ᵇᵘʳⁿᵒᵘᵗ ; ᵏ. ᵏᵒᶻᵘᵐᵉ

𝟬.𝟯 𝗲𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

the night felt too long, your phone vibrated and you saw kenma had texted you. 

kenma

hey, it's kenma. 

you

hey kenma, how's it going?

kenma 

can't sleep, was wondering if you were awake. it's getting pretty late it's almost two in the morning.

you

yeah, we should probably get some sleep? 

kenma sat on his bed debating if he should send this text or not, his thumb hovered over the send button and he accidentally sent it. his face contorted into a look of pure of shock as he threw his phone to the end of his bed and shoved his face into his pillow screaming. 

kenma

i'm really glad we've started talking, i hope we can get closer.

you grinned and started typing back. 

you

i'm happy too! of course, i planned on getting closer anyways haha.

kenma hesitated to look at your text but felt relieved when he read it, he said his goodnight as did you and you put your phone down going back to your sketchbook. you finished aiko's portrait and added darker lines to the corner of her lips because they were smiling, you were really grateful for aiko. she's always been there for you, you knew she was leaving high school soon and moving onto college just like kuroo. though she would still be close-ish you couldn't help but feel your chest tighten at the thought of her losing touch with you. 

laying on your back you stared at the ceiling trying to figure out how you felt. it was difficult when you didn't even know how to describe it. it was a mixture of melancholy but there was a purpose to it. you had lost someone close to you and previous to that you had already been struggling, your mental health took a toll on you many years ago and slowly chewed away at your self-esteem, sense of emotion and filled it with negative thoughts that made you want to hurt yourself just to fill your brain with some type of feeling. 

you were clean for six months, you had a sense of pride still those six months couldn't go to waste. you knew relapsing was part of recovering but you refused to do it right now, your mother had taken any razors, etc out of your room and the only thing stopping you from getting them was how exhausted you felt. 

you woke up to the sound of your brother telling you he was leaving, he had woken up late as well. checking your phone the time was eleven thirty, groaning you thought about going to school or staying home. aiko's group chat she made had some new texts, 

aiko

i don't think [name] is awake, she slept in again -_-

kuroo

did you call her?

aiko

yes, three times! she didn't answer... 

kenma

she's probably sleeping, she was up late last night.

kuroo

oya? you texted her~

aiko

ouuu, go kenma

kenma

both of you guys shut the hell up before i bully you like i do to lev. 

you

sorry guys, slept in. i'm not going to school today, i'm going to work in a couple hours.

the light from your phone made you squint your eyes, turning your phone off you stayed in the warmth of your bed for a little while longer. you had stuff you needed to do but you didn't want too, you kept pushing it away. you grabbed your computer and looked at the five assignments you had piled up, scrolling through trying to find the easiest one you worked quickly on it giving it about half of your overall effort something is better than nothing, right? 

the time was now one o'clock and you unwillingly dragged yourself out of your bed and slowly walked to the bathroom and hopped in the shower hoping it would make you feel better, no matter how much you scrubbed at your skin the feeling wouldn't go away. you brushed your teeth quick and went back to your room to get dressed. throwing on a pair of baggy, ripped blue jeans with a black belt and a black tank top that zipped up at the back and stopped just before your belly button, showing off your red belly jewelry you looked at yourself in the mirror. the top was rather revealing but you didn't really care, stepping into your black, high top converse you headed out the door to nine tails. 

"hey, kid! you're here early, shouldn't you still be at school?" iruka said as the bells on the door jingled. 

you walked behind the desk and sat on the stool, "i didn't end up going today, i finished one of my assignments though."

he smiled and gave you a fist bump, "good job, keep it up and get those others done!" 

you smiled and nodded. your phone rang and you saw yaku was calling you, "i have to take this, be right back."

yaku

hey, [name]. are you free today? 

you

yeah. i'm at work right now, since i came earlier i should be able to leave an hour or so early.

yaku

sounds good, i'll be outside of nine tails around five thirty and we can head over. 

ending the call you took a deep breath, you haven't visited your brother very much recently because you hated the feeling you had when you were there. you knew yaku felt the same way and you couldn't bring yourself to hate him, it wasn't his fault after all. 

"you okay, kid?" 

you sat back down, "yaku and i are going to visit sora when i'm done work."

he smiled sadly and closed the reception book, "it's been awhile hasn't it?"

you nodded and layed your head down on the glass desk with some of the jewelry on display underneath of it in their cases, "yeah... it's been a couple of months." 

iruka wrapped his arms around you providing you with some comfort, melting into his hug he continued, "take it easy." 

you spent a bit of time answering calls and emails and giving information to the people who were calling in and booked a few appointments. back in your room you started piecing together jewelry for a client who wanted a new theme, you bopped your head slightly as you listened to the music through the speakers, 'tubthumping' by chumbawamba. finalizing your idea you picked the jewelry out of the case and placed it on the desk waiting for the lady to come in. 

after your appointment you took a break and went on your phone scrolling through your social media, seeing a follow request from kenma you accepted it and requested to follow him back. you smiled at the thought of him, you wanted to help him out and help him build his confidence but respect his boundaries. you've been building your portfolio up for some time and had to finish a few more drawings to show your skills, your book was filled with small sketches of flowers, skulls, people, how emotions looked to you, drawings based on songs and more in-depth detail drawings as well as realistic drawings of your family and aiko. 

the clock hit five thirty and you cleaned up your area before heading out and waving goodbye to the employees and iruka. to your right you saw yaku walking up to the door with spider lilies in his hand, "i forgot to ask, you don't have practice?" 

he rubbed his nape, "i do but i told coach i wouldn't be coming today and told him why, he understood."

the walk was silent and the only sound heard was your shoes hitting the pavement. arriving at your destination you stopped at the gate, your chest tightened it's been months... should you even be here? would sora be upset you haven't visited him? yaku grabbed your hand supportively and stepped forwards waiting for you to do the same. 

play 'roslyn' by bon iver to add to the feels.

you squeezed his hand tightly and kept your eyes on the ground. as you stepped with him you got closer and closer until the walking stopped, your eyes moved up slowly as your empty [eye color] eyes stopped, your brothers grave stood in front of you. you stared at it silently as did yaku, he lightly ran his thumb over your fingers to tell you he was still here with you. your breaths became rigid as tears gathered up in your eyes, yaku's hand fell to his side as you let go to rub the tears away. no one had even said a word yet. 

yaku silently placed the flowers next to the stone and bit his lip slightly, "if i knew what was going to happen... i never would've suggested going."

you kept quiet as he continued, "he didn't answer his phone, i tried looking for him but he had already left."

yaku's words started to break apart as he talked, "i-i didn't know he got in that car!" 

you dropped down to your knees and sat there listening, "i'm so sorry, [name]. i'm so fucking sorry. everyday i think about it, there isn't a day where i don't. i still think it's my fault, maybe.. maybe if i looked for him sooner he would still be here."

your mascara smeared under your eyes, you looked up at him only to make his tears fall faster when he saw your face, "it's not your fault. you didn't know... i can't bring myself to hate you because every time i see you all i can remember is all the memories sora and us had together."

he smiled bitterly at the thought of you guys getting ice-cream after their games specifically strawberry... it was yours and sora's favourite, picking you up from elementary school and listening to you talk about how fun it was, welcoming you into high school and then watching you loose yourself through out those years. 

"yaku, i don't hate you. i never have, i just couldn't bring myself to be around you."

he helped you up and held you in his arms, "you don't hate me. but i hate myself..."

you held onto him tighter, "that makes two of us."

he chuckled at your comment then remembered what you went through, "I'll still always be here for you, you're still my 'little sister'."

you pulled away and wiped the rest of the wetness off your face, "thank you." 

yaku walked you home and you didn't notice kenma, kuroo and aiko in the distance. aiko was about to call out your name before she saw your brothers friend, getting the idea she shut herself up and let you be. 

"was that [name]?" kuroo asked scratching his head. 

"mhm. leave her be, she's with yaku." aiko responded stopping at her street. 

kenma looked up from his console, "yaku?" 

"he wasn't at practice because he was visiting [name]'s brother with her. yaku was sora's best friend after all," aiko said trying not to say too much. 

nobody was home so you slowly crept into his room, his cologne was still sitting on his dresser. picking it up you held it to your nose and closed your eyes remembering his hugs, looking around quietly you stared at all the pictures that were still hanging up, pictures of him and yaku, the team, your family, him and some of his other friends, you, rin. 

the floor creaked in the hallway and rin passed the room before turning around and standing in the doorway looking at you agonizingly examining sora's bedroom, "[nick name]...?"

rin stepped into the bedroom walking over to you holding in all his feelings for his older sisters sake. saying no words he embraced you in a hug, resting his head on your shoulder he whispered, "i can tell you've had a rough day, let's go." 

he guided you out of the room before shutting the door and walked you to the kitchen, he made you a bowl of pre made ramen noddles and handed it to you, "eat, please. just this, for me. i want you to feel okay."

you finished it all feeling a little bit better and stood up, "thank you, rin." 

he nodded, "wanna watch a show or something?" 

he turned on the t.v in his room and layed down beside you, "you know, [name]? it's okay to have bad days. we all do, you're doing great." 

you smiled and let the overwhelming feeling of tiredness take over. 

you woke up in the same spot to your brother sleeping, it was twelve fifteen am. you grabbed a hoodie and walked to the closest corner store looking to get some ice-cream not planning to run into anyone. 

but there he was, kozume kenma. 

end of chapter three.