SUSAN:
It started exactly two weeks after little Katie's death. Katie was only eight years old - sweet, cute and innocent, but a car accident took away her life. She was most attached to her older brother Dylan, my boyfriend, and the tragedy affected him the most. He became depressed, distant, detached and soon the sadness turned into rage. He became aggressive and abusive. It was revealed that he had Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) and its only remedy was therapy, but Dylan refused to see a psychiatrist.
And me? I became a victim of his violence, but nevertheless, I loved my boyfriend dearly. I could handle a few bruises.
"Susan", he called me one day. I could detect a hint of aggression in his tone which immediately instilled a feeling of fear in my heart. "Yes?", I asked as I approached him cautiously. I could see him clenching his fists tightly. "Who was that guy you were talking to a few minutes ago?", he demanded. "He is just a friend", I replied, "He was only asking for my help with - "
I didn't see his fist coming towards me. All I felt was a sharp pain when it collided with my nose. I heard a sickening crunch and I knew that it had broken. Tears sprung into my eyes as I saw my blood dripping on the floor.
"Liar!", he accused, "You're having an affair with him!"
"No", I tried to protest, but Dylan punched me again and I fell on the floor. I tried to get up but his foot struck against my ribs and all that I could feel was immense pain. He kicked me repeatedly while I cried, staining the carpet with my tears and blood.
I missed the old times when Dylan was a loving and caring person. We were so happy and peaceful. I knew that deep down the old Dylan still existed beneath the current aggressive one. I knew that I could bring his old self back. I loved Dylan, and I was not giving up on our love.
With these thoughts, I drifted into unconsciousness...
×××
When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying down on a hospital bed. I tried to get up but it was an exhausting and painful effort so I gave in and just stayed still. A few minutes later, a female doctor entered the room.
"Oh", she exclaimed, "You're awake!" Her name tag read 'Dr. Drew'.
"Why am I here?", I asked stupidly.
"You have a broken nose", she explained, "A few broken ribs and quite a number of bruises. You will only be discharged next week."
I sighed sadly. Dylan had done it again. Previously, it wasn't so bad, but now he had gone to such extent which left me hospitalised. But I knew it wasn't too late. I could still change Dylan.
Soon, the doctor left and in entered Mrs. Maloney, Dylan's mother. "How are you, dear?", she asked softly as she sat beside me. "Fine", I replied. Mrs. Maloney shook her head. "No, you are not fine", she said, "This has gone too far, Susan. You should...you should leave Dylan."
"No!", I protested, "I'm not leaving him! I'm not giving up! He'll change back!" Mrs. Maloney looked away to hide her tears and revealed, "The doctors say that he is a lost cause. He has refused therapy and medicine, and his disorder has only grown worse. They say that it's too late to help him."
"No!", I cried desperately, "It's not too late! The doctors are wrong! I can change him! I love him!" Mrs. Maloney squeezed my hand softly and sniffed, "I know you love him, Susan, but just look what he has done to you! You are lying in a hospital! Why don't you realise that Dylan is dangerous? Please Susan, I can't see you falling apart because of my son. I want you to be safe. Please go away! Please leave Dylan!"
"No!", I sobbed, "I can't leave him! I love him! I can cure him!"
"I really admire your love", Mrs. Maloney said, "But Dylan can't be helped. His disorder is beyond cure." She wiped her eyes and said solemnly, "I already lost Katie and it feels like I've lost Dylan too. But I don't want to lose you, Susan, you are like my own daughter. I can't see you being ruined. I care for your safety. So please consider what I've said. Sometimes we have to go against our own heart to make the right decision, no matter how much it hurts. I know you are a strong lady, Susan...you are strong enough to let go."
With these words, she left while I cried silently because I knew she was right.
×××
The next day, my friend Jack came over to visit me. He bought a bouquet of white roses - my favourite - and sat beside me. "Hey", he muttered. "Hey", I echoed. He looked at me intently for a moment and then sighed.
"How long will you let him do this to you Susan?", he asked as he tried to control his rage, "How long will this continue? You deserve someone better, someone who will love and protect you - not someone who hurts you all the time!"
"Dylan does love me!", I defended weakly, "He just has a different way of showing it." Jack shook his head sorrowfully. "Please come with me", he pleaded, "Please leave that monster and come with me. I'll love you more than him! I'll never hurt you like him! I'll keep you happy, I'll keep you safe. Please Susan, please..."
I just looked away in silence while he sighed in dejection. After a moment, he spoke, "I'm leaving the country after two weeks", he said, "I'm moving to Canada." He paused for a second and then muttered softly, "I'll be waiting for you till then."
I did not answer. We stayed silent for a while before he slowly walked out, leaving me with my conflicting emotions.
"Hey", Dylan greeted. "Hey", I smiled. I had been discharged from the hospital just yesterday and Dylan had come to visit me at my house. "I'm really sorry", he apologised, clearly upset, "I - I never meant to hurt you, Susan. You know that I love you, right?"
"I know", I whispered but he suddenly broke down into tears. "I don't know what to do", he cried, "I try to control myself, but I always end up hurting you! I am sick, I am crazy! I can't help it! I - I really want to stop all this, but I just can't! I don't deserve you, Susan. Please go away from me, I'll only hurt you more!"
I hugged him and stroked his head softly. I wanted to say something comforting, assuring, but no words escaped my mouth. I was dumbfounded.
Just then, my cell phone began to ring. It was Jack. Dylan noticed his name, and suddenly, his entire demeanor changed. His face hardened and his eyes narrowed in anger. Gone were the tears which had been flowing down his eyes just a second ago. I gulped in fear.
"You liar! You slut!I knew that you were cheating on me! How dare you see other guys behind my back? You pathetic cheater!"
I took a step back in horror as I felt a sharp sting across my cheek. I stumbled and fell down while Dylan continued to punch me. My lips cut open and I could taste blood. I began to feel dizzy and nauseous while pain overtook all the other sensations. "Please stop", I begged but I only coughed up more blood, "Please stop..."
But Dylan did not show any sign of stopping. With every punch that he threw at me, I felt my heart shatter into mere pieces. Was this my reward for my unconditional love? Was this the life I was destined to live? Did I even deserve this? Did Dylan even love me anymore?
Suddenly, Dylan stopped beating me. He let go of me as he clutched his head and cried out in pain. He staggered backwards while he shook his head to get rid of the pain that had suddenly erupted within his brain. Then with one final cry, he fell down unconscious.
I did not wait to check if he was dead or still alive. I just ran away.
I finall gave up.
×××
DYLAN:
When I opened my eyes, I instantly realised that I was in a hospital - white walls, white floor and white bed. I saw my mother sitting beside me with tears in her eyes. "Mom?", I croaked weakly, "What happened?"
"You hurt Susan...again. Then you blacked out."
My heart clenched with guilt and remorse. I felt ashamed and angry at myself. How could I have hurt the person I loved the most? A monster, that's what I was. Susan did not deserve any of this. I had to apologize to her.
I started to get up but my mother gently pushed me down. "You need rest", she said. "No mom", I protested, "I have to apologise to Susan. I need to make everything alright between us." My mother just shook her head sorrowfully. "Dylan, Susan is gone."
"What?"
"She went away with Jack. She is gone."
My first impulse was to hit whatever was near me. How dare she leave me? I was furious and wanted to hurt Susan, but then, I felt a strange sensation within me. I felt something break inside me, something that couldn't be repaired again - my heart. I suddenly wanted to cry.
I soon realised that it was my own fault. I was the one who caused this. I was angry and hurt, but deep down, I knew that this was the right thing. Susan deserved someone better, someone who would love her and not hurt her like me. I was relieved that she was now free from my clutches.
She was finally safe - and that realisation brought a smile to my face.
×××