"You nervous?" Jesse looked at Erin as they stared at his mother's front door.
"Yes," Erin nodded. "Terrified. But it's fine. I want to do this," she said. Jesse smiled and rang the doorbell.
"Welcome to the madhouse, baby Grey," he teased. Erin laughed.
"You're spending way too much time with my work friends for you to know that nickname," she said. He smiled.
"Worth it," he said. The door swung open to reveal Jesse's mother, Katherine. She stood there with a wide smile on her face, brown eyes glittering under the glasses she was wearing.
"Erin Grey! My son has finally brought his girlfriend to meet the rest of us. Merry Christmas! Come in, come in," Katherine said, grabbing Erin's hand and pulling her inside the house.
"It's so nice to meet you," Erin chuckled.
"Oh, dear, we're so happy you're here. You're all Jesse has been able to talk about for months and, well, it's nice to finally put a face to the stories," Katherine said.
"Mom, you're embarrassing me," Jesse said, following them through the homely house and into a living room that looked a lot like a Christmas display at a store. There were presents everywhere, food everywhere, decorations practically bursting on the walls and happy people all around.
Erin felt majorly out of place here but she couldn't help but feel quite excited, too. Christmas had never been a big thing for her and Meredith so this was like Winter Wonderland.
"Everybody, Jesse and Erin are here!" Katherine announced. "You know Michelle and Pippa, but this is Michelle's husband, Kevin, and their other kids, Elliot and Michael. This is Allison and her husband Lucas, their kids Louis, Justin and Katie. And my final two girls, Hannah and Jennifer," Katherine said.
"It's nice to finally meet you all," Erin smiled.
"Oh, talk about finally!" Hannah gasped, grabbing Erin's hand and pulling her to sit on the couch between the other three Mclaren sisters.
"We think Jesse's been making up stories about how often you work at the hospital, just so he can hide you away for a little while longer," Jennifer agreed.
"How is the hospital?" Kevin asked.
"Jesse tells us you're a surgeon," Katherine smiled, sitting on the armchair. Erin blinked in surprise.
"Yeah, I'm a surgeon. I'm a resident and the hospital is great. I finished my shift about an hour ago, actually," Erin said.
"Did you do any surgery?" Louis perked up from where he and Michael were playing with toy cars.
"I did, actually! I delivered a baby this morning. A christmas baby is really exciting," Erin smiled widely.
"Oh, boy or girl?" Katherine asked.
"A baby girl. Noelle," Erin said.
"That's a beautiful name," Jennifer gasped.
"I'd love to be a surgeon," Hannah hummed.
"A lot more blood than you'd expect," Jesse said.
"Really? You've seen some?" Elliot perked up.
"Oh, yeah," Jesse smiled, lifting his nephew onto his lap. "Erin took me in to one that her brother in law was doing. He's a neurosurgeon, so he works on brains," Jesse ruffled his hair, making Elliot laugh loudly.
"Oh, Jesse's told us all about Derek and Meredith, too," Allison said.
"They're not spending Christmas alone, are they?" Katherine asked.
"Oh, no. They're actually in surgery right now. They should be finished before dinner, though, 'cause we're doing a hospital dinner," Erin said.
"A hospital dinner?"
"Surgery? What surgery?"
"A lot of the doctors at the hospital aren't from Seattle and they can't spend Christmas with their families. So, we're throwing a hospital dinner at my house so all of us doctors can spend it with our hospital family. They're in brain surgery on a little boy," Erin said.
"Why are they doing surgery?" Katherine asked.
"Because there's a cluster of blood vessels in his brain but they didn't have the right equipment to do it because he's so little and it goes up his nose. So the doctors worked on the equipment and they just got it today so they're gonna operate and fix his brain," Erin explained. There was a few seconds of silence.
"I want to be a surgeon!" Elliot cried.
"No, I do!" Michael shouted.
"No, me!" Katie shoved her cousin.
"Guys, you can all be surgeons," Jesse laughed, going to calm them all down.
"Your job sounds amazing, Erin," Katherine said genuinely.
"And we know someone who can hook us up for a surgery if we ever need one. It's a good match," Kevin teased. Erin laughed.
"Yeah, he uses me for the surgeries he'll hopefully never need," she joked.
"We like you," Jennifer said.
"We like her, Jesse," Hannah said.
"Love her, actually," Allison said.
"We do," Michelle grinned at Erin. Erin smiled back.
"That makes it official, then. Welcome to the madhouse, Erin," Katherine said. Erin looked at Jesse and saw he was giving her a look that made every single part of her want to run far away before things got even more serious.
"There's nowhere else I'd want to be," she said quietly, forcing a smile onto her face that seemed to convince them all.
She waited until they'd all gotten distracted and then excused herself to the bathroom, unlocking her phone and sending a message to Meredith.
Erin:
finally got the feeling that i should run far away, knew my commitment issues wouldn't be so forgiving
Meredith:
tell me everything when we get home, i love you
Erin:
love u too
Her thumb hovered over the message Arizona had sent her an hour ago after she'd finished her shift.
Arizona:
Good luck meeting Jesse's family. They're going to love you, but never as much as I do ;)
Erin smiled slightly as she replied.
Erin:
commitment issues have kicked in, i'm gonna need drinks later
Arizona:
It's a date, love you xx
Erin:
love you too x
"I really can't stay," Erin and Arizona sang. They were on the couch with Richard while Owen played the guitar. Teddy sat opposite them with a smile, while Lexie and Sloan were arguing near the christmas tree. Mark was pouring Thatcher a non-alcoholic drink and Derek was talking to the two of them. Meredith was in the kitchen and Cristina was with her.
"Baby, it's cold outside," Richard sang.
"I have to go away," Erin and Arizona sang.
"But, baby, it's cold outside," Richard sang.
"This evening has been so very nice," Erin sang.
"Hopin' you would drop in," Richard sang.
"I'll hold your hands," Arizona sang, grabbing Erin's hand with a teasing smirk.
"They're like ice," Richard sang.
"My mother will start to worry," Erin giggled.
"My father will be pacing the floor," Arizona grinned.
"So really I'd better scurry," Erin said, standing up and pulling Arizona with her.
"Well, maybe just a half a drink more," Arizona sang, spinning Erin under her arm. Erin laughed, landing with her back against Arizona's chest with Arizona's arms around her waist.
She felt dizzy at how intoxicating Arizona's perfume smelt, especially combined with the soft fruity smell in the air from the Christmas wine they were drinking.
"I'm gonna go and get a drink, actually," Erin said, quickly heading to the kitchen to get one.
"Hey, you sounded great," Meredith smiled at her.
"Thanks," Erin smiled back, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"You okay?" Meredith asked. Erin shook her head and leaned next to Meredith.
"Jesse's family likes me and they welcomed me to the madhouse and all I wanted to do was run away. I think I'm broken," Erin whispered.
"He's your first boyfriend after Rob. It's natural to get scared when things are getting serious. Just take some space, go slow, maybe tell him or someone else how you feel. Maybe give Dr. Wyatt a call," Meredith said.
"I also kind of have a small but very platonic crush on Arizona Robbins and being near her makes me feel so dizzy but that is neither here nor there to discuss right now," Erin whispered. Meredith's eyebrows shot up.
"I wasn't expecting that," she said.
"Believe me, you're just as surprised as I am. We're ignoring it, but I thought you should know," Erin said. Meredith nodded, taking the hint to change the subject.
"Alex still working?" Meredith asked.
"No, he and Bailey are coming soon," Erin said. The doorbell went and she nodded. "That's them," she said. She headed to the door and opened it, letting Alex, Bailey and Bailey's dad, Bill, into the house. "Merry Christmas!" she said, shoving her beer into Alex's hands.
"Merry Christmas, baby Grey," Alex kissed her head and moved into the living room to get near the fire.
"Merry Christmas, Erin," Bailey smiled at her.
"Merry Christmas. I've got Tuck's present upstairs so don't let me forget to give it to you before you go," Erin said.
"This is Tuck's godmother, dad," Bailey said.
"It's great to meet you, sir," Erin held her hand out with a smile.
"You too, Erin," Bill shook her head.
"Can I get you a drink?" she said, ushering him towards the drinks bar. She looked over her shoulder and Bailey flashed her a grateful thumbs up.
"Thank you," she mouthed. Erin winked and turned back to Bill, motioning to the drinks.
"Take your pick, sir. We have beers in the fridge, too," she said.
"The house looks beautiful, Mer, Erin," Lexie said.
"Thank you," they grinned happily.
"Callie?" Owen asked Arizona.
"Working," she said.
"Oh, that's too bad," Derek sighed.
"Here, you want some stuffing?" Teddy offered the dish to Cristina.
"Thanks," Cristina smiled.
"Oh, how'd Kelsey do?" Teddy asked.
"Well," Cristina nodded.
"Who's Kelsey?" Derek asked curiously.
"A girl with no heart," Alex said.
"I had to do a laparoscopic bowel repair while the poor thing was awake on the table," Bailey chuckled from the end of the table.
"Miranda, mind your manners. Even if surgery is your whole life, it doesn't mean you have to talk about bowels at the dinner table," Bill said. Erin looked sideways at Alex, sipping her beer silently. Alex looked sideways as he sipped his beer. They both made the same awkward face.
"My child is healthy," Bailey said, putting down her plate.
"Excuse me?" Bill asked.
"He may not be with me tonight, but he's healthy," Bailey said.
"I didn't say he-"
"And he's well-loved. He's a well-loved boy. And he's a happy boy. And staying in an unhappy marriage-"
"Now is not the time or the place-"
"Staying in an unhappy marriage, a marriage that I've outgrown, a marriage full of ultimatums and numbness and resentment-"
"Miranda-"
"That is not the kind of life I want to model for my child. That is not what I want him to believe married love is. Look, I know what's possible. I know what's out there for me because you taught me well. You and mom showed me what true love looks like. So I chose not to settle, and I'm happier for it, even if I'm alone at Christmas. My child is healthy, and I'm happy. And, you know, part of my happiness is the fact that I got to repair a woman's bowel and save her life today. And that's god's work, which makes this appropriate Christmas dinner conversation. Yeah. I'm happy. And my child is healthy. And that's enough for me today, dad. That's enough," Bailey said firmly, her voice raspy as she fought back tears.
Erin stared at Bailey with the utmost admiration. This woman was the true example of what it meant to be a working single parent and Erin couldn't be prouder to be a part of baby Tuck's life so she could see how much he would continue to grow.
She looked around the table and saw everyone else was smiling, except Bill, but that didn't matter to them.
"Uh, green beans, anyone?" Arizona broke the silence after a few seconds.
"Thank you," Richard took the bowl. Cristina offered a bowl of veg towards Mark and the others.
"Thanks," Mark nodded.
Erin looked at Meredith.
"Hey, so, I'm gonna go to LA in a few days. Probably after New Years Eve," she said quietly.
"Addison got a case for you?" Derek smiled.
"No," Erin shook her head. "I, uh, I'm going for me," she said.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?" Meredith asked.
"No, I'm okay. I'm going so I can see if I can still have kids after what happened with Quinn," Erin said quietly, quite conscious of the fact that she was one of three people talking on a very quiet table.
"I didn't even realise," Meredith whispered. "You're thinking of having kids?" she asked.
"Not yet. Jesse mentioned our future yesterday, asking if kids were something I was interested in, and I said yeah and told him about Quinn. I'm gonna go and see, 'cause then we can consider other options if we have to," she said.
"That's responsible," Derek said.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come, too?" Meredith asked.
"I think I'm gonna be okay, Mermaid. I'm all grown up, now. Don't worry," Erin smiled. Meredith shrugged.
"You know I always worry about you," she said.
"You don't have to. I'm happy," Erin said.
Meredith smiled, but it looked like it was quite sad. Erin supposed that maybe it was hitting Meredith that she wasn't her baby sister anymore, that she was growing up and was actually living a life that and that she didn't seem to need Meredith to hold her hand anymore. Erin also supposed that Meredith's dark and twistiness stopped her from rationalising that Erin would always need Meredith to hold her hand in the hard times.
"I'm happy, too, then," Meredith said. Erin squeezed her hand tightly.
"Merry Christmas, Mer," she said softly.
"Merry Christmas, darling," Meredith said.
"Hey, so, I'm gonna fly out to LA on my own," Erin said. Jesse looked up from his computer.
"How come?" he asked.
"Because I'm gonna probably stick around for a few days to do a few cases with her and if it's bad news, I don't wanna be upset around you," Erin said. She also kind of wanted to pretend Jesse didn't exist for a few days, but she wasn't going to tell him that.
"You know that it doesn't matter to me if you can or can't have kids, right? There are other ways to make a family," he said.
"I know. That's just me being dark and twisty," she said. He smiled.
"I love your dark and twistiness," he said. She laughed and climbed onto his bed beside him, kissing him softly.
"I love your bright and shiny-ness," she said.
Erin:
come to la with me pls
i need you in case it's bad news
Meredith:
will pack now, send me flight details so i can clear things with richard and bailey
Erin:
on it
"This is where she works?" Meredith asked, the two of them looking up at Oceanside Wellness Centre.
"Yeah. It's nice, intimate," Erin said. "Come on," she said.
"And she knows I'm here, too?" Meredith asked, following Erin inside and to the elevator.
"Yeah," Erin hummed, pressing the button for the fourth floor. They stepped to the front desk when it beeped, Erin smiling widely at Dell. "Hey, stranger," she said.
"Erin!" he smiled, jumping up from his seat. "Addison said you were coming. Come with me," he said.
"This is my big sister, Meredith. Meredith, this is Dell," Erin said.
"Nice to meet you," Meredith said, the three of them starting to walk down the hallway towards the conference room.
"Nice to meet you, too," he said. He opened the door, smiling at Cooper, Pete, Violet, Naomi, Sam, Addison and a blonde woman sat around a table. "Hey, look who's back," he said.
They all looked up and Naomi actually squealed. Erin laughed.
"Hey, Naomi," she said.
"You're back!" she hurried over and hugged Erin, the others falling in line to do the same.
"This is my sister, Meredith," she said.
"Nice to see you again," Meredith smiled at Naomi.
"Nice to see you, kid," Cooper hugged Erin. "This is my girlfriend, Charlotte King. Charlotte, this is Meredith and Erin Grey," he said.
"Nice to meet y'all," Charlotte held her hand out. They shook with smiles.
"I missed you," Addison wrapped Erin into a hug, smiling at Meredith over her shoulder.
"I missed you, too," Erin said.
"Why are you guys here? Is everything okay?" Sam asked.
"I've got an appointment with Addison," Erin said. Naomi's eyes automatically fell to her stomach. "I'm not pregnant," Erin said quickly.
"Sorry," Naomi said.
"It's okay," Erin said. "I'm finding out if I can have kids," she said.
"Shall we go and start? The sooner we do it, the sooner we can catch up while we wait for your results," Addison said.
"Yeah. Let's go," Erin squeezed Meredith's hand.
"Okay, I've got good news," Addison walked back into her office with a file in her hands. "From our tests, you're fertile. There wasn't any damage to your fallopian tubes, womb or ovaries in the surgery so, as long as you're monitored throughout your pregnancies, everything should go to plan," she smiled at them.
"That's great!" Meredith squeezed Erin's hand.
"Yeah, it is," Erin smiled.
"Your egg count is high and your FSH levels are at a good level, too, so there won't be any issues with you getting any pregnant. However, after Quinn, I would recommend your pregnancy being monitored closely. Your placenta is at risk of rupturing again at a higher level after your miscarriage and we don't want that to happen again," she said.
"No, we don't," Erin said. "I'm not going to have a baby in nine months. Like, I'm not going home to get knocked up right now. It was just because I wanted to know what my options were for the future," Erin said.
"Things with you and Jesse are going well, then, for you to consider having a baby?" Addison smiled slightly.
"Yeah, they are," Erin forced out.
"They spent Christmas morning together. She met his family. She's kind of freaking out," Meredith said.
"His nieces and nephews are fascinated by surgery so I gave Jesse one of my mom's old surgical recordings for them to watch," Erin said. "Didn't go down too well when Allison walked in to see her kids watching someone getting their appendix removed," she winced.
Addison and Meredith laughed.
"We grew up on those tapes and we've turned out fine," Meredith said. They shared a look before laughing.
"Please, we are anything but fine," Erin laughed.
"You're both dark and twisty. Your future kids will be dark and twisty, too," Addison said.
"My kid died. You can't get much more dark and twisty than that," Erin snorted. Meredith laughed and nodded.
"You really can't," she agreed.
"I wouldn't have flown out to LA if I knew Mark was just gonna fly you over here three weeks after," Erin said, scrubbing in with Lexie and Addison to do surgery on Sloan's baby to cut the bands around it's legs.
"I didn't even know she'd turned up," Addison said.
"Believe me, it's nice to be oblivious," Lexie muttered. Erin laughed.
"Stop being bitter, Lex. You know you can always stay with us if you need a break," Erin said.
"I can't not stay at my apartment," Lexie said.
"Sure you can. I have sleepovers at home all the time," Erin shrugged.
"Naomi and I have sleepovers," Addison agreed. "She's not my sister but we're older than you two so sleepovers aren't a big deal," she said.
"It'd be too awkward for Mark and Sloan on their own. I'm their buffer," Lexie rolled her eyes, shaking the water off of them.
"Lex," Erin said. Lexie looked up at her. "You are going to be fine. Just relax, okay? Come and stay with me tonight, we'll get drunk and dance it out with Mermaid and it'll all be okay," Erin said.
"Okay. Thanks, Erin," Lexie smiled under her mark. Erin winked.
"Don't sweat it. Let's go and save a baby," she said, heading into the OR to get gowned up.
"Did Mark really come into the OR to tell you guys to stop operating?" Meredith asked Erin.
"Yeah. It was so awkward. I wanted to curl up and die," Erin winced. "The surgery is risky but so are all surgeries. Addison is an amazing surgeon so if anyone could do it, she could," Erin said.
"That's not good," Meredith sighed. Erin shook her head and sipped her beer.
"No, it's not," Erin said.
"How have your private lessons with the chief been going?" Meredith asked curiously.
"The same as yours have been, I'm guessing. He doesn't make me sit through the old videos, though, 'cause we don't have many of pediatric cases or neonatal cases that I haven't seen already," Erin said. They sat in silence for a few seconds.
"He's drinking again," Meredith said.
"I know," Erin looked at her sister. "What do we do?" she asked.
"We keep an eye on him, I guess. As long as he isn't actually operating, he's not gonna kill anyone," Meredith said. Erin nodded.
"Yeah, that makes sense," she said. Meredith sighed and rubbed her face.
"We don't catch a break, do we?" Meredith asked.
"No, not really," Erin said.
"Family meeting," Meredith banged on Erin's bedroom door. She jerked awake.
"Hmm, okay," she mumbled. She climbed out of bed and grabbed a t-shirt from the pile. She stumbled downstairs and into the kitchen, seeing Lexie and Alex sat at the breakfast bar while Meredith studied the two of them with her eyes.
"Put your t-shirt on," Meredith said. Erin pulled it on and sat down on the counter, pouring herself a coffee.
"What's this meeting about?" she said.
"I walked in on these two again," Meredith motioned to Alex and Lexie. Erin almost choked on her coffee. "Izzie leaves, and Mark gets a kid, and you two decide that the best way to deal is to get drunk and mash your genitals together?" Meredith cried.
"Look, no freakin' way you get to judge us or give relationship advice. Besides, you were a total dirty mistress, like, two years ago," Alex scoffed.
"Are we calling me a dirty mistress? That was two years ago, and his wife didn't have cancer. Because I've only been with, like, six guys in my whole life. Okay, Alex and I... we've done it before. That was recycling. It was, like, good for the environment," Lexie stuttered.
"Izzie's gone, I was horny, she was there," Alex scowled. Erin choked on her coffee again.
"Oh, crap. I am a dirty mistress. Oh, god. You're gonna tell Derek, and then Derek's gonna tell Mark that I'm a whore," Lexie whined.
"No, I am not going to tell Derek, and neither are you, and you're not gonna say anything. We are keeping our mouths shut. Izzie is coming home. She doesn't need to know," Meredith said firmly.
"Hi. Know what?" Izzie stepped into the doorway. Erin winced.
"Yowch," she said. "I'm gonna go and get ready for work," she said.