Camila tried to spend Thanksgiving day acting as normal as possible. She didn't wake up with coffee like she usually did, trying ice water instead. She turned on the parade in the living room and helped her mother and sister with the last of dinner prep, taking a few moments to breathe whenever she felt a wave of nausea.
She ate the turkey and stuffing, actually managing to keep it down when she ate slow and drank carbonated water in between each bite. Afterward, her mother brought out the photo album. Camila was already emotional keeping her secret, and watching her family flip past pictures of her and Sofia as babies made her tear up.
"Here's what I was looking for. I love this!" Her mother took a piece of paper out from between the pages.
It was Camila's and Sofia's handprints in paint on a piece of construction paper, their fingers and palms dressed up to look like turkeys. Camila stared at their tiny handprints, suddenly picturing her baby's tiny hands and froze.
"Wow, my hand used to be so small!" Sofia placed her hand up against the picture. "That's so cute!"
Camila barely held in her emotions until she was alone in the bathroom. She took a few moments to breathe, wiping her eyes with toilet paper. She jumped when her phone vibrated. Shelby had texted her, asking how she was doing.
Fine. Taking it easy.
Camila wrote back, pausing, her thumbs hovering over the keys.
I hate lying to them and keeping this huge secret.
Shelby told she knew how she felt and Camila felt torn. One on hand, Shelby was keeping a secret from her parents too, but Camila couldn't help but feel like her secret was more earth-shattering. Still, she knew Shelby was just trying to support her.
Camila got a text from Shawn asking about dinner and she told him it was good, trying to use lots of happy emojis so he wouldn't suspect anything. Lying to him hurt worse than lying to her parents, but she just knew she had to wait until they were in person before she destroyed his life with the news.
Camila's family decided to watch another holiday movie and Camila sat up with them, sitting somewhat separated on the couch. During the movie, she found herself watching her father out of the corner of her eye. He was so handsome and kind, truly her favorite person. He was going to be so destroyed when he found out.
For the first time, Camila really considered their reactions. Her mother might be upset, but would also practically suggest the next steps. Her father would be different. He would cry, she knew, and what if he thought of her different? Like she wasn't his little girl anymore? She took a deep breath and tried not to cry again.
Sofia was different. She would probably think it would be cool to have a new baby. Camila wondered if she even really understood where babies came from.
Camila stayed awake that night, waiting for the inevitable morning hours when she would start throwing up.
She was a wreck until Saturday arrived. Shawn had called her the night before, sounding so excited to see her again. Camila had tried not to cry until they hung up, but Shawn knew her well, could sense something in her voice.
"Are you okay?" He asked softly.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She forced a smile. "I just miss you, is all."
"I'll see you tomorrow, though." He sounded happy. "I can't wait to kiss you. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Camila barely slept that night, her hands over her stomach, her mind racing and heart pounding. Again, she dreamed of Shawn, but this time, he wasn't laughing.
Her jeans still fit her and Camila put them on, Shawn's hoodie over her t-shirt before walking down to his house that morning. She waited in the driveway, feeling the slight cold. Shawn texted her that the plane landed around noon, and about half an hour later, she finally saw Shawn's parent's car, her heart pounding so fast and her hands shaking.
They pulled up in the driveway and Shawn jumped out before running to her. He was laughing and Camila let herself wrap her arms around him, the sudden flooding of his warmth and scent making her heart beat that much faster.
"I missed you so much, babe!" He hugged her tight and she pulled back so he wouldn't squeeze too hard.
"I missed you, too." She smiled, her voice wavering. "I—"
Shawn kissed her before she could say anything else, and Camila forgot everything else. She got lost in the way he tasted, the way his lips felt so warm and perfect against hers. Her eyes slid shut, her heart racing. All she wanted to do was pull him close, crawl under some blanket somewhere and never leave, but reality was harsh.
"Shawn—bags, please."
Shawn pulled back with a sigh when his dad called to him.
"Hold on," Shawn said to her. "I have something for you. Let me just put all this crap inside."
Camila watched him grab all his bags in his arms and carry them inside. Her heart began to pound, remembering that she'd been in his house, in his room while he was gone. She began to wonder if she'd left any evidence inside, but she reminded herself she'd cleaned up after herself well.
She followed him inside, watching from the window as his parents and sister got the last of their things out of the car. Camila turned and looked as Shawn carried a small box in his arms.
"Let's take a drive." Camila said.
"Um, okay." He shifted the box under one arm. "Where do you wanna go?"
Camila picked the first place she could think of, the park. Shawn had taken her picture here dozens of times in all seasons, the leaves changing or bright green. He pulled up and parked outside the fence. Camila could see the second fence around the playground, only two kids inside chasing each other and her heart clenched.
"Okay, close your eyes." Shawn said.
Camila closed her eyes and felt Shawn put the box in her lap. Camila put her hands on the lid, opened it, and opened her eyes, looking down to see a pair of white ice skates with bright pink laces.
"Ta-da!" He was grinning. "I got those for you."
"Wow." Camila forced a smile, carefully lifting them out of the box.
"I know you say you hate ice skating, but you like going with me, right? I'll hold your hands the whole time so you don't fall, and I mean it this time." He was still smiling at her. "I figured we could go tomorrow. I could take some pictures. I bet you'll look so beautiful."
Camila felt herself tearing up again, her smile slipping. She couldn't go ice skating with him, not when there was even the slightest risk she'd fall down or get too cold. She glanced up, Shawn's smile having fallen too when he saw the look on her face.
"You hate them."
"No, Shawn, I don't—"
"I knew this was a dumb gift." He sighed, turning to put his hands on the steering wheel, staring out the front. "I don't know why—I'm sorry, I just thought—"
"No, the skates are fine, Shawn." Camila put the lid back on the box and put it down by her feet. "It's just, I need to tell you something, okay?"
"Is—Is this about us?" He turned to her, sounding scared. Camila felt a stab in her heart knowing he still thought he could lose her after all this time.
"No, just listen, okay?" She held out her hand and Shawn held it in his, his fingers warm.
Camila closed her eyes, she couldn't watch his face when she did this to him. She felt her face flush, tears trying at her eyes as she took deep breathes, focusing on the feel of his hand in hers. Her heart pounded so hard.
"Shawn, I'm pregnant."
She heard his breathing stop. Camila opened her eyes. Shawn was staring at her, his mouth open, his face growing rapidly paler and paler. She looked back at him, feeling the stabbing in her heart.
"What?" His voice was so tiny, shaking. "Are—Are you serious?"
"Yes." She nodded. "I took like three tests, they were all positive."
"Oh my God!" He put his hands back on the wheel, turning towards the front. "Holy fuck—shit. Fucking shit. Fuck."
Camila let him get it all out, hearing his swearing grow louder, his face redder before she started tearing up.
"You're really pregnant?"
All she could do was nod.
"Fuck." Shawn buried his face in his hands, his voice trembling. "Oh my God. This is insane. How did this happen? We used condoms."
"I guess we're just the one percent." She whispered, her own voice breaking.
"Well, fuck! Shit!"
Camila had seen Shawn cry plenty of times, but this was different. This was real crying, and Camila couldn't stand to see it, to feel how much it was like someone ripping her heart out to know she was doing this to him.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, starting to cry too. "I'm sorry, Shawn."
"This isn't your fault." He looked at, tears in his eyes. "This isn't your fault, please don't be sorry."
He took her hand again and they both cried it out, Camila feeling his hand tight in hers, his fingers intertwined with hers and their palms flush together. She sobbed openly, hearing him cry softly beside her. She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way before she exhausted herself. She opened the glove compartment and grabbed some fast food napkins, passing him a handful before wiping her own face and blowing her nose.
"I have to tell my parents." She whispered. "I have to go to the doctor. I haven't eaten that much in days and I keep throwing up."
"Yeah." He whispered. "God, my dad is going to kill me. And your dad is going to kill me."
"I won't let him hurt you." She said, taking his hand again.
"Guess all those rules about keeping the door open were pretty pointless, huh?" Shawn said and Camila actually managed to smile. "How do you feel, though?"
"Bad. Sick. I can't sleep and I feel so gross." She sighed. "And I'm not even sure what medicine I can take, and I think I already took some of the wrong kind. I'm just scared."
"Don't be." He squeezed her hand, turning to face her as best he could. "I'm here for you no matter what. I'll always be there. We'll do this together."
"Together." She sighed in relief so good to hear him say that.
"Um, how far along do you think you are?" He asked.
"I don't know. I was hoping I could find out at the doctor. I think it's been like six weeks since I missed my period, but maybe it's more, maybe it's less." She sighed. "I have to tell my parents tonight."
'Then we have to tell mine, too." Shawn sighed. "Or maybe they'll just hear the screaming from your house."
"I need you with me when I tell them." She said, knowing that scared him.
"Okay." He just nodded. "I understand."
They stayed at the park a while longer. Camila opened her skates again. They really were beautiful. She traced over the pink laces and smiled. Shawn then drove her to the store and bought her more drinks and snacks. They sat in the parking lot and split their favorite candy before driving back home. Maybe it was just their way of trying to hang on to being kids for just a moment longer.
Shawn pulled into Camila's driveway and they looked at each other. Shawn suddenly looked so tired, his hair hanging in his eyes, his face red from crying. They got out and he took her hand again.
"Well, here goes nothing." She sighed.
"Part one." Shawn said.
They walked inside just as Sofia was coming down the hallway. Camila placed her hand on her sister's shoulder and gently asked her to go to her room for a little while so she could talk to their parents about something.
"Are you in trouble?" She whispered back.
"Um, no." Camila wasn't sure how to answer. "Just stay in your room, okay? Please?"
She took Shawn's hand again and they walked into the living room. It was a relief to see both of her parents were already there. Her mother looked up from what they were watching on tv and smiled.
"Hi, Shawn. How was Canada?"
"Uh, fine. Cold and stuff." Shawn mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I need to talk to you guys." Camila couldn't look at her father. She just stared down at the coffee table. "So, please listen, and please don't be too mad."
"Camila?"
Her mother's questioning tone held something, as if she sensed it already, just by Camila's voice, or by the way Camila squeezed Shawn's hand so tight before speaking.
"Um, I need to tell you something." She kept her eyes closed, forcing the words out. "I'm pregnant."
Their gasps and screams were much louder than she expected. She winced, opening her eyes just slightly to see her mother, her hands over her mouth in shock staring back at her.
Her father jumped to his feet, his face going ten shades of angry red. His gazed swept right over Camila and landed on Shawn. He crossed the room faster than Camila had ever seen, Shawn backing up rapidly, his hand falling from Camila's.
"—How dare you—"
Camila was on the verge of panic as she moved between them, her arms out towards her father. Her mother pulled him back by his shoulder.
"Papi, stop!"
"Now, Ale, you know that's not going to help anything—"
"Stop it!"
Camila screamed at him, feeling tears in her eyes at the sight of Shawn actually flinching. He seemed to breathe when he realized he wasn't going to get punched or strangled, at least right now. Camila's mother kept her arm tight on her husband's and Camila forced him to look her in the eyes.
"Papi, stop. This isn't Shawn's fault." She tried to keep her voice calm, though it was shaking. "This just happened, okay?"
"I—I just—" He didn't seem to know what to say. He turned away from her, Camila's heart breaking as he just mumbled to himself, rubbing his head.
"Camila, are you sure?" Her mother asked softly. "You took a test?"
"Yes, Mami. I took three."
"Well, okay then." She sighed. "Then it's just really important that we get you looked at. You need to be on vitamins. I'll make you an appointment."
"Thank you."
Camila knew her mother was disappointed too, but she appreciated that she was putting it aside to be practical first. Shawn took Camila's hand again, squeezing it tight. He finally spoke up, glancing at Camila's father, who still stood with his head in his hands.
"I'm going to help her. I'm going to be there for her and the baby a hundred percent, I promise."
Camila's mother gave Shawn a slight smile and her father just stared at him before looking at Camila, suddenly seeming so tired. Camila wanted to cry at the disappointment in his eyes. She wanted to break down and beg him to forgive her, but she was so aware of Shawn's hand still in hers.
"We have to go to Shawn's now." Camila said. "And tell his parents."
"Ale, go with them." Her mother nodded at her husband.
"Fine." Camila felt her heart drop. "But stay in the car until we tell them, okay?"
Shawn drove his parent's car back down the street to his house, Camila sitting in the back awkwardly silent with her father. He got out in Shawn's driveway, staring towards the house, that angry look still in his eyes.
Shawn didn't seem to see the point in prepping his parents with any long speech or begging for them to stay calm beforehand. They walked in holding hands, Shawn taking a deep breath and calling his mom in from the kitchen to join his dad.
"So, okay, um." Shawn looked back at them. "So, Camila's pregnant—"
All the yelling was really starting to hurt her head. Shawn's mom actually started crying. His dad just groaned loudly, going for the same route of anger that Camila's father had.
"What the hell is the matter with you!?" He got so close to his son, Shawn flinching back the same way, his eyes wide as his father's face went red. "I thought we talked about this!?"
"We did! I just—it was an accident—" Shawn's voice was shaking.
"Why? How?" His mother's sobbing made Camila want to cry too.
"God, I thought you were smarter than this!" His dad's gaze then snapped to the bottom of the stairs behind them. "Aaliyah, go to your room! Now!"
Shawn's sister turned and ran back upstairs. Camila didn't even care what she might have overheard. She'd been so worried about her father that she hadn't even considered that Shawn's might hit him too. He'd never done that before, but there was always a first time for everything and Camila didn't like the way he kept opening and closing his fists.
"It's going to be okay." Camila's voice nearly broke as she spoke up to them.
"Ma, come on." Shawn said softly, stepping towards his mother. "Please, don't cry about it."
She said something incomprehensible through tears, but Shawn put his hand on her shoulder.
"Um, my dad's outside." Camila said. "If you want to talk to him, or something."
Camila asked her father to come in. She wasn't sure if that was a mistake or not. Both of them were angry, but they were both angry at Shawn. Camila really didn't think that was fair.
"Your punk son—" Her father started in.
"My son isn't a punk! And your daughter isn't exactly innocent here."
"How do we know that?"
"Papi! Oh my God, stop!"
Camila couldn't stand this. She was going to throw up again. She ran upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom, dry heaving over the toilet for a moment before turning on the water. She let the sound drown out any yelling. After a long moment, someone knocked softly on the door.
"Are you okay?" Shawn asked. Camila didn't blame him for coming after her and getting away from that downstairs.
"Not really." She opened the door.
Shawn took her into his bedroom where they sat on the bed and closed the door. Camila knew there was no point in the rules anymore and she didn't want to hear any yelling. They were alone again and Camila just laid down, her head in Shawn's lap as she cried.
"My dad hates me." She whispered.
"He doesn't hate you. He hates me." Shawn sighed, grabbing some tissues off the bedside table. "They both hate me."
"But it's not your fault." She cried. "I just wish this never happened."
"I know." His voice broke slightly. "But it's gonna be okay. We'll be okay."
He kissed her forehead and Camila just laid there, wiping her face and breathing, feeling Shawn stroking her hair. She sniffled, calming down a little after a while.
"I forgot to tell you, Shelby knows."
"Shelby knows?" His eyes widened.
"She was with me when I took some of the tests. She swore she wouldn't tell anyone, not even Christine." Camila said. "I just really needed someone with me."
"I should have been with you." His jaw clenched. "I should have been there for you. I should have known."
"No, Shawn, I didn't want to tell you over the phone."
"Well, I'm not going to miss anything else." He said firmly. "I'm gonna be there for you both forever."
Hearing Shawn refer to both her and the baby did something to her, made something pull in her heart to know he cared, and was stepping up like she only could have hoped.
She wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled him down to kiss him softly, their first kiss with both of them knowing they were going to be parents.
"Hey, um," Shawn whispered. "Can I see?"
"See?"
"You know."
"Well, there's not much to see yet." Camila sat up and pulled her shirt off over her head, leaving her in just her bra. She stood up, feeling shy for some reason. "Unless you think I look fatter?"
"I think you look beautiful." He smiled.
Camila put her shirt back on and tiptoed towards the door when she realized all the yelling had stopped. She tried to listen in, but could only hear low talking, their fathers' voices. She couldn't hear his mom crying anymore.
"What are they saying?" Shawn asked.
"I don't know." Camila shrugged. "But they're talking about me, so I wanna go back down there."
Shawn nodded before following her back downstairs. Camila's mother had arrived too, but none of them were talking. It looked like they'd finally gotten to the end, done passing the blame between their children.
Shawn's mother had stopped crying and just sat with his father, her hand on his knee. Camila's mother looked up at her when she came in.
"Your appointment is at eight tomorrow morning."
"I'm coming with you." Shawn said and Camila gave him a grateful smile. Shawn's mother looked over at her and smiled.
"Camila, would you like some tea?"
"Um, yes, please."
She wished it wasn't so awkward. Shawn's mother made her some tea and Camila sat down on the couch. Shawn stayed behind her, gently rubbing her back. Shawn's father finally spoke up, looking at him.
"You have to step up and take care of her."
"I am." Shawn said. "I already—I know that. I'm going to be there the whole time. I'm gonna start looking for a real job so we can have some money. Maybe I'll sell my camera."
"You can't do that!" Camila turned to look at him.
"Just the old one I never use, and maybe some of the equipment I don't really use anymore."
"You're not gonna quit yearbook are you?" Camila felt her heart drop when Shawn wouldn't look at her. "You can't do that! You've worked too hard for this! I won't let you."
"No one has to make any decisions like that tonight." His father sighed. "But at least you're thinking ahead."
Camila frowned when she drank her tea, knowing inside she wasn't going to let Shawn give up on his favorite thing, no matter what he said.
Their families talked for a little while longer, Camila glad that no one was trying to talk too much about the long term. She didn't want to think too far ahead. She just wanted to focus on right now, and as long as the doctor said she was okay tomorrow, that was all that mattered.
Finally, it was late and Camila was tired. Shawn walked with her family back home and offered to stay for a little while. They laid in Camila's bed and turned the tv on, and for a while, it felt almost normal again. She was so tired, her eyes falling shut before she could even tell him.
She just felt so safe and warm with him. She could finally sleep peacefully, maybe because they were sort of like a family now.
–
Shawn watched Camila sleep for a while, watching the way she breathed, the way her hair fell against her face.
It was always a borderline thing, how he loved her so much it almost hurt. Only when she was finally his did everything seem so perfect in life. It was hard to believe that just twelve hours ago, he was getting ready to come home to his wonderful girlfriend, though he was sort of dreading school and exams.
Now exams were the farthest thing from his mind.
His girlfriend was pregnant. He was going to be a dad. Camila had a baby inside her right now.
He looked down at her again. She was lying on her side, the pajama shirt she wore covering her stomach, but he'd already seen it. She didn't look any different, not yet, anyway. But it was real.
He stayed almost an hour after she fell asleep, really making sure she was completely asleep before he kissed her and turned off her lights, turning the tv very low and making sure she had water.
He went to say goodbye to her parents. Her father still wouldn't look at him, but her mother reminded him about Camila's appointment tomorrow and he promised he wouldn't miss it.
He walked home, his mind wandering. He'd somehow made it through all this without getting hit, but it wasn't over yet. When he got home and was alone with his dad, he almost expected to at least get knocked in the head.
Shawn walked inside. His dad was alone in the kitchen, looking suddenly so much older and tired. They looked at each other for a minute, his dad finally sighed.
"Camila doing okay?"
"She's asleep." Shawn nodded. "Look, Dad, I'm sorry—"
"Don't." He just held his hand up. "Getting onto you won't change anything. What's done is done, but you have to do right by her."
"I am. I mean it."
"Good. I'll ask around, see if anyone knows about any job openings or anything."
"Thanks."
Shawn went to go upstairs, suddenly exhausted, but paused when his dad spoke again.
"I know it's scary now, but when the baby is finally here, you'll be so over the moon, you won't even remember what you were worried about. Your life isn't over, son, but that baby is your life now." He managed a small smile. "That's how it was when you came along, anyways. And you weren't exactly planned, either."
Shawn laughed lightly. He knew his parents never actually got married, but it was still weird to think about them in the same position as him and Camila, and even weirder to realize he was the baby in that scenario.
He went upstairs and debated taking a shower before just collapsing in bed still in his clothes. He kicked off his shoes and jeans and pulled the covers on over his legs. He opened his eyes when someone slowly creaked open his bedroom door.
"What?" Shawn looked at Aaliyah. She just stared back at him.
"I heard everyone yelling." She whispered. "Are you really gonna have a baby?"
"Yep."
"But you're so young for a dad. You still act like a kid."
"I do not." Shawn frowned.
"Yes, you do. You still ride your bike everywhere and you watch cartoons and stuff."
"Okay—get out." He sighed. "I'm tired, alright."
She closed his door back and Shawn heard her go to her own room.
He was so tired, but he stayed awake a bit longer, his mind suddenly racing. How was he going to do this? He really was just a kid. He was only seventeen. He reminded himself how much he loved Camila, and he could do anything for her.
He finally fell into a light sleep, worry swirling in his mind.