"I loved you at your darkest." Romans 5:8
I told Luna what happened yesterday in English and she couldn't stop laughing.
She said if the elite knows who I am the whole school will know.
I would be the center of attention. And it will either be a good thing or a bad one.
I couldn't help but agree with her. I know what the elite do. They keep their eye on someone new, someone fresh, and wait until they can attack and rip that person into pieces.
I am not sure if that is what I want my life to be.
Maybe changing myself was not a good idea after all.
That's the thing I hate about myself the most. Overthinking every action I have made my entire life.
Ever since I was young the constant feeling of being valued, being accepted by those around me was something important to me.
I guess no one likes to be an outsider. I guess I never did.
But I proposed to myself to let go of everything that has been holding me back for all these years.
I will find that spark I have been searching for my whole life.
I knew coming to the Academy of the Arts was a start. A fresh start as some will say. And I wasn't going to let go of this opportunity.
I woke up extra early today to make sure I am prepared for a school day. I made breakfast, showered, got my materials ready and went for a walk before classes started.
Luna always gets up later than me since she never wants to go on morning walks with me.
But something about morning walks relaxes me. It's time for me and only me. I am able to listen to my thoughts, although some might be scary it is important to listen to your body and mind.
Looking at my phone it was 8:10 meaning I had 5 minutes left to get to class.
English here I come.
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When I arrived Brady, Blake, and Amanda were not in the classroom.
Classmates gossiped about how they were going to be late since they are on the school board and have important meetings to attend. Of course, they will be on the school board; they literally own the school. And I am not just saying because they are popular, but their parents always donate an enormous amount of money to make sure their children are well taken care of. And by well taken care of I mean given the power to do whatever they please. Of course, everything they please except harming the school or its reputation.
When I had given the news to my parents that I got accepted to the academy they did not want to let me come. They believed this school would brainwash me. Make me forget where I came from. But maybe that was exactly what I was looking for. I was looking for the academy to make me forget where I came from because I never wanted to go back.
I knew my parents would not let me come to The Academy of the Arts which is why I lied to them. They believe I am attending a different school, not the one they forbade me to enter. But something my parents don't know about their daughter is that I make my own decisions.
"Okay, class please listen up. As you all have known since entering the academy. You are only able to graduate if you pass the final project for the school year." says Ms. Martinez
The whole class started complaining. We all knew about the project and we were surprised it happened so soon.
"Yes, I hear you all. However, the project was going to happen sooner or later. It is better if we finish the project earlier in the year so all you have to worry about is passing your classes."
I actually agree with the professor . Might as well finish the project sooner so I don't feel all stressed out at the end of the year.
"Blake, Amanda, and Brady thank you all for joining us. Please take your seats. I was just explaining to the class about the senior project you will all need to pass in order to graduate." Ms. Martinez repeats again.
They all took their seat and Blake was next to me. He kept looking at me and I swear I just hoped my cheeks were not red.
"Okay pay attention. The project will be done by partners. You will talk about your major, what will you do after graduating from the Academy of the Arts. How will you achieve what you want to become or who you want to become. And with your partner, you will learn more about them. You will describe how you are alike and yet different. Any questions?" Ms. Martinez asks.
"Will we be able to choose our partners?" -Amanda says.
This is a bad thing. First because I didn't have friends in this class meaning if we chose partners I wouldn't know who to choose. And also because what if I get someone I don't feel comfortable with.
"No, I will be choosing your partners. First, we have Amanda and Brady, Rose and Blake..."
No not Blake.
Why him?
I swear I just want to graduate and never be able to see anyone ever again.
Ms. Martinez finished announcing the partners and everyone complained as usual.
"Please go talk to your partners about how your project will look like." Ms. Martinez says.
Umm, I wasn't going to go talk to Blake. He can come to me. The least he can do is save me from that embarrassment.
"So I guess we are partners huh."- Blake says
"Umm Yeah."- I respond
"Where do you want to work on it?"- Blake asks
"The library is fine. It helps me focus." I respond.
It was set then we would work on it in the library.
Wish me luck.
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Dear Diary,
Another interesting day in the life of Rose Sulivan. Guess What? I am Blakes' partner in the senior project. I honestly do not know how to feel. Half of me is excited. Like if I am finally going to meet the famous Blake Hudson. Know more about him. However, the other part of me is sacred because it means he will learn more about me. He will know how ugly I am on the inside. How broken I am and I am just not ready for that. Let's see how far this will go.
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