When I take a look inside the mirror
A monster’s reflection is what i see
Nothing looks how it is perceived
Every curve is only a reminder of who I am not
My breast although seeming perfect to ones eye
Are nothing less than a ball of fat on my chest
I cannot even tolerate the thought of such a mess
As I open my voice to speak
I am struggling to breathe
All of my insecurities are confining me
The air around me has me gagging in uncertainty
I feel like I can never be the person I feel underneath
I close my eyes and imagine a world
I wonder what it would be like to be born again
Not feminine and poised like I am but into the body of a man
I'm trapped in my thoughts wishing for a way out of this figure
Each day I hold a mask up to face, and these feelings grow stronger
I know I’m not who society claims me to be
Every glance just strengthens these thoughts
I want to speak out, tell the world how I feel
But these hands of misery close tightly around my throat
leaving me shaky and wide eyed with no way to communicate
I’m speechless and numb, not sure how much more I can tolerate
so I bask in the immense darkness of this silence
I stay in secrecy, loathing all of who I have become
All i’m ever wanted was to fit in
But i’m looked as an outsider, i’ve never been quite normal to the eye
My thoughts are twisted and confused.
I feel it sting every time I hear the word “girl’
After every word, the pronouns that people chose to ignore
it just begins to hurt a little bit more
And i am forcibly dragged back into a reality I hate
When will I be able to speak out from this pain, and be who I am?
That’s a question I may not know until it’s too late.