The double doors slide on their track and I take a deep breath. My right foot shakes along with the rest of my body as I take my first step onto the white ceramic tile of the hospital lobby. I walk to the desk where a brown haired woman sits in a black chair and peeks out from behind a computer screen.
"Hello, can I help you find something?" she asks.
"My boy-" I stop myself. "My friend. Just a friend."
"Name?"
"Johnny Tate. Johnathan Tate."
She types for a second before making a few clicks. "I'm sorry, he's currently being moved out of the emergency room and into a private room. You're gonna have to wait a few minutes."
"Do you know what room?"
"Not yet." She shakes her head and tucks her hair behind her ear. "If you want to take a seat I can keep his page up and let you know when it's updated."
"Thank you." I turn around and look at the empty chairs and couches in the lobby. My feet take me to a wooden chair with a bright green cushion and I sit down.
My phone is going off with texts from Cassie.
Girl, are the rumors true? Did Johnny hook up with that skank again?
Why aren't you answering???
Alex
Talk to me
Bro wtf
Are you okay? I'm getting worried
Alex
I text a quick reply. It's true. Can't talk
My phone buzzes with her reply and I don't turn my phone over to look at it.
I take a deep breath.
I should turn my phone off, shouldn't I?
It would look awful if Bryce called or texted me while I'm with Johnny.
I flip my phone over just in time to see Bryce calling.
Definitely turn the phone off. Right after this.
I tap the green button to answer his call. "Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
"How's it going?"
"I'm still in the lobby. They're moving him from the ER to a room."
"Is that a good sign?"
"I guess."
"What are you gonna do when you get in there?"
I let out a sigh. "I don't know."
"You should work on getting him into therapy."
"He doesn't have a choice now. Therapy is mandated after, you know."
"I know. It's gonna be okay."
"What if he actually did something this time?"
The lady at the desk waves me over before he can answer.
"I gotta go, babe."
"Wait, we're still a couple?"
"Yeah," I whisper. "I gotta go." I hang up my phone and rise from my seat.
"He's got a room now," the receptionist says. "He's in 403. Take the elevator up and when you get out make a right. When you reach the end of that hall take another right and his room will be about three quarters of the way down on the left."
"Thanks."
She smiles and I turn toward the elevator.
I walk slowly over to it and my right hand shakes as I hit the button with the arrow pointing upwards.
The elevator arrives and the doors open to let me in. I step in and there's a man inside already.
"What floor?" he asks.
"Four, please."
He presses the button for me and I thank him.
I take a look at his brown tweed jacket and gray slacks.
Someone's in the wrong century.
"I'm visiting my mom. She's finishing chemo today. We're very excited."
"Good for her."
"Who are you visiting?"
"A friend." I roll my eyes.
"Celebrating? Do they get to leave soon too?"
"I'm not sure."
"What are they here for?"
The elevator dings and the doors open at the fourth floor.
"Suicide attempt." I smile at the man's nerdy black glasses with white tape in the middle and step off the elevator.
I follow the directions from the woman in the lobby and find Johnny's room. I take a deep breath and peek into the room but I can't see much. I knock on the open door. "It's Alex."
"Oh, come in," Clara says.
I slowly walk in and see Clara pushing the tan curtain aside to reveal the bed.
"He's asleep."
I look at Johnny laying there with his eyes closed.
So far it's the same old routine. The second Clara steps out, his eyes will open and he'll miraculously stop wanting to die.
"What did he do?" I ask.
"Pills. Same as last time."
And the three before that.
"How has he been?"
"Quiet. He had done some drinking today so they need to watch for interactions. I think he feels a little scared."
I nod.
"I'll give you a minute with him." She tucks her red hair behind her ear and gets up from her chair. "I think I'm gonna grab a drink from the cafeteria, do you want anything? Soda, water?"
"No, thanks." I force a small smile.
She does the same before leaving the room.
Poor girl doesn't even know all these stunts are just for my attention and that her son is fine.
I take the seat Clara just left and scoot it back a bit before I sit.
I look at Johnny and roll my eyes.
"She's gone."
Johnny stirs and slowly opens his eyes. "Alex? Is that you."
"Yup."
"What's going on?"
"You know what's going on."
"What's wrong, baby?"
"Don't call me that. I'm here for your mom, not for you."
"Not here for your boyfriend after his failed suicide attempt? That's not right."
"Pretending you're depressed for attention and so I won't leave you isn't right."
"You're disgusting," he says.
I can't help but laugh. "You did all this because you cheated on me and don't want to get dumped. You can call me disgusting but, buddy, you're pathetic."
"That's not a nice thing to say to someone who just attempted suicide."
"You didn't, you faked it. For the umpteenth time."
"What's your problem?"
"You wanna know what my problem is? You're my problem. Every single time something comes up and I want to break up, you do this. Then I forgive you and then you cheat on me and I tell you to leave me alone, so you do this. You don't get to put the people around you through hell just because you don't want to get dumped. Come on, Johnny. Real people really attempt suicide and a lot of them succeed. You're faking something that takes real lives. You don't see how fucked up that is? And now you're in a hospital room, you're taking up a room and the staff's time and even resources from real people who need them. I can't do this anymore, Johnny. I want out."
"Alex."
"No."
"I'll go to therapy."
"You think you have a choice after this?" I raise my eyebrows. "You attempted suicide, remember?"
"Alex, I can't lose you."
"You don't get to cheat on me and not lose me."
"Baby."
"Don't. I don't know if you realize this, but I don't care about losing our relationship, Johnny. And by the way, you're not the only one who can cheat." I get up from the chair and start heading for the door.
"What about being here for my mom?" he asks.
"Oh, now you care about the people around you? That's really interesting considering you do this shit as if our feelings don't matter."
"Alex."
"Goodbye." I exit his room and go back the way I came to reach the lobby.
"How's your friend doing?" the receptionist asks.
"He's fine," I say and force a smile as I pass her desk.
I call Bryce as I walk toward the parking garage.
"Hey," he says. "How's it going?"
"I'm single. Well, not single. I have one less boyfriend. I'm not dating Johnny anymore."
He laughs. "Way to scare me."
"Sorry."
"What happened?"
"I told him I'm tired of his shit and he can't expect me to deal with the constant drama. And I may have told him I cheated too."
"Oh, wow."
"I didn't mention you."
"I wouldn't mind if you had, I just didn't think you'd bring that up."
"I was so angry, Bryce." I reach my car and press the button on the door handle to unlock it before climbing in. "I can't believe I dealt with his crap for so long."
"I can't believe you dumped him while he's in the hospital." He laughs.
"Okay, I'll admit I could've picked a better time. But on the other hand, did he deserve a better time? He intentionally put himself in the hospital without a reason again just to try to keep me from dumping him and to avoid taking responsibility for cheating. Again."
"I just didn't think you had it in you. Was that just your period making you mean?"
"Wow, thanks."
"I'm joking. When will you be back? Your mom wants to call in the pizza."
"You're still at my house?"
"Your grandma wouldn't exactly let me leave."
"Oh, why am I not surprised? I'm sorry. I'll be there in fifteen."
"Alex, it's okay. Be careful driving."
"I will." I hang up and pull out of my parking space.
I drive the countless circles to exit the parking garage and I take my two left turns to merge onto the highway and head home.
The radio stops blasting the latest pop hits and the words "Incoming Call" flash on the screen before a name pops up: Cassie.
I press the button on the steering wheel and answer.
"What the fuck is going on?" she asks before I can get a word in.
"Hello to you too." I laugh.
"Alex. Spill."
"How was your vacation?"
"No. We're not doing that. Talk."
"Johnny was being Johnny again. It was another fake attempt that he knew would get people emotional just to avoid taking responsibility for his shit."
"Okay, but responsibility for what?"
"He cheated on me. Called me up drunk a couple hours ago admitting to it."
"What the fuck is his problem?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
"What are you gonna do?"
"I already did it. I dumped him."
"You what? Alex!"
I decide against telling her about Bryce. "It was time. Johnny was a douche."
"He was, but you dealt with him for how long?"
"Too long."
"So you're really done with him?"
"I am."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Wanna go to a party?"
"Time of the month, remember?" I remind her our cycles are synced up thanks to our birth control pill packs starting on the same day.
"The party's not tonight, Friday. They'll end by then."
I think for a second and agree with her judgment. "Fine. Where?"
"Some football player is throwing it. I'll pick you up so you can get hammered."
"Perfect." I laugh.
"So you're in?"
"I'm in. Listen, I just got home so I'll text you later."
"You're not at the hospital with... never mind. You dumped him, you're obviously not with him."
"Obviously not."
"Bye, bitch." She hangs up before I can say anything else so I just laugh as I turn my car off.
Typical Cassie.
I walk up the sidewalk and open the front door, already hearing Grandma's laugh.
"That's never good," I whisper to myself as I take off my shoes and head up the stairs.
"Alex, is that you?" Mom asks and I think she's in the dining room.
"Yeah." I peek around the corner cabinets in the kitchen and see Mom, Grandma, and Bryce sitting at the table with some photo albums.
"Pizza will be here soon." She smiles.
"What's everyone looking at?" I ask.
"Your baby pictures." Bryce informs me with a smile.
"Wipe that shit eating grin off your face," I say. "I can very easily get your baby pictures."
"Not so easy, there are none."
"What do you mean?"
"We don't have any. Mom didn't want any extra stuff to lug from one apartment to the next so she tossed them."
"You're kidding," Mom says.
"Nope." Bryce shakes his head.
"That's so sad." Grandma chimes in. "Lucky for you, we've got plenty of Alex embarrassing herself."
"Okay, put them away." I demand.
"Fine." Mom rolls her eyes and shuts the photo albums.
"Thank you."
"What happened at the hospital?" Mom asks.
"You told them?" I look at Bryce.
"I wasn't gonna lie to your mom."
"And it's not the first time Johnny needed you to visit him. So, what happened?"
"It was another manipulative stunt. So I dumped him."
"You what?" Grandma's jaw practically hits the floor.
"I dumped him." I walk around the table and take the seat next to Bryce.
"So now you two are dating?"
I don't say anything.
"Don't let Johnny find out. He'll throw another fit and pull another stunt." Mom warns.
"Well aware."
"How long until I can take your daughter on a real date?" Bryce asks.
"Give it a couple months."
The doorbell rings and Mom goes to see who it is.
"I told you two this would happen." Grandma smirks.
"Congratulations."
"Attitude." Bryce laughs.
"Pizza's here," Mom says as she walks up the stairs with the box of pizza and tin of garlic knots.
The smell hits my nose before she even opens the box.
"You good?" Bryce asks.
"The pizza smell fulfilled a craving."
"You didn't even eat it yet."
"But knowing that I will makes me happy."
He laughs and shakes his head.
"Bryce, how many pieces?" Mom asks.
"Two, please."
"Alex?"
"Just one."
"Mom, one?" she asks Grandma.
"You got it."
Mom walks to the table and puts a plate with one slice on it down in front of me and a plate with two slices down in front of Bryce.
I take a bite immediately and don't care that it's burning the roof of my mouth.
"What do you guys want to drink?" Mom asks as she puts plates down for her and Grandma. "We have root beer, orange soda, or water."
"Orange soda," I say.
"I'll have root beer, please." Bryce smiles.
"So polite." Mom gushes. "Can you teach Alex how to do that?"
"Very funny." I roll my eyes.
"You know, Alex, Bryce knows how to wait for everyone to sit before starting to eat."
"And he can enjoy his pizza cold while I enjoy mine hot."
Bryce wraps his arm around my waist and kisses the top of my head. "You're excused," he whispers in my ear. "It's your uterus's fault anyway."
I smile at him and take my next bite as I realize his effect on me. All it takes is him whispering in my ear for my mind to wander to a dangerous place.
His fingers gently lift the fabric of my shirt a bit and he rubs his thumb over my bare skin.
I take another bite of my pizza as Mom sets two cups of soda down for Bryce and me and sets the tin of garlic knots on the table.
"Thank you," Bryce says.
"Of course."
"So Bryce." Grandma starts. "What are your intentions with my granddaughter?"
"No. We're not having this conversation." I shake my head.
"It's an important conversation," she says.
"Nope. Not having it."
"I'm with Alex," Mom says. "They're seventeen. His intentions are in his pants."
Bryce chokes on his root beer and starts shaking his head. "That's not true. I think very highly of Alex. Do I find her attractive? Of course. I'd have to be blind not to. But I'm not in this for the physical part of a relationship."
Johnny was never this good with this conversation.
"I like Alex for her heart and her mind. Anything physical will come when it's the right time."
"Are you satisfied?" I ask Grandma.
"For now."
We finish our dinner to the lovely sound of Mom telling Grandma her mouth needs a filter.
"You guys hanging out here?" Mom asks.
"Yeah." I answer. "I need to shower though. Do you mind waiting in my room while I do that?"
"Not at all." Bryce smiles.
"We'll see you guys later," I say and lead Bryce down the hall.
We enter my room and I grab a pair of black pajama shorts.
"Can you grab me one of the tampons in the blue wrapper from that drawer?" I point to my nightstand.
"Sure." Bryce opens it and tosses me the tampon.
Johnny would've run for the hills before touching one of those.
"Thanks. I'll be back in ten."
I grab a towel from the hall closet on my way to the bathroom. I close and lock the bathroom door before grabbing the knob in the shower and starting the water. I pull the handle all the way into the red side today.
A hot shower is much needed after the day I've had.
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