The first phase of their training had finished and, with that, Visiting Day had arrived. Lilith had been looking forward to it since the previous week, wanting nothing more than to see Scott once again, for what could very well be the last time. She hadn't really considered that perhaps she wouldn't have any visitors, not until Tris had confessed that she feared that her own parents wouldn't show up. Ever since that conversation, Lilith's heart rate accelerated whenever she thought about it, but instead of being filled with excitement, the brunette was filled with dread and fear.
Eric hadn't been much helpful, either. He had walked into their dorm when they were finishing getting ready, breaking the silent atmosphere with words of warning about not appearing too attached to their visitors, if they even had any. Lilith hadn't been facing him as she rolled her eyes, zipping up the black leather jacket Siobhan had given her a few days prior. The words leaving the leader's mouth seemed like previously memorized Dauntless propaganda, and she highly doubted that Eric had such negative feelings about that day, but it wasn't like she could go up to him and ask. Hell, after their escapade two nights before, Lilith didn't even know if she could approach him in the same way that she used to.
She still had half an hour before the visitors were supposed to arrive, and so she decided to make her way to the dining hall and get herself something to eat. Her eyes searched the table for someone she could sit with, but she found no one. The only other people present were Dauntless members way older than her, and her features immediately twisted into a frown when she briefly met Max's eyes. There was something about him that unsettled her ever since Granger had revealed his orders when it came to Erudite receiving more resources, and so she instantly looked away.
Someone clasped their hand over her shoulder, and Lilith looked to the side to see Nate smiling down at her, "Come on. You can sit with me."
She weakly returned the blond boy's smile before following him to an empty table, both of them sitting down opposite eachother. Lilith's anxiety grew with every second that passed, and her eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. Twenty more minutes and the families would start arriving. Twenty more minutes and she'd know if her mother had cared enough about her to come and see her. Twenty more minutes until her possible reunion with Scott. Trying to convince herself that her family would be there, like they had been for Hortense, years before, she reached out for a muffin on the tray in front of her. Nate had piled several pieces of toast in front of him, and he had already digged through two of them, his blue eyes shining with glee.
"You're not..." the word scared almost fell from her lips, but she cut herself off before it could, "... nervous?"
Nate furrowed his eyebrows, "About what?"
"Visiting Day," she replied, bringing up the muffin to her mouth and taking a bite, "Aren't you worried about your family not coming?"
The blond gave her a small smile, shrugging his shoulders as he swallowed the food in his mouth, "They're coming."
"How do you know?"
"Well, I did hurt them a lot with my choice," he started, "But being someone from Amity means forgiving. I've always thought that that should be something normal in all factions. Parents shouldn't think that their children are betraying them when they make the choice to live in another way, one that fits who they are better than the one they were born into," Nate's eyes met hers, and he released a sigh, "I'm sorry. I tend to get passionate when I discuss this. It's just... if it was betrayal, why would there even be a choice?"
"You are leaving your family behind," Lilith's voice was soft, when she spoke, after a few seconds.
"Yeah," he nodded, "To serve my community in a way that my talents are better suited for. If anything, my family should be proud of me. And I know they are, even if they miss me."
Lilith nodded her head, pondering over her friend's words, before questioning him about who was coming to see him. Nate's eyes had lit up even more as he told her about his parents, who he seemed to love dearly. The brunette couldn't hold back a grin as Nate told her about his mother, Alice, a woman who seemed to be nothing but pure Amity, and his father, Edward, an assistant to Johanna Reyes with a taste for poetry. The love he had for both of them was obvious, and Nate's excitement as he spoke of them seeped into her as they made their way back to the Pit.
For the first time since Lilith had moved to Dauntless, the Pit was filled with people wearing clothes with colors other than black. There were the warm tones of Amity, the greys of Abnegation, the blues of Erudite, and the white accents here and there from the Candor. Her eyes sweeped the crowd, looking for Adelia, but the woman was nowhere to be found. Her smile fell, but she quickly masked her disappointment when she noticed Nate was grinning. She followed his line of sight to see a middle aged couple covered in red and orange garments, and she elbowed her friend lightly.
"Well, go on," she said, gesturing towards the couple.
"What about you?" Nate's gaze turned to her, before he smiled at his parents, "You can come over and meet them, you know? While your family doesn't get here."
She shook her head, "I'll be fine. Go enjoy your time with them."
Lilith watched as Nate made his way to his family, immediately enveloping his mother in a tight embrace. She couldn't help but smile at their reunion, tearing her eyes away from them after a few seconds, in order to give them privacy. Folding her arms over her chest, she looked around the Pit for any signs of her family, the anxiety she had been experiencing before breakfast returning all at once. Chewing on her lower lip, she looked to where Christina was speaking to her mother and her younger sister. The small girl gave her a wave when she noticed her looking, and Lilith returned it, though she made no move to join them. Her eyes then found Peter and his parents, and her jaw was clenched as she wondered if they knew what they had raised. It wasn't their fault, and Lilith didn't blame them for how their son had turned out. Her only question was if Peter wore a mask in front of them, too.
Deciding that she had looked at the Hayes family for long enough, Lilith looked to the other side of the Pit, spotting Siobhan with an older man with the same crystal blue eyes and two toddlers requiring her undivided attention. Her friend had never spoken to her about her family, and the brunette had never thought about asking, since that wasn't something the transfers talked about. Upon further inspection, Lilith noticed that one of the toddler girls shared no similar features with Siobhan or the older man, and her eyebrows were furrowed as she attempted to create a theory about who the little girl was.
"That's Camden," Eric's voice came from her left, and she glanced at him to see him looking at Siobhan's family, "They took her in after her parents passed away in an accident, last year."
"What happened?"
"They were thrill seekers, from what Max told me," he shrugged in response, "One jump out of the train gone wrong, and they never came home to her. It's not unusual here," there was a pause, and Lilith felt the leader's eyes on her, "No visitors?"
The girl pursed her lips, weighting her words before replying, "Not yet."
"Fair enough," he looked at the families filling up the Pit once more, allowing a slightly awkward silence to fill the space between them. Lilith had folded her arms over her chest once again, attempting to hide the way she was fidgeting, as she remembered what had happened a few nights before. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought about what seemed to have been almost a kiss just before falling asleep, and that the mere sight of Eric made her heart beat faster now than it ever had before. She tried to convince herself that it was just physical attraction, that there was no way she'd have actual feelings for someone like him. After all, as good as he had been to her, he was still an asshole. Eric's voice brought her out of her thoughts, "How are you feeling about the rankings for Phase One?"
Lilith scoffed, "I'm not over the moon about it," she revealed, "I mean, those awful days after Peter... you know, I'm pretty sure I've destroyed my chances of getting a decent ranking," her eyes met Eric's, and the girl recognized what looked like pity, something that made her shrug, "It's my own fault, really. I shouldn't have let it get to me as much as it did."
"Did you know him before?"
"Yeah," she nodded her head, glancing to where the three members of the Hayes family were still chattering. Peter seemed a lot nicer when he was in the company of his parents, the harshness in his features fading away as he laughed at something his father had said. Lilith looked away, "We were neighbours. He also had a crush on me when we were 9," the memories made her chuckle to herself, "But I didn't like him back, and I had more things to worry about than boys."
"When you were 9?" The leader raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yeah," she replied. Things that she didn't like remembering were starting to surface, and Lilith closed her eyes for a few seconds, chewing on her lower lip, as she pushed those memories to back of her mind once more. She hadn't really thought about her father since she'd transferred, and she knew that, if she dwelled on it too much, she'd become angry at her mother once more. Those weren't feelings that she wanted to have on Visiting Day, and mainly not in front of Scott. Putting a strand of hair behind her hair, she kept talking, "But we were discussing the rankings. It's ironic how I was sure that I was going to be the best here, and now I'm faced with the fact that I'm actually mediocre. I probably deserve it, honestly."
"Well, there's still two more phases, so you have time," Eric stated, "And you're not."
"I'm not what?"
"Mediocre."
Just as Lilith was turning to look at Eric, someone collided heavily against her side, nearly knocking her off of her feet. Her breath was knocked out of her as she stumbled and placed her hands on the person's shoulders, soon realizing that it had been Scott who had thrown himself at her, much like he always did. The boy's presence made her look around for her mother, and she soon locked eyes with the older woman, who was approaching them at a slower pace, with a smile on her lips. Returning the gesture, Lilith ran her hand through Scott's hair, briefly glancing to the side, to where Eric had been standing seconds before. The spot he had been in was now empty, and she furrowed her eyebrows, before focusing back on her family.
"Hey, mom," she greeted.
"Lilith," Adelia grinned, raising her hand to her daughter's cheek. The brunette was surprised at the gesture, but she made no moves to back away, allowing the warmth of her mother's hand to seep into her face. The older woman looked her over, "You look well."
"I am," she nodded her head, meeting Scott's eyes as he looked up at her, "You guys been doing okay?"
"Yeah," the boy gave her a smile, "Dad comes over for dinner every day now, and we started playing board games together. It's really fun," he paused, "I wish you could be there. You'd win all of them."
"I doubt it," she laughed, "But I'm glad you're happy, bud."
As Scott launched into a description of everything he'd done since the Choosing Ceremony, Lilith looked up at her mother. The woman had a guilty expression in her almod shaped eyes, something that hadn't been there before Scott had mentioned his father. Before she'd transferred, Lilith would have probably hated the fact that Oswald Payton was in her house every night. But now that she was gone, she realized that Adelia and Scott probably needed something to fill the void, and if their choice was Oswald, she wasn't going to blame them for it. She'd never tried to get along with the man, but she knew how special he was to the both of them.
Giving her mother a reassuring nod, Lilith wrapped an arm around Scott's shoulders, as she led them further into the Pit.
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There was a bitter atmosphere surrounding the transfers when they ate dinner, that night, and Lilith assumed that it had to do with the realization that they had just seen their families for the last time. The only other person who hadn't seemed fazed by that notion was Nate, and the two had worked together to bring the others out of their funk. The blond had mentioned a memory about the cat he used to have at home, in Amity, and Will had complained that pets were illogical, making Christina and Lilith both argue against that statement.
The conversation had worked wonders, and the air around them felt much lighter as they walked back to the dorm, where the rankings for the end of Phase One would be finally be announced. Instead of the dread that had hung over them at the beginning of dinner, there was now a heavy cloud of stress over them. Lilith's heart rate had accelerated for what she believed to be the millionth time that day, and not even Nate's reassuring presence as he walked next to her was enough to bring her comfort. Much like she had told Eric, earlier that morning, she fully believed that she had sabotaged herself.
Now was the time to deal with the consequences of that.
Some of the transfers were already present in the dorm when they arrived, and Lilith lost no time in shoving past Myra and Drew to find a spot in the middle of the group, the others following close behind her. Her gaze immediately locked onto Eric, who was leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. On the other hand, Four stood closer to them, twirling a piece of chalk between his fingers as he looked through the group of iniciates. The board with the rankings was being supported against his legs, but the writing was deliberately turned away from their curious eyes.
"For those of you who just came in," Four's dark eyes lingered on Lilith's group, "I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," Lilith nodded when the instructor's eyes landed on her, and Four continued, "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat."
"Meaning that you earn more points whenever there's improvement," Eric interviened, pushing himself away from the wall. Christina fidgeted next to Lilith, and the brunette remembered how the leader had forced her best friend to hang over the Chasm. Her hand clasped the other girl's tightly, and Christina gave her a small smile, before they turned back to Eric, "The higher the level of the opponent you beat, the more points you gain."
"There's no reward for preying on the weak," Four cut the other male off, receiving a glare in return, "That's cowardice."
"On the eyes of some," Eric retorted.
Four pointedly ignored him, "If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low ranked opponent."
Molly grumbled from somewhere behind her, and Lilith couldn't resist the urge to smirk at her over her shoulder. She'd particularly enjoyed when Tris had beaten her on the last day of combats, some kind of fury taking over as she sent the larger girl to the floor. Lilith hadn't known that the blonde had it in her to defeat someone like Molly, but she'd been proud of her for her improvement. Very few things beat seeing Molly's face being bashed in by someone much smaller.
"Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice," Four continued. Lilith remembered him saying something about this stage being related to their minds, and she furrowed her eyebrows as she wondered what exactly they would do to overcome cowardice. She glanced at Will, who sported a similar expression, both teenagers shrugging at eachother before turning back to Four, "That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one. We will announce the cuts tomorrow. The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless born iniciates are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof," he paused, raising the board with their scores in his hands, "That said, here are your ranks."
As soon as Four had hung the board on the wall, all the transfers inched forwards to locate their names on the list. Lilith's jaw dropped for a few brief seconds as she spotted her name in front of the third rank, with Peter above her and Nate in fourth place. Voices didn't take too long to emerge from the transfers, and the brunette vaguely realized that Molly was arguing about her own results, but she didn't get herself involved as she stared at the board. How was she in third place when she'd been absolutely terrible on the last few days? Four wasn't biased, that much she knew, and he had no reasons to give her more than she deserved. Just as the thought crossed her mind, Lilith turned to look at Eric, only to realize that the leader wasn't in the dorm anymore. Clenching her fists, Lilith walked out of the room, no one noticing her as they kept shouting at eachother.
The door had just closed behind her when she spotted Eric, walking down the corridor towards the Pit. Gritting her teeth, she followed after him, her heart burning with rage.
"Hey!" she called out, making him look over his shoulder, "What the fuck did you do?"
Eric's eyes darted to the hallway behind her, and he quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a more secluded corridor that Lilith had yet to explore. As soon as he turned back to her, Lilith yanked her wrist from his grip, glaring up at him as she expected him to start talking.
"You were scared about your ranking," he finally stated, crossing his arms over his chest.
Lilith made a point to avoid looking down at his biceps, keeping her brown eyes trained on his face, "And that justifies changing the rankings?" she stopped for a few brief seconds, raising her hand when Eric opened his mouth to speak, "Don't deny it. There's no way in hell that I got third rank, and we both know it," a few more seconds of silence fell between them, and Lilith was the one to break it, once again, "I want to know why."
Eric exhaled through his nose, before nodding his head, "Okay. You didn't deserve to lose points because of that," he started, "It was Peter's fault. He attacked you, someone he has known for all of his life, and I told you you couldn't talk about it to your friends or you'd be kicked out, which was wrong, but I was only trying to protect you. That's why I kept you in your original ranking, even after everything."
"I don't need your protection," she spoke through gritted teeth, "I don't want my ranking handed to me on a silver platter when I don't deserve it. I want to get results because I worked for them," her tone was firm, and Eric looked away from her when her features became even harsher, "My fuck ups have consequences. I wanna deal with them, like a normal person. As much as I want to get first ranking at the end of this, I want it to be because I worked for it. Do you get that?"
"Yes."
"Good," she offered him a nod, before walking around him to head into the main corridor once more, "Don't fucking do it again."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi guys!
This was one of my favorite chapters I've written to date, if I'm being completely honest! I really enjoyed exploring Lilith's feelings in regards to Visiting Day and I also was excited for that little snippet of Siobhan's family, which showed that not everyone in Dauntless gets to have their biological relatives because people there take risks all the time. Siobhan's family is one of my favorites, tbh. Also I didn't really show much of Lilith being with her family because I just wanted to touch on a few things and I didn't think a huge scene was needed, so yea.
About that last part... oof. Lilith wasn't supposed to be this angry at Eric initially, but the more I write her, the more she seems to have a mind of her own, and her being angry was suddenly obvious. Like, we know that Eric does care a bunch, but that was not the way to show it, buddy boy.
I also wanted to say that idk if I can update next week, I have two uni tests (one of which was moved, it was supposed to be in two weeks, but now we're gonna have it next week instead) and that's probably gonna eat up my time. Not really sure when I can sit down and write, since we're slowly coming out of lockdown here in Portugal, and universities are supposed to have in person classes again starting on the 19th, which means I'll be back on campus, and there's a lot more to do when I'm there. So yeah, I'm not sure when I can update, but I will try asap.
I hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave me your feedback, and I'll see you next time!