DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL
callista woke up at the sounds of wanda flickering the lamp on and off and movements from outside. callista groaned, took off her sleep mask, and sat up. "wanda," callista whined. she looked over at her wife, who was currently sitting up in the bed next to her. "do you have any idea what time it is? and are you using your powers to turn on the lamo?"
"yes dear," wanda replied, calmly. another thud was heard from outside.
callista groaned and swung her legs off the bed, taking the covers off and standing up. "let me check what's going on." callista walked over to the window right near her bed, and looked outside.
"what do you see?" wanda asked, curiously.
"only the rose bushes," callista sighed.
"that's all?"
"i'm telling you love, i don't see anything at all." callista assured her wife, trying to be as gentle as possible. she turned to face wanda. "you have no reason to be frightened-" callista was cut off by another loud sound from outside. callista yelped and jumped back onto her bed in fear. she got back into the covers and snuggled them all the way up to the crook of her neck.
callista looked at her wife and wanda gave her a dirty look. "you were saying?"
callista sighed. "i did hear a few of the guys at work talking about questionable people in town moving in. we never know what they could be up to. they could break into our house at any moment, vandalize property."
"being the strongest woman in town, moving objects without touching them." wanda said, sarcastically.
"you think they're talking about us?" callista asked. another loud thud was heard from outside, and wanda and callista's bed were moved into one. "we should really figure out what that sound from outside is." callista suggested.
"yes, one of us should," wanda jumped, emphasizing one. the thud was heard again, and callista jumped under the covers, then peeking her head back up. "oh this is getting ridiculous, i'm going to take a look!" wanda fumed.
"if you would like to die, be my guest!" callista remarked, sarcastically. wanda pointed her finger at the curtains on the window, and with a swish of her finger, they opened, revealing a tree knocking into their window.
the two gave each other a weird look, before moving back down into bed. "well i think we handled that well!" wanda smiled.
"you, yes. me, no." callista sighed. she looked around, liking the beds better together than apart. "i must say, i do like the beds better together than seperate."
"this is better, isn't it?" wanda asked, smirking. wanda swished her finger, and the two beds became one bed.
"wanda," callista cooed.
"yes dear?" wanda asked, still smirking.
"get the light."
***
"ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick, i will show you the cabinet of mysteries." callista said, swishing her fake wand. her and wanda were currently in the living room, practicing their act for the talent show.
wanda didn't come out, and callista sighed. "wanda, that's your cue!" callista called to wanda, who was in the other room.
"you said cabinet of mysteries?" callista heard wanda call out.
"i said the cabinet of mysteries!" callista repeated, emphasizing cabinet of mysteries.
"oh, that's my cue!" wanda exclaimed, as she rolled the giant cabinet into the living room.
callista gazed at the cabinet. "wow, that is huge!" callista skipped over to where wanda was rolling in the cabinet, and helped her guide it. "wanda, do any of the other acts have props as big as this?"
wanda walked around to the other side, to face callista. "are you kidding? fred and linda are building a moat and a fully-functioning portcullis and no one even knows why." callista shook her head, laughing, before wanda interrupted. "let's keep going."
"yes, where was i? uh-" callista was cut off by wanda giggling at callista's mistake. she gave wanda a friendly glare and continued the act. "watch closely as i, callista, master of illusions, make my assistant, wanda, disappear."
callista opened one side of the cabinet, and wanda opened the other. wanda hopped into the cabinet, and callista walked to the other side of the cabinet, standing next to wanda. "fear not, wanda. for i, callista, promise to bring you back just the way you are." wanda make a fake scared face, and callista closed the cabinet.
"abracadabra!" callista exclaimed, pointing her fake wand at the cabinet. she opened it, revealing that wanda had disappeared. she turned to the fake crowd. "oooh, spooky." wanda clapped at reeled around from the other side of the cabinet, the moving wall spinning. "wanda, do you think that the audience might this this little act is way too fake?"
"well, that's the whole point," wanda told her wife, her voice pitch going higher. wanda walked out of the cabinet, and callista put her fake wand down with the other props. "in a real magic act, everything is fake." wanda closed the doors to the cabinet. "honey, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season and it's our neighborly duty to participate. plus, it's our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so."
"well, i don't think that would be a problem," callista jokes.
wanda gave her wife a serious look. "this is our home now, and i want us to fit in." she smiled.
"don't worry darling, we do." callista cooed, putting her arms around wanda's waist. "and we're going to amaze the town. especially with you wearing this!" callista took her hands off of wanda's waist, and picked up a black sparkly one-piece, which was supposedly wanda's costume.
"oh, that's actually your costume!" wanda snickered, making callista give her a dirty look. she put the costume back down on the couch, and wanda checked her watch. "well i better be going if i'm gonna make the planning committee meeting."
callista started to put her jacket on, which she picked up from the coffee table. "i have to go too. there's a gathering of the neighborhood watch at the public library. and after last night's excitement, i want to make sure this town's security is at least ninety-nine percent effective.
"that's a great idea. you tell those tree branches who's boss." wanda sarcastically encouraged castella.
castella gave wanda a small peck on the lips. "well, i'm off then. see you at curtain call!" castella exclaimed, as she headed to the door, walking out of the house.
***
callista walked into the library, seeing a group of men surrounding the front table. "excuse me, is this the neighborhood watch meeting?" callista asked, as she got closer to the table. all of the men at the table turned to callista, and stared her down.
"oh, hi callista!" norm piped up. "i didn't think that you'd come to these meetings."
"we don't allow women at these meetings," an older man, sitting in the back grumbled.
callista scoffed and put her hands on her hips. "excuse me?"
"you know, callista is the best in the office at work, i think we can let it slide," norm defended the girl, patting the seat next to him. "come sit."
callista silently thanked the man and sat down. "i'll make sure to stay as quiet as i can."
"well, we're about to just be getting into something new," a man replied to the girl. he wore an afro and a sweater vest.
"could you inform me on how often you rotate security patrols?" callista asked.
"oh, new business means another round of danish." norm smiled, informing the girl.
"raspberry or cheese-filled?" jones, a man that callista had met before, held up a box.
"oh, neither for me. i had a big breakfast," callista chuckled, as she sat back in her chair.
"hey fellas, callista here has got a point." the man with the afro spoke up. "now, listen up. i got some top secret intelligence for you." everyone leaned in, so the other people in the library couldn't hear. "so, you know how johnson's been bragging' about the treehouse he built for his kids?"
"yeah?" jones interrupted.
"it's a prefab job." everyone scoffed, besides callista who didn't really know what to do.
"that blockhead can't even swing a hammer," one man spoke up, the same older man who told her she couldn't be apart of the meeting.
"i can do you one better," norm started. "you know those bowling trophies arthur's always polishing?" norm looked at callista, and callista shook her head yes. "he bought 'em all at a yard sale in hackensack."
"hah, that's pathetic," callista laughed, trying to be apart of the group.
"i knew it. i've never once seen him down at the lanes." the man with the afro stated.
callista thought for a second, before speaking up. "i have some dirt on someone also." everyone leaned in towards the girl, so they could hear what she had to say. "norm despises his job."
everyone looked at the girl weirdly, before laughing their heads off, including norm. "i'm not confirming nor denying." norm laughed.
"callista, you're a real crack up." callista didn't really know what was so funny about what she said, but she went along with it.
"you know, i always thought you were kinda a square." norm said to callista, fiddling with his pen.
callista scoffed in a friendly way. "no, i'm as round as they come." everyone started laugh again at callista's terrible joke.
"hey, you want a beer?" the man with the afro asked callista.
callista shrugged. "why not, give me a few!" she cheered. afro guy pulled three beers from under his chair, and placed them in front of callista.
"wait, you need a bottle opener-" norm was cut off by callista opening the bottle with her bare hands, and start to chug the beer. "you know, you're a pretty strange and funny woman."
"and to think you came here all hot and bothered about protocols and nonsense."
castella finished her first beer, being a little woozy. she picked up the second one, and once again she opened the bottle with her hands. the group continued to talk, and as the hours passed by, the men kept giving her bottles of beer.
she didn't know how many hours went by but she knew that she drank a lot of beer and that she didn't feel too good.
***
callista got to the talent show very late, coming in behind the curtain. she had her magician cape on, along with her dress shirt, tie, and skirt. she wobbled up the stairs, where she saw wanda in her suit and a woman holding a clipboard, who she had never met before.
"well, it looks like she's got a little hitch in her giddy-up." callista heard the woman comment.
callista tried to walk up the stairs, almost falling back in the process. "woah," she exclaimed, clearly drunk. she was able to stop herself from falling, giving the two a thumbs up.
callista got up the stairs, walking towards wanda while the other woman went to check something out. "wanda, you look amazing!" callista slurred. she put her hand on her head, as it started to pound like crazy.
"cal?" wanda asked.
"hmm?"
"where have you been?" wanda asked, clearly worried.
"well, me and some of the boys were just having a few drinks, and i may have had five too many."
"you had five beers?!" wanda whisper-shouted.
"well i thought that i couldn't get drunk because of my powers!" callista whined.
wanda grabbed callista's hands. "we'll deal with you later. something strange happened with dottie. well, something strange before that, too. it's hard to explain."
"i was just called strange!" callista slurred, recalling that she had been called strange by the guys at the library.
wanda looked at her wife, confused. "what is going on?!"
"you are!" the woman who callista didn't know yelled at the two.
wanda gave callista a worried look. wanda sighed. "just follow my lead." wanda opened the curtain, smiling, and closed it back up. she walked down to the main platform, and motioned to the curtain, waiting for callista to come out.
the curtains didn't open at first, and the woman who callista found out to be jeraldine spoke up to callista. "hey, you're up callista!" she whisper-shouted.
"what?" callista asked, before realizing. "oh! its my turn!" she opened the curtain, to see wanda standing on the main platform and all of the people in the audience. "hello westview! good afternoon." she walked down the stairs, bumping into the railing. "i'm sorry, excuse me." she said to the railing.
"i am wanda and this is my lovely assistant, callista."
"i am wanda and she's callista." wanda fixed, waving to the crowd.
callista looked at her wife weirdly. "yeah, whatever she said." callista took a deep breath before continuing. "today, we will lie to you and you will believe our foolish stunts because for some reason people are very easily fooled."
callista saw from the crowd a bunch of weird glares, and she saw norm laughing his ass off in the back. "norm this is your fault, you and your buddies gave me too much to drink," callista hiccuped, pointing to norm in the audience. wanda gave her wife a glare since she was getting off track, and stopped for a minute. "and now my wife and i will delight in your dumbstruck little faces."
with her superpowers, callista made herself float in the air, making the audience gasp. wanda started to freak, so she magically attatched a rope to callista, to make it seem fake. norm pointed it out. "ha! see there, she's using a rope!"
"wanda wha-" wanda started to crank the handle that the rope was connected to, making callista go up higher in the air. "oh no! wanda- please let me down!" callista flopped around mid air, looking like a fish out of water. "i wanna puke!" the crowd continued to laugh at the foolishness, and wanda let callista back down onto the ground.
she untied herself from the rope, and the crowd started to clap. "this one's gonna be great!" callista exclaimed. she walked over to the piano on the corner of the stage, and lifted it up, easily. the audience gasped.
wanda fluttered her fingers, trying to cover up another mistake. she turned the piano into cardboard, looking like an illusion "callista, allow me." wanda stated, walking over to the girl holding the piano. wanda picked it up and grunted.
wanda turned around, showing she wasn't just holding a piano after all. "whoops! you weren't supposed to see how we did that trick." wanda put the piano illusion behind the curtain, and walked towards callista who was standing at the front of the stage.
"oh sherbert!" callista exclaimed, pulling a deck of cards out of her pocket and walking towards the audience, near norm and herb. "this is my friend, sherbert. stand up sherbert."
norm motioned for herb to stand up. "it-it's herbert, herb."
"pipe down sherbie, pick a card." callista slurred, holding out a deck of cards for herb to see. herb picked a card, and callista turned around. "yep, now put it back in the deck. i am totally not looking." herb did as he was told, and callista turned back around. she shuffled the cards, then holding out one for herb to see. "is this your card?"
herb shook his head. "uh, no."
callista scoffed. "i think it is."
herb shook his head again. "mmm-mmm."
"r-really?" callista stuttered. she picked another one up from the pile. "is this your card?"
"callista!" wanda yelled from the stage, but was cut off.
"nope," herb replied.
callista groaned in anger. she slammed the card down in anger, going through all the cards with herb, as he said no. "is this your card?" callista asked, getting down to the last card.
"oh, it is!" herb exclaimed.
callista looked at the man for a second, clearly drunk. "what were we talking about again?"
"you were guessing the card i picked."
callista scoffed at the man. "well excuse me, have your damn card." she shoved the card into the herb's hands, and walked back to the stage. callista got back onto the stage and bowed, making everyone clap.
"and now, for our grand finale, i bring you, the cabinet of mysteries!" callista watched as wanda wheeled the huge cabinet out onto the stage. callista stood on one side of the cabinet, as wanda stood on the other. "i will now make my wife," callista opened the cabinet. "disappear.' callista closed it before wanda had a chance to get in.
"are you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named my husband ralph?" agnes called out from the crowd. callista laughed at agnes' joke, along with the other people in the crowd.
"now, abracadabra!" callista exclaimed, hitting the cabinet with her fake wand.
"uh, sweetheart?" wanda nervously said, slightly panicking.
"yeah?"
"hi."
it took callista a minute to figure out what was going on, and then it clicked. "oh."
"what's in the box? what's in the box? what's in the box?" the crowd kept cheering over and over again.
wanda then wiggled her fingers a little bit towards the cabinet, and opened it. the cabinet revealed jeraldine, looking stunned that she was in there. the audience gasped in shock. jeraldine stepped out of the cabinet, as the crowd started to clap and cheer.
"oh yes! jeraldine!" callista exclaimed, as she took hands with jeraldine, as the three bowed.
the two let go of jeraldine's hands, and wanda motioned to callista that it was time to leave. the two ran to the back of the curtain, and callista groaned. "i'm so sorry wanda!"
"cal it's alright!" wanda tried to calm her wife down, taking her hands. "it's alright, we all make mistakes."
"i shouldn't have asked for a bloody beer!" callista slurred.
"alright, stay still. i'm going to try and get the alcohol out of your system." wanda assured her wife. she let go of callista's hands, and twirled her own, reaching upward.
callista felt as a liquid was crawling up her throat. it then all came out. callista threw up, turning to the side to do so. she turned back to face wanda, wiping the extra residue off of her face. "well, i feel better already!"
"well, you're back to yourself and that's all i care about. now let's get out of here before dottie and the planning committee string us up for ruining the show." wanda chuckled, taking callista's hand as the two ran.
they tried to blend in as they were walking past everyone, as they were doing the awards. ceremony. "you two, stop right there!" they heard a voice, callista was presuming it was dottie's. wanda and callista stopped, and turned to face the crowd. dottie huffed. "nothing like what you two just did up here has ever happened in the history of our talent show."
"dottie, we are so-" wanda started, but was cut off by dottie.
"hilarious." dottie smiled. wanda and callista looked at each other, confused. "that was the most hilarious act we've ever seen." dottie then turned to the crowd. "wouldn't you all agree?" the crowd clapped, agreeing with dottie. "you two, come on up!" dottie motioned to the two, telling them to come onstage.
wanda and callista skipped onto stage, relieved they made it through their little act without any huge slipup and that they impressed their town. dottie held up a trophy, holding it up to the two. "on behalf on the planning committee, i would like to award you with the inaugural comedy performance of the year."
wanda took the trophy for dottie and giggled. "thank you."
callista bowed to the crowd again, smiling. "we couldn't have done it without you!" callista saw jeraldine on the side, smiling, and motioned for her to come over.
jeraldine stood between callista and wanda, waving to the crowd. "i have to ask. one second, i'm backstage and in the next, i'm in a dark cubby hole. how'd you do it?"
"a magician never reveals her secrets. she leaves that to her assistant," callista laughed, playfully winking at the woman.
jeraldine turned to wanda, and wanda scoffed in a friendly way. "and she's not talking."
"i'd have a feeling you'd say that," jeraldine chuckled, a huge smile still on her face. the three turned to the crowd once more, and bowed.
"for the children!" callista called out.
"for the children!" the audience yelled back.
***
callista opened the door for her and wanda again, pulling wanda inside. "you were amazing, wanda."
"as were you, callista." wanda chuckled, walking away. callista closed the front door, taking off her silly top hat. "oh, i don't know what i was so worried about." wanda told her wife, sitting down on the couch. "it wasn't so hard to fit in afterall."
callista sat down on the couch next to wanda, turning to face her. "all we had to do was be ourselves." she wrapped her arm around wanda's shoulders.
"well, with a few modifications." wanda corrected.
"and it was all for the children," callista laughed.
"well, i think the children might need some popcorn." wanda suggested, standing up.
callista then noticed something in the corner of her eye. wanda's stomach had gotten bigger. "wanda," callista called out, standing up. wanda turned around, facing callista.
"hmm, what?" wanda asked. callista's eyes flickered to wanda's stomach, so wanda looked down, seeing she had a bump. a baby bump. wanda gasped at the sight. "cal, is this really happening?"
"yes, my love. it's really happenin-" callista was cut off by a thud from outside. "if it's that god damn tree again, i'm going to rip it out of the ground!" callista speed walked to the door, walking out of the house, wanda behind her.
callista walked down her walkway, stopping at the sidewalks. "i don't see anything." callista heard wanda call out. wanda walked next to her wife, and another sound was made. the two looked down the street, seeing something opening the sewer drain.
"what is that?" callista asked. a man started to crawl out of the hole, and callista gripped her hands onto wanda's shoulders for protection. "wanda." the man crawled out in a suit, bees swarming him. on his suit, there was a circle with a sword going through it. the man turned around to look at the two.
"no." wanda stated.
callista gave her wife a weird look. "what do you mean n-"
"cal, is this really happening?" wanda asked, the two back in their house, like they were moments before.
"yes, my love. it's really happening." callista whispered. the two leaned in for a soft kiss, their lips fitting like puzzle pieces. they pulled away, and gazed into each other's eyes. wanda then noticed something.
callista's face had turned pale, her hair being a dirty blonde and her eyes being emerald green. wanda put her hand on callista's cheek in awe. "callista." wanda stated. suddenly, the whole room started to turn into color, and callista was amazed.
callista looked at her pale hands, as she could now see the blue nail polish that was placed on her fingers. callista pulled wanda in for another kiss, this one being a little more passionate.
callista went to bed that night, falling into a deep slumber. she heard a man's voice in her dream, not knowing who it was. "callista? what's wanda doing to you callista?" callista shot up in bed, sweat dripping down her forehead.
wanda woke up, and sat up next to her wife. "cal, you okay?"
callista took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. "yeah, i think it was just a bad dream."
THE END
unedited
JiMmY, wHaT aRe YoU
dOiNg iN cAlLiStA'S hEaD?
okay, but like, stan jimmy woo