Changsub's POV
Changsub was walking hand-in-hand with Irene. He looked at her and she was smiling brightly.
"I love you," he said.
Irene didn't answer. People started walking towards them.
"Don't let go," Changsub held her hand tightly but she slowly let go of his hand and walked away.
"Where are you going?" Changsub asked. He tried to run towards her but he couldn't move, "Joohyun-ah!"
"I'm sorry, Changsub," Irene said as she walked towards a man.
"I'm sorry, too," said Minho as he put his arm around her, "I will take care of her more than what you did."
"What? What are you doing! Joohyun, come back! How-"
Changsub suddenly was able to move but he fell into a hole and then everything went black.
I wish it was all a dream.
But he knew it wasn't.
Changsub slowly opened his eyes. He knew the familiar smell of the bed as well as the familiar softness of the pillow. He had hoped he was wrong but he wasn't.
"I'm glad you're finally awake."
He didn't turn. He was in their house. Changsub wanted to curse at himself. This wasn't the first time he woke up here after a long time, "You should not have answered my call."
He felt her sat on the bed, "You were so wasted. I had to ask..." She seemed to realize what she was about to say, "I had to ask someone for help to bring you home."
Did she ask Minho? He scoffed, "Next time, if this happened again, do not answer my call." No, I'll make sure that it won't happen again.
She didn't comment on it. He heard her poured a glass of water, "I never saw you got so drunk before."
Changsub say. His headache was overwhelming, "Do you want to know why I was this wasted?"
"Changsub..." she sighed, "Here. Drink some warm water. Is your headache worse?"
"Not as worse as my heart feels," he sat away from her. He took a deep breath.
It's been months since he discovered her affair. He hasn't shown himself purposely to her. But his unconscious mind would always call her whenever he had drank a lot.
Changsub realized that hadn't asked her about the affair. It's because he was scared what she might say. But I have to ask... I have to know.
He took a deep breath, "Why did you do it?"
"What?"
"Why did you cheat on me?" There... I finally said it.
He thought he would feel any satisfaction of saying it in front of her but he regretted it the moment he said it.
Irene didn't answer.
He waited for a moment but still, she hadn't spoken, "Do you know why I tried so hard to get drunk? So that I could hang out with other women... And this," he held his wedding ring, "I still wear our wedding ring so that I would know what were you feeling when you're with him... I could pretend that... that I am taking a revenge. But, I couldn't. I just couldn't do it."
Silence.
Changsub doesn't know what time was it but the sun was already up high. He exhaled, "You could've chosen someone else. You know he is... was my friend."
Minho hadn't approached him since that day. Changsub knew it was a good thing or he might do something worse.
He went on, "How long has it been going on?"
They've been married for almost a year. And what will I do if it's been going on for a long time?
"I'm not sure if I have to answer that," he heard her say.
"Don't you think I have the right to know?"
"It would hurt you even more, Changsub, let's not talk about it-"
"I have to know... I need to know," he turned to look at her. Irene is still as beautiful as she was the first time he saw her. He couldn't stop looking at her. Changsub fell so hard on her. But now, he wanted his heart to stop loving her.
Why am I not crying?
He hadn't shed a tear. Even a single one.
Changsub stood. Despite his headache, he was able to walk around the bed and kneel in front of her. She was still holding the glass.
He took it from her and put it on the table, "Joohyun, do you know that I haven't shed a tear? I wanted to cry my heart out so that I could finally say that I forgive you and I am ready to move forward. It's the least you could do for me."
Irene started to cry, "It was when... we started rehearsing."
Changsub wasn't really good at math but he knew it was just 3 months after they got married, "Damn, that long I have been fooled?"
I shouldn't have asked.
"I... I'm sorry. It happened so quickly. I thought will be able to stop myself-"
"But you didn't. Either you chose not to or you wanted to continue it..." he waited for his tears, "Why? What did I do?"
She continued to cry, "I wanted to stop because I didn't want to hurt you."
"But it went on for months, Joohyun. Months!" Changsub closed his fists, "If you didn't want to hurt me, you could've told me the first time it happened."
"What would've happened?" Irene looked at him, "Would you have forgiven me?"
"I would've have forgiven you," he said miserably, "I would have forgiven you and we could've lived back to normal."
She didn't answer
"I asked you why... why did you..." he took a deep breath. He couldn't say the word again, "Was I not enough?"
Changsub's voice cracked with his question.
Was I really not enough?
I did everything I could for her. I have lived the past few months thinking we would go on like it was forever.
"No... don't say that. It wasn't you. It was me."
"Of course, it does. People cheat because they found something else that they don't find in their partners," he closed his eyes, "What was that you see in Minho?
"Changsub, there's no love between us... It was like... the moment asked for it to happen."
He laughed, "What? Are you kidding me? Joohyun, there's no time for these poetic lines. If there's no love then what is it? lust? Was he good when you're doing it?"
Irene was clearly hurt, "Don't say that!"
"Then tell me why!" Changsub lost it already. He couldn't stopped himself from shouting, "Why? Tell me I was not enough! Just tell me why!"
"No, it's not your fault."
"Is it about the musical? Did you know I always come to watch every night?"
She put a hand on her mouth, "You did?"
"Didn't you notice the flowers that I gave you every night?" Changsub smiled sadly.
She's probably doing something else.
"Changsub, let's start over again... I promise this won't happen again," Irene held his hands, "I won't do something stupid again.
"I didn't know why I didn't cry that night. I was lost."
"Changsub, please..."
"Why do you make it sound so easy to start all over? because you know that I will accept you no matter what?"
"No, it's not that.."
"That may be true... But, I have always been true to you. Always," he laughed, "You know I never lied to you."
"I know... Changsub-ah, I swear, there was no love happened between us-"
"But you were making love, weren't you?"
Irene staying silent confirmed that they do. Changsub closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine other hands touching his own wife. Someone else owning the lips he used to be his only.
"I didn't see anything from him. It was just... I didn't know what happened. I regret it so much, Changsub. Just tell me what should I do...l
"It took me six months to discover," Changsub stood and went towards the door, "I even bought him meal because he's taking care of you."
Irene hugged him from behind, "Please, Changsub, I am sorry."
He felt her hug. He love her so much it hurts seeing her like this. But he knew, if he was being true to himself, he couldn't accept this kind of relationship anymore, "All I did and all I was willing to do is to love you with all my heart.. to love you with all my might. Wasn't that enough for you?"
"Changsub, please... tell me what can I do to..."
He removed her hands around him and this time it was him who hugged her. He inhaled her familar scent. She hugged him back and Irene buried her face on his chest.
"Changsub, I love you."
He knew he could take her back right now but Changsub realized why he acted that way.
I hate people who lie especially when it involves affairs.
"Please, sign the divorce papers," changsub hugged her tightly, "I can't do this anymore."
"But... let's not put to waste everything we've been through."
"It wasn't me who put these into waste," Changsub touched her face one last time, "I always love you. but i will give up this now."
He went out of the room and saw Minho sitting in their living room. His blood boiled and he knew what had to do.
"Changsub-"
He walked towards him and launched his fist onto his face, "I treated you as my friend."
"Changsub-ah!" Irene walked out of their room and went beside Minho, "Please, don't do this."
"I at least have to give him a fist," Changsub laughed miserably. He surrendered. He doesn't want to involve himself with them anymore, "Choi Minho, make sure you are serious with her."
I hope this was just a dream.
I still hope it isn't too late to wake up from this.
Why is love so beautiful and painful?
A/N:
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