Charlie drops Mila off at the crack of dawn. It was so early that the only thing I remember from the encounter is Charlie complimenting my PJs and handing me a sleepy Mila and her night bag. Everything else after that is pretty foggy. Everything before on the other hand is quite vivid in my mind. If anyone told me a few weeks ago that I'd be opening up to Charlie Murtaugh about my disability, I'd call bullshit. But that was exactly what I did. And I don't regret it. I don't regret allowing him know me like that.
Well after pulling out the famous "people like you" and bawling my eyes out in front of him, there was no avoiding it. Especially after he told me the reason why he's so hellbent on keeping his accident private. I feel my cheeks warm up at the remembrance of Charlie's hands around me as I sobbed against his chest. It's very odd that even with how upset I was, all I could think about was the warmth of his hands as he rubbed my back and whispered how sorry he was in my ears and his smell. Oh my God. His smell. I could smell him forever.
Snap out of it Lorraine. It was only one conversation.
Yes. One hell of a decent conversation. And I'm not going to lay here all day and overanalyse everything until I come up with a reason to make it bad.
It was only 8 in the morning when my alarm woke me up. I forgot to turn the damned thing off. Mila seems to be a deep sleeper because she did not stir through the horrendous sound. Although, I'd much rather prefer to stay in and scan through my Instagram it's a good thing I'm up early. Gives me time to whip something up so that Mila can have a decent breakfast. I was going to order some McDonald's breakfast but I don't think it's healthy for a child to have delivered food twice in a day. So I flip around slowly in the bed to ensure that I don't wake her up-which doesn't seem likely as she's sound asleep- and climb out of my bed.
Mila is so adorable. I can't help but lean in and plant a kiss on her chubby cheek like I've been doing all morning. It's just she's so cute and I love chubby babies. She makes a cute little noise and I freeze, terrified that I've woken her up. I let out a heavy sigh when she only turns on her side. Taking that as my cue to leave, I grab my phone from the bed and tip toe out of the room making sure to shut the door silently.
The house is quiet and the only sound is my bare feet thudding on the hardwood floor as I strut to the kitchen. My phone dings in my hand. It's a message from Charlie.
iMessage
Today 08:11
How are you guys? Everything OK??
I lean against the breakfast table.
Yeah. Mila's still sleeping. I'm gonna make us something to eat.
You cook?
Nope. just gonna try not to trigger the smoke alarm and hope for the best.
That bad?
last week I tried to boil an egg and burnt it.
I didn't even know that was possible.
You know you can just make her cereal. She loves Reese's puffs.
Really?? Why didn't I think of that?
I sense sarcasm.
She's my guest. She gets good breakfast. I'll leave the cereal for when she's with you.
Says the girl who doesn't even know how to cook.
I sense shade
You started it
Gotta go now but let me know how it goes?
Sure.
"What 'cha doin?"
I jump at the sound of Elle impersonating Isabella from Phineas and Ferb. She creeps up in front of me, a curious smile on her face.
I place my hand on my chest, "gosh, you scared me." I eye her suspiciously "why aren't you in class?"
She shrugs "I'm feeling a bit under the weather today." But that's really code for 'I didn't feel like going in today'. "So I decided to take an off day. Stay in and chill with my bestie," She bumps her hips with mine, causing me to laugh. Elle and I haven't spoken since the night at the Halloween party. We've sort of been avoiding each other. It has been really awkward which I hate. My friends and I rarely bump heads and when we do it's literally breaks my heart "-who by the way has been avoiding me for the past 4 days."
"I'm avoiding you? You're the one avoiding me."
"Okay true," she admits "but you were being very mean. You came home with some young's and shared with everyone but me. You know I f*ck with young's heavy."
"You were holed up in your room all night. If you weren't avoiding me maybe you would have gotten some young's last night." I walk to the cupboard underneath the sink and crouch in front of it to look for a frying pan but it's not there "hey isn't this where we-"
"Top cupboard beneath the dishes," Elle tells me "you know how Sam gets when she deep cleans."
Sam's a neat freak especially when it comes to the kitchen. She loves making sure everything is organised which means things get moved around a lot when she feels like they're out of place. To be honest, the pans and pots look better where they are. I pull out the non-stick pan and place it on the hob.
"What's the occasion?" Elle questions as pop the fridge door open. Eggs. Turkey rashers. Bread. "You're cooking."
I drop the ingredients on the table carefully "Can you pass me the salt and-what's that seasoning Shadé's brags on about all the time?"
"Maggi," Elle drops the packet in front of me with the salt "I swear that makes every food taste better."
Good. Because something's going to have to make this taste good and I have a feeling it's not going to be me.
"What are you doing?" Elle asks dubiously.
"I have no idea," I reply truthfully "but hopefully Mila gets something good to eat when she wakes up."
"Who now?-" her eyes widens "Charlie's niece is here?"
"Yep." I grab the olive oil and set it next to everything I think I need. Then I start cracking the eggs into a bowl "Something came up with his friend. You know the redhead Shadè got in a fight with?"
"Bronte." She spits, eyes rolling "That bitch."
"Uh-uh." I say not because I totally agree she's a bitch but because she physically came for my friend and my loyalties lie with Shadé "She usually babysits Mila-"
"Why does she babysit Mila?"
"Well, she's Charlie's friend."
"I know, but why does Charlie's friend have to babysit Mila. Where are her parents?"
"I don't know." I answer truthfully. It's a question I have no answers to either. I add a pinch of salt to the eggs and half a cube of the maggi seasoning "Anyways, Charlie has practice this morning and there was no way he could have found a sitter at that time and the only class I was supposed to have this afternoon is cancelled so I offered to take her." I complete, avoiding her gaze and focusing on whisking the eggs.
"Really? You randomly offered to babysit Charlie's niece?" Elle grabs the oil and turns on the gas so that the pan can heat up.
Of course Elle is smarter than thinking that's all that happened. And I know she wouldn't drop the topic unless I explain myself. So I tell her everything that happened starting from the wrong text message to what happened at Young's-of course skipping out a few details. When I'm done, she has a small smile on her face.
"He's tutoring you and you're babysitting his niece. What are you guys, like, friends now?"
"Seriously. I don't know what we are. I guess you could say we're cordial?"
We've only had one decent conversation. For all I know, next time I see him he's back to being the jackass that I know and the Charlie from yesterday would be gone for good. So I think it's a bit too early to call him a friend. To think about him in any other way than someone who I offered my help to. It's easier that way.
Elle stays silent for a minute. "But you want it to be more than that."
Leave it to Elle to figure everything out with just one conversation. The girl is a real know it all without even trying. I sigh.
"It's stupid." I tell her and pour the eggs in the pan "it's never going to ha-"
"No, its not stupid. With all the time you guys spend together, you know jackass or not, this was bound to happen. And with all the energy. Ugh." Elle grabs a wooden spoon with a grin on her face.
I look at her as she hands it to me "what energy?"
"The sexual energy around the both of you is pretty intense," she says "I saw the way you looked at him the night we got to his mansion."
"I-I wasn't looking at him any type of way. I was pissed."
"Yeah but you still wanted to f*ck him. Which totally explains that kiss." The blatantness of her words makes my cheeks burn. Elle faces me with a knowing smile "Admit it. It pissed you off more that he was in the shower with that girl and that he kissed my sister."
"I-" I can't bring myself to lie to Elle because it did. And I didn't realise it in that moment because it didn't make sense to me how I could be so angry at someone and still want them that badly. Still doesn't make sense to me "I'm crazy attracted to him. Like I see him and, sweet Jesus, I just want to rip off his clothes." We both burst out laughing at my statement. Being the least sexually experienced amongst my friend, I never got to speak like this. I mean, we talk about their sexual escapades but I never really understood because I've never felt like this before.
With Rex, I never got to think about what would happen between us when I finally spoke to him-even though we all know how that ended. But i realise if it didn't end the way it did, I never had these feelings I have when I'm around Charlie. With Charlie, all he has to do is simply exist and every part of me burns. The part of me that I've kept close for so long. I've been obsessing over this in my head for days. It feels good admitting it out loud to someone-most especially to myself.
"Lorraine?"
We both turn to the little girl who's now standing in the middle of the living room with a confused look on her face. I'd be confused too if I slept and woke up in two different places. I hand Elle the spoon to take over the eggs and head to her.
"Hey, morning Mila." I offer a comforting smile.
"Where's uncle Charlie?" She asks, eyes filling with tears. My eyes widen as I glance towards Elle for help. But she simply shrugs and turns back to the eggs.
"Uh-" I crouch down to her height "-he had to go to practice. But guess what? I'm making you eggs?"
She blinks.
"Can I have cereal?" She rubs her eyes sleepily.
I never thought I'd say this but I should have listened to Charlie.
I nod "yes, of course you can have cereal." She raises her arms up to be picked up and I do, placing her on my hips "Reece's puffs?" I place her on the breakfast table and she bops her head.
"Hi doll." Elle waves from the behind the gas.
"We have the same hair," Mila points out immediately, her hands going up in her messy morning hair.
"Yes we do. But yours is prettier."
Mila giggles.
As they both engage in a conversation about hair, I make her cereal. When I'm done, I take a picture, captione it 'points for uncle Charlie' and send it to him.
"Can I have eggs too?" Mila asks as soon as I place the cereal in front of her.
Elle shakes her head and when I turn to take a peek, the eggs have indeed turned a nasty shade of brown. Which isn't surprising, Elle isn't exactly qualified to be a chef. We both suck.
"I don't want you to upset your stomach." I say to Mila. Which is the only way I can tell a child I don't want to serve her poison. Elle snickers at my choice of words "I think it'd be better for you to stick to cereal."
I shake my head at Elle who's laughing quietly as she turns off the gas. "This is not cute. We need to do better. What is this?" she laughs as she shows me the eggs before throwing it in the trash "my grandma would be turning in her grave that I still don't know how to cook." She says and we both laugh. Elle sobers up "You know, you shouldn't overanalyse what you're feeling for Charlie. There isn't an 'off switch' you can push to make these things go away, no matter how hard you try." There's a tinge to her voice and I don't know if she's talking to me or herself.
But why would she be talking to herself? Elle hasn't liked a guy in months. And if she did, surely I'd know. Before I can ask any questions, her eyes clear and she smiles.
"I'm sorry about what I said at the Halloween party. I didn't mean it."
"You did," I tell her quietly "I know you Elle. You would never say something unless it's the truth. I'm not even upset about it-I mean I was when you said it but not anymore. Truth hurts and I just have to suck it up." I shrug.
"No. It was wrong to say that to you Lor." Elle shakes her head "I know how hard it is for you to deal with people. I should have known better." She swallows, dropping the pan in the dishwasher before closing it. She sighs "It's just so annoying that Alexis always gets what she wants. Even when she doesn't deserve it-and she definitely doesn't deserve Charlie. Their relationship wasn't perfect but at least he didn't sleep with her best friend."
"Best friend-" I repeat as I try to make sense of her revelation. Charlie told me his girlfriend cheated on him but never said with who. To say I'm shocked would be an understatement. "Are you saying-wait, the guy Alexis cheated with was Dante?"
"Jesus, no. Dante would never do that to Charlie." Elle defends with a why-would-you-even-think-that look. Although, I'm relieved it's not him, I can't help but blink at Elle's reaction which she notices. She clears her throat "what I meant was, Charlie's like a brother to him. He said that at the party."
My forehead wrinkles "So who was it?"
"Bradley." Elle scowls.
Bradley Wilson. The encounter I had with him is still fresh in my mind. Both from the night at the club and the day after in front of the athlete's complex. However, I didn't think he and Charlie were friends. Sure he's on the team but for some reason, It never dawned on me that Bradley and Charlie were close. Besides that fight happened but I never really had the time to question it.
"Bradley and Charlie used to be super close-until the Lexi thing." Elle explains. "I've met him a couple times at Alexis' dumb sorority house when he's helping the girls out." However the way she says it makes me believe she doesn't think he's helping them out at all "the guy always rubbed me off the wrong way."
"Helps them out with what?"
"Nose candy," Elle looks surprised when I stare at her blankly. I have no clue what she's talking "coke?" She whispers.
I glance towards Mila to make sure she's not hanging on to the conversation but she's engrossed in her food. "He deals? He's a dealer?"
"No. But he's an addict who loves sharing." she whispers in reply "Plus his parents are stupid rich so he can totally afford it. Bradley Wilson is no good. He's a complete ass and he's one of the reasons Charlie and Lexi are not together."
***
After eating and brushing her teeth, bath time ended up being Elle and Mila having a bubble bath together for an hour. I practically had to drag them out of my bathroom so that I could take a shower myself. However, as I stood under the warm water, I couldn't help thinking about what Elle told me about Bradley and Charlie being friends and him being the reason why Alexis isn't with Charlie. Paired with what Charlie told me about his accident, it made a lot of sense. The drugs. His anger. Shutting people out.
Two of the closest people in his life betrayed him and that's not something that's easy to bounce back from or forget.
By the time I got out of the shower, Elle and Mila are both fully dressed in the living room. Elle had her pedicure kit out in front of her with one of Mila's foot in her hand. Moana is playing in the background but I doubt they're paying any attention to Maui stealing Moana's boat.
"Lorraine look, Elle's making my toes pretty." She exclaims excitedly, wiggling her free foot.
"Wow." I fawn, sitting beside her "very pretty."
"You should get yours done too." She says. I scan my toes. I've been putting it off for a long time now because Elle doesn't want to help me and I suck at doing them myself. I haven't had the time to go to a salon to get anything done since I got back from New York. I really should book an appointment.
Three pedicures later because Mila changed her mind twice and Elle did mine as well-which is pretty impressive for someone who hates feet, we finally put on a wreck it Ralph. Half way through the movie, I order us pizza which comes quickly because Papa johns is the best. Elle got a call and retreats to her room to take it. Probably has to do with her family.
"Do you want another slice?" I ask Mila who is laid up on the sofa with her hand on her belly. She shakes her head no, her eyes not leaving the screen. Knowing that she's well fed brings a smile to my face "okay, I'll just drop this in the kitchen then."
Groaning, I get up from the floor with the pizza box. There's only four slices left which I know Shadé and Sam will be more than happy to share. I leave the pizza on the counter top and grab a bottle of water for Mila and I to drink. I was going to get her a soda but I have a feeling that's not so healthy-especially after pizza. However, as I make my way back into the living room, my phone dings. It's a message from Charlie saying he's at the door. I hate that my heart skips like a gazillion times in one second.
"Hey, your uncle's here." I say with a smile but Mila simply ignores me. I go in her face and tickle her which makes her laugh "do you hear me little miss?" My phone dings a few more time and I have to roll my eyes as I stop inflicting positive torture on the little girl. I grab the small bottle of water from where it dropped on the floor "Here, drink that. We don't want your belly hurting."
"Impatient much?" I meet twinkling blue eyes as I open the door. Charlie's lips lift into a side smirk, his hands darting through his brown hair. This man is standing in front of my doorway in all his tall, chiseled glory staring at me with those blue eyes and I feel my cheeks heating up. I play it off with an eye roll "one text was enough, sir, you didn't have buzz down my phone."
"I didn't want to be ancient waiting on you to get the door."
"It was like 20 seconds."
"That's enough time for me to get the ball across a basketball court and score a three pointer." He says.
I tilt my head "No one likes a bragger Charlie."
"I'm not bragging, it's the truth." He shrugs. He's a brilliant basketball player and he knows it "Besides, there are some girls in this complex I'm avoiding."
"Gee, I wonder why." I raise my brows sarcastically.
"Enlighten me, princess." He meets my eye, a knowing smile playing on his lips.
Not that I'm counting but it's the 3rd time he's called me princess? What is that my new nickname now?
"Well...you've either slept with them or treated them like trash or wait....slept with them and treated them like trash. Yeah, that's got to be it." I say sweetly "it's not exactly rocket science is it?"
Charlie places his hand on his chest like I just shot him "For someone who's not interested in sleeping with me, you sure know a lot about my sexual life."
I roll my eyes "I wouldn't if you didn't chase everything in a skirt."
"Sure, let's blame me." He pauses "Has it ever occurred to you that girls think I'm a catch and they throw themselves at me?" He asks sounding so sure of himself.
Only a million times.
"No, because that would only cradle your already inflated ego." I give him a fake smile which makes him laugh "Would you like to come in?"
Charlie's eyes roam my body, the smug smile leaving his face reminding me that I'm in nothing but an oversized T-shirt and underwear. No bra.
"No, I'm good. I stink. I have to hit the shower and then get to class. Thank you, though." He adds hastily "-and thank you for today. I really appreciate it."
"It's not a big deal. I'm really glad I got to spend some time with her." Although, I'm a little disappointed, I smile "I'll get her stuff."
"So listen," he stops me. When I turn around, Charlie's pulling out something from his pocket. It's when he hands them to me that I realise they're tickets. "Come watch me play. I know you said I shouldn't pay so consider this a gift."
"Charlie I don't-games are not really my thing. I can't accept this." I scrunch my nose as I stare at the ticket.
"Scared you're going to fall in love with me after watching me play?" Charlie says jokingly but my heart skips at his choice of word.
"No," I blink. Then I laugh awkwardly contemplating whether or not to tell Charlie that my anxiety level peaks when I'm in extremely crowded places "I can't Charlie. I'm sorry."
He looks hurt but he nods.
"Well there are five tickets. If you change your mind."