"You really shouldn't touch that" A light-hearted chuckle echoed through the nearly empty living room. There was an old couch made of cheap leather and covered in small holes from cigarettes. The house had the permanent stench of weed lingering in it and there was an old tv, glitching from channel to channel in the corner. Aiden knew it would be ignored for a while, especially since it was muted.
Aiden smiled as he set down the glass bong, taking one last glance at it. He admired the dark green and violet glass. He hated how it smelt, but he always thought they looked so pretty... He finally glanced up to find his pretty boy hovering above his spot on the couch. Sebastian wasted no time in gripping the younger boy's chin and pulling him in for a deep and passionate kiss.
Aiden was lucky. In a small town, there weren't many people so open about their sexuality. And out of those few people, there was only one Aiden thought was worth his time. Sebastian was perfect. He was a few years older, Aiden only being a Freshmen and Sebastian being a Senior, but it didn't bother him. Sebastian was mature, he was funny and popular too. Aiden was surprised the boy gave him the time of day.
"Hey, Sebs... I missed you" Aiden admitted with a faint blush. Sebastian smiled and sat down beside Aiden holding a small bag.
"I got you something" Aiden's face lit up as he accepted the thin plastic bag and unraveled it to find an abundance of Kit-Kats... Aiden's favorite.
"Oh my god. I love you so much right now" Aiden laughed he threw his arms around the older boy's neck and pressed a loving kiss to his left cheek. Sebastian only laughed and lightly twirled the ends of Aiden's hair with his finger. It was still long and it would have normally been in braids if Aiden hadn't gotten out of the shower a few minutes earlier.
Aiden's hair was important to him. Most of his memories revolving around his grandmother involved her carefully braiding each strand. She was a very spiritual woman who would recite long-forgotten stories, the story of the Misingwa being his favorite. It was always a very intimate and loving experience to let loved ones braid his hair. He had only ever let his older brothers, his grandmother, or Sebastian do it. And in times of loss as a child, he'd cry when his grandmother cut it short.
Sebastian's lips moved to his, capturing him in a slow and burning kiss. Aiden smiled into it, cupping Sebastian's long face in his hands in an attempt to pull him closer. Aiden knew he wanted to take things slow... And Sebastian knew it too. Sebastian was Aiden's first kiss, his first boyfriend, and his first love. So when Sebastian's hands slipped down to his pants he felt his body go numb and he quickly pulled away.
"I don't want to do that... Not yet" Aiden mumbled.
"I thought you loved me" Aiden's heart broke as he watched Sebastian's face morph into one of sadness. Maybe even one of betrayal. Aiden had always been overly empathetic. And that was why it was so hard for him to be around others when they were anything short of happy.
"I-I do... I swear I do" Aiden rambled. "I'm just... I don't know... I'm sorry"
"Yeah, sure you are. You know, I do so much for you. The least you could do is to quit being so selfish" And just like that, Sebastian left. He didn't talk to Aiden for three weeks after that.
Aiden sat at the foot of his bed listening to Jayce read out a passage from their Economics textbook. He broke off a piece of his Kit Kat and took a bite, savoring the sweet chocolate and trying to ignore the feelings that arose with it. He was addicted to Kit Kats but they would remind him of long nights with Sebastian. They would remind him of the little gifts he would give Aiden or how he would jokingly slip the candy-bars to him as if they were in a drug deal. But they also reminded him of the bad times. The times where Aiden just didn't feel good enough. He still had a hard time seeing the Sebastian that loved and cherished him as the same as the Sebastian that destroyed him.
"Do you have the answer to number three?" Aiden cut in after swallowing a bite of his Kit Kat.
"It's financial capital" Markos called from the opposite end of the room. Aiden rolled his eyes as Jayce sent the smart-ass boy a cold glare.
"Are you sure you two can't do your work in your room?" Jayce deadpanned. Markos and Austin had gladly paired together for the Economics project. Aiden had paired with Jayce because he knew Jayce got along with Jullian and Aiden got along with Jullian fine so who was to say the two of them wouldn't get along? Besides, Jayce was a good student so Aiden wasn't against working with him.
"The little deer is sleeping" Markos shrugged. "Normally, I don't mind being an obnoxious roommate but the poor thing hasn't slept in days" Aiden felt a pang as he pictured Beau. He still hadn't talked to him. He had tried but Beau always left... And he felt guilty still. Beau had been terrified after they kissed... Obviously, he had done something wrong. "And nothing is stopping you from working in your room, Jayce. I'm beginning to think you just want to be around me" Aiden couldn't help laughing at that.
"Jullian's in a mood" Jayce stated, his voice montone yet direct. Aiden knew what he meant. Jullian had taken on the challenge of trying to teach Austin calculus. Austin who had only passed Algebra II through blackmail. Austin who genuinely believed that Italy was apart of the UK despite Markos telling him otherwise. Austin who couldn't tell you a thing he learned past middle school. Obviously, Jullian was stressed out.
"Jullian is great" Austin blindly commented. "He got my F boosted to a D" Aiden bit back a laugh as he watched Austin twirled a blow pop in his mouth. Austin was a dancer and Aiden had noticed he had a complex relationship with food. The only math he ever saw Austin do successfully was counting and keeping track of calories to maintain his perfect dancer physique. However, Austin also insisted that the only calories that didn't count came from blow pops.
"You are unbelievable" Aiden chuckled.
"How does it feel to be doing all of the work, Ariti?" Jayce taunted. Markos went to reply with a clever remark when Austin cut him off and almost shot up from his comfortable spot laying on the bed.
"Hold up. Your last name is Ariti? How the hell did I not know this sooner?" Austin demanded.
"Why does it matter?" Aiden sighed as he finished the rest of his Kit Kat.
"Because his family is rich and he has the last name of one of my favorite actresses who just happened to adopt her nephew two years ago" Austin proudly announced before taking a good look at Markos. "How did I not see this? You look identical to your cousin"
"Yeah, I know" Markos's usual charming smile and warm demeanor faded as he leaned back against the wall. "It really isn't a big deal"
"Big deal? Rhea Ariti was a huge part of my coming out. I used to get all of the magazines she was quoted in or modeled for" Austin exclaimed. "Your cousin is absolutely amazing and a queer icon. I don't think I'd still be dancing if it wasn't for her... You have to let me meet her"
The energy in the room shifted as Markos slowly shut off the world around him. Aiden's heart dropped as he watched Markos stand up and collect his things.
"Yeah. My cousin is great, I get it. But I don't want to talk about that and she isn't ready to meet people again" Markos suddenly snapped. "We can work on this later... I'm going to bed"
Markos quickly left the room feeling his hands shake. He clutched the ends of his sleeves, nervously running his thumb over his rings as he began to collapse in on himself. He was used to hearing his deadname... How could he not be? But that didn't mean he didn't freak out... He thought he was getting better at that. He thought that he was finally leaving everything behind him. He was wrong.
He was glad that he and Austin were becoming friends... He really was. Austin was funny, bold, and talkative which was all Markos really looked for in a friend. But he was also too clever for his own good. And even if Austin was gay he still had a pretty conservative mindset when it came to most things. He had no way of knowing how Austin would react if he ever found out.
He was finally feeling good about his transition. For a while, it was difficult to look in the mirror or to get dressed. But the medication, top surgery and a lot of work in therapy had fixed part of that... Eventually, people stopped addressing him as ma'am or miss and finally called him sir. Finally, he had felt comfortable and content for the most part. And then his mother came and sent him to a boarding school filled with other boys. Boys he couldn't relate to. Boys that made him question whether he was saying the right things, acting the right way, or making the right friends.
But befriending Austin had made him feel a bit more comfortable. Everyone was okay with Austin's more feminine way of presenting himself so certainly, they wouldn't question Markos if he slipped up. He was comfortable and maybe even a little bit happy at Westwood. And now it was all crumbling down.
He was hesitant as he made his way into his room expecting Beau to finally be getting some much-needed rest. Markos had adored taking the sweet boy shopping. Beau had been hesitant at first. He felt bad for every item Markos insisted on paying for, he would apologize and thank him a million times. But Markos loved dressing him up. He loved helping others feel more comfortable in their bodies through clothing because he knew just how much relief it brought.
So when he spotted Beau kneeling at the foot of his bed in prayer, he smiled. The boy was wearing the pale gray sweat-shirt Markos had picked out for him and pale blue jeans. Markos knew Beau was religious and he knew he prayed every night. He also recognized a cross necklace the boy never seemed to take off. Beau jumped as the door shut and his eyes darted to meet Markos.
"Sorry" Beau awkwardly mumbled. "I'll finish up-"
"I don't mind" Markos shrugged. Markos wasn't religious, but his father was Pagan. Markos was raised under the belief that there was good and bad energy in the world and that whatever he put out would come back to him. He would collect rainwater with his dad and sage the penthouse with him too. He still carried amethyst with him for protection and he still carried a pack of tarot cards his father had hand-painted for him even if he rarely used them.
He watched the boy relax and continue in silent prayer. He had always been curious about Beau's backstory. He knew the boy was an arsonist. He knew that he had burnt down a barn and that he had a sister named Lucy. That was about it. Markos sighed and headed over to his bed, collapsing into the dark blue sheets and letting his eyes rest on the tapestry for a few moments. He heard Beau get up and decided to make a blind conversation.
"Christian or Catholic?" Markos asked as he finally closed his eyes and allowed his aching muscles to relax. The softness of the comforter hugged his body sending him into a world of clouds and blissful comfort.
"Christian" Beau answered without missing a beat.
"I don't mean to pry... But you're gay... How do you...?" Markos wasn't exactly informed on many things religious. He had Pagan habits laced into his day-to-day life but that was where it ended. He had found most theology to be fascinating and could recite every Greek god myth or retell the story of Cain and Abel from a million different perspectives. But he never cared much for the teachings.
"My boyfriend asked me a similar question once" Beau gave a sad chuckle. "I told him that as long as we did our best to do good in the world and kept faith then he would welcome us to paradise with open arms... I have to believe that"
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend" Markos's eyebrows creased together and his eyes fluttered open to look across the room. Beau was laying across his bed, staring at a thin strip of photos with a heartbroken smile.
"Not anymore..." Beau mumbled. "His name was Lukas... It's getting harder and harder to keep faith considering our religion and his father's beliefs were what drove him to do what he did... But I have to believe that he made it to paradise. That he is happy and safe... I have to believe it"
"I'm so sorry" Markos whispered as it all came together. Beau had cried on his shoulder a little while back. Markos had never bothered to ask why since Beau had respected his privacy just fine. He never questioned any scars on his chest or the medication he took. But he had wondered what could possibly break such an optimistic soul. But now he knew.
His eyes landed on Beau's photos hung on the wall meeting the eyes of a blue-eyed boy. His messy blonde hair fell over his pale eyes and he wore a charming smile. Mud was splattered on his cheek and he wore a thickly patted football uniform. His arm was wrapped around a familiar copper-haired boy and the way he stared up at him told him everything. Markos was looking at a dead man. That boy was gone from the world. He'd be forgotten in a few decades. Maybe a century if his story was passed down... He was nothing more than a memory.
Markos finally closed his eyes for the night. But all he could see was the image of that blonde boy as he faded into nothing.
_________________________________________
Aiden shoved his dripping hair out of his face and stared up into the drizzling water. The warm water ran down his body, erasing any dirt or grime on his body. But he was never truly clean. There was always somebody's hands on him, leaving their mark even when they were long gone.
Even though he wasn't talking to Beau, he did his best to keep his promise. But it was becoming harder with each passing day. The worst days were the days he didn't feel clean... The days where all he could think about were distractions whether it be alcohol, drugs, or sex.
Aiden had a... Complicated relationship with sex. He was once a proud switch who was willing to try anything once as long as he felt comfortable. He had once liked the feeling of being underneath someone. He had liked being dominated and feeling as though his entire experience was in the palms of someone else's hands. But ever since Sebastian that was no longer an option.
He still loved sex and hooking up with people. He loved the feeling almost as much as the distraction. But everything had to be on his terms. He had to be the one to undo his jeans. He had once had a full-on panic attack after a girl had tugged on his hair a little too hard... It was embarrassing. He had to be the one in control of the situation. And luckily, he didn't mind it either. He liked turning someone into a flustered and moaning mess just as much as he liked becoming one.
He forced the showers off, maybe a bit harsher than necessary, and threw a towel around his waist. He played with his lip ring as he headed toward his locker to put away his shampoo when a voice interrupted him.
"Hey" Aiden glanced over to see a Vietnamese boy who was about the same height as him. He wore a towel around his waist and had a muscular chest, honey skin that had an ashy undertone to it. He had two dark brown hooded eyes and a fluffy mop of black hair. "You're Aiden... Right?"
"Yeah... I'm sorry to say I don't know your name" Aiden lightly chuckled. He knew the boy was familiar. He knew he had a class or two with him and he knew he was one of the more social kids that sat in the middle of the classroom. If the boy wasn't in Westwood he would have assumed he was mentally stable due to the lack of holes in his face, color in his hair, and ink on his skin.
"Tai" He shrugged. His eyes shamelessly slipped down Aiden's body bringing a wide smirk to Aiden's lips. He shut his locker and leaned against it, finally meeting the boy's eyes. Ideally, he'd be with Beau right now. But since Beau had completely shunned him, Tai would be a nice bet. "So... My roommate just got sent home and if you ever wanted to hang out or anything my room is just down the hall"
"Are you free tonight?" Aiden asked with an arched eyebrow. He needed a distraction and if this boy was willing to provide one, he'd gladly take it. He was tired of thinking about Sebastian. He was tired of worrying about his brothers back home. He was tired of chasing after Beau when he obviously didn't want him. And if Tai was here, maybe the universe was trying to tell him something.
"For you? Always" Tai chuckled.
"Im gonna stop by my room first and I'll head right over" He lazily messed with his lip ring and turned to leave. He knew he needed to wear actual clothes over. There was no way in hell he was doing the walk of shame in a towel of all things and he didn't plan on borrowing Tai's clothes only to awkwardly give them back and never talk again.
"Room three-sixteen" Tai called as Aiden headed down the hall and toward his own dorm. He wasted no time in changing into simple sweatpants and a t-shirt before heading back to leave.
"Where are you going?" Austin cooed.
"I'm going to go rail a hot guy" Aiden deadpanned with a challenging smirk. Austin gave him an impressed nod before slowly clapping. His hair lacked any product making it fall lazily across his forehead in awkward spikes.
"Good for you"
_________________________________________
Aiden collapsed onto the bed next to Tai feeling out of breath. Hickies were forming along his neck and down his chest. His hair clung to his sweaty forehead and he glanced over at the smiling boy beside him. Tai was pretty... He hadn't given it much attention earlier. Everything about Tai was Aiden's type. He was straight-forward, handsome, and had shirts from some of Aiden's favorite bands pinned to his wall. He had an addictive smile, the kind that made you want to grin and reminded you of summer days.
"I'm surprised you agreed to come" Tai admitted. "You seem a little out of my league" a small smile broke out on Aiden's face at the compliment.
"Nah, you're alright" Aiden teased receiving a light punch in the shoulder. He liked talking to Tai... They obviously hadn't shared many conversations beforehand. There was a quick hello at the door and the next thing he knew his lips were being attacked and he was shoving Tai onto the bed. But the few words they shared felt like talking to an old friend.
"So... If you ever wanted to do this again I would totally be down" Tai hummed as he rolled over to face Aiden with a bright smile. Aiden only shrugged and pressed a slow kiss to the other boy's lips. He lightly bit down on Aiden's lower lip as he pulled away making Aiden's smirk. "This" Tai sighed as he ran a thump along Aiden's lip, stopping at his piercing. "I like this... Like more than I probably should," he joked. Aiden laughed along before standing up and gathering his clothes.
"I'll see you another time... Alright?"
"Can't wait"
_________________________________________
Beau felt anxious as his eyes landed on Aiden from across the cafeteria. The pretty dark-haired boy was nudging around his breakfast with his fork like he did every morning. Every morning he struggled to decide whether or not he wanted to eat and apparently, today he hadn't made a decision.
The copper-haired boy sucked in his breath and forced himself to walk over. He felt a pang of guilt as he got closer to Aiden. He had kissed him, freaked out, and left him without an explanation. And he didn't want to tell him the truth. He didn't want anyone to know about Lukas... Telling Markos was a mistake. But if he wanted to make things right and get through school without burning any bridges, he needed to tell him something. So he sat across from the boy he would have gladly called his if it wasn't for how desperately Beau was still clinging to Lukas's memory.
"You should eat" Beau mumbled. He winced as Aiden met his gaze and quickly brought his eyes to the table. Aiden looked exhausted. Bags were under his eyes, his lips were swollen and he looked as if he was barely a functioning human being. For a moment Beau was worried it was partially his fault.
"You know, I considered that but then I was reminded of how repulsive this food is... Not to mention, I kind of want to die at this point in my life" Aiden deadpanned. Beau winced as he tried to ignore the sirens echoing in his ear. As he tried to shut out his own screams and ignore the field forming around him as he watched Lukas disappear behind a body bag.
"Don't say that" Beau quietly begged.
"Why not? It's true enough" Aiden shrugged. "I'm here because I overdosed and because I really suck at killing myself"
"Please stop" Beau's voice was a bit more stern this time which seemed to catch Aiden's attention. Aiden bit down on his lip, anxiously playing with his lip ring.
"Okay... Fine... Why are you here, Beau? You ghosted me for weeks over a kiss. Did I do something wrong?" Aiden asked. He set down his fork and shoved his tray away from him with a frown.
"No... It isn't you" Beau quickly promised. "I just-" he paused as he pictured Lukas alive and well, smiling down at him as he handed him the stuffed pig and ate the tootsie roll he had bought with the spare arcade tickets. "I freaked out..." Beau closed his eyes tight and lowered his head. "I burnt down the barn because I lost someone I really loved... His name was Lukas and he's kind of the reason I'm here" Beau blurted out. "I freaked out when I kissed you because I thought I was betraying him and I'm confused and I really do like you but... I don't know"
Aiden was silent for a while and Beau hesitantly brought his gaze up to him. He was staring down at the rubber bands on his wrist in deep thought before letting out a sigh. He finally met Beau's gaze and Beau bit down on his lip to keep it from quivering. His entire body was numb and anxious. He just wanted Aiden to say something. Anything. Even if Aiden screamed at him to leave, it was better than silence.
"I get it... I know the feeling"
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