A/n
DOUBLE UPDATE because I've been mia for so long y'all deserve it. (Seriously, I love you folks!)
This one's another brand new chapter that wasn't there in the first draft + there's an easter egg if you can spot it lol.
HOLLER if you see errors.
Ignatius felt dirty. And anxious. Like he had done something unforgivably terrible and he was now awaiting punishment because he knew he deserved it.
No matter how many cigarettes he smoked, he could not forget the way Thrill's face twisted into a pitiful expression the moment Isadora brought up his... issue with Drayden. Till a while back, Ignatius used to feel disgusted too – they were, after all, brothers, not to forget, both men – but now, after those few words he had exchanged with Thrill, after that boy saved his life and bought him medicine, it did not feel all that disgusting. There was nothing disgusting about Thrill, really. He was just an ordinary guy, with quirky remarks and... a kind heart.
Before he could fully understand what he was doing, Ignatius was back on the Internet, surfing through the news about Thrill Hawthorne. As expected, there was a lot – a lot – of hate. The names that Thrill was being called, the way the people described him – that was disgusting. If even half of those words had been directed at Ignatius, he would've probably killed himself or locked himself in his room for the rest of this life...
But Thrill, even amidst all the hate, was smiling. Ignatius found several videos and pictures of Thrill being unabashedly confident about himself. At pride marches in different foreign countries, he wore rainbow flags and laughed heartily, as if all that hate people had for him did not exist.
It was mindboggling how he could do it.
"I'm really happy to be here," Thrill was answering a news reporter. He was in a pride march, surrounded by people in colourful clothes and loud makeup. "Canada is amazing." The people around him hooted and he threw back his head and laughed. "No, really. I really hope to see something like this in my country too one day."
"What's the situation there like?" the reporter asked. "At home?"
Thrill's face fell immediately. "Uh, how do I put it gently? It's... terrible." He chuckled, but it was one of sadness than mirth of any kind. "If you're gay, you can get jailed for life. If you're genderqueer, you don't get jobs and education. Hospitals refuse to treat queer people. There's bullying and harassment everywhere, by all figures of authority, in every institution –"
Wait, what?
Ignatius' cigarette died between his fingers as he sat up straight and googled the condition of LGBTQ+ people in his country.
It was everything Thrill said and worse.
At first, Ignatius could not believe it. Thrill made it seem like being gay was cool, or rebellious somehow, but in reality, those people were being treated like they were not even people.
It was a whole new worldview that opened up to Ignatius. In one night, he saw and read and heard more than he had ever done throughout his life. And it was terrible, all of it.
I'll be damned if I let any faggot filth on me, was what Ignatius had told Thrill that night. For Ignatius, it was a passing remark – something he thought would win him the argument. Now, after seeing and hearing queer people talk about the amount of name-calling they hear everywhere, Ignatius regretted his actions. Big time.
He wasn't aware of when he started drinking but soon he found himself on the floor of his room, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and his phone in the other.
"This is who I am," a woman was saying. She looked around forty and had a warm smile on her lips. "The way you're born cis, or born straight, this is how I was born. I like women. I don't see how it's a crime, more so because I think I do a better job at it than most men."
"No, no, no, hear me out." Thrill stood in a small crowd, in what looked like a pub. He seemed slightly drunk as he grinned at his friends. "Why are cishet men so scared of gay men hitting on them? They feel entitled to hit on any woman they can lay their eyes on, but they are scared of being on the receiving end of that same treatment. Idk bro, it sounds like something's wrong there, doesn't it?" The group burst into laughter, but Ignatius knew there was nothing funny about what he said.
"No, I'm very, very privileged," a sober Thrill was saying. It was another pride march, in some European country. The green-haired friend of Thrill was standing beside him, squinting at the sun. "I have the best family in the world," Thrill said.
Ignatius did not need to do a survey on all the families in the world to know how right Thrill's claim was.
The Hawthorne Enterprises was the only company in their country that had transgender and openly queer people in their staff. They provided scholarships, internships and training programs for queer individuals. In an interview, when David was praised for the work his company was doing, he shook his head and said, "I don't want praises or awards for doing the bare minimum that everyone should be doing anyway."
Aseem, the largest LGBTQ+ organisation in the country was funded by the Hawthorne family, and Ignatius wasn't surprised to find that Drayden was one of its co-founders. Was Drayden gay too? People had different opinions but Drayden simply ignored anyone and everyone that raised that topic so it was shrouded in mystery. He was also not as outspoken as Thrill when it came to queer issues, but it was obvious he was doing a lot, like the rest of his family members. Emily, Drayden's stepmother, was a hardcore feminist who spoke of gender issues that transcended the problems faced by ciswomen alone.
The entire family was crazy.
Ignatius could not help but compare them to his own family; the latter was laughably pathetic next to the Hawthornes.
Ignatius was soon shitfaced, but he was barely aware of it. He could no longer register words so he switched to watching videos.
"If you were homophobic, transphobic, biphobic, aphobic, or... any other kind of queer-phobic, or even like racist or classist, etc in school or as a child or a teenager," a girl that seemed to be around Ignatius' age was saying, "and you know better now and you realise what you did was wrong, then don't be scared or ashamed to admit it. We are all learning to unlearn the bullshit society has fed us since birth. So it's okay." She held a placard that said, "Being GENTLE is the new black (or however that phrase goes)". "Accept your mistakes, and go apologise to whoever you think needs to hear it. But don't expect them to forgive you because they have the right not to. It's okay. Doing the right thing always takes courage, so just accept yourself, continue to learn and unlearn and promise yourself that you'll only do better in the future."
Ignatius had no idea who this girl was, but something about the way she spoke, with a smile that seemed so... gentle, and non-judgemental, filled him with a newfound purpose. He stumbled to his feet and downed the liquid remaining in the bottle of whiskey.
Time felt like an illusion. The sunlight pouring in from the cracks between the curtains signified dawn but Ignatius had no idea how and where the night went – weren't they just at the Hawthorne Residence a few hours ago?
On reflex, he fixed his appearance – put on a fresh shirt and pants – and walked out of his room. His mind was dizzy and his steps were wobbly, but he knew what he had to do.
After everything Thrill had done for him, apologising was the least Ignatius could do. Doing the right thing always takes courage, the girl had said. For once, Ignatius wanted to do the right thing.
Well, first he would have to figure out how to book a fucking cab though.
~~~
A/n
The existence of this chapter is one of the main reasons why I decided to rewrite this book. These were important things I missed out on last time, so here's me trying to do better.
Stay tuned (because you know what happens next haahahhahaa)
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