***** Juni's Point of View *****
"I think my water just broke," I told Elodie, looking down at the wet spot on the bed and suddenly feeling panicked. This was it. I was really about to give birth. Suddenly all those birthing videos of women screaming in agonizing pain went through my mind and I felt nauseous.
"I don't think I can do this," I said, feeling paralyzed with fear.
Elodie laughed. "Well it's a little too late for that. This baby's coming whether you're ready or not."
After seeing how scared I looked, she added, "You're going to be just fine Juni. You can do this. I promise," giving me a sympathetic look and then a hug.
I was so thankful she was here with me, but being in a moment like this made me miss my Mom so much and I wished more than anything in the world that she was here for this, to give me strength. When she was around I had always felt like I could do anything.
Knox walked in with a case of bed head, rubbing his eyes.
"What's going on?" he asked, with a yawn.
"The baby's coming," Elodie told him and his eyes widened.
"Which one?" he asked, looking between us. "You're gonna have to be more specific."
"Mine," I told him, seeing his eyes lock onto mine. I could see worry in them. I was worried too, so I knew how he felt.
"Let me get cleaned up real quick and then we can go. There's no way I'm walking around with amniotic fluid all over me. Plus the doctor said I could be in labor for hours since it's my first baby."
I went to the bathroom and showered really quick and then changed into clean, comfortable clothes before grabbing the hospital bag out of the closet I had packed a couple weeks ago. By the time I got downstairs Knox, Elodie and Tyler were all waiting for me by the front door, pacing and ready to go.
"I'm driving. We're taking the police cruiser so I can turn on the siren and lights and get us there faster," Knox said, grabbing the bag from my hand and ushering us all outside impatiently.
I looked over and noticed Tyler looked really worried too. He grabbed onto my arm and helped me walk out to the car, as if he thought I was a fragile china doll that could break at any minute. I actually thought it was pretty funny, but also kind of sweet.
With the police lights and sirens on, Knox drove across town like a mad man, getting yelled at by both me and Elodie to slow down. Tyler didn't seem to mind how fast he was driving. He was too distracted holding my hand and asking how much pain I was in.
It wasn't too painful yet. It just felt like your run-of-the-mill cramps. We were at the hospital in no time and Knox pulled up to the emergency entrance, running in to get a wheelchair while Tyler helped me out of the car.
After I got all checked in, they said only one person could go back with me, so I chose Tyler while Elodie and Knox went to the waiting room. I was taken to a room in the maternity ward where the doctor and nurse came to see me and he checked my dilation.
"Like I told you before, the first baby can take several hours of labor. You still have a long road ahead. I'll come back and check on you later," the doctor told us, before leaving.
"Is there anything we can do to speed it up?" I asked the nurse that was taking my vitals.
"Well, there's a medicine we can give called Pitocin, but it makes labor more painful, so what I suggest doing is some light exercise. Walk around the hospital. Take one of our wheelchairs and put your boyfriend in it and push him around."
I looked over at Tyler who was holding my hand.
"Oh he's ummm, he's not my boyfriend. He's the baby's dad, but we're not together anymore," I told her.
For some reason, it hurt me to say that. I wished our baby was coming into this world to two parents who loved each other and had a happy home and had all their shit together. Tyler and I were a train wreck and we were about to be someone's parents. That was a sobering thought.
"Well, whoever he is, put him in the wheelchair and push him around. Walk around the hospital. We'll come check on you every hour to see how it's going," the nurse told me, looking back and forth between me and Tyler with a smile before leaving.
Tyler reached over and put his hands on my belly and then leaned down and kissed it. "I can't wait to meet you Noah. It won't be too much longer little man," he whispered to my belly. He had never done that before and it made me feel something.
It really warmed my heart to see how much he loved the baby and how excited he was to be a Dad now. Then my phone dinged and I looked down to see a text from Knox.
'Hey. The nurse told us we should go home and give you and Tyler some privacy because it's going to be a few hours. She promised to text us when it got closer so we can come back. Love you.'
'Ok. Love you too.' I texted back.
For the next few hours me and Tyler walked around the hospital. We went to the gift shop when it opened at 6:00 am and looked around. He bought a stuffed teddy bear for the baby. We went to the cafeteria and he bought me some snacks, but when we got back up to the room with them, the nurse told us, "only ice chips for her. No food!" and I literally cried because I was starving and because of the pregnancy hormones. Tyler gave me a foot massage and a back massage to calm me down and then we were so bored that he started reading a book out loud to me.
In between contractions I started to drift off to sleep and Tyler started humming a song and softly singing to me as he gently rubbed his fingertips around my face. He had a really good voice and it was very soothing. I thought it was the sweetest thing he had ever done.
I wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy hormones being out of whack or what, but I was starting to feel something for him again and that really scared me. I was already dumb enough to trust the school's biggest player with my heart one time and he absolutely crushed me. I wasn't sure if I was ready to trust him with my heart again after that.
He was about to go off to college all the way in California, far away from me and as a good-looking quarterback, he was going to have beautiful women throwing themselves at him constantly. That was something I didn't want to have to deal with. I needed to just focus on taking care of myself and the baby.
As the hours went on, my contractions got noticeably worse and went from being uncomfortable to sharp shooting pains. After being in labor for a total of 14 hours the doctor came in and said that I wasn't dilating fast enough and they had to give me Pitocin to speed things up. He said if that didn't work they would have to do a C-section. After the Pitocin, the contractions went from being sharp shooting pains to complete and absolute torture.
The next time the doctor came in and checked me, he said it was finally time to start pushing. Tyler held my hand as I groaned loudly in pain and he did the breathing exercises with me that we had practiced. I wasn't sure if it really helped, but it did at least distract me from the pain. I squeezed his hand and gritted my teeth as I strained to push with all my might for a few seconds, before breathlessly collapsing back against the pillow.
"You're doing great Juni. Within the next hour you'll get to meet your baby boy," the doctor said with a smile.
"WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR?!" I screamed. "I CAN'T HANDLE BEING IN THIS MUCH PAIN FOR ANOTHER HOUR!!"
I felt like choking that doctor or Tyler for putting me in this situation. I was so desperate for this to be over.
Tyler stayed right by my side holding my hand and wiping my forehead with a cold cloth. He gave me ice chips and helped with my breathing. After pushing for what felt like forever, I was completely and utterly exhausted and had nothing more to give.
"I can't do it," I sobbed. "I'm too tired."
"Yes you can. You can do this. You're stronger than you know," Tyler told me, swiping my hair out of my face and dabbing the sweat off of my forehead with a cloth. I laid there panting and gripping his hand.
"The baby's almost there," the doctor said. "I can see it's head crowning. Just give me one more really good push. I want you to push as hard as you can for as long as you can this time Juni."
I took a deep breath in and let it out, feeling a new determination come over me. I could do this. I gripped onto Tyler's hand as I sat up and pushed with every ounce of strength I had left in me and gave it everything I had, gritting my teeth and bearing down with a long, loud screaming groan, until I eventually collapsed back onto the pillow panting.
A few seconds later I heard a baby crying and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard and I felt so overwhelmed that I started to cry. I watched as the nurse wiped the baby off and then wrapped it up in a blanket before bringing him over to me.
"Here's your son," she said with a smile. "He's a big, healthy boy."
The nurse laid Noah into my arms and I looked down at him in awe and disbelief. I had never seen anything so perfect in my life. He looked up at me with the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen and my heart melted. I instantly fell in love.
"He's so perfect," I cried, tearing up. I ran my fingers through his light brown hair, admiring his perfect little button nose and rosy pink lips. I couldn't believe he was really here and he was mine. I was his Mom.
I held him close and kissed his forehead a few times as I cried, before looking up at Tyler and seeing him looking at Noah in awe too.
"Do you want to hold your son?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he nodded with a smile. "I like the sound of that. My son."
He sat down on the side of the bed and I passed Noah over into his arms. He looked down into his little face, studying him.
"Hey there little man," he said with a big smile, getting choked up as tears filled his eyes. "I'm your Daddy. I'm gonna be the guy to take you fishing and we're gonna ride dirt bikes and shoot bee bee guns. I'm gonna teach you how to throw a punch and play football. All the important stuff every guy needs to know."
I laughed, wiping my tears away. "You're corrupting him already, I see."
He laughed and then looked back down at Noah with his smile slowly fading. He studied his face and said, "No. I'm going to be a really good Dad. I promise you that. I can fail at anything else, but this is one thing I'm gonna get right."
I took a deep breath in and exhaled, feeling warm and fuzzy from watching Tyler hold his son. "I believe you will," I said with a smile.
Tyler finally raised his head and looked at me and it was like he was seeing me for the first time.
"You did such a good job Juni. He's so perfect."
Then he did something I didn't expect. He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on the lips before he leaned down and kissed Noah's forehead.
"This is the best day of my entire life," he said with the biggest smile. "I'm a Dad. I can't even believe it," he laughed, with his eyes getting watery again. "When you told me you were pregnant, I was terrified and I thought my life was over, but now I realize that my life is just starting. This little boy gives me something to live for. He makes me want to do better and be better for him."
I watched the way he looked down at Noah with pride and love in his eyes and I knew without a doubt I had made the right decision to let him be a part of our baby's life. I just struggled with whether or not I wanted to let him be a part of mine again. Obviously he was always going to be a part of my life because we had a baby together now, but did I want him to be more than just my baby's Dad? Could he potentially be my boyfriend, or maybe even my husband one day? Did he even want that, or was that kiss just him being emotional about having a baby with me?
"Tyler?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah?" he said, looking up from Noah to me with a big smile.
"Tyler, ummm what was that kiss about earlier?" I asked timidly.
"Oh that?" he said, laughing awkwardly with a smile. "Ummm. Well, watching you give birth to our son, it made me realize how amazing and beautiful and strong you are."
His eyes looked into mine and he thought for a second and hesitated before saying, "I realized in that moment that I still love you and I had to kiss you."