problems. Or at least how I got to temporarily overlook them and pretend they weren't a part of my life, rather someone else's. I chatted with high places producers that, once seeing me and not being able to look away, wanted me to star in their films without even a tryout. The same went out to the casting directors, who waved their hands in dismiss, saying: "If we can even get Maeve Sun Lively to notice our film, not to mention wanting to be in it, tryouts? Pff, who cares? WE HAVE MAEVE SUN LIVELY IN OUR FILM!" Raising their glasses and clinking them to mine, we dunk it down our throats. I think being an actress, or any celebrity, we never want the praises to stop coming. It's like a drug, the more you take it, the more you start to need it in order to go through life.
I was around my fifth glass when Mason finally showed up from wherever he was, and I jokingly slapped him on the arm as his frowning face got tighter and tighter. "What's so serious for? C'mon, relax for once! We're here to party!" I looked around, laughing and raising my glass up. People joined in with the glass raising and gave a little cheer.
Mason pulled at my arm, and I was probably at least tipsy by then, but I could still tell when he wasn't in the right mood. So I quieted myself the slightest and put my arm down. The moment I do, he takes away my glass and sets it on the tray of a passing waitress guy.
"How many drinks is this?" He leaned down to my ear, as if asking this question was a felony.
I laughed some more, not able to control the giggly vibe that's now somehow been indented into my bones. "I don't know. Honestly? I don't really care."
He rolled his eyes, jaw tight. "This was not the reason why I hosted this party. It was for you to...whatever. She didn't show up. We're leaving now." He pulled at my arm, and I frowned at him for a fraction longer before my giggles got me again and let him lead us away.
People stopped us as we tried to make our way down the stairs to the parlor of the mansion. Of course everyone was wondering why the host himself was leaving his own party. Mason, the whole time respectful and making the shortest smalltalk with these folks, held onto my arm in such a firm method there was no way I could break through. It was times like these that I knew Mason always looked after me, even when I was too out of my thinking-space to want him to.
I was half falling asleep from the alcohol burning through my body, making me sleepy, when suddenly there were these familiar looking legs in my field of vision. I looked up.
"Hi."
My sleepiness disappears, and I'm standing with a straight posture and staring at her, not saying hi back.
Mason, who was talking to some manager over this show, looked around to the voice that came. We both stare at her.
"Oh hey, looks like you've made it." Mason says, excusing himself quietly from the manager.
Klarise is in a fancy dress herself, but I barely focused on it because my vision was starting to blur as tears started to appear over my eyes. I didn't know why they were coming, it was like muscle memory. Something that my body just started doing and I have no power over.
"Why is she here?" I ask Mason the same moment Klarise looks at me and says: "Can I talk with you?"
I stared at her long and hard, while I could see that her face was blank, I saw the tiniest movement from her biting down on her lips that revealed her actual emotions.
Mason cleared his throat, his hand still on me almost like he has a leash and if he lets loose of it, I'll burst and run away. "Let's leave here first."
Five minutes later, I was in the backseat of Mason's car while Mason himself was at the driver's seat next to Klarise who was on the passenger side. I was feeling so much, either from just the situation itself or the champagne, but I wanted to growl at Klarise and scream at her while also wanting to kiss her and let her tell me she loved me and that Juno is just a sidepiece and she made a horrible mistake. But mainly, all I did while Mason drove was glare at the head cushion of her seat and wanting to destroy the thing with my nails.
We came to a stop around a small park with trees and a playground. It was dark already, and the park overlooked a small cliff that was the city. The night lights were breathtaking, and if it were any other nights, I think I would enjoy it.
I get out of the car the moment Mason unlocks it. When I turn around, I see Klarise was staring at me like she was about to negotiate another business problem.
Mason stayed in the car, but none of us seemed to notice that as I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the beautiful view next to me so that I wouldn't have to look directly at her.
"We don't have to do this," I say, that uncontrollable tearing happening again.
In my side view, I see her rub her bare arms back and forth. It's windy and cold. She was in a sleeveless dress revealing her cleavage and half her legs. She must be cold. I was wearing Mason's blazer, which I wasn't aware he had given me until now. Klarise's breath became visible in the air as she exhaled, and I notice the presence of the jacket around me more and more.
"We do." I now looked directly at her, and I just watched as she continuously rubbed at her arms for warmth.
I shook my head, turning away and not wanting to focus on her being cold. But I also wanted to turn back and take off the blazer and put it around her arms. "Why did you come tonight? Shouldn't you be with Juno?"
"First off, I looked for you but you kept avoiding me. In fact, I didn't know Maeve Sun Lively was so hard to find until now." I smiled despite myself, suddenly glad that I wasn't facing her. "Second of all, no, why would I be with Juno?"
I plant my high-heels, the point of it, deep into the soil, then pull it back up and watch the small hole I have made. "I mean you are dating him now, aren't you? It's on the papers now anyways. I guess I don't need to remind you."
"You are so ridiculous," I hear her footsteps coming, and I'm about to run away from the moment that's to come but I'm too late. She had her hand on my arm already. My eyes follow from where her hand is, slowly, to her face. My breath catches. "If I loved him, I wouldn't be here right now. He's not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are."
Her hair is in a nice bun I don't usually see her wear. Her eyes glitter, reflecting off the view of thousands of lights behind me, her long eyelashes dancing. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose are bright red from the cold, and I feel myself reaching up to touch them. They're cold, so cold. My own hands were cold, and I was starting to lose sensations on them.
But I still feel it when she puts her hand on top of my hand that's on her face. She pulls me closer to her, leaning our foreheads together with ease. "We're not as young as we think we are anymore, Maeve. I can't deal with these fights all the time. It's simple, really. I love you, and only you. There's no one else in this world that will make me feel the same as when I'm with you. So," She lifts her head up and our eyes are the only sights to each other. "Come home. To me."
"I'm married. I have to live with Cameron." I reached down to slip my hands in hers. Our fingers find each other like two puzzle pieces fitting together, interlacing with a sudden warmth that came deep in our hearts.
"Yes. You are. But we'll figure anything out if we try, can't we?" A teasing smile finds their way onto her expression, and I find my own grin creeping up onto my face.
"Alright. Okay then." I smile, somehow forgetting the anger I had felt minutes ago. Now that she's gone, I mean, I finally learned that no one else in this world could calm and sweep away my anger as swiftly as she always did. Klarise had that power, and for years now that I haven't felt the relaxation she gave me, the feeling like there was no need to hold onto every grudge I felt, I realize the control she has held ever since we met. Thinking right now, I wonder if this was a good or bad thing.
She took our joined hands, starting to lead us back to the car where Mason was still waiting. Yet right then, a thought came to me that I haven't thought about before. And I wondered if Klarise had ever considered it.
I stopped us in our tracks, and she offered me an easing smile. "What is it?"
I squeezed her hand, looking at our fingers and pale skin from the cold atmosphere. Taking in a deep breath, I raised my head up to meet her eyes.
"What about Juno? He's not like Cameron. He loves you, doesn't he?"
"It's okay, we went over this. I don't love him. You're the only person I care about."
"No, I know that. But," I glanced at the car to see Mason. He smiles at me, a smile that indicates he'll wait as long as I need. Klarise is still holding my hand, but I can start to feel her fingers slipping off. "He doesn't know. This isn't fair to him. It's not right."
I once again let my eyes settle on Klarise, but she's looking behind me, up at the sky where I now notice the millions of stars that are shining astray yet also looking beautiful despite being in uncoordinated spots. Unorganized and just scattered, but somehow that's also what makes them all the more prettier.
I feel Klarise's hand finally let go.
"I know," she says. "But if I break it off now, it'll be the same. He'll get hurt. It's just a matter of time, either sooner or later. And I..." She pulls her eyes off the stars, and then she's looking at me again. She smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I don't know, Juno's a good guy. But it already happened. I just hope he'll find someone right someday. Except that person's just not me."
She leaves and gets back in the car, leaving me standing there for a whole minute to process if she was right. Or if what we were doing can be justified in any way.