Saturday
The ICU waiting room had become Sean's weekly place to spend his weekend for the last two weeks. Some of his friends had already gone home for winter holidays while he decided to stay in New Jersey and look after Allison and her Nana. When he had told his parents about his decision and the reason, he was grateful that they fully supported him and also said they would come visit them for Christmas.
It had been an hour he was sitting there with Allison's sketch book in his lap and a pencil in his grip, but there was still no single scratch on it. She used to say that his doodle was quite good for someone who said had no talent. And now, since the owner of this sketch book hadn't drawn anything for a while, he wanted to pick up where she had left off.
Actually, Sean intended to pour his feelings down on paper in the form of doodles, but he didn't know where to begin. There were too many emotions he was feeling right now and he was unable to describe them. With this sketch book, he wished to dig the memories of her within it.
During two years of their relationship, this book had always been anywhere with them and it was the connection that had tied them up together. So, big hope upon this book, he wanted to pass his apology to Allison in whichever universe she was in right now and prayed it could wake her up.
The first time Sean had seen her with this sketch book was October during freshman year when he was at the library searching a recommendation book for one of his classes. And there she was, sitting at her favorite spot at the corner of the library while busy sketching something on this very book.
The first thing about Allison that had bewitched him was the way she absentmindedly smiled with a truly happy look on her face doing something she was passionate about. It seemed like she was drawn into her own world and somehow, he wanted to be a part of it. Just like that, she became the reason for his visit to the library every day, even for only a minute to just stare at her that could make his day. Sometimes, he would sit at a table and watch her from afar.
After four months of being heartbroken because of Jessica, Sean had finally found a new love. Two weeks afterwards, he had encouraged himself to come up to her.
"Laura, isn't it?"
"Huh, excuse me?"
"You're Laura, right?"
"No, wrong person."
"So, you are...?"
"Allison."
"Hi, Allison. I'm Sean. Nice to meet you."
Later on, his days with her around had gone by wonderfully. Day by day, they got closer and closer and Allison didn't seem to mind having him around at the library, too. A deep sorrow slashed his heart to hear the truth about her past. How her father had left her and her mother with nothing when she was only seven years old. How her supermom had died two years after battling stage-four cancer when she was seventeen. How all she had left was her grandparents until her Pops passed away last year and now her Nana was her only family.
That was why Allison had decided to live with her Nana since this junior year to reduce college expenses of her scholarship fund and also to keep an eye on her old, poor Nana. But never even once had she ever cried over spilt milk. She was the strongest person Sean had ever met. Since then, he confidentially promised with all his heart that he would never leave her behind and ruin her life like her father had done to her.
"Your parents should teach you some manners."
"Did you forget my dad ran off and my mom's dead?"
"No wonder you behave like this."
With tremulous hands, Sean clutched his pencil tightly from holding back anger and tears. Every time those words echoed in his head, he couldn't not curse himself. How stupid he had been. How could he let the devil inside him talk him into saying all those mean, hurtful things to Allison? But it was too late now that he was scared the worst thing that could happen to her would actually happen any second and he didn't have a chance to say everything he wanted her to know.
If he could get that one chance, he wanted to tell her how much he rued hurting her feelings. How much he rued making her cry. How much he rued breaking his promises to her. How much he rued not being there for her when she had had asthma attack. How much he rued all the things he had and hadn't done to her. He just profoundly rued everything.
His musings were interrupted by the sound of a door being pushed open that made him jolt in his chair. As Sean straightened his body and adjusted his glasses, he looked down at the sketch book and saw the page already filled with a lot of messy writings of two words. Under his subliminal mind, his hand had moved to write down those words.
It was 'I'm sorry'.
Pressing his fingers to his eyes, Sean exerted to withstand his dam of tears from breaking, but it failed. In hush, he gave in and cried silently with a heart full of remorse.
When would he stop saying sorry?
***
"Yeay, pizza!" Joey cheered, throwing his hands in the air.
It was Saturday night and Harley had decided to stay in tonight just chilling in their apartment after studying for next week's exam with Joey. After paying the pizza delivery man, Harley brought the pizza in then set it on the coffee table. The warm aroma of pizza wafted through his nose that pushed him to open the lid. Inside was pepperoni pizza with extra mozzarella and not-so-thin crust, causing water to come out of his mouth.
"You're the best, man," Joey patted Harley's shoulder.
Harley just chuckled then picked up a slice of pizza, followed by Joey. For a while, they were enjoying some pizza then busy playing and shouting at their sport games on PlayStation as the night got late. Two hours and a box of pizza later, when they needed a break from the game, Harley decided to ask Joey a question that he had been discussing with Jessica yesterday.
After he and Joey had bumped into Jessica and Ashley in the hall by accident a few days ago, Jessica texted him saying they needed to talk about Joey and Ashley. It was a big surprise for Harley to hear about what had happened between them and how bad it got for them afterwards.
Yet, knowing how miserable Ashley was now because of Joey, Harley didn't have the heart to tell Jessica that Joey looked just fine as if nothing big had happened to him recently. Still, Jessica had said she had a good feeling about this, so she had asked Harley to try probing some information from Joey himself.
"Hey, how's Maddison?" Harley asked for a starter.
Joey lifted his thick eyebrows, surprised for he likely hadn't seen it coming. "She's... good, yeah."
"I thought you were seeing her? She seemed to like you a lot, man."
Joey shrugged one shoulder. "We're just... really good friends."
"With benefits?"
"Let's say so."
"So, I suppose it was her you went home with last week, huh?"
Joey forced a chuckle. "Actually, no. It was just... some random chick I met at the bar."
Harley nodded, knowing for sure his best friend was partly lying. "Yeah, I stumbled on her boot right here that night, which is funny, because it looked exactly like the same pair Ashley was wearing a few days ago. Did you notice?" He let out a snicker. "I don't know, maybe those boots are in these days or something."
Stirring uncomfortably on the couch, Joey made what sounded like a nervous laugh. "I don't know, man. Maybe. I didn't really pay attention." He cleared his throat. "Hey, how about we drop it and back to our game?"
"Sure," Harley agreed, keeping the conversation smooth. After they started another game on NBA and played for fifteen minutes, he started loosely again, "You know what, this may sound crazy, but judging from the boots and the awkwardness between you and Ashley in the hall the other day, I thought for a second it was her you went home with last week."
Dry laughing, Joey gave no words and kept his eyes steady on the game. But from the way Joey couldn't keep possession of the virtual ball, Harley knew he didn't actually focus on the game.
So, Harley went on, "What's up with you and Ashley, anyway? You know, when I met you guys that one time in the hall, I could sense you were in the middle of some sort of serious talk."
"I don't want to talk about it. Let's just drop—"
"You like her, man?"
Joey scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Harl. She likes you, not me."
The answer was certainly not something Harley had expected to hear. Pausing the game, he turned to Joey with a crumpled face. "What?"
Joey took a deep breath. "Yeah, that day she told me she's got a crush on you."
"No, she has not," Harley denied. "It can't be. Now you're being ridiculous, Joe."
"No, I'm serious. She's been asking me a lot about you. What else do you think we talk about?"
It entirely threw Harley off balance, having no idea what to say. He wasn't sure whether Joey was telling the truth this time, but his voice sounded quite serious even though he wasn't looking at him.
"You see, if you're so worried about her, why don't you just cheer her up?" Joey suggested sullenly. "Bet she would welcome you with open arms and it would totally make her day."
Harley chuckled faintly, shaking his head. Joey misunderstood the whole situation for sure. "Listen, Joe, I—"
"Seriously, man, can we just drop it already?" Joey fumed. With irate gestures, he tossed his PlayStation controller harshly across the table and raised from the couch. "I'm going to bed now. Thanks for the pizza." Then, he walked fast into his room as he ruffled his hair, bummed out, deserting Harley all confused in the living room.
***
(to be continued)