Author notes: my deepest apologies for the delay. Writer block, need of lightness, fatigue, and maybe a little bit of nostalgia at the idea of wrapping this fic.
Anyway, it's done, this is the last chapter. An epilogue isn't excluded, just no now. I want to thank each of you, old readers and new readers, anonymous ones or familiar ones, for your support, your kindness, all along this fiction. I'm grateful, and I feel lucky to have had only amazing readers. Take care, each of you, stay safe and happy.
********
He was terrified.
Like he had never been.
His shaking hands had grabbed her and he had rushed down the stairs.
When she had suddenly fallen, like a puppet whose threads had been cut, he had barely had time to catch her in order to cushion her fall. He had started to shake in panic, he who was known for his composure, and his trembling fingers had brushed her face.
She was burning with fever.
Gathering her small form in his arms, he had tried to call her, but his throat was so tight that he had had to swallow before being able to get some words out.
"Seri..."
He could barely recognize his own voice. She hadn't answered, desperately still, her eyes closed, and the flashback of painful memories had taken his breath away. No, not again.
He had carried her and was now rushing down the stairs, his mind blank, unable to think of anything but Seri. It was all his fault, she had come despite her condition to see him, and his father's words echoed in her mind, as did Agent Kim's words.
To protect her, to protect his family, he had to distance himself, and in reality, he had convinced himself that this would make their final separation less painful, less difficult to bear.
He had been wrong. So wrong, and he was in so much pain. He was terrified of losing her, he had never imagined loving someone as much as he loved her, but she had changed his life, with her chatter, her courage, her laughter, and he needed her more than anything.
As he exited the building and emerged into the street, his eyes searched the surroundings frantically, until he saw her mother rush out of one of the cars with a panicked expression, closely followed by what must have been a NIS agent in civilian clothes.
"What happened?" she asked, out of breath, her voice full of restrained tears.
"She... She just collapsed... We have to take her to the hospital, quickly!"
The agent helped her get Seri into the back seat, where she sat down as well, putting her head on her knees and calling out softly, to no avail, Seri was unresponsive and was terrifyingly pale. He had to fight the urge to scream in fear, in anger, and when the agent turned to him, he cut him off.
"I can't ride with you, in case I'm being watched, but ... I'll follow you in my own car ..."
He knew it was in vain, if he was being watched, the mere fact that he had spoken to this agent was compromising, but if he got into the car with him, then there was nothing more he could do to protect his family.
He closed the door and hesitated briefly, the thought of getting away from her was more difficult than he had imagined. The fight between his duty as a son and what he truly wanted was permanent, he was caught between two worlds, to which he belonged, but he knew deep down where his loyalty laid, and what choice he would do if it wouldn't endanger his family. Seri had become his world, his country, and he felt homeless at the mere idea of not having her within sight. He rushed over to his own car, however, and drove off.
His hands were so tight around the steering wheel that the knuckles of his fingers turned white.
Why is he driving so slowly ... She needs care ... He drove forward without checking to see if a car was coming ...
He felt helpless, normally it was his role, to take care of her, to drive her to the hospital, to make sure she was okay. All he could do was held the steering wheel as if his life depended on it, and grumble.
The hospital wasn't far as the crow flies, but they had to drive through town, and the traffic was slowing them, to his utter despair. But this was how he noticed something in his rear view mirror.
A sedan, with tinted windows on the sides, had followed them since they had left his apartment. It might have been a coincidence, Bern was a big city, but it wasn't New York either. He couldn't see the driver's face, but it was unmistakably a man, a cap largely obscuring his features.
His phone rang.
"The car behind you." said Agent Kim as soon as he took the call.
"I saw..."
"We're two cars behind, don't follow Miss Yoon, we have to attract him elsewhere..."
He swallowed hard.
"So, it's him."
"Yes..."
"What if he keeps following Seri..."
"Then, we'll keep following him and Miss Yoon will be safe. But he wouldn't try something when she's taken to the hospital, too many people will be with her..."
And I should be one of these people. I should be with her, she needs me.
But her safety came first, always, and if this was the opportunity they had been waiting for to stop Cho Cheol Gang, then it was worth it.
He took a deep breath, his eyes boring into the car in front of him as if he could see her through the metal, and he finally turned to the left, before checking behind him.
The car was following him.
At this hour, he couldn't risk exposing innocent people to potential danger, so he continued to the expressway that led to Interlaken.
He knew the perfect place, an old sanitized gas station, which was to be destroyed in the next few days. He could no longer see Agent Kim's car, but he assumed they were a little further away to avoid being spotted. He got out of the expressway after about ten minutes, drove along the railway line for a few meters, before taking a road in bad condition which finally led him to the abandoned gas station. He parked, turned off the engine, and picked up the gun that was still hanging under his seat.
This was it. He would end this and go back to Seri, where he belonged, as long as he was allowed to stay by her side. He felt a strange calm invade him, the same that had inhabited him before each mission when he was still a Special Forces captain. The determination to survive this confrontation undoubtedly also had a lot to do with it. If he didn't know what the future would hold, he knew he would have to return to Pyongyang, no other scenario was possible. But before that, Seri needed him.
The other car stopped without coming closer, and Ri Jeong Hyeok felt the adrenaline rush through his veins. This man had almost killed his brother, had killed his brother's fiancée, and had almost killed Seri.
It was time to end it.
He got out of the car, and Cho Cheol Gang did the same, pulling off his cap to put on a smirk. They instantly pointed one gun at the other, and Cho Cheol Gang burst out laughing.
"And now, what do we do?" he asked between laughs.
Jaw clenched, Ri Jeong Hyeok gauged him with his eyes. Cho Cheol Gang was visibly hurt from when he had shot him, from the limping he detected, however, the man sounded way too confident, and he didn't like that.
"Now you surrender and you pay for your crimes."
Cho Cheol Gang pretended to think about it before grinning.
"If it were that simple, we wouldn't be here ..."
His smile disappeared.
"Because of that bitch and you, I lost everything ..."
"You lost everything because of your own crimes." Ri Jeong Hyeok replied coldly.
Cho Cheol Gang let out a sneer.
"You like to play vigilante, don't you? Others have tried before you and failed ... Your brother, that Ji Ah, and Seri ..."
Ri Jeong Hyeok's fingers tightened around his gun.
"Don't talk about them ..." he growled. "The NIS is coming, you won't be able to escape this time ..."
"Really? And do you think it was wise of you to take your eyes off Seri?"
Ri Jeong Hyeok felt his face drain of color, as a brutal cold sweat gathered on his forehead. Cho Cheol Gang's smile returned, more carnivorous, with a satisfaction that drew a shiver from him.
"It's interesting what people are able to do for money. Take a medical student for example, over-indebted because he's too addicted to gambling... What do you think he would be willing to do in exchange for a chance to erase his debts? "
He felt like he was gasping in pain.
"No ..." he breathed.
"By this time, it must be too late ..."
As Cho Cheol Gang made a move, raising his gun to aim at him, probably thinking he would take advantage of his shock, Ri Jeong Hyeok immediately shot, once, twice, three times, taking them both by surprise.
Cho Cheol Gang watched in amazement the blood spilling onto his chest before looking up at Ri Jeong Hyeok. He wanted to shoot but his gun slipped away from his grasp, and he collapsed to the ground.
Frozen, Ri Jeong Hyeok stared at the extended form of the man who had ruined so many lives, his gun still pointed at him. Cho Cheol Gang was looking at him with a smirk, eyes glassy but still lucid.
"You are...full of surprises, Ri Jeong Hyeokssi, I...I confess that I didn't imagine that someone like y...you could shoot another man in cold blood ..."
He coughed and his fingers managed to pick up the weapon that had fallen with him. He pulled in his direction, but wide aside, and Ri Jeong Hyeok didn't even try to move, to dodge. The gunshot still echoed in his ears, along with the erratic beating of his heart.
"I might die ... But I would have the satisfaction of taking Yoon Seri with me ..."
He coughed and closed his eyes, finally coming to a stop.
Ri Jeong Hyeok fell to his knees, eyesight blurred with tears, his hands shaking unable to do anything but rest on his knees.
"If you hadn't been involved ... She would still be alive ..."
Cho Cheol Gang had reopened his eyes, but his gaze seemed more distant, and blood was beading in the corner of her mouth. He groaned in pain and his eyes finally closed. Ri Jeong Hyeok didn't know if the man was still alive, and at this point, he didn't care. He didn't hear the cars approaching, the police sirens, he couldn't hear anything except Cho Cheol Gang's last words.
If she hadn't met him, she would be alive.
Seri was everything, she had become his only reason for living, the only one that justified enduring whatever he had to endure. If she was dead, then what was the point? He had not protected her, he had promised her he would keep her safe, and once again, it took a bad decision, and he was failing her again. A part of him couldn't believe it, a world without Seri seemed impossible, if she had come back to him once, surely she would come back this time too?
He looked at the gun in his hand and abruptly let it fall to the ground, as if it had burnt him. The abyss of despair that had opened under his feet seemed to have drowned out all form of rationality, the pain far too powerful, consuming, to be able to imagine any other way out.
"Ri Jeong Hyeokssi!"
He looked up haggardly, realizing the scene was now overrun with officers and policemen, paramedics were covering up Cho Cheol Gang's body, and Officer Kim stepped in front of him, trying to get his attention.
"Ri Jeong Hyeokssi, are you injured?"
He couldn't answer. Was he hurt? What could he say when he felt like he was dying from the inside out.
As he was unresponsive, the agent attempted a step forward, and when Ri Jeong Hyeok looked up again at him, he was stunned by the pain and despair he could read there. The man was in agony.
"Seri ..."
His voice was strained, hoarse. The agent hesitated, before choosing to tell the truth.
"In intensive care, she developed a serious infection ..."
But instead of collapsing, as he had feared, the North Korean diplomat blinked, before asking in a shaky whisper.
"She..."
He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath.
"She is alive?"
The agent sighed. He wasn't sure if Cho Cheol Gang had told him his plans, and it seems that he did, judging by how on the edge of a massive breakdown he had found the north Korean diplomat.
"She is ... We intercepted the man sent by Cho Cheol Gang, he was already under surveillance by the Swiss police ... Actually, we're late because à car attempted to stop us, Yoon Se Hyun was driving..."
"She is alive?" he repeated in disbelief.
"Yes..."
Ri Jeong Hyeok heaved a sigh of relief.
"I want to see her ..." he whispered.
"You'll have to answer some questions from the police before..."
"Please..."
The agent let out a sigh.
"I guess you're lucky they are so attached to peace... I'll take you there, they won't be against it if I come with you..."
Maybe the hospital was being watched by people sent by his country authorities, he was supposed to be right now with Seo Dan's uncle, he didn't know what was going on, he didn't know what had happened to his men, but he was not in a position to measure the consequences of what he had done. He was however ready to accept the consequences, he would find a way to make believe that what could be seen as a betrayal, had been done without the complicity of his family or of his men. He would gladly take the falk if it meant that finally the people he cared about were safe.
Despite the overwhelming evidence implicating Cho Cheol Gang as a go-between for some senior North Korean officials, he knew he and his father were navigating troubled waters, corruption in the upper echelons was a scourge his father had fought against all his life, even though Ri Jeong Hyeok suspected that he was not completely innocent himself.
The ride to the hospital was silent, he didn't even know how Agent Kim had done it, but he felt grateful like he never thought he would be towards a NIS agent.
With each minute passing, he felt as if he was losing her, as if she was fading little by little into a distant memory while he was chasing after her to no avail. His eyes rested on the ring he wore on his finger. This ring represented so much, despite his attempt not to give it meaning. It represented the love he had for her, his loyalty in a future yet compromised. He didn't want to trap her or prevent her from moving forward in any way, he loved her and he wanted her happiness above all else, but somewhere, deep in his heart and soul, a selfish and possessive part of him hoped that she would wait for him, though, no matter what happened. The reality of the hours to come was so cruel that he felt his life no longer belonged to him, he no longer recognized anything. So much had changed since the day he met her ...
When the car parked in front of the hospital, he almost jumped out of it, he vaguely heard Agent Kim calling after him but he was already sprinting inside, climbing the stairs two by two, only to find himself in front of an empty room. Frozen, out of breath, his eyes stared at the empty bed as cold sweat gathered on his forehead.
Where was she?
He turned around, and grabbed a nurse, who almost yelped in surprise. He knew he probably looked like a mess, but he couldn't care less.
"Yoon Seri, she was in this room, where... Where is she?"
She seemed to recognize him and compassion replaced fear on his face. He hated it. The last time a doctor had looked at him with so much pity was when he heard that his brother was in a coma.
"In intensive care unit ..."
He released her, as her legs almost gave way under his weight.
"You are her husband, aren't you? My colleagues warned me, they told me that you would surely come back, that you never left her bedside ..."
She offered to lead him to the unit in question, and although unfortunately he knew perfectly well where it was located, he followed her in silence, lost in a daze.
"Ri Jeong Hyeokssi ..."
Seri's mother got up and came to meet him. Her eyes were red and she looked like she was on the verge of collapsing, but when she took his hands, it was with amazing force.
"I'm so glad you're here ..."
He was surprised. Even though he was innocent, he still had been suspected of having killed her son, he did not expect to be greeted with open arms. The nurse left them and he let himself be led to the seats, where he automatically sat down next to her.
"The doctors are with her, they asked me to wait outside ... I am relieved that you are here ... She needs you ..."
They sat silently for a while, him too engrossed in his own pain to be able to offer words of comfort or any form of polite conversation. Wave of sadness and despair were coming in turn, drowning any other conscient feeling. Both were sitting still, watching for the slightest noise signaling them that their wait would finally come to an end. The intensive care unit was set back enough not to be disturbed by the hustle and bustle of the hospital, but without the distraction of people coming and going, time dragged on in endless wait.
"When I met my late husband, I thought I was in love. I thought we were getting married out of love, even though everything had been arranged by our families. I wanted it to be true, so much that I convinced myself it was... I soon realized that it was wrong, especially on his side. ... "
Ri Jeong Hyeok froze, not knowing how to react at the sudden confession.
"I realize all the more that I was wrong all these years, just recently, when I see all the love you have for her ..."
She turned her head and gave him a sad smile.
"I know where you come from..." she said softly.
He tensed. He didn't expect any kind of blessing from anyone, but if he was honest with himself, being appreciated by her mother was important to him. Because he knew that despite all the misunderstandings and hurt, Seri loved her. He was of course ready to protect her against anyone, including her own mother, but he was glad it wasn't necessary at this point.
"Her story belongs to her... But when she was a baby, and then a child, all she wanted was to be loved... She was smart, smartest than her brothers, and kindest too, despite everything. But I kept making mistakes, terrible mistakes, until she totally closed herself and left us... Our relationship was so difficult and it's all my fault... "
He knew that, part from what Seri had told him, part from what he had guessed between the lines, and everytime, it made his heart hurt to imagine her lonely to the point of not knowing how to be loved anymore.
He wished, more than ever, to be able to spend the rest of his life loving her with all he was and all he had, to show her how worth it she was, how special and unique she was. And knowing that he wouldn't be able to do so was slowly killing him from the inside.
"But you found her. And I'm grateful. I don't care where you come from, I'm just asking you to love her and to protect her..."
He closed his eyes as unexpected tears slidded down his cheeks. He didn't deserve her trust, not when Seri was in intensive care because of him. He felt a cold hand pat gently his arm.
" I know all the odds are against you, I know you do everything you can to protect everyone... But I believe you truly love her and I know you'll find a way..."
"What if I don't..." he whispered, his voice broken.
He never voiced out his doubts, because he had always been used to be the strong one, the weight of responsibilities only increasing since his brother's accident, towards his parents, his brother, his men, his country... And yet, deep down, he was terrified, because he wasn't sure to be able to function again without her, because he knew she needed him just as much as he needed her.
"If it's meant to be, than you'll both find a way..."
He let out a shuddering breath.
He had been wondering for several days at what game fate was playing, what its plans were, why to offer him a love like he had never felt if it was to make it impossible. He had fought against himself, he had fought against his feelings, but her laughter, her wit, her beauty, her strength and her vulnerability, everything that made her who she was, had wiped out all his efforts and never had he been so happy to capitulate. But why, if it was to abandon her then, if it was to abandon himself.
*******
Seri woke up again after several hours.
Doctors had managed to prevent the sepsis, but she was weakened, and when they announced that only one person was allowed at her bedside, he let her mother go. He was dying to see her of course, he would give everything he had to hold her in his arms even if only once ...
"Are you sure ?" her mother had asked. "She will want to see you ..."
He knew that, he knew that despite the horrible words he had said to her, she still had faith in him, he had seen in her eyes that she was hurt by his attitude but she had never doubted him, and he had only one desire, to ask for her forgiveness, and never to leave her again. Except that it was not possible, and going to see her when time was running out seemed most cruel, especially when she was still weak and vulnerable.
"I can't ..." he whispered in response.
Seri's mother understood, she nodded sadly, before disappearing into the room. Ri Jeong Hyeok leaned against a wall and closed his eyes, trying to keep his emotions in check. He was in pain, so badly in pain.
He stayed like that, frozen in a daze, for hours. He didn't have to pick up his phone and read or listen to the dozens of messages he'd received.
He knew he couldn't escape reality.
His flight was just a few hours away. There was a time when the thought of returning to Pyongyang was heartwarming. He was aware of the faults of his country, but it was there that he had grown up, where he had his memories, his family. There was always something reassuring about the familiarity to know that he was going to see his parents again, to taste his mother's delicious cuisine, who only cooked for him.
Yet now, he felt like he was going to an unknown land. There was his family, of course, always. But he felt like he no longer belonged there. His father had given him to understand that it might be temporary, but not to have any illusions either. What was he supposed to do then, when he felt homeless whenever he wasn't by her side.
His phone buzzed, and when he saw the caller id, he answered.
"Captain... Where are you? Are you okay? We couldn't find you at the apartment..."
Kwang Beom sounded worried, which didn't happen often to the young cool man he was.
"I'm at the hospital..."
His voice was terribly hoarse and he had to clear his throat.
"The hospital ! Are you hurt?" came Ju Meok's panicked voice.
"I'm fine..."
He swallowed the lump in his throat and bit his lips to prevent himself from being overwhelmed.
"It's Seri?"
"YA, what did that woman do again? We told her to stay in bed and to rest! I'm sure she did the opposite, she's so stubborn, these south Koreans don't know how to obey..."
Ri Jeong Hyeok stayed silent after Pyo Chi Su's outburst, unable to voice out what had happened. From the moment she had come to see him to how harshly he had treated her. Pyo Chi Su finally asked in a voice that betrayed how worried he actually was.
" Is she okay? "
Was she? He didn't even know for real, there was what the doctor had said but he hadn't checked himself...
"She will be..."
He wasn't convinced, and by the silence that answered him, neither were his men.
"Captain... We are sent to bring you back..."
Ri Jeong Hyeok thought quickly. If they went to his apartment, then they didn't know all that happened with Cho Cheol Gang. Maybe Agent Kim did actually a good job at keeping things from bursting in the news... It didn't mean that he wouldn't have to face the police, he knew that Agent Kim or his men were still waiting in the hospital.
Taking a man's life was never something he did lightly. He was a former soldier, and officially, his country was still at war, even if in fact it was more a war of silence and through this impassable border with the south. He had been prepared for the idea of killing. But only did so in cases of extreme necessity. Protecting the woman he loved was an extreme necessity.
This man had sent someone to kill Seri, this man had killed Ji Ah and destroyed his brother. This man had tried to kill him. So he was ready to answer for his actions. As long as it kept Seri and his parents and brother safe.
"Fine. Call me when you're here..."
He hanged up and leaned once more against the wall. The door of the room opened and her mother came out, gently closing it behind her. He straightened immediately, alert and worried.
"She's asleep..." she said in a low voice when she turned to face him. "She wasn't completely conscious, but... She kept calling you..."
He wasn't sure to be able to handle more. The tremor of his lips, the tears in his eyes, were enough to convey how he was feeling.
"How... How is she?"
His voice broke and he exhaled, swallowing then the lump that had formed in his throat.
"She should be fine... The nurse who came earlier told me that her vital signs have improved, even if she still has a fever..."
She was going to be fine. That was all he wanted to hear, and the relief flooding him almost made his knees buckle. Her mother hesitated, before nodding.
"I don't think she'll wake up for now... I'm going to grab a coffee..."
With a last glance, full of understanding and of pain for the two young people, Seri's mother left.
Ri Jeong Hyeok didn't hesitate. He pushed the door and entered the room quietly.
The unfortunately familiar sight of her in a hospital bed, and the steady beep of the machines, greated him. He held back unwanted tears blurring his sight and came closer, until she was withing reach. She was asleep, still, pale, with an oxygen cannula that made his heart clench with pain. She looked so small and it has been not long enough since the last time she had looked that vulnerable.
It was his fault.
She had taken a bullet for him, she had come for him, and all he had done was hurting her more.
"I'm so sorry..."
The broken whispered echoed in the room but didn't disturb her slumber. His shaking fingers grazed her skin, she was still burning with fever, and he closed his eyes, trying hard to hold back on the sobs that were threatening to break out of his chest.
Part of him wanted to wake her up, look one last time into her eyes, tell her how sorry he was, how much he loved her, how much he didn't regret meeting her ... But the other part was grateful. Maybe if her last memory of him was him rejecting her, maybe then she could get over his departure. He felt deep inside him that it was illusory to hope that one of them could move forward, yet they had no choice. His fingers brushed her hair, he leaned down and kissed her hot forehead, his lips trailing, taking a deep breath of her floral scent.
"I love you..."
He stood abruptly, and turned away, his breath hitched as he was fighting the urge to never leave her again.
She was going to be fine. That was what he had needed to know. She was fine and he had to go back, no matter how deep his desparation was.
Without a last glance, his jaw clenched and his tears no longer held back, he walked away.
******
Pine, leather and soap.
That was the smell that had been lingering in the room when she had regained consciousness.
And of course, as her eyes were blinking, trying to focus and to make sense of her surroundings, she had called his name. Relentlessly, like a prayer.
Her mother had been there, comforting her in a way Seri never thought would be possible, the doctor and the nurses had fussed around her, but all she had wanted had been to be wrapped in his warmth and scent. However, he never came, so she had closed her eyes hoping that he would appear that way, that maybe her being in this hospital bed wasn't the reality, but to no avail, every time she regained consciousness, things were the same.
Hospital room, no Ri Jeong Hyeok.
When she opened back her eyes for good, she was still surrounded by white walls, machines, and the disturbing smell of hospitals. But it wasn't the only smell she could notice.
Pine, leather, soap.
It was still there, in the air, she hadn't dreamt that...
"Jeong Hyeokssi..."
Her voice came out in an unintelligible croak. She tried to clear her throat but her mouth was dry and the canula was bothering her. She tried to take it off, only to have the nurse preventing her from doing so and Seri was feeling so bad that she almost snapped at her. She managed to clear her throat as her eyes went to her mother, who was anxiously looking at her.
"Ri Jeong Hyeokssi..."
It was a question, even if deep down she knew he answer. He would be with her if he had been there. Her mother shook her head, confirming what she was thinking, and she felt her heart sink.
"I went out for a coffee a few hours ago, and when I came back, he wasn't here anymore... I thought that maybe he had gone to grab something to eat... Poor man could barely stand..."
She was worried sick. She could remember every single word he had told her and she would be lying if she said she hadn't been hurt. But she knew him, she knew the depth of his feelings for her, and she trusted him. He had saved her, protecting her, putting his life in line just to ensure that she was safe. He loved her, and he would never give up on her, not now, not after what they've been through. Her faith in him was the only thing holding her together.
What if he has been arrested?
What if Cho Cheol Gang had found him?
What if he already had been sent back to Pyongyang?
She had no idea of what had happened while she was unconscious, or of what was happening at that very moment. Her mother had told her to not worry, and she had understood from a conversation that she had on the phone while thinking Seri was asleep, that her brother had been arrested. He apparently had tried to stop the NIS when they were following Cho Cheol Gang and Ri Jeong Hyeok. Meaning that something regarding Cho Cheol Gang had really happened, making anxiety even more difficult to deal with.
She had her answer when the next day her mother entered her room with a serious expression. Seri sat up in bed, questioning her with a look. The fever had subsided and she was no longer in intensive care, which should have made her happy. But without any news from Ri Jeong Hyeok, she was lost and terribly worried. His phone was off, she hadn't heard from the boys either, and every possible scenario was running through her head.
"Seri-ah... I was on the phone with Agent Kim..."
Her heart quickened and she held her breath.
"A flight for Pyongyang is leaving soon with several North Korean diplomats ... He will be among them ..."
The pain took the little breath she still had away. Her lips trembling, she grabbed the sheets.
"He should have left the day before yesterday, but it looks like he had to respond to the needs of the Swiss police first ..."
"Wh ... when is he leaving?"
Her voice was reduced to a shaky breath and she had to take a deep breath to force the air into her lungs.
"In three hours ... Seri-ah, I've already spoken to the doctor, he doesn't mind you going out, as long as we come back... We can be in Zurich on time ..."
Seri hesitated. Of course she would have given anything to see him even once, but suddenly doubt assailed her. What if he doesn't want to see her? What if she made it harder for them? What if he was surrounded and couldn't acknowledge her?
" He only left when he was sure you were going to be okay... This man loves you, more than common people can understand..."
Tears came to her eyes, the thought of not seeing him again becoming unbearable. They deserved another ending, they didn't deserve an ending at all.
"I want to see him ..." she huffed, her voice broken. "I ... I need to see him ..."
The drive to the airport was silent, her mother concentrating on the GPS directions. She was driving as fast as she could, slaloming between the cars, until the airport materialized before their eyes more than one hour later.
When her mother stopped the car in front of the main entrance, Seri ran inside without waiting. She looked around, then rushed over to the notice board.
She quickly identified the flight to Beijing, since Beijing was the one of the only two cities served regularly by Pyongyang Airport.
"Passengers bound for Beijing, flight 4569, are called to report to boarding gate 5A ..."
The rest of the call was drowned in the ringing in her ears.
"No..." she whispered, horrified.
It couldn't be over. Not like that.
Her eyes never left the boarding gate panels, she began to run through the crowd, her heart pounding in a mixture of panic and apprehension.
4B...
4C...
4D...
5A.
He was taller than everyone else, so spotting him wasn't difficult.
She suddenly froze, her eyes drinking in his presence as if she hadn't seen him in months. He, who usually stood with his shoulders straight, his head held high, seemed dejected. Even from a distance, she could see that he was staring into space, his shoulders drooping. The boys were with him, but also men who seemed to almost frame them. When one of them presented his passport to a hostess to board, Seri suddenly began to move.
"Ri Jeong Hyeokssi!"
Her cry pierced through the hubbub of the airport and he straightened up, turning in her direction without hesitation. His eyes widened as she ran through the crowd, shoving, being shoved, but never taking her eyes off him. She saw his lips move, but she wasn't close enough yet to hear him. The boys watched her approach in amazement, one of the other men approached Ri Jeong Hyeok, who suddenly screamed.
"Don't run !"
As the man was about to speak to him, Ri Jeong Hyeok ignored him and rushed in her direction, his tall figure running through the crowd until Seri crashed violently into his arms.
Leather. Soap. Pine.
His scent assaulted her and she didn't want to let go, her arms hugging him as the tears flowed without her being able to control them. She could feel him shaking, and eventually he pulled away, his eyes searching hers.
"Seri, you are not yet fully recovered, you could have hurt yourself or become unwell. You have to learn to take care of yourself."
She shook her head, her voice interrupted by sobs.
"I had to see you, I had too... Ri Jeong Hyeokssi, what am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to survive..."
The idea of never seeing him again was even more vivid and painful as his departure was imminent.
His fingers brush her cheek, before tenderly pulling her hair back into place.
"Everything will be fine, Seri. Everything will be fine, I promise ..." he said soflty, his voice however strained.
"But ... what if they arrest you? What if they throw you in jail or a forced labor camp. It's all my fault ..."
Her voice broke, and he shook his head firmly.
"It's not your fault, you're not responsible for what happened. Seri, you came into my life like a gift. I didn't realize I was living in the dark until you came and enlightened my world. I'm so grateful, I will never be able to regret loving you. I'm sorry for what I told you .... "
Guilt washed over his face.
“It's okay, I knew you didn't meant it… But Ri Jeong Hyeokssi… Does this really have to be the last time we see each other?” she asked in a sob, her despair evident.
A new call for the passengers to board was made and her hands tightened on his coat.
He closed his eyes, as if suddenly assailed by unbearable pain. She saw him swallow, and when he opened his eyes, they were full of tears.
"You once told me that the wrong train could take you to the right direction... We have to pray that this train will lead us to each other, Seri, let's keep hope and pray..."
Her voice got stuck by the lump in her throat, so she nodded, her lips trembling, her face bathed in tears.
" I love you, Seri, never forget that, you're not alone, I love you... "
" I love you too..."
He crushed her against him as a last call for passengers was made, and the boys were trying to stop the other men from interfering.
His lips found hers, in a soul searing kiss, his brows furrowed as both of them tried to convey to memory the sensation and the taste of the other.
When they parted, out of breath, he took a step back, his hands clutching her face.
"I love you..."
He took another step back, out of reach, and her hands flew to her mouth, trying to silence her heart wrenching sobs.
His face crumbled and he suddenly turned his back and joined the others. One of the men looked unhappy, but Ri Jeong Hyeok ignored him, presenting his passport and disappearing in the direction of the plane without looking back. The boys waved at her, all of them moved to tears, before following their captain.
Never had Seri felt so lonely all of a sudden. And also incomplete. The absence was so sudden and hopeless that she had the feeling that a part of her had just been torn from her.
For the other passengers, they were to appear as a couple separating temporarily, when in fact, the prospect of never was plausible.
You are not alone, I love you ...
That was what he had told her. To hope and pray. Her eyes still fixed on the gate, now empty as the passengers have all hoarded, her sobs still muffled, she felt an arm pass around her shoulders, and her mother's voice trying to comfort her.
She was no longer alone, but she was nevertheless so alone.
*********
Her mother took her back to the hospital, and when, after long hours of tears and sobs, she finally turned in her phone, she felt her heart explode as his name appeared in the screen. She had messages.
She chuckled through her tears.
"How can you be that cute, Ri Jeong Hyeokssi..." she whispered.
"You and your chocolate, I've drunk more chocolate since I met you than in my entire life..."
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.
"How can I move on when I love you so much, Ri Jeong Hyeokssi..."
"I love you too. I love you. Please, come back to me..."
***********
One year later
Seri looked at her feet, burried in the snow, and smiled. He would be so proud of her. Forget the designer boots, this time, she now had proper winter hiking boots. Warm, waterproof, and most of all, not slippery. She had had to find some pants and a coat that could match, and since she couldn't find ones that would satisfy her keen sense of fashion, Seri's Choice had launched a new sport collection, including hiking fashion, and she was quite satisfied with the result. She looked chic and ready for a trail at the same time, in her red fluffy coat, the words "Seri's choices" shining in her back.
She looked up and her eyes followed a pair of paraglidders gliding across the blue sky.
They were circling gracefully in the air, like large, colorful birds, and one even began to do a few acrobatic tricks, drawing an exclamation of admiration from Seri.
She almost envied them, the feeling of lightness and of freedom was probably mind-blowing up there. Her gaze followed them until they were too far away to be seen clearly.
She sighed.
"Maybe I should do that, Ri Jeong Hyeokssi. Paraglide and fly to you ..." she whispered.
As usual, his voice, soft, warm, deep, comforting, echoed in her head.
I'd rather you keep your two feet on the ground ...
She couldn't count how many conversations she had had with him, he was there, in every little moment of the day.
When she ate something delicious, or on the opposite something she didn't like, when her phone rang, Chopin's notes rising from her purse, or when the light caught on her wedding ring.
Because this ring had become an alliance in her eyes, a symbol of their mutual commitment. He had told her not to give up hope, and even though the abyss of despair threatened to engulf her more times than she could tell, she was hanging on.
She loved him. It was that easy. She loved him like she had never loved, and no one could ever take his place. So she would wait.
She gave an amused smile, the longing and grief becoming so familiar that she no longer broke down. Not as much as before at least. There were always days worse than others, when the longing turned into a violent pain that tore her apart from the inside. Those days she preferred not to think about too much.
She continued on her way, her gaze shifting to the station she saw below. In a week, that would be a year. A year since she had left in her designer boots for a sensible hike to offer her a getaway from the hell that had become of her life. A year since he had rocked her life in the best possible way, sweeping her out of her feet effortlessly as it was she who slipped and landed on him. A year he had carried her on his back, showing more kindness and care than anyone in her entire life. What should have been a sad observation was in fact the finest achievement.
To have met him, to have been loved by him, was the most beautiful blessing ... But she missed him.
Terribly, viscerally.
She would do anything to breathe in his scent once more, to feel the warm callused skin of his hand on her cheek, to hear his unique voice, which made her feel safe, at home.
"What are you doing now Ri Jeong Hyeokssi ... are you okay? Are you safe?"
Not knowing was the worst torture, so she clung to everything she could, gleaning information at every opportunity about what was happening across the border. She never got much, her heart pounding madly when defectors were caught, or when people being arrested were reported. She never could find more and it was killing her with worry. She had briefly wondered what would happen to her if she were to join him but the idea was brushed away, knowing how dangerous it would be for both of them.
Anyway, it was here, thousands of miles away, that she felt the closest to him. In this country that had allowed them to meet, when their own respective ones didn't.
"You were right, you know, these boots are much more comfortable, look, I'm almost at the station and I haven't slipped once ..."
Still, be careful and watch you step...
She wanted him to hold her hand, to carry her on his back, to smile and to laugh at her antics.
"I really should paraglide to you, Ri Jeong Hyeokssi. I miss you so much..."
The station was empty, and the train was only twenty minutes away.
She walked over to a coffee machine and eyed the different choices dubiously, then her gaze lit up. She inserted the coins and pressed the keys.
I thought you were more a coffee person?
She chuckled.
"I have been told that too much coffee is bad for your health ..."
"The person who told you that is full of wisdom ..."
The machine beeped and she picked up the cup, sighing with relish as the heat spread to her frozen fingers.
"Did you just compliment yourself, Ri Jeong Hyeokssi? Because you..."
She froze, the cup inches from her lips.
Leather. Soap. Pine.
The smell of chocolate disappeared under the familiar scent that surrounded her. This. This couldn't be her imagination, it was impossible, it was far too real to be an hallucination.
She saw the reflection of a figure in the coffee machine, a tall figure with broad shoulders. Slowly, holding her breath, she pulled the goblet away from her lips and turned around.
She felt like the air had been knocked off of her lungs, her heart was going to explode. The shock was such that the goblet slipped from her grasp, crashing to the ground and splashing her boots. But she didn't care. She couldn't care, not when the love of her life was there.
Real.
So amazingly real.
He hadn't changed, his hair was slightly longer, a few strands falling over his forehead with that same sassy, unassuming beauty that characterized him. He wore a black turtleneck under a thick coat, and his eyes, the eyes she had dreamed of plunging into so many times in a year, his eyes found hers, never to let them go. His gaze was still so warm, focused, full of love, of longing, as if everything had disappeared around them and that she was the only and last person left.
"I missed you..."
Her heart echoed painfully in her rib cage, the thud of her blood deafening her. She exhaled, realizing that she hadn't been breathing, and she blinked. He wasn't moving, and behind the unconditional love and longing, there was a slight hesitation, fear even.
Before she could fully understand what she was doing, she was running and throwing herself into his arms. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, hesitantly at first but quickly crushing her against him. Seri stood on her tiptoes, her arms hanging around his neck as tight as she could, hugging him, almost wishing to merge with him never to lose him again.
Leather, soap, pine.
She was home, finally.
His warmth, his strength, he was real, concrete, his touch reminding her that she wasn't dreaming. She had buried her face in his neck, taking a deep breath as tears rolled down her cheeks, soaking his coat.
"I'm not dreaming... Tell me I'm not dreaming."
He pulled away slightly, his face inches from hers, so close that she could feel his hot breath on her skin. His eyes were full of tears and she could see how hard he was trying to contain his emotions.
"You are not dreaming ..."
"But how..."
"I've been told that sometimes, it was a good thing to take the wrong train... So I jumped in it and it brought me to the place I've dreamt to be in for a year, day and night, the place where I belong. It brought me back to you..."
His hand found her cheek, and she closed her eyes, as she relished in the feeling she had been longing for just a few minutes ago. She had so many questions, she didn't even know where to start, from how he had found her to how he had managed to come back to Switzerland, but at that very moment, the only thing that mattered was him.
Him being here, in the most unexpected place and moment. Just like one year ago, when she had crash landed on him.
"I'm sorry for your boots, I didn't mean to scare you..."
Confused, she looked at her feet and saw that her boots were stained with chocolate. She laughed and his breath hitched, he was hypnotized.
"It's nothing, did you see, I took your advice, do you like it?"
He was transfixed by the sight of her.
"I love you."
Her breath caught in her throat, as she looked at him. He closed the gap and took her hands in his. His thumb machinally rubbed the ring on her finger, she noticed that he was wearing his, at the same finger, and the happiness that blossomed in her chest was almost too much to bear.
"I love you, Seri. More than anything... I love you..."
Saying it and hearing it outloud without tears of grief or danger was the best feeling in the world, one she thought she would be deprived of for the rest of her life, in the bad days.
She stood on her tip toes, and her lips found his. His hold on her tighten, his breath hitched, and then he was kissing her back with a new fervor, meeting her enthusiasm, the soft caress becoming an insistent pressure. It was new and familiar, thrilling and soothing, and her knees were so weak she was relieved he was crushing her against him.
As she got lost in his taste, his heat, his scent, she finally felt complete.
The hole in her chest was replaced by the warm feeling of finally, finally being home.
He had found her. And she wasn't letting go. Never.