"Happy Birthday", the card on my kitchen table read. It certainly wasn't the best greeting, but I could tell it was the most heartfelt gesture my parents could muster on my eighteenth birthday. But I didn't care; today was the day I would find my mate.
I heard a coarse rendition of "Happy Birthday" behind me, slightly out of tune but still making me swoon. "Sorry I'm late, Evie." My best friend, Daniel, said as he rushed into the kitchen, kissing me on the cheek in the process. My skin tingled in the spot where his soft lips had just been, and I couldn't help but stare deeply into his eyes.
A course of electricity flowed from the top of my head to the very ends of my toes, but it didn't hurt or shock me; it was this deep feeling, a sense of fulfilment as my soul connected to his. I struggled to force out words, but I knew at this moment that he was my mate.
Though he couldn't recognise that I was his mate, which is different from what people read about in most werewolf stories. Females have to tell their mates of their connection because men cannot recognise it themselves. I remembered it from the stories we'd tell each other as children: some goddess cursed a human mortal for his wrongdoing, forcing him to live out his days as a werewolf. He was to be devastated with a feeling of hollowness until his female counterpart found him — that was just one version of the legend anyways.
But as I stared into Daniel's piercing eyes, I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to tell him I was his mate — as much as I wanted to. He was in love already with a girl that wasn't me.
After all the emotions that engulfed me as I touched him, it hurt me to think of a world without him: I envisioned us running around, chasing our children as the rest of our pack watched in pure admiration. He'd come back from training and I'd be there, peppering his face with kisses because of how much I missed him. On sunny days, we'd lay on the grass, legs intertwined, my head nestled into the crook of his neck as we watched the world go by together.
But I knew I would have to make a sacrifice. He's happy, I justified in my head. No, Eve. It shouldn't be that way. He'll love us. There has to be some way to figure it all out. My wolf said to me. This inner voice, the one that has been by my side for years, yearned for her mate.
Daniel stared at me in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed and lips twisted into a frown. "Evelyn, what's wrong?" he asked. My knees felt weak.
"Daniel," I croaked out, he looked at me. "Can I ask you a question?" He nodded as if telling me to continue, "If you had to pick between Martha and me, who would you pick?" I knew it was a difficult question, for him and for me. I was his best friend, who he loves, but he also loves Martha in a very different way. What he answered could also break my heart or make me the happiest woman alive, but I knew the odds weren't really in my favour.
"Look, Evie," He said sheepishly while scratching the back of his neck. "You're my best friend, but I love Martha, okay? Love tops everything. I would expect you to love your mate much more than you care for me." He let out a sigh of air, then added, "No hard feelings, right?" I nodded and tried to fight back the tears. I couldn't say I was surprised by his answer, but deep down, something inside me thought he had to know; he had to pick me.
"Of course," I answered curtly. "Love comes first, no matter what." I could see his eyes shifted to avert mine, he was uncomfortable — well, I was too but that didn't seem to mask the heavy weight I felt on my chest.
"I'm glad you understand, but I hope it doesn't come down to me picking between you both. It wouldn't be great either way," he said with an awkward chuckle. I saw him turn to the ground and avoid my gaze once more, "You should get ready for class." Daniel was already twenty and had already finished high school, he was about to take the role of Alpha from his father in two weeks.
"I wish I was strong enough to tell you," I said, still stuck on something he previously said. But he had turned his back and started walking away, and I knew he didn't hear me. I sighed and began to collect my things for the day.
Five Months Later
I wish I could say that things had changed for the better in the last five months, but today, Daniel was getting married. He's a little too young, which most of the pack has been gossiping about recently, but he and Martha claimed it was "true love". I suppose there is something romantic in choosing to have married her before even meeting his mate, but it wasn't "true love". It couldn't be; I was his mate.
I had made a new friend in the last few weeks. My conversation with Daniel seemed to have affected him, and with his pending nuptials, his time appears to be dedicated to Martha anyways. His name was George, my new friend. He knows everything about my mate and me, he understands me, and I trust him—I guess one good thing has come out of this situation.
We are outside of this barn-like complex on our pack grounds which we usually use to host meetings or large celebrations, but today, it would mark the spot of Daniel's wedding. It is decorated from head to toe in white lace, with roses neatly strewn by the entrance. George and I watched our pack make their way in when he turned to me and whispered, "You're going to die, you know?" It was blunt, but that's what I loved about George. He was honest.
"I could survive, just without my wolf," I answered quickly, but he and I both knew it was a lie as soon as the words left my mouth. Perhaps I was just trying to convince myself and make today seem less insidious, but I was going to die soon. I spent most of my nights awake pondering whether my heart would be strong enough to withstand the pain. Most women die, most often when their mate also dies, but also when their mate bonds to another—like in the case of Daniel and Martha. This wasn't just a wedding; it was a spiritual ceremony that will attempt to sear one's link to their mate, leaving the one remaining feeling unwhole for the rest of their lives.
"Do you think anyone will miss me when I'm gone?" I asked suddenly. George frowned, "Apart from you of course," I added. "I mean, my parents hate me, Daniel just doesn't seem to care for my existence, I have no siblings, and you're my only friend."
"I'm am going to miss you so much that you couldn't possibly put it into words," George exclaimed, but only silence followed for a while. "You could always tell him. He might choose you once he knows," he said.
"Yeah, sure," I sighed, "But I love him enough to put him first and make sure he is happy". We were once again engulfed in profound silence.
"It's weird how in a matter of hours, you'll just be a memory, and you won't be a living, breathing person anymore." He mumbled, and my eyes snapped towards him. I felt sad too, it had been hard for me to imagine a life where I could be happy without Daniel, but I could sometimes catch glimpses of it, and it didn't seem too daunting. He took my silence as a sign of offence, "I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to wrap this around my head."
"Hey," I scold, "Don't think about it like that. I'm tired of your negativity." He forced a smile onto his face, but I could see right through it. "Life goes on," I added morbidly. The irony of it seemed to get a genuine giggle from George.
"Hilarious," he said, "I'm glad you're feeling cheerful about it."
Suddenly, a feeling of dread washed over me, and I felt a fighting instinct kick in, but I quickly shut it down. George saw the pained expression on my face and looked at me sadly. "He chose her, and it hurts, George, it f*cking hurts. I just want it to be over," I cried out, earning a few looks from people. "Sometimes I want to be selfish, sometimes I give into the wolf in my head and make it out to be simple in my head."
"Hey, come on, Ev-" George said in an attempt to console me. He tried to squeeze my shoulder, but I shook his arm off.
"No, George!" I shouted in frustration. "I feel like I've damned myself to this miserable fate, but no, I can't let myself become resigned to it, but I have to constantly battle this urge to tell him and destroy everything he has with Martha." I continued, "My heart is so utterly destroyed, and it just feels like I've got this lump in my chest that's this unbearable weight. I can't look at him without feeling a wave of unrelenting pain. I thought I had it as bad as I ever could with my parents, feeling despised, unwanted, utterly not good enough, but this is worse. That's why I know it will kill me." This time, I sobbed like I have never done before; I felt this endless stream of tears pour down my face. "George, I've been trying to remind myself that this is okay, that I don't think I need someone to hold me so I don't fall apart, but I need Daniel. I need my mate."
"Evie, I love you," George stated, holding my wet cheeks between his hands. "Maybe it's not in the way you need, but you are not alone." He added, making sure to emphasise the last word.
"Oh god, I just want to turn off all my feelings and erase everything," I mumbled. George simply nodded his head, not knowing exactly what to say to me. "I think I'm ready," I suddenly announced, which seemed to surprise George, but he pretended it didn't anyway and started moving forward.
We quickly entered the barn and were ushered into our white, uncomfortable seats. I wanted to laugh at how sad my deathbed is going to be; I could at least get some cushions. "Eve, it's not too late," George whispered beside me. I looked at him and shook my head to disagree. "Just tell him," he suddenly growled out, surprising me as I flinched.
"Don't make a scene! Let's just sit down and enjoy the wedding. It's not every day my mate gets married." I said with a hint of humour. I tried to lighten the mood, but the whole air appeared unsalvagable. My wolf refused to talk to me, wanting only to be with her mate.
Suddenly the room went quiet, and I knew exactly what is about to happen, and there would be no going back soon. Martha walked in; I had to admit she looked gorgeous. She was wearing a stunning white gown, with silk that flowed down their waist whilst perfectly shaping her chest; it hugged her perfectly, and she appeared to glow. No wonder Daniel picked her, I just hoped Martha would be able to love him like I couldn't. Daniel's attention was focused on her, but our eyes met across the room just once, but it was a fleeting look, and he quickly turned back to his beautiful bride. The rest of the wedding began to blur in my mind. Suddenly, Daniel's father appeared to be at the end of the ceremony, while appearing to be a human exchange of vows, it would be followed by the severing of Daniel's link to his mate: me.
"I hope you're not mad at me for doing this. I don't want you to be mad when I die." I whispered, hoping George will hear. He did.
"I just wish you'd tell him, Evie." George managed to gasp out. I turned back to see a teardrop slide quickly down the side of his face. I couldn't believe it; George was crying. George, the tough guy who didn't even cry when his mother died in a hunting incident. The sheer guilt made me want to disappear into the grounds of the earth.
I turned my attention to Daniel as he began his vows. "I love you, Martha. I don't care if you're not my mate because I'll never love any woman like I love you." My throat was constricted at this point: I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't move; everything hurt too much. I began to feel this burning sensation in the pit of my stomach. Daniel would never love me, but I would survive like I always have, right? I just wanted him to look at me one more time, perhaps with an adoring look in his eyes. I just wished that I had his mark printed on my skin.
Then in one swift moment, he bit into the crook of Martha's neck, and my heart felt as though it was grabbed and squished right out of my chest. I couldn't help but let out a whimper from the sudden pain; more tears streamed down my cheeks as I clung to George. Soon, I didn't even have the energy to do that. I felt my heart begin to slow and eventually stop beating entirely; the pain was still unbearable, but it began to dull. I could still see Daniel with Martha, but darkness blurred my vision as I started to lose consciousness. "Tell him I love him, okay, George? I love him and wouldn't want anyone to hurt him, say it was worth it, and that the sacrifice is for him, I would've picked him." I managed to croak out. I let this one selfish request permeate the air. I couldn't see George's face anymore as it was just a big blob in my eyes. "Promise?" I asked.
I could barely hear it, but I thought I hear George say, "I promise..."
My eyelids got heavier as I felt my throat close; the flow of oxygen to my entire body ceased. It was a pleasure being with you for the eighteen years of my life, and it was a pleasure loving Daniel with you. My wolf says. It sure was. Suddenly I lost feeling in my fingers, and all was numb. I knew now that it was all over. The world I had once known has disappeared, and the man I once loved is now gone too, all because he chose her.