Word Count: 1616
I kick my legs up onto the couch, lounging back.
This position seems to be the one I resume everyday after work, exhausted from the facade I'm having to keep up. At least in my apartment I can feel safe, where I can actually relax. Here, Cian can't get to me, can't say anything to me while I'm trying to work.
But that doesn't mean I don't have other issues to deal with...
Lev collapses onto the couch next to me, picking my legs up before letting them lay on his lap. We haven't spoken about what he said to me in the Passion Pack in over a week. I've been fervently ignoring it, brushing the conversation off whenever there may be a chance it will arise.
"How was work?" he asks, turning the television on.
"Huh?" I say, startled out of my thoughts. Whenever I look at him I feel guilty, knowing I'm avoiding the conversation. "It was okay. How was yours?"
"The same as usual," I admits with a shrug. "Did something happen at work?"
I follow his gaze, noting that he is staring at my injured hand, which has been properly bandaged. Instinctively, I pull it back, unsure of why I'm so nervous about mentioning what happened to him. Maybe it's because of how strange Cian acted when it happened, which is still lurking in my mind.
"Yeah, cut myself on a bit of plastic working with a patients pills," I tell him, the lie seeming to satisfy him.
"Did you speak to Cian?" he asks, gaze not lightening.
So much for avoiding talking about the immortal. I've been avoiding that too, not wanting to admit that it's been hard on me to do this job for Noah. Ignoring an immortal isn't easy, even if I despise him for what he did to the Alpha's mate.
"No, I've been ignoring him," I tell him simply. Lev tilts his head, looking relatively pleased with that. He would rather I just quit already.
"If you're going to work for Noah, isn't that a bad idea...I mean you want him to trust you, right?" he tests. I look at him, more so expecting him to tell me I should just give it up, working for Noah, since I know how much he doesn't want me to.
"He's smart. He will be suspicious if I suddenly start speaking to him like nothing happened..." I sigh, pulling my legs of Lev, getting to my feet.
"What happened?" Lev questions, his tone suspicious as I walk into the kitchen, getting myself a glass of water.
I breathe in deeply, not turning back around until I've drank the entire glass.
"Nothing Leven. Nothing happened," I assure him, walking back into the room with the intention of not talking about this anymore. I doubt I'll get my way though, as Lev looks over the couch at me, his cornflower blue eyes skeptical.
"Something sounds like it definitely happened," he exclaims. I watch his gaze drift down to the bandage on my hand. "Did he hurt you?"
I sigh, shaking my head at him, knowing that if Cian had any intention of hurting me, it would likely be more damaging than just a cut to my hand. "Aren't you the one who didn't want me to take Noah's deal?"
"Only if Cian is a danger to you, which by the sounds of it, he is," Lev mutters.
"He isn't, okay?" I tell him sharply, falling back down onto the couch beside him. He doesn't seem to question the small amount of distance I've now put between us, which has been a common move I've made recently to avoid any awkward encounters. "Now let's stop talking about this."
Mercilessly, Lev is quiet for a moment, focusing on the television in front of him. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as I pick my book back up, flipping it open. I'm grateful, as my thoughts are littered with Cian at every point of my day, so the last thing I want to do is talk about him right now.
"Have you thought about what I said to you, when we were in the Passion Pack?" Lev asks softly, glancing at me.
I pause, suddenly unable to focus on the words in front of me.
"I've been so busy with work I haven't really thought about anything," I admit flippantly, daring to raise my gaze to look at him. He's anxious, I can tell, fingers wound together, eyebrow raised in anticipation for my answer.
"Will you take some time to think about it now?" he offers, tilting his head back and forth.
I put my book down on my lap, turning my entire body to face him. There is no more excuses for avoiding this conversation with him. Lev is my best friend, at the end of the day, and he will understand, no matter how I end up feeling. I just hope this doesn't ruin our friendship forever.
"How long have you felt this way?" I ask him. This came out of nowhere, so I'm curious to know how long he has spent hiding his feelings from me.
"I've always felt this way. I've just done so much to fight it," Lev exclaims, reaching out to grab my hand, squeezing it tightly. His touch is hot, making my stomach turn. "The last thing I want is to ruin our friendship."
And now you may have.
"I don't want that either, which is why I'm putting of speaking to you about it," I explain.
I've also not wanted to truly sit down to think about it at risk I'll come to a frightening conclusion. What if I can really see myself being with him? Growing up, I was always attracted to him, and had he asked me out then, I would have agreed. But now, my life is so complicated, even if I know Lev would be a good, kind lover.
"You don't want to be with me, do you?" he breathes, voice so soft and pained, already defeated that it has my stomach churning uncomfortably. He's hurt by this, and I hate knowing I'm the one who is hurting him.
"I don't know...I'm confused. This is all so much to think about," I tell him, my head falling into my hands.
Lev rests his hand on my back. "I'm not going to push you into it."
"What about your mate? Why not wait?" I ask him, sweeping my hands back through my hair. I know that's a concern of mine, and why I've always been apprehensive about starting a relationship. If I do decide to be with Lev, then what happens if my mate comes into my life? Then Lev's feelings will be truly hurt.
"I can't imagine having a connection with anyone else as important as ours," he tells me firmly.
I realise grimly that he isn't just saying this out of passion, that he means it. It means a lot to tell someone that they are more important than their future mate. It's rare, but it happens, where people vow to stay with the person they first fell in love, even if they find their mate. I don't want that for either of us.
"You don't know that Lev...Not right now at least," I claim, not wanting him to make such a drastic decision. Your mate is someone you're destined to be with. Lev cannot mistake our connection for anything close to a mate bond.
"It may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to me," he exhales. "Why not try?"
"I can't lose you Lev...I can't," I insist, wishing he would see this from my perspective. Lev is the only person I have in my life who I care about, and who cares about me, so if I lost him to this, I don't know what I would do.
"And you won't. Even is after a week you decide the thought of me in a romantic or sexual way disgusts you, I'll back off," he assures me. I can't tell if he's begging, or trying to convince me at this point. I had no idea he was so passionate about this. "You don't even have to explain it to me."
I look down at my hands, apprehensive. "I don't know."
"Just promise me you'll consider it?" he whispers. I look up at him, knowing that it's the least I can do for him right now.
"Okay, I'll consider it," I relent.
Lev doesn't even bother hiding his relief, a beautiful smile consuming his entire face. It makes me smile too. I really will consider it. I will weigh my options and decide whether it would be good for us to give it a try.
"Maybe you should get some sleep," Lev offers, motioning toward my room.
I nod, even though I'm not very tired. "That's a great idea."
Sweeping my hands back through my hair, I walk into my bedroom, looking forward to collapsing into bed to forget about all of this. However, I stop short, realising my window is open, curtain billowing about.
Narrowing my eyes, I glance to my right, seeing Cian standing right in the centre of my room, hands shoved in his pockets, looking at me with a raised brow.
"Oh no," I breathe.
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If you guys are interested in reading more content from HIS SIN, you can find it now on Radish over ten chapters ahead!! (:
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