Elle weaved her way through the bodies of people dancing in the club, heading straight back to where she knew Sofie was, hoping Julian wasn't following her.
"Sof, I'm gonna go," Elle said, setting the vodka cranberry drink Julian bought her onto the bar top in front of her.
"What? Why?" Sofie asked, breaking her attention away from the guy she was with.
"I just... I'm gonna go. I had fun," Elle told her, sending a smile her way as she squeezed her arm.
"Elle, why?" Sofie asked as Elle moved around her toward the direction of the exit.
"Just... call me tomorrow," Elle offered as she moved toward the door of the club, wanting more than anything to just get some fresh air.
Her whole head was a mess. She went temporarily mad underneath his touch, his kiss. Good god. Did that really happen?
When Elle finally broke out of the building, she took a deep breath, dragging precious air into her lungs, hoping it would help clear up the fog in her mind. But it didn't help. Especially when she felt a firm hand grab onto her arm and her breath was taken away again.
"Elle, hey," she heard his worried voice, and cringed as he spun her body toward him.
"Where are you going?" Julian asked, his intense, yet genial eyes washing up and down her face.
"I've... I've gotta go home," she told him, trying her best to not look into his eyes, but focusing on his mouth was equally as hypnotizing.
"W-why?" He asked, knitting his eyebrows together, sounding plagued.
Elle's whole body stiffened when she saw the familiar flashes of a camera on Julian's face as he looked at her.
"Shit," she hissed.
Julian's eyes shot up to whomever it was taking their picture, and Elle knew they had been caught, and it really wasn't going to look good on her part.
"Elle, are you dating the virginal movie star now?" She heard a menacing chuckle, as Julian dropped her arm from his grasp.
She turned to find a guy named Liam, who was a diehard paparazzo, a guy that was practically the leader of the paps calling her out for getting 'special treatment' in the field because she was a woman. He was seriously an asshole, and Elle always found it unpleasant to work around him. He was the type of paparazzo to start a fight with a celebrity just to be able to sue them when the celebrity lost their shit on him and broke his camera or punched him in the face. He called it a 'bonus' when something like that happened.
Elle scoffed at Liam and trudged down the sidewalk away from both men. She didn't think she had it in her to deal with either of them.
"Elle!" Julian called out again.
What the hell did this guy think he was doing? Did he really want to be associated with someone like her?
"Elle, stop," Julian called out as he trailed behind her. She could also see the flash of Liam's stupid camera as he followed them down the sidewalk.
"Taxi!" Elle shouted, holding her hand out, looking down the road for a yellow cab. All she really wanted to do was get the hell out of there.
"Come on, Elle," Julian said, grasping onto her arm again.
"What are you doing?" She asked him in a low voice, turning to look him straight in the eye. He was absolutely crazy, she was certain.
"I just want to get to know you," he breathed lowly as Liam barely gave them any privacy while he snapped an overabundance of unnecessary pictures of the two of them.
Elle's cheeks blushed as she turned away from Julian, still trying to hail a cab.
This whole situation with Julian was the first time she had ever been on the other side of the lens, starting with the night of the infamous gay questioning, and it made her uncomfortable as hell, which also made her angry. It put her in the shoes of every single one of her subjects she photographed since she became a pap. She was Brayden Fields. She was Nina Kendall. She was Julian. Her stomach knotted tightly as a lump formed in her throat.
"TAXI!" Julian's voice bellowed as he threw his hand up to hail a cab.
And for some outrageous reason, out of nowhere, one appeared, pulling up to the curb in front of them.
"Thanks," Elle said quietly, looking up at him warmly.
He nodded, smiling at her as he opened the back door of the vehicle for her. She quietly slid in, just wanting to be away from everything associated with that night. She was glad Julian was just going to let it be, that he was just going to let her go.
As Elle told the cab driver her address, Julian slid in next to her in the cab, shutting the door after him.
"What are you doing?" Elle choked out as Liam went even crazier with snapping pictures of them from outside of the cab.
"Drive," Julian told the cabby firmly.
"Julian, what are you doing!?" Elle snapped, her voice straining slightly.
"Making sure you get home alright," he told her as the driver merged into traffic, moving away from the club.
"I'm twenty-four years old. I think I can make it home by myself," Elle scoffed incredulously.
"I want to be sure," he told her with the slightest of grins.
"This is... oh my god. They're gonna... oh my god," she groaned agonizingly, bringing her hands up to her face, slightly freaking out.
"What?" He chuckled, looking over at her.
"You and I are dating now. That's what everyone in the fucking free world is going to think by the morning," Elle told him incredulously as she flailed out her arms angrily. Julian just chuckled, finding humor in her distress.
"I know how these stories blow out of proportion, Julian. I have a hand in blowing these goddamn stories out of proportion. And that guy – that fucking guy that was just taking our picture is a ruthless asshole," Elle explained to him, freaking out completely.
"It's not that big a deal," Julian stated, shrugging passively. Her eyes immediately widened as she looked at him.
"Not that big a deal!?"
"People think what they want either way," Julian told her calmly.
"There's fucking proof," Elle pointed out.
"There's no proof," he countered, shaking his head.
"What the hell do you think those pictures are?" Elle asked him, not even able to comprehend the delusion he was living in.
"So they'll be printed tomorrow. And by the end of the week, nobody will give a shit," he said with a come-what-may attitude, causing her to grumble under her breath.
"It's not like anyone got footage of what happened on the dance floor," he added, smirking suggestively at her, cocking his eyebrow.
Elle's stomach turned violently with his words. She squeezed her legs shut tightly, trying to stop the pleasurable sensations that shot through her as the memories of his lips on her earlobe, on her neck, on her lips infiltrated her brain.
"That... that was irresponsible," she said, her eyes shying away from him.
"It was something," he said suggestively.
"Just, stop," she said, shaking her head.
"What are you so afraid of?" He chuckled, finding pleasure in her pain.
"What are you... like, what? You... I—ughhh," she stuttered, letting out a growl of frustration. Julian only chuckled at her outburst.
"This is serious," she snapped at him.
"It's not that serious," he countered evenly.
"Oh my god," she growled, letting out a large sigh.
"I'm sorry. I just don't find it to be that big a deal," Julian chuckled, watching her from across the cab. Elle huffed out a breath, rolling her eyes.
"So tell me..." Julian said, trying to get her attention by cocking his head.
Elle's eyes flicked up at him tentatively through the darkened cab of the vehicle – his face illuminated by each street lamp that passed. He was so beautiful, it made her sick. He shouldn't have been allotted that much beauty. It just wasn't fair to the others around him who couldn't breathe in his presence because he was just so attractive.
"What do you find so wrong about all of this?" He asked curiously.
"About what exactly?" She asked for clarification.
"About me pursuing you," he told her confidently.
"Pursuing me?" She choked out, feeling her esophagus closing up with the words.
"Yeah," he said with a nod as his fair eyes sparkled in the light of another street lamp.
"Uh..." She faltered, looking at him wide-eyed with her mouth partially agape.
Julian chuckled, before his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Elle's eyes immediately caught the action, and between that and the words he spoke, she was certain she was done for. One more lick of his lips and she just might pass out.
His motions were quick, catching her completely off guard. He leaned in, grabbing the back of her neck, pressing his lips hard against her own. She was so flustered at first that she just froze in shock. But as his lips moved against hers, hers becoming pliable as she kissed him back.
She was so desperate for this man, she found herself pawing at his shirt, grabbing it in fistfuls, trying to pull him closer to her as his tongue tangled with hers. His blunt fingers dug into the side of her neck, holding her steady as his other hand came up, grasping unapologetically at her breast.
"Ahhhem," they heard the cab driver clear his throat, trying to get their attention.
Elle was not aware of time in those fleeting moments. She was just kissing him, and trying desperately not to faint from loss of oxygen – or just from Julian in general. Her cheeks tinged with pink when she realized they were caught, and what they were doing was highly inappropriate with another person in their presence.
Elle pressed her hands against Julian's chest, breaking their lock on each other as her head snapped in the direction of the man in the front seat. He was looking back at the two of them through the rear-view mirror with a knowing smirk on his face.
"Your destination, miss," he told Elle in an even tone, thankfully not condemning them for their momentary loss of self-control.
"Oh," Elle said, bringing her fingers up to her battered lips as she looked out the window to see her apartment building.
"Here," Julian said as he pulled out his wallet, filing through the bills before he handed some to the man.
"Have a great evening," the man chuckled, sending them off with a salute of his hand, and Elle could do nothing but giggle at the gesture.
Julian pushed open the cab door and grabbed Elle's hand to help her out. Once she was on her feet, Julian pulled her against his body, looking straight into her eyes. Elle looked back into his, wondering just what in the hell they were doing. How did this happen? Thankfully the cab was already tail lights down the road.
"I used to look at you... like, try to watch you. You were so intriguing," Julian began to speak, causing Elle's mouth to go completely dry.
"What?" She choked out, feeling her cheeks begin to burn with blush.
"You'd be watching me, but I'd try to watch you back. And I swear, I always felt something when I'd catch your eye. I'd see the same emotion come from you that I was feeling," he spoke low and steady. Elle swallowed hard, listening to every word of his confession.
"That night—the night of the video, when you got my attention, I was so excited that we were conversing, I didn't even care that you were asking about my personal life. And then you asked me if I was gay..." He continued, letting out a laugh. She chuckled uncomfortably, still feeling like an asshole for asking something so personal.
"I didn't want to. I really didn't," she told him as she shook her head lightly, dropping her gaze from his, feeling so incredibly embarrassed with herself.
"I could tell how uncomfortable you were," he said, reassuring her with his words.
"I felt sick over it," Elle told him truthfully.
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way," he joked, bringing humor into the conversation.
"You always make me feel that way," she confessed, realizing how ridiculous it sounded, even though it was entirely true.
"Oh, jeez. I don't even know how to respond to that," he laughed, taking a step back, but still held onto her.
"No, no. Not in a bad way," she said with a smile, swatting lightly at his chest.
"Well, as long as I don't make you physically ill in a bad way," he said sarcastically.
"Shut up," she scoffed, smiling timidly up at him.
"I really make you sick?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.
"Just, shut up," she insisted, unable to keep the smile off her face. He laughed, leaning down to kiss her, and she let him.
"Did that make you sick?" He asked quietly, in that seductive tone he liked to lead with.
"Slightly," she mewled, smirking at him.
"Wow. You'll have to explain that to me some time," he laughed blithely.
"It's... hard to explain," she said quietly, looking away from him again.
"Hmm," he hummed as his fingers dug into her hips, pulling her closer.
"What is this, Julian?" She asked him apprehensively.
"What is what?" He asked smoothly.
"This," she said, gripping onto his shirt as he held her flush against his body.
"I don't know. When I saw you tonight, leaning against the bar, I swear... I swear I was seeing things. First of all, I've never seen you like that – dressed like this. You're... you're always in your jeans and Converses. Always with a camera. But you were there – in front of me – breathtaking, and I just knew... I knew that was it, that it was time for me to really break the ice," Julian explained sincerely, making her really believe him.
Every word he confessed pulled at her heart and shot overwhelming sensations throughout her body. She thought she might explode or pass out or something. She just knew she had to have him. Now was the time.
Without another moment wasted, Elle wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, kissing him like he kissed her in the cab – hungered and frenzied. They were standing on the deserted sidewalk outside her building, and she knew where she wanted to take him. She knew where they would end up.
Elle slowly began walking him backwards to the door of her building as they kissed, and he went along with it. She only broke the kiss once they approached the door, reaching into her bra to pull out her house keys.
"Clever," he praised, smirking at her, and she bobbed her eyebrows at him before unlocking the main door.
"Come on," she interjected, grabbing his hand, leading him toward the staircase.
He followed right behind her until they reached the fourth floor. Elle quickly unlocked her apartment door, flipping on the lights and throwing her keys on the small table by the entrance. She also pulled her phone and some cash out of her bra, setting them next to her keys.
"What else do you have in there?" Julian asked, smirking at her as he closed the door behind them.
"Just me," she answered, smirking back flirtatiously, and she watched as his eyebrow slightly cocked from her words.
Elle took a few steps further into her tiny studio apartment and turned to look at him.
"It's not much, but there's a bed," she said suggestively.
"There is a bed. I see that," he acknowledged, smirking devilishly as he slowly walked toward her.
"Do you want something to drink, or..." She asked, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck.
"Or?" He breathed, cocking his eyebrow as he held onto her hips.
"Or me?" She offered boldly, smiling as innocently as possible at him.
"I'll take the latter," he said, smiling widely before his lips molded against hers.
Their kisses took on a life of their own. Her fingers desperately clawed at his clothing, wanting more than anything for him to be naked, sprawled out so perfectly for her. Elle couldn't deny how promiscuous the alcohol was making her. She wanted to touch his entire body. She wanted to kiss and taste every inch of his flesh. Her mind took her there many times before, but this was the first time her little fantasies ever had the chance to see the light of day – or the dark of night.
Elle frantically pushed up his shirt with the heels of her palms before she let her left hand trail back down the smooth expanse of his abdomen. She groaned against his mouth as he tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth. Holy hell. She was sure her body was about to start shaking with need for him.
Julian pulled back enough so she could rip his t-shirt over his head. When she looked in his eyes, they were nearly black, swirling with unadulterated lust, and she was certain hers mirrored his in every single way. Elle moaned inwardly before bending slightly to kiss her way down his chest and stomach. His fingers tangled in her hair, and she could hear soft moans escape from his lips as she kissed him.
Her kisses stopped once she reached his belt buckle. She was sure her fingers had never moved so fast in their existence. She had his belt and pants undone in record time, and she was kissing her way down his deep sex lines, right to the top of the waistband of his Calvin Klein's as she squatted in front of him. Her fingertips dug into the flesh of his hips, before she thrust her hands in the back of his jeans, pushing his pants down his legs.
"Oh, Elle," she heard him groan as she continued to kiss his flesh.
She slowly and sensually kissed her way back up his body, up his neck, across his jaw until their mouths met again. As they kissed, Julian reached his hands down, grabbing the hem of her dress, and pulled it up over her head in one sweeping motion, leaving her in her bra and panties. His free hand grazed over her chest as his other hand discarded the dress onto the floor. There was something undeniably sexy about standing in front of him in only her under garments and knee high boots.
Julian's mouth came down kissing the tops of her breasts as his hands cupped under each one of them. Elle reached back unclasping her bra and let it fall against his hands. He smiled up at her appreciatively, before he peeled the fabric away, looking down to see his prize.
His mouth came down to her breasts almost immediately, thoroughly teasing and tasting them. And she was certain she could have come right then and there from his torturous hot mouth on her sensitive flesh. But she dug her fingers into his shoulder blades and held herself together.
When Julian's mouth slid up her collarbone, Elle collected what mindful thoughts she had left and pushed him back onto the bed. He chuckled as he bounced backwards onto the mattress, and Elle couldn't help but giggle as she watched him.
She leaned down, pulling off both of his shoes and socks before she discarded his slacks altogether. She slipped her hands up his thighs as he reached up, grabbing onto her hips to pull her down on top of him. Their bare chests met seconds before their mouths did as Julian's hands grasped firmly onto her ass, pressing her lower half straight into his hardness.
Elle gasped against his mouth, and knew that kissing his lips was not what she truly wanted right then. She pulled up, smirking at him as she, as gracefully as she could, rolled her body off of him, causing a slight whimper to escape from his lips. It literally only fueled her further.
"Move up," she told him before she unzipped both of her boots and kicked them off, removing her socks as well.
Julian did what was asked and shimmied himself up her mattress. Elle knelt onto the bed and hooked her fingertips around the waistband of his boxer briefs, and slowly, torturously pulled them off of his body. She dropped her feet down on the floor, standing back to savor the moment, to savor the sight of him.
Her eyes, her body, her entire being was so thoroughly satisfied seeing him laid out on the bed, completely naked, just for her. He was a fucking killer. The absolute most beautifully crafted specimen of a man she'd ever seen.
Elle groaned as she leaned down and dug her fingernails into the flesh of his thighs, unable to control herself any longer. One by one, she pressed her knees onto the bed, between his spread legs. Sitting down on her calves, she reached out, touching him for the first time. He let out a hankered groan, leaning his head back against her pillow.
"Oh, baby," she moaned as her hand began to pump him slowly.
"Mm. That's good," he groaned, letting his mouth drop open, which was almost too sexy for words.
Licking her lips, Elle leaned in, wrapping her mouth around the head of his penis, causing him to let out another groan from deep within him. As she worked her mouth around him, his fingers came down his body to tangle gently into her hair. His satisfied moans and groans were killing her. And when he swiped her hair out of her face, she looked up into his glazed eyes, and he gave her one of the best smiles she'd ever seen. She sucked him up and down for a few quick successions before she pulled up, licking him one last time before sitting herself up completely.
"Fuck, Elle," he breathed out exasperated, running his hand through the front of his hair.
Elle moved her way up his body, kissing a trail the entire way before dragging her lips over his stubble-filled jawline until their mouths connected once again.
"You are so unbelievable," Julian breathed against her lips, his hands sliding around her, gripping onto her ass.
Elle giggled as she sat up again, his hands being forced to leave her backside.
He employed his right hand with another task, slipping it into the front of her panties as he sat up, kissing her again. His fingers slipped down her clef and she slid her knees open so he had more room to work with.
"You're nearly dripping," he murmured, his lips tugging into a smile as they hovered against her lips.
"Can you blame me?" She asked honestly, smiling against his.
"Mm," he hummed as his fingers began a steady rhythm against her clit, causing her body to writhe against his hand, her breathing becoming labored almost immediately.
"Oh-hh-hh," she shuddered out a breath as the pleasure nearly engulfed her entire body.
"Oh my god, Julian. It feels so good," she whimpered, gripping onto his shoulders, trying to steady herself.
She could honestly say, she had never been fingered in that position before. And the way that his breathing heightened, like it was turning him on so much to be doing it, was so fucking attractive. She wanted to explode.
As the pleasure in her body rose, she was just a mess of whimpers and moans, their breaths colliding in the minute space between their mouths, creating a heady, humid atmosphere.
"Julian, oh. Mm. Please," she whimpered.
She wanted more than anything for him to fuck her. She was sure she would beg on her knees for it with how worked up she was.
Elle quickly leaned toward her nightstand, causing Julian to retract his hand back. She pulled open the drawer finding exactly what she needed. When her fingers finally grasped onto the small square package, she sat back up, already ripping it open.
"Lay back," she instructed, and he obeyed immediately, his eyes never leaving hers.
He smirked at her as she tossed away the condom wrapper, her body scooting down on the bed so she had easier access to him. She rolled the condom down his hardened shaft rather skillfully compared to how little she had actually ever done it. When she was finished, she sat up on her knees, ready to push her panties down her hips.
"Allow me," Julian offered with a smirk, sitting up as he wedged his hands underneath hers. She let go with a smile on her face and let him have his way.
His smooth hands rubbed over the front of her stomach, dipping down the curve between her legs. She moaned as she bit her lip. The fact that he was touching her fulfilled so many fantasies, it wasn't even funny.
"You're perfect," he breathed lowly, kissing the patch of skin right above her panty line.
"Oh, god. Please," she groaned, letting her head fall back, eyes closed.
She felt his dull fingernails scrape down her hip bones, pulling the fabric down her legs, and she did what she could to speed up the process, kicking them off as soon as she could.
She slipped her legs over his, sitting astride him as she wrapped her arms loosely around the back of his shoulders. When their mouths met again, Elle slowly rolled her hips back and forth, her center sliding against his hardness.
"Fuck," Julian sighed pleasurably, and she knew she couldn't keep it up, because she was teasing both of them unnecessarily.
They were right fucking there – on the cusp with each other. She was so entirely ready.
Elle left one last hardened kiss on his mouth before she pulled herself onto her knees again, gripping his shaft to press herself down on it slowly. Her body enveloped him perfectly, and the sighs that came out of both of her mouths were of complete satisfaction.
She took a few moments to steady herself above him, pressing her palms against his chest as she bit her lip from the pleasing sensations that overcame her. He felt so good.
Once she started to roll her hips again, it was like the flood gates had opened inside of her. She felt like she might actually cry. The emotions she felt in those first few moments were transcendent and intense. But she choked them down and continued on, the pleasure increasing with each roll of her hips.
"Oh, god, Elizabeth," Julian sighed as he laid down on his back, looking up at her with wanton desire.
There was something so intimate about the way he said her full name. Sure, it was the name her parents gave her at birth, but she never told Julian that. He figured it out on his own and it made her heart flourish for him.
Elle opened her eyes to look straight into his and found his hooded, lust-filled eyes looking back at her. The way he was looking at her, like he had gotten everything he ever wanted, caused goosebumps to sprout on her flesh and the neurons in her brain to release heavy doses of dopamine, making her feel drugged out on lust.
"This is... oh, god..." Elle groaned, unsure of what she could say to really cement the moment the way she wanted to, to rationalize her feelings for him. Because in all honesty, her feelings for him were completely irrational.
Julian didn't need rationalization though, because his eyes showed her he felt exactly the same way.
"Mm-hmm," he hummed agreeably, digging his fingers into her haunches as he helped guide her body along.
"Oh, god," Elle sighed as she pulled up and came back down on him, beginning to really give it a go.
As her rhythm sped up, so did their breathing. Her gasps were coming out high-pitched and Julian's grunts were coming out low. It was a perfect representation from both ends of the spectrum.
When the pleasure became so intense that she thought she might pass out, her nails dug into his chest as she spilled herself all around him. When she could do nothing but ride it out, Julian grabbed her in his arms, pressing her down onto her back on the bed.
He knelt in front of her, gripping onto her legs as he continued to drive himself in and out of her. She was gasping erratically, and his grunts were ragged and savage sounding as he too lost himself.
His hands came down on either side of her head, holding himself up as he panted hard, trying to regain his breath.
"Holy—" Elle sighed, sliding her hand across her sweaty forehead to swipe her hair away.
"Mmm," he replied wordlessly as he rolled onto his back next to her on the mattress.
Their heavy breathing was all that could be heard for some time as they relished in the feelings coursing through them. As soon as Elle could finally breathe again, she turned her body toward his and curled up against him.
"Here—" Julian offered, lifting his arm up so she could rest her head on it. He pulled her tightly against him and she let her eyes flutter closed.
...
"Elle... Elizabethhh," she heard a soft voice cooing her name.
She squinted her eyes before she even opened them, knowing full well that the sun was blasting through her apartment windows. She slowly opened one of her eyes and Julian's face was the focal point, hovering above hers. She hadn't taken out her contacts from the night before, so his features were perfectly in focus the second she opened her eyes.
"Hey," he cooed, smiling down at her.
"Hey," she croaked out.
"I've, uh... I've got to go," he told her, looking slightly disappointed.
"What?" She asked as she slowly sat up.
Julian pulled back, sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed, whereas she was still completely naked underneath the blanket. He must have moved her under the covers after she fell asleep. That thought immediately caused a fluttering in her stomach. She and Julian freaking Reed shared a bed and did very, very naaughty things with each other in said bed.
"I've, uh... I've got a meeting with my agent today," he said, looking at her apprehensively.
"Oh, okay," she said, nodding her head lightly as she looked down at her hands.
"But, hey..." He began, catching her eyes again.
"Hmm?" She hummed, feeling increasingly awkward.
"We can get together again soon, I promise. And maybe next time I won't have to leave you like this," he offered with a smirk, and Elle couldn't help but smile bashfully back at him.
"You are so perfect, Elle," he said, leaning in to kiss her.
"Not like you," she mewled against his lips.
He chuckled, kissing her again. They kissed for a few long moments before he had to pull away.
"Can I, um... get your number?" He asked, smirking at her, looking slightly ashamed that they did what they did without actually really knowing each other.
"Yeah. Um, yeah. For sure," she told him as he pulled out his phone from his pocket.
Elle rattled off her ten digits and he quickly entered them in, his thumbs sliding smoothly over the face of his phone. Everything he did caught her attention, from the way his tongue peeked out on the edge of his lips, to the way he ran his fingers casually through his already tousled hair. She wasn't sure why he walked on water in her mind, but he did.
"I'll text you so you have my number too," Julian said as his fingers continued to type frantically.
Moments later, her phone buzzed loudly on the table by the front door.
"Voilà," he interjected, smirking at her wide-eyed and pleased with himself. Elle giggled as she pressed in for another kiss.
"I'll call you," he assured her, leaving one last kiss on her lips before he pulled himself up from the bed.
Elle watched him walk to the door, wanting nothing more than to pull him back in bed with her and discard all of his offensive clothing once again.
"Bye, Elle," he said, smiling back at her as he pulled open the front door.
"Bye, Julian," she said and watched as he gave her one last smile and shut the door behind him, leaving her all alone to relive all the events of the previous night in her head.