"Please can we bring those giving statements to the stand" A large, balding man called from his place behind a staggeringly tall podium on the opposite end of the room.
It was taking every strand of sanity within me to keep my composure, to not allow my mind to grind down the last of my coherent thoughts to mush.
My body burnt, a painful kind of heat that tore at my chest as my heart beat rapidly, the pattern of which, lacking basic consistency. I knew had I not been sitting down, I would no longer have been capable of supporting my own weight, and even perched on the edge of my seat, my body still ached with an unbearable depth I couldn't escape.
I wasn't sure how I got here, seeming as though it was just moments ago I had been handed that newspaper article, when in fact it was days.
But regardless I was most definitely here, sitting in The Ministry Of Magic, in a court that would soon occupy not only myself, but Remus, Peter Pettigrew, the boy I kissed four days ago and Sirius. That was definitely a combination of people I never could have anticipated to one day end up in the same room.
Fred insisted on coming with me to display his support, and I obliged on the basis that the others were not clued in on his whereabouts. I knew that they would grow suspicious should the others find out Fred had accompanied me here and I didn't necessarily need added pressure, in whatever form that may be.
My leg was bouncing rapidly as the room waited in heavy silence, Fred's hand had found my thigh and squeezed gently, encouraging me to relax.
This would have been a comforting gesture, one I could have appreciated had we both been sensible human-beings that were able to speak about our emotions, but alas we were not, and therefore we had not spoken about the kiss, or even openly acknowledged there was something here that was more than "mildly flirtatious, platonic friendship"
Nonetheless, I smiled up at him gently, allowing him to recognize my appreciation for his efforts and swiftly turned my attention back to the centre of the room.
Pettigrew had already made his case, if you can call a grown man breaking down into tears in a courtroom full of ministry officials and a judge a case, and was dismissed back into custody whilst they waited for the following statements.
Time crept by in miniscule increments, each tick of the clock induced another increase of nausea, and my vision was becoming clouded from the sheer override of emotions.
And just when I thought I couldn't hold my own anymore, in walked the only person I knew would be able to delicately bring me down from this high, and avoid the crash I would inevitably face otherwise.
Remus.
His eyes were noticeably tired and sunken in, and his blistered hands trembled as he held a piece of fine parchment in his shaking fingers. His skin was sickly and pale, fully drained of any reminisce of life and I couldn't help but fixate on the last button on his frayed navy cardigan that was done up wrong.
Remus was told by Tonks he would have to present a statement should Peter be found, a statement in which he addressed the facts and vouched for Sirius's innocence, and should the court recognise Peters guilt, another hearing would take place in which the court will decided, in the nicest way possible, if Azkaban fucked Sirus up to much to return the the real world.
"Please state your name for the record" The balding man spoke slowly, carefully articulating his words as Remus approached the podium.
"Remus John Lupin" He croaked out shyly, using a tone I would never have recognised to belong to Remus.
The judge gave a curt nod in Remus's direction indicating for him to begin, before placing a small pair of gold-framed spectacles on the end of his nose and holding his quill poised and ready to begin writing.
Remus looked over to me for a second, a comforting smile gracing his features before he began.
"On the night of 31st October 1981 it is acknowledged by the court that James Fleamont Potter and Lily Evans Potter were murdered by Voldemort"
His voice broke and he eyes glazed over slightly as he desperately tried to blink away tears, before he continued, "It is also acknowledged by the court that on 1st Novmeber 1981 Peter Pettigrew was murdered, the suspect previously being identified as Sirius Black"
He took a large inhale of breath at his name, and I subconsciously found myself mirroring his actions.
"How do you suppose, Sirius Black murdered a man who stood in the very place just minutes ago? And as for the betrayal of the aforementioned James Fleamont Potter and Lily Evans Potter, what motive does Mr Black hold to betray his best friends of ten years?"
Remus had paused momentarily before he continued.
"But Peter Pettirgrew possesses the motive the court overlooked the first time. There is evidence of Peter's connection to the recently deceased Voldemort, and through this disloyal association, Peter betrayed his friends in exchange for the safety of his own life. I have no other evidence to offer you apart the fact that I know Sirius Black, he is nothing but a good man"
Remus stepped down from the raised platform on which he was standing and made his way to sit down, just rows ahead of me, and as he did he turned up to look at me, his features displaying an expression I could only translate as 'we both know what's coming'.
But, whilst I studied this expression I noted the one inescapable fact. It was not a case of what was coming, but rather a case of who.
And with that look the Judge spoke again, looking down over his golden glasses and clearing his throat rather abruptly first.
"Thank you Mr Lupin. Can we please bring the final statement forward"
Subsequently, as these words were spoken someone else was brought to the stand, entering through the main doors, and as if in slow motion, everything I had been running from these past 15 years had finally caught up with me. For now there was no escaping this insufferable reality.
I was in the same room as Sirius Black.
He didn't look anything like I had envisioned. I had obviously seen photographs, but even the most recent of which were dated 1979. His hair was long, not excessively, but long enough to wonder what it felt like to touch, and his skin was pale and washed clean of all sense of emotion.
But his eyes, those eyes were captivating, to state it plainly. The sharp blue of a midwinter sky, the infinite hues broken by threads of golden caramel, and although the luminous colour was something to marvel in, the emotion that lingered within was a strange kind of pain I seemed to find myself attracted too.
His stature was not that of the towering man I had spent so long trying to picture, instead he stood at no more than five feet nine, and I smiled knowingly to myself, acknowledging that Remus had told me my mother was five feet eight herself. And I bet Sirius pestered everyone about that inch.
I could almost envision the grin plastering over Remus's face as he teased, and I could only assume Sirius held his own, making sure everyone knew he was 'a whole inch taller' I can almost hear the laughter, the lighthearted jokes, the way things should have been.
Where did it all get so fucked up?
"You okay Lupin?" Fred whispered lowly into my ear, his breath sending a harsh shiver down my spine. In amidst my own delusion I had almost forgotten he was seated next to me and as he offered his hand out to me I used this opportunity to squeeze it tightly, taking advantage of the comfort he was offering.
"I'm okay" I lied, although I knew he could hear the dishonesty in my tone as my voice wavered.
Fred didn't respond verbally, instead released my hand before extending his arm around my body and pulling me into him, allowing my head to drop onto his shoulder comfortably.
I used this as an excuse to inhale deeply, the sweet smell of subtle hickory and cinnamon filled my lungs just the way I hoped it would.
Sirius began to step up on the platform, not scanning his surroundings or acknowledging anyone else was in the room, most likely on purpose.
I, myself, often found it was easier to pretend no one was there rather than admit you had to face people you weren't sure you knew how to.
"Please state your full name for the record" The judge spoke for a final time, peering over those tiny glasses, a condescending smirk spread over his face.
"Sirius Black" He spoke clearly, his voice was gravely and rough but held a shallow innocence.
The judge gestured for Sirius to begin, and in response Sirius reached into the pocket of his jacket and retrieved a small piece of parchment he began to read from.
"I, Sirius Black, am here to state my innocence, denying the accusations that I revealed the location of James Fleamont Potter and Lily Evans Potter to Voldemort and I most certainly fight any claim that I killed a man who is now recognised by the court to be alive. Stated previously, Peter had a motive to commit such a crime, we changed secret keeper just days before the attack giving Peter access to the Potter's location, but I posses no such motive, as I invite you to take into account all I had to lose"
He was much more well spoken than I had anticipated, and his mannerisms were calm and collected, he didn't radiate the same nerves I witnessed from Remus. I fixated on the steadiness of his breathing for a moment before he continued.
"Not only was I losing my own freedom, I was being torn from the person I loved most, Moon- I mean Remus Lupin, in a time we needed each other most, after losing our best friends. And not only was I torn from my friends, I was taken away from the most precious life I ever had the privilege of protecting, my daughter, Ardelle Sumer Black. Why would I knowingly put myself in a position to be taken away from her after she had just lost her mother just weeks prior? I ask of the court, not to view me as a villain, but a father"
"Thank you Mr Black" The judge spoke, that belittling smirk now having softened into a sympathetic grin. "I have come to a verdict, declaring Peter Pettigrew guilty of treason of the highest order, revealing the location of the Potter's on the 31st October 1981. This court will reconvene a week from today, in which statements will be brought forward on Sirius Black's behalf, convincing the court of his ability to rejoin society"
I wasn't sure what I was expecting to be truthful. For the judge to look at the solid evidence against Peter and just decide to leave everything the way it was? No, of course not. So why the fuck was I so shocked, why the fuck couldn't I breath.
Two ministry officials had since returned to either side of Sirius and began to direct him out of the room, but not before he raised his head towards the stands. Initially I assumed he was looking for Remus, but his gaze wandered higher until his eyes were fixated on me.
His muted pink lips curled into a slight smile, the simplest of actions holding so much longing and desperation. I almost smiled back, almost, but something stopped me, a part of me that was not yet ready to accept what had just happened.
I wanted to believe he felt bad for leaving. I really did.
So why didn't I?
I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure of anything. Anything except that right now, I needed Remus.
As we stepped out onto the streets of London the winds had picked up slightly and the harsh and violent breeze were perfectly fitting under the circumstances. A light drizzle was falling, each droplet almost sizzling as it made impact with my flushed and heated skin.
"Mr Weasley" Remus spoke, shattering the intensity of the silence, "You must be careful sneaking out into London, some teachers are not so forgiving"
"Yes of course Sir. I was just showing my support, besides I happen to be rather excellent at being places I shouldn't" He chuckled with a wink, trying to lighten the mood although Remus didn't look all too impressed.
"You head back Fred, I'll meet you there" I insisted with a sure expression and Fred understood my need to be alone with Remus and immediately disapperated back to Hogwarts.
I turned to speak to Remus, unsure what I was going to say, but as it transpired that didn't matter because before I had a chance to open my mouth, a slight whimper escaped my lips that very quickly erupted into violent sobs and despite me immediately wiping at my eyes, the tears fell anyway.
I couldn't suppress the gut-wrenching cries that tore through me as I collapsed into Remus, his strong arms attempting to support my weight as I fell into his chest, attempting to muffle my sobs.
"Shh, It's ok pup. I've got you" Remus hummed from above me, his tone tender and silky as he rocked me gently on the cold pavement. "I am so sorry poppet, I was so selfish, I knew this was going to be hard for you and-"
"No, it's not you" I spluttered through broken breaths, "I should never have spoken like that when we were with Tonks. I should have come and apologized sooner"
"Shh, it's ok puppy. It's in the past now. I'm here, and I've got you" He reassured me, and for a brief moment I really did believe everything was going to be okay.
Later that night, after Remus and I had finally returned to the castle, my head was drowning in far too many thoughts to be able to sleep.
I was trapped in an endless cycle of chasing slumber whilst these thoughts seemed to chase me, so instead, I stayed lost in my own delusion, desperate for air as I held myself underwater.
I glanced over at Hermione who was sound asleep, the light sounds of her sweet hums filling the room, and then over at her clock that read two thirty-six.
I hauled my body from beneath my sheets and headed for the door, taking slow, elongated strides in an attempt to not wake Hermione as she continued to rest beside me.
Although, once I reached the common room I decided to ditch my original plan of residing on the sofa until the early hours of the morning, internally coming to the conclusion there was somewhere I would much rather be.
I made my way over to Fred's dorm, unsure why I felt so nervous as I approached the door and after talking myself out of it twice I finally gathered the nerve to knock gently.
After a couple of minutes and the light sounds of shuffling from the opposite side of the door, it finally swung open to reveal a sleepy Fred rubbing his eyes profusely at the sight of me standing there.
The heated oranges hues from the corridor highlighted his precisely chiseled features beautifully, and I couldn't help drop my eyes from his face momentarily to scan his shirtless and exposed chest, that happened to be littered with perfect little scars trailing all the way down to his v line.
His arm was resting on the top of the door frame as he looked down at me, giving me a perfect view of his flexed bicep. I quickly noted the intensity of my stare and softened it slightly, before lowering my gaze to meet his eyes.
"Fancy seeing you here" He croaked in the most perfectly rough of tones, his eyes continuing to study me for a moment.
I giggled softly at his remark, silently thanking the dark lighting for masking the violent blush that had most definitely made its way onto my cheeks.
"You all alone in there?" I questioned, noticing both beds behind him appeared empty.
"Yeah, Georgie is staying with Oliver tonight" Fred answered, once again in that slightly breathy, gravelly voice.
And I didnt have to say anymore before he was guestering me inside, and closing the door gently behind me, although his eye's didn't leave mine for a second.
He immediately pulled me close and began to litter my neck and jaw with small, gentle kisses as he tickled my ribs through the material of my jumper, and I couldn't help but giggle profusely as he tackled me into the bed.
He had pulled me down onto the mattress and was now resting on top of me, his forearms either side of my torso, supporting his weight.
He looked down at me hungrily, and a wicked smirk graced his face as he stared into my eyes before brushing away a loose strand of hair that had fallen from my bun.
Fred dipped his head down until his nose was practically in contact with my own, almost reluctant to close the gap between us and have to break his gaze from mine, but he proceeded anyway and harshly collided his lips with my own.
His tender movements were slow and cautious, not in a nervous manner, but in a passionate and savouring way. My hands found his hair, running them through the lengths, earning small, sweet mewls from him that were a total contradiction of the gruff voice he displayed just moments ago.
Fred adjusted his body so that he was laying next to me, never once disrupting the kiss, and allowed his warm hands to cup my jaw, the pads of his supple fingers tracing soft shapes along my cheekbones.
He pulled away gently, his eyes immediately locking with mine, that sinful glint of deep bronze now transformed into a melted, sweet honey that held a promising sense of home.
"You're truly something else Ardelle Lupin-Black" He chuckled, biting his lip slightly and pulling me into him as he spoke, and at his words my stomach couldn't help but release a small flutter.
I burrowed my head into his chest as he held me into him, before placing the softest of kisses on the top of my head and proceeding to stroke my hair gently, humming slightly as he did.
I slowly felt the inevitability of sleep wash over me, although I was no longer drowning, instead floating, in a constant state of bliss.
And just as the room got darker, my heavy eyes started to droop closed, and I was breathing in that perfect sweet hickory that I was growing to enjoy so much, I heard a gentle voice whisper from above me.
"Sweet dreams Ardelle"
But the irony in that was fairly simple.
In his arms, I didn't need to sleep to feel as though I was dreaming.